I wanted to go by the 'agave is bad for bees etc' narrative but I realised this is ATLA and I could just make up a plant inspired by the controversial stuff surrounding agave etc but without all the research or the controversialness. Hence Agalmi. So I'm stealing all of why people say Palm Oil and Agave Syrup are bad, ignoring all the stuff that doesn't fit, and steamrolling right ahead. *bows* Thank you, thank you.

.

blue spirit: god i hate this why did i invite him fuck

ryuko: blue, ur literally the firelord

genji: lmao blue

blue spirit: yes but i've watched him since i was like five

Kaoru : HE'S YOUNGER THAN YOU

blue spirit: ok, fine, maybe less than that

blue spirit: i just hate this

blue spirit: i hate this

blue spirit: i can't do this

blue spirit: fuck

blue spirit: do i do it in my bedroom or in a formal room or like elsewhere? i mean, he's the avatar

blue spirit: the Avatar

blue spirit: he beat boss level of Legend of Korra in a day liek a legend

blue spirit: i haven't got to level 3 yet

Ryuko: blue.

Ryuko: stop. panicking.

blue spirit: i know, i know, i'm sorry

Kaoru : ok, so what did he want to do – like an interv? or, like, smth else?

Ryuko: what else would it be?

Kaoru : like a vlog or collab or smth

Kaoru : pls tell me u didn't just sign up to play xbox alongside the Avatar ur moves r shit

Kaoru : he'd beat u in like 2 moves

blue spirit: : (

Kaoru : or he'd carry u

blue spirit: : (((

Ryuko: lol

blue spirit: but like i've got FIGURNES in my room

blue spirit: *figurines

blue spirit: like, gaming

blue spirit: he can't see that fuck

Ryuko: what that ur a gigantic nerd

Kaoru : lmao

blue spirit: srsly tho he might

blue spirit: he might actually hate me irl and i cant deal with him judfing me

blue spirit: but, if it's not in my bedroom like where would it be? if it's too formal, he might think i hate him or smth idk what do i do

Ryuko: how could he think u hated him if it was too formal u fuxking idiot

blue spirit: idk just the vibes

Kaoru : lmfao

Kaoru : ur such a fanboy

Kaoru : but forreal tho i get it i watch him a lot too

Kaoru : like imagine if the Avatar came to YOUR house ryu – woulnt be so calm then lol

genji: #callout post

blue spirit: shut up n help

blue spirit: what's the point having friends if u don't tell me what to do

blue spirit: like, casual or meeting room, like bcs i have bsnis

blue spirit: god cant spell

blue spirit: busnis

blue spirit: fuc no wait

blue spirit: idk whatevr

blue spirit: bsns rooms downstairs but like their for foreign dignitaries

Ryuko: ur such a lil rich boy

blue spirit: CAN U PLS JUST HELP FUCK

Ryuko: casual

genji: casual all the way. ur gonna go to peices might as well be comfy lmao

blue spirit: oh god tru

blue spirit: also boomerang guy's coming

Kaoru : yeah lol obvs he's the cameraman

blue spirit: idk what to say tho it's lik and he's vegan like what do i do

blue spirit: not boomerang, like aang i mean

blue spirit: he has the moral high ground

Kaoru : whut lol

Kaoru : oh wait, u mean the syrup thing

Kaoru : agalmi thingy

blue spirit: I HAVE SO MANY FACTS BUT IDK IF HE EVEN CARES

Kaoru : yeah but rainforest is pretty moral high ground lol

blue spirit: i know that i write the law

blue spirit: but i get tongue tied

blue spirit: i'm gonna misrepresent smth i know it

blue spirit: fuck fuck fuck ev1's gonna laugh at me online i'm gonna b a laughing stock

blue spirit: ev1 who agrees w/ me's gonna be so mad fuck

Kaoru : stop panicking u complete spoon and get a life u r literally the ruler of this country pull urself together

genji: spoon lol

Kaoru : do u like my insult game

Kaoru : but srsly

genji: ur the FIRELORD u get to decide stuff like this like no-ones gonna judge u for it u have like clout and stuff like actual irl

blue spirit: yeah right lol

Kaoru : u do

blue spirit: i dont have clout lol

genji: u hav litrly all the clout wtf

blue spirit: no i dont

Kaoru : blue, just stop panicking its gonna be fine lol

blue spirit: yeh but what if its not

Ryuko: it will be

blue spirit: yeh but

Kaoru : u can just throw him in jail or whatever if he hates u and it goes wrong

Kaoru : u write the law lol

blue spirit: not like that lmao

Kaoru : just say he murdered someone

blue spirit: i cant take u guys anywhere

Ryuko: ur not lol we're in differnt states

blue spirit: i know that but like ur not being helpful

blue spirit: fuck off

Kaoru : rude

blue spirit: no but like pls don't actually fuck off that was a joke

blue spirit: it came off rly badly

blue spirit: i'm sry

blue spirit: i'm rly sry

blue spirit: that came out wrong

blue spirit: like fuck back i need u

Kaoru : lmao we never left

blue spirit: he'll be here in like 5 mins do i do bedroom or meeting room

blue spirit: wait u said bedroom

blue spirit: fuck i need to tidy

blue spirit: i did tidy

blue spirit: but like there are still bits

blue spirit: god no why

blue spirit: i bet theres laundry i havnt noticed

blue spirit: wher e is it fuck

blue spirit: u know when u dont see smth bcs its been there a while

Ryuko: shut up u dont have laundry piles ur the firelord

blue spirit: no im a slob lol

Kaoru : ur not iv seen ur room

Kaoru : ur like the neatest person iv ever seen lmao

blue spirit: u havnt seen my room

Kaoru : we skyped

blue spirit: u couldn't see half my floor

Kaoru : yeh but the other half was spotless

genji: also dont u hav maids

blue spirit: oh god yeh i do lmao i forgot

blue spirit: thank god for maids

Ryuko: such a rich boy

Kaoru : u wish u had maids ryuko lol iv seen ur room too irl and that shits nasty lmao

Ryuko: fuck off kao

Kaoru : lmao

genji: #callout

Ryuko: ok well at least the Avatar isnt coming to my room lol i can leave crisp packets out and noone cares

genji: ur mom cares

Ryuko: leave my mom out of this

Kaoru : also its not just crisp packets its like mouldy jizz socks

Ryuko: shutup

blue spirit: i did not need to know that

blue spirit: not even relevent anyway

blue spirit: (thank god)

genji: no mouldy firelord jizz socks?

blue spirit: no

genji: not even 1?

blue spirit: no lmao shut up

Ryuko: he jerks off in gold bowls while all his maids play harp

blue spirit: that is so not relevent and also disgusting shut up

blue spirit: gonna take a pic from the door

blue spirit: /rXtt57137bb

blue spirit: yes/no

Ryuko: looks fine u prick

Kaoru : told u hes such a neat freak

Ryuko: look hes even got his figurines lined up on his bookcase

Ryuko: uv even made ur bed

Ryuko: like who has time to do that

Kaoru : lol ryu

Kaoru : like most people

Kaoru : looks fine blue ur fine

Kaoru : boomerang has a messier bedroom than u do like and he does vids with aang

Kaoru : like ur all good lol

blue spirit: yeh but u can c why i panicked

Kaoru : no i cant

genji: lol

blue spirit: HES COMING IN 5 MINS

blue spirit: QUICK WHAT DO I WEAR

Ryuko: u legit did this this morning

blue spirit: yeh but i've worn this outfit since breakfast and idk if i spilt smth on it or what

blue spirit: like what if i spilt cola on it – thats what i was drinking earlier doing paperwork – what if it spilt

blue spirit: is there a stain

blue spirit: /stH1s74LLlz

Ryuko: no

blue spirit: right

blue spirit: yeh but what if i cant see it

Ryuko: ur FINE just WEAR WHAT UR WEARING im sure the Avatar has seen stains on tshirts before

blue spirit: button up

Ryuko: sry button up

blue spirit: tshirt was too casual we decided

genji: blue r u doing this or not bcs u sound like ur going to just avoid everyone and barricade urself in ur room like man up

Kaoru : ^^sexist

genji: yeah but sentiments still true

blue spirit: might wear smth more formal idk

blue spirit: i will i think

blue spirit: idk if he'll take me srsly if i'm just wearing casual stuff

Kaoru : ur fine

blue spirit: is there anything else i forgot

blue spirit: guys, is there anything bcs idk

Ryuko: no jizz socks no stains bed made

Kaoru : ur all set i think i cant think of anything

Ryuko: also remember to breathe

blue spirit: fuck do u think i'd forget lol

blue spirit: oh god what if i forget

blue spirit: would it look weird

blue spirit: it would look weird

blue spirit: it would look so weird if i actually did that god no i've jinxed myself its actually going to happen fuck fuck fuck

genji: 'firebendings all in the breath' lol

Ryuko: shut up with LoK stuff were not gaming right now

blue spirit: oh god dont distract me i died so many times last night bc of the long feng lvl i want vengence

blue spirit: i'm gonna change

blue spirit: NO NO FUCK HE JUST TEXTED ME HES RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR FUCK FUCK

Kaoru : wait he has ur number thats so cool why dont i have ur number

Kaoru : oh wait lol bye

Kaoru : good luck!

Ryuko: bye

genji: c u! bye!

blue spirit has left

.

The camera pans round. We are in a house; one large room covered in every type of clutter but mainly wires, papers and pieces of tech. It's chaotic but clean, barring the washing up still in the sink over in the little kitchen-diner to the right of our viewpoint, but that soon drifts out of shot as the camera pans left. We can see the silhouette of someone putting on shoes at the end of a hallway adjoining the room, the light from the front door behind obscuring their features.

"Aang's getting ready."

"I am!" comes the cheerful voice of the silhouette, and finishes putting on their shoes, heading towards the camera.

"He keeps getting distracted."

"We've got loads of time! Anyway," he addresses the camera. "Katara's coming to house-sit, so we can't leave anyway until she gets here-"

("Yeah, and Katara's also late!")

"-and Appa needed brushing!"

"Appa didn't need brushing. Appa was brushed yesterday."

"Appa needed brushing. Also, I was this close to finishing Kyoshi's War on xbox, so I just went ahead and did that for a couple of minutes."

"I knew it! You are such a procrastinator! Have you even packed yet!?"

The guy standing in front of the camera grins. He has blue arrow tattoos skimming over the top of his scalp and his teeth are white enough to catch the gleam off the room's main light bulb. "Maybe." He's wearing a light orange hoodie with a white shirt and it suits him.

The camera jolts suddenly, as the room tips forward then swoops again and we get a full view of the cameraman's face looking sceptical. He's obviously used to his friend's charisma and not easily swayed by it.

"He is such a liar," he says, straight into the lens. "Such a liar. He woke up at ten and then spent the next three hours-"

"Two!"

"Two, then! Playing videogames. That's practically an admission!"

"I had to! I was on the bit that I kept dying on when we did that video, and I got past it but I didn't get to a save point, and then I had to get to a save point and then I died again!"

The camera swings violently, at the whims of the cameraman's indignant gesturing. "We have to catch a plane!"

"Yeah, I know that, Sokka!"

When the camera settles, Aang is at the breakfast bar of their kitchenette eating a pear. He's sat in a way that would unbalance anyone else but he looks comfortable sat that way, leaning one elbow on the countertop and swinging one foot to and fro out to the side. "Ok, so Katara texted me earlier. She'll be here in ten minutes-"

"You WHAT!-

The camera cuts to black.

We are in a car, moving. The person holding the camera is in the front seat and we are watching motorway pass. Anyone else might have edited upbeat music over the top. The editor has chosen not to, instead including highlights of the cameraman's running commentary just audible over the noise of the car's engine. The audience has been informed in the past that this is an aesthetic decision. It is not. The channel can't afford to pay for montage music.

"Ooh, is that a service station?"

"Sokka, McDonalds is murder! They're so horrible to their workers as well! And everything is unhealthy! We might as well stop somewhere we can get a nice salad."

"Yeah, yeah. Who sells salad at a service station?"

"Nice people who care for the environment."

The camera cuts.

Two voices and a wobbly camera, "SECRET TUNNEL! SECRET TUNNEL! THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN-" and they pass into the motorway tunnel, whooping. "SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNEL!"

The camera cuts.

"I can't believe you got invited to meet the Firelord."

"I brought the Badgermole game. And Cards Against Humanity. I haven't played the Badgermole game yet but I heard it's got pretty good ratings-"

"You are not gaming with the Firelord, Aang."

"It's friendly!"

"You're there to talk about a video, not play games. A political video. A political video that made him angry. I'm so glad we left Katara. She'd be wanting to do his makeup and we are not doing that."

"Hey! She does great makeup!"

"Yeah, but he's the leader of the free world, Aang! And he hates you. I don't want to make him even angrier by setting my sister on him with a case full of makeup-"

"He's not angry at me! He just didn't like my video idea, There's a difference."

"Well, whatever the difference, it wouldn't be in any way improved by sparkly eyeliner."

"You're just upset 'cause the Firelord knows who I am."

The camera cuts.

"Ok, so I spy with my little eye-"

"Sokka, I'm driving."

"Something beginning with m."

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! It's motorway!"

"Nope."

"Uh... m,m,m,m,m,m...McDonalds."

"Nope."

"Mm,m,m,m...minivan?"

"Aang, eyES ON THE ROAD!"

The camera cuts.

"Yeah but he saw my video."

"Yeah but someone probably tagged him or sent him a link. Like his PR person or something."

"Yeah but he could know who I am."

"Yeah but he probably doesn't."

"Sokka-"

"Even if he does, Aang, you can't start out making friends with Cards Against Humanity! That's a disaster waiting to happen! It's not a collab-"

"It is a collab, Sokka! You're just jealous."

The camera cuts.

"You can't collab with the Firelord."

"Yes I can."

"You actually- WATCH THE ROAD! – no, you actually can't."

"I collabed with King Kuei."

"He was from the Earth Kingdom. It's different."

"How's it different?"

"He approached you as a fan. He wanted to do a collab. Besides, he's just a figurehead, anyway. The Firelord is the Firelord. He's angry and he's doing damage control. And he's not the type of guy to own a pet bear just for funsies."

"Hey, Bosco was great."

"Yeah well you're just saying that 'cause he was fluffy."

"So fluffy."

"Yeah, but it's not a collab you're doing with the Firelord. He'd probably have you put in jail if you beat him or something."

"He wouldn't do that. That's illegal."

"He'd say you murdered someone and then shut you up."

"No he wouldn't, Sokka, because he's the Firelord, and that is actually illegal. Isn't it. Sokka."

The camera pans round. The cameraman has both eyebrows raised and is looking sceptical again. It cuts to black.

"Ok, I challenged Sokka to see how long he could balance the water bottle on his head and it's been two minutes so far but he hasn't even wobbled. Oh! We met a group of fans in the airport mall but they didn't want their faces shown, so we haven't put that in – Katara, okay? Don't put that in. Katara's our editor. She's lovely – but they were so nice! One of them gave me a pretzel and told me I helped her not commit suicide last year, and I just- It makes me sad that people feel that way, but I love that my videos mean so much to people. No matter how many times I get told that someone was, was, I don't know, that they met their friends because of my videos, or, some people meet their significant others- Oh, no! Sokka! It wobbled and it fell off Sokka. That was, like, three minutes. Um, ok, yeah, but those sorts of stories make me feel warm inside and just, it's nice to know the world's a better place, you know? Even with bad things happening. Video games bring people together, guys!"

"It's staying on!"

"That's great, Sokka! Oh, um, yes! We bought so much stuff at the airport! You want to see? I bought at least ten plushies. Appa likes plushies as well but he always chews them, so I get him special dog plushies. Sorry guys! I'm not letting Appa have these plushies, even if he wants them. Um, yeah, so, look-" The camera swings down to his lap in which there are a variety of multicoloured plushies piled up. It is obvious that, if Aang moves, they will avalanche into the aisle of the aeroplane. Somehow, effortlessly, they stay on his lap. "Ok, so this one's Kyoshi – I always play as her. She's the best! She's from Kyoshi's War, obviously, which is such a good game, and then this is, ok, so this is a badgermole from the Badgermole game. It's so cute!" The hand not holding the camera comes down to squish the plushie's cheeks. "I've not played it yet but I'm actually so excited-"

"Yeah, but why the fuck do you think the actual Fi-"

"Sokka! Spoilers!"

"Aang, I doubt anyone on this plane is one of your fans."

"Well we'll call him collab man from now on-"

"IT'S NOT A COLLA-ow! I dropped the bottle!"

Aang laughs from behind the camera.

"Just because it's legit a great game-"

"Sokka's played it."

"-doesn't mean collab guy wants to play it!"

There's a cut in the footage and we return to the same scene, the lap of plushies, after some time has passed. "Ok, so this is Roku-"

We are in a car. It has dark tinted windows, although the only difference from the inside is the sepia tone it adds to the scenery. Whereas in the first car the buildings we could see going past were low-rise and older, the buildings now are the bases of skyscrapers, and the traffic on the road with them is filled with honking and bustle. People in suits dodge round cars to cross the road and more people fill up the sidewalks. This is Caldera City.

"This," says Sokka in an announcer's voice, "is Caldera City."

"It's where the Firelord lives," says Aang, as the camera pans around to show his face on Sokka's right. "He sent a car for us at the airport. I know it was all arranged and all, but it's just really nice. That's our driver who hasn't actually talked yet." The camera shifts over to show a thin, grey-haired man in a green chauffeur's jacket staring grimly out of the window in front, and then returns to Aang. "I'm sure he's nice, though. Sokka, do you know where we're staying?"

"There's a hotel bit of the palace. That's what the email said. It's for dignitaries and stuff. We're staying there."

"Cool! I bet they have fluffy towels."

"God, I just really want to lie down. We've been travelling for, like, eight hours."

"I bet they have a massive bath."

"God I want a massive bath right now."

"I'm playing Badgermoles when we get there."

"We're meeting the Firelord when we get there!"

"Yeah! I'm playing Badgermoles with the Firelord!"

"If he gets put in jail," says Sokka to the camera, "I'm crying foul."

Aang punches him affectionately on the arm and the camera jolts. The footage cuts.

.

"Uncle, I can't do this." Zuko has changed his outfit three times today and is only sticking with the third - formal robes - through sheer force of will. His friends had been helpful, and also supremely not helpful, and he is now worried he's going to forget how to breathe. "Uncle, why did I invite them here? I could have just left it alone. It would have been fine! I know I'm unpopular but- I just panicked, and I guess I wanted to explain, but now I don't know how to explain myself! I don't know what to do, Uncle!"

"Breathe, my nephew. You will be fine."

"I know but-"

"Breathe."

Zuko took a deep breath in and then blew it out and nearly forgot to breathe back in again. "What if he hates me?"

"Remember, my nephew. Swamps have more logs in them than crocodiles. And never is there a prettier moon than on a dark, dark night-"

"Not helpful, Uncle! What does that have to do with anything? I just don't want him to hate me. I've watched him for ages; years, even! I know lots of people have, but he's affected so much of my life and if he hates me- I don't know what I'll do! I don't know! What do I even say to him? Uncle!"

A woman comes hurrying up the corridor carrying a clipboard. "My lord."

"Joo Dee!"

Zuko spins around. "Is everything ok? Have they been let in? Are they angry?"

"Everything is perfectly set out, my lord, according to specifications."

"What? But I didn't- I didn't set out any specifications."

Joo Dee bows very professionally at the waist. "They are the honoured guest specifications, my lord. Mr Hakodasen also requested light snacks, which have been provided."

"Um, ok, um, I'll- Uncle, do I go down and meet them or do I make them come up? I don't know what to do-"

"In my experience," says his uncle, delicately, "the best option is whichever comes soonest."

Zuko pales. "Right," he says, and sprints down the corridor.

"I did not mean that quickly," comes his Uncle's voice from the other end of the corridor, slowly getting quieter, "but you must admit he is very efficient."

.

"Ok, I just texted the PR guy that we're outside."

"The PR guy?" Aang's holding the camera. He's not got the most steady hand, but anybody would improve with enough practice, and he's been filming videos with Sokka since 2008. Half of it's the fact he tends to bounce around, but that's just par the course for Aang and his videos.

"Yeah, the number we got on DMs."

Aang nods. "Cool," he says. "Do you think they'll let us in?"

Their driver's unloading their luggage; Aang's backpack and Sokka's bag, laptop bag, satchel, airport shopping bag and large suitcase on wheels, shifting it onto what looks like a much more professional baggage trolley. He's refused to let them help out and Sokka gets the sneaky feeling that he doesn't want them touching the glossy black paint job on the car under any circumstances.

Aang pans the camera round to show the viewers the front entrance to the palace. It's very official looking; the long entrance road is lined with neatly trimmed trees, and the large oval planter that the road circles around (that they are parked just beside) is filled with white gravel and desert shrubs. It's in direct contrast to the front of the palace, which has obviously not been updated since it was built five centuries ago and has an aura of medieval opulence only the Fire Nation seems to have been able to produce. (Sokka will, reluctantly, admit that the Water Tribe official buildings, when permanent, tend to be very empty and very showy but a little tacky. They're good at friendly but not large. Earth Kingdom tends to be good at large but not opulent. All their buildings tend to look the same, minus or plus a lot of gold. And, of course, when the Air Nomads still existed, they rarely went all out on architectural intimidation, although aesthetics, yeah, they were good at that. Meanwhile the Fire Nation seems to have embraced all of it and is effortlessly good at the whole shebang. Sokka, proud immigrant that he is, reluctantly has to admit that.)

There's not been a text back yet. Sokka's beginning to think the 'PR' person' is not taking their job very seriously.

"Sokka, Badgermole game or Cards Against Humanity?"

"Uh... maybe start by defending the video you posted? The one he invited you to talk about?"

"Oh... yeah..." Aang looks sheepish. "Well, we don't need to start with that."

"That's literally the only reason you're meeting up."

"Well it doesn't have to be formal."

From behind the two of them, there is a polite cough. Sokka startles and Aang spins 180 degrees. There's a very starey lady dressed in a smart black suit, hair done up in a bun in way that could almost be a wig with how neat it is, except for how fiercely it's straining at her scalp.

"Are you the PR person?" asks Sokka. "Did you get my text?" He'd imagined it being a guy with how the person spoke, but he suppose he can see it being a woman too. "Is that how you knew we were here?"

"We keep track of all our vehicles using GPS technology," says the lady in a voice just as creepily neat as her hair. "I am Joo Dee, secretary to the Firelord."

"So you didn't get my text."

"Welcome to the Firelord's Palace, centre of politics in the Fire Nation. Come this way."

Sokka spares a glance over his shoulder at their luggage, which is being wheeled off by their driver, and then follows the creepy lady through a gilded side door into the palace.

.

Aang holds the camera pointed upwards and trails after the two of them, making sure he gets all the pretty carvings and the colours for the camera. Katara will probably cut most of it, but it's nice just to stare. He tries not to bump into any furniture on his way through.

The entrance hallway that they're in is big enough to drive a double decker bus through, and has long windows set high up in the walls to let through natural light. Paintings of important politicians hang under them, each depicting a head and shoulders, yet each twice the size of Aang himself. He guesses it's personal preference, but he thinks it's rather odd to try and immortalise the way you look with a frown. Maybe they were just grumpy people.

"The palace entrance hall was redecorated by Firelord Osamu, may he be remembered and venerated as long as the sun lasts, in the thirteenth year of his reign, replacing the arrangement of Firelord Sayaka-Shin, may she be remembered and venerated as long as the sun lasts, from the twenty-eighth year of her reign, one thousand years after the founding of the great Fire Nation Empire across ten cities. If you look to your left, you will see the portrait of her war minister, Akaimori no Ren, of the ancient house of Akaimori-"

Aang feels his grin becoming fixed. He swings the camera diligently around to the portrait of the war minister, but finds him just as frowny and large as all the rest of the portraits. Maybe the viewers will be interested? Probably not. Maybe Sokka can add a running commentary in post.

"-and here is the formal waiting room set aside for meetings with the Firelord himself, decorated in the style popularised in the time of Firelord Shen, may he be remembered and venerated as long as the sun lasts-"

The room is decorated in red and gold, as the entrance hall was, with black velvet seats, a low mahogany table (blagh) with a crystal decanter of what looks like brandy or whiskey sitting in the centre of it, two glasses either side (don't they know he's teetotal?), and a red and gold rug underneath it patterned with white flowers.

"Is there anything you wish to be brought you whilst you wait?"

"Uh... snacks?" says Sokka.

Snacks. Snacks would be good.

"I will put forward a request for some light refreshments to be delivered to you shortly," says the Joo Dee lady, and leaves through a second door on the other side of the room.

"Well," says Sokka, "that was weird."

Aang sits down, turning the camera off. "Maybe the Firelord does hate me," he says.

Sokka gives him a weird look. "How d'you work that out?"

"Well," says Aang awkwardly, "Mr Cabbage man kept glaring at us, he sent that creepy lady to intimidate us and show us loads of angry paintings, and now the only refreshment is alcohol and I'm teetotal." (Cabbage man referring to the driver, whose badge had read 'C. A. Bagges'.)

"I would say you're reading into the situation way too much, but seeing as I already thought he hated you..."

"Yeah," says Aang, sighing. "I just wish he'd actually tell us he didn't like us, and then we could-"

"What, explain to him why he's wrong?"

"I don't know! Something like that! It feels wrong just waiting for him to be angry at us. I kinda just wish he'd get here."

"Yeah, me too, Aang."

Sokka drums his fingers against his leg and huffs, looking up at the ceiling where the red ceiling wallpaper edged with delicately carved ivory just serves to remind Aang uncomfortably of dead elephants.

"I can't believe we're in the Firelord's palace," he breathes.

"Yeah," says Aang. It's not as exciting as he'd thought it would be on the way here. It's boring and filled with war conquests and animal products, and it just serves to remind him how much wealth in the Fire Nation comes from violence. Even the air feels heavy, although that could just be the decorations.

"You should get the camera on just in case he comes in."

"I don't feel great about this, Sokka."

"Well then I'll film."

"I guess we don't have to include all the footage."

"Yeah. Here, give me the camera."

Aang passes it across the table, trying to avoid touching the decanter, which is placed perfectly in the centre of the table. It's silly, but he feels like, if he knocks it out of place, someone would notice and shout at him and he hates being shouted at. It's just the aura of this place. Many, many, many years of authority weighing down from above.

There is a polite knock at the door and a maid, looking at the floor, comes in with a tray, setting it down on the table, curtseying, and leaving backwards without meeting their eyes. Even the snacks look too fancy to touch, each individual spiced nut arranged aesthetically by size and all of the breadsticks covered in poppyseeds, none of which have come unattached.

Sokka turns the camera on. "So we're waiting for the Firelord and look how neat these snacks are! Ok, impromptu snack review-"

Aang leans back, fidgeting. He wants to meet the Firelord and make sure he's not angry, but at the same time he doesn't want to be proven wrong. He regrets bringing the games now. They're in a cotton shopping bag he's been carrying but, looking down at it now, it just looks out of place and unprofessional. The Cards Against Humanity logo stares out at him from the top, black and white and quirky and so, so wrong for a formal environment.

He's so nervous his hands are shaking, so he sits on them, and is just reminded again of how opulent this place is as his hands brush against the velvet of the seat. (He was born in a monastery! He has no idea how to act in places like this!)

Sokka's still monologing when the door opens.

.

God, Zuko's interrupted something. He even forgot to knock.

He nods to them, dizzy with the fact oh god he recognises them from YouTube, oh god, and is trying so hard not to either pant from running or turn bright red that he forgets to talk for a few seconds. Shit, is he breathing, even? Yes. Ok. Wait, is this how normal people breathe? He's so nervous he can't remember. Sokka- wait, Boomerang- no, Mr Hakodasen, ok, ok – Mr Hakodasen (He can't be too familiar: that's weird! He's not their friend!) is holding up a camera.

Fuck, he's being filmed. Oh god.

He doesn't bow. If his father ever taught him anything, it's that the Firelord never bows to anyone. (Shit, he's bowed to so many people. No, wait, shit, he shouldn't swear!) Instead, he nods again, meeting both of their eyes (he's trying so hard not to cringe with how awkward this is – he knows them and they hate him!) and then breathing hard out before he speaks because he's so focused on trying to breathe properly that he forgot to do that for a couple of seconds. Sokk- Boomera- Mr Hakodasen's giving him a funny look, so he probably noticed. (Fucking, fucking, fuckety fuck.)

"Hello," says Zuko, awkwardly. "Welcome to the palace. I hope Joo Dee was accommodating."

Aan- The Avatar- oh, wait, fuck, he doesn't know his surname- looks down doubtfully at the alcohol on the table, the one that's always kept there. Oh god, he's teetotal, isn't he? Why did Zuko have to forget that today of all days?

"Um, yeah- Joo Dee was, was the secretary lady?" says Sok- Mr Hako- fine, Sokka, forget it. He sounds uncomfortable. Ok, so Joo Dee's not the most friendly of people. He should have sent someone else, he just knows, oh god. Did she give them the boring tour? She fucking gave them the boring tour, didn't she? Oh god, he was meaning to have that cut out of the official formal guest greeting thing... but he's had so much to do...

Wait, he'd asked a question. "Yes," answers Zuko, feeling so, so awkward.

"Right."

This is so, so awkward.

Zuko nods again and holds the door open for them, hoping they'll follow him. He hasn't had time to rehearse any of what he's going to say to them, but he has a fact folder he's put together especially, so he should be ok- Oh god, he's left the folder in his office.

They're going to have to have this thing in his office.

His terrifying-people office.

Fucking shit-cakes.

Either that or be comfortable but doomed.

He waits for them to trail miserably out of the waiting room (they look so unlike themselves, with nervous faces and uncomfortable body language and all of this is because he's a terrible host, fuck) and shuts the door, leading them down the corridor towards his office, feeling like he needs an oxygen mask just to remember how to breathe and a pillow to scream into.

Because they're going to his office.

.

The Firelord is just as terrifying as Sokka had pictured. The scar, which, in official photographs and portraits has always had attention drawn away from it by skilled photographers and portrait artists is very, very prominent on Firelord Zuko's actual face. Not that he can help having a scar... Just that having a very violent scar, an 'I'm having you condemned' expression, and wearing formal robes all just serves to underline that this guy- wait, no, this very official person – comes from a long line of firelords... most of whom were violent, crazy, or violent and crazy, and would have locked Sokka and Aang up just for breathing, let alone for making a video criticising one of his new policies, AANG.

Anyway, from the moment the door opens (with no warning knock, of course, because Firelords are above everyone else), Sokka is quaking in his boots. The Firelord's eyes flicker towards the camera. (Oh fuck.) Then he nods, once, stiffly, and huffs like he wants this over with. (Well, at least he's probably not going to murder them? Not that that makes him much less terrifying in Sokka's eyes, considering being murdered would be one legitimate form of escape from this man.)

"Hello," says the Firelord, in a voice that's so stiff and lifeless and wooden that it's obvious he hates them. "Welcome to the palace." Obviously he's been sarcastic. "I hope Joo Dee was accommodating." Definitely being sarcastic. Fuck, they're so screwed. Does he say yes? Or does the Firelord like watching people squirm in silence.

"Um, yeah- Joo Dee was, was the secretary lady?"

The Firelord stares at him with eyes that say 'you're a moron' and he pauses, as if he can't believe Sokka's so stupid. Finally, after a long pause, he says, "Yes."

"Right." Sokka is sweating.

This is so, so awkward.

The Firelord nods, stiffly, and holds the door open for them to go out, like they're little kids who've been naughty in class. Sokka notices Aang's holding his games bag guiltily down by his thigh, as if he thinks he'll get in trouble if the Firelord sees it. Like they aren't in enough already.

.

"This is my office," says the Firelord, leading them into a smallish room with a fancy mahogany desk, a large chair also carved from mahogany wood with blood red velvet padding, the ceiling done in the same ivory detailing as the waiting room. Ivory from elephants and mahogany from the destruction of the rainforest. Aang feels sick. No wonder the Firelord hates him! Veganism and general activism is so far against the capitalist ideal he's obviously mad! And, with the Firelord profiting off all the big, corrupt companies, who'd dare to stand against him? Aang, apparently, with his big mouth and stupid YouTube videos. He wants to groan into his hands.

The Firelord stills. "I don't usually receive guests here," he says, in a funny voice. "There aren't any extra chairs."

"We can stand!"

"Yeah!" says Aang, desperately trying to sound accommodating. Anything (not unethical) to get into the Firelord's good graces. "Yeah, we don't mind. We... uh... sat enough in the waiting room?"

.

Zuko wants to cringe. Is that a dig at how long they've had to wait? Oh god, it is, isn't it? Fuck. How long did they even- Was the arrival text delayed by something? Was he much slower getting to them than he thought? He thought he only took a couple of seconds from when Joo Dee got them settled, but did he take longer? Did he take so long they took it as insult? Because if they did... Fuck. He's such a terrible Firelord. This is worse than when he held that political summit and he accidentally implied in conversation with Chief Arnook that the Water Tribes were primitive backwaters. At least then he'd had Uncle to smooth things over. Now he has no-one but himself and a stupid folder. Fucking fuck.

He turns to the desk to pick up said-same folder so they can start the meeting. The folder with all the facts in it that he has compiled so he doesn't misrepresent anything and can actually explain why he made that stupid law in the first place, the one the Avatar himself didn't like, apparently. (Does... does he want companies to exploit people? Surely that isn't what vegans are about.) The folder that Uncle has helped him sort into a reasoned argument so that he doesn't get tongue-tied and look stupid in front of two YouTube behemoths.

... and the folder... the folder isn't there.

It isn't there. His folder. It isn't there. The one that he is literally relying on to help him through this meeting and be his crutch. The one that made him take them along to the stupid office he hates. An office that's far too formal, and, in any case, not suitable for guests because he isn't his father- And it isn't there. It isn't fucking there and he's fucking screwed because fuck he can't remember statistics off the top of his head.

And he can't tell them that because then he'll look like an idiot who isn't taking things seriously! Fuck! Fuck it; they'll have to start.

He sits down (awkwardly) in his father's large chair (why aren't there guest chairs in here? why do they have to stand? his father was such an asshole) and clears his throat. "So," he says. "Is there anything you have to say for yourselves?" (Wait, no, fuck, that's the wrong- NO! That's not what he meant, fuck!)

"Uh... it's a free country?" says Sokka (no, wait, Mr Hakodasen- no, Boomerang Guy- Fuck, Sokka, fine) who looks thoroughly terrified. That is the purpose of this room, after all; terror, which is why Zuko hadn't wanted to bring them here.

The Avatar is pale and squeaky. "We didn't mean to offend you, honest! It's just... it's so obviously a bad law, you know? It's taking away people's choice! You can't ban a whole plant!"

"Aang! Shut up!" hisses Sokka.

"Sokka, he asked!"

Zuko frowns. "How is it a bad law?"

They shrink like he's going to have them burned alive.

"It's not a-"

"What I meant was-"

"What he means is-"

"It's not bad bad- Just-"

"Well, it is bad- just, a sort of-"

They both pause.

"A mild bad!" says Aang.

Sokka nods. "An okay sort of bad. The kind of bad that... that doesn't need to be... addressed?"

Aang looks annoyed. Well, it's better than terrified. "Sokka, it needs to be addressed! We addressed it, remember?"

"Yeah... with the... plant... video."

"Yeah! The Agalmi video!" He turns to Zuko. "You can't ban a whole plant!"

Sokka looks uncomfortable. "I'll just... I'll just let Aang say it," he says.

Aang crosses his arms. He's got the same expression on his face that he gets when he's losing games and he has to concentrate: his serious face. The parts of the videos where he starts looking like that tend to see some of the most ferocious, passion, deadly play Aang puts on YouTube and being on the receiving end of the look makes Zuko's heart stutter.

"You can't ban a whole plant," says Aang, voice hard. "People depend on Agalmi. Good people. It's such a versatile, useful plant, and you just banned it."

Ban? People depend on-?

Zuko's brain stutters.

Has Aang even read the law he's so fiercely against? Did he even try to look into the nuance of it, or did he just assume it was bad because he doesn't like Zuko? Did he just make an entire video to his thousands of followers having not read the law?

"People use Agalmi for tons of stuff! Like, instead of honey!"

He knows that. He wrote a law about it.

"It's a sweetener! And, and they put it in spreads, and it's delicious! And loads of vegans use it! And, if you ban it, it's like taking away the right to choose to be vegan! It's a step in the wrong direction!"

He didn't even ban it. That's the thing he's hung up on. He restricted its sale in the Fire Nation. Aang can grow it, if he wants to. Aang can get a special license to sell it, if he wants to, although the process is complicated. Aang can eat it all he wants. No-one is stopping him.

"Agalmi's much cheaper than honey, as well, so, by banning it, you're restricting the shopping choices of so many poor people who can't afford honey! Some of them live on less than $1 a day and already have restricted choices, and now they can't buy vegan honey!?"

Except that Agalmi is cheap because people were being exploited. And vegan honey is hardly something he thinks minimum wage workers were buying anyway.

"Just because they're poor, they can't have choices too? They can't have luxuries? What about if you tried to live without your ivory, or your mahogany chairs, or your stupid portraits!? Those are luxuries! But maybe, because you're rich, it doesn't count! And what about whoever picks the Agalmi?"

Yeah, the people who were being exploited!

"What about who grows it and makes a living out of it? What about those poor people? You banned it just after harvest season, so now all their crops are useless! How would you feel if... if you made a law, and then the law just... just vanished!? All your hard work gone! How's that fair? And, on top of that-"

He didn't even do that. Does Aang just think laws come out of nowhere? Laws come into existence after months of planning and negotiations, and the Agalmi law specifically was something he's been working on for several years now, so anyone who had been planning on selling an Agalmi harvest this year is a complete idiot with their head in the sand!

"-and did you even ask the Foggy Swamp people what they think of banning Agalmi? They use it all the time in their recipes and stuff! It's a cultural identity for them! You can't just take someone's cultural identity! They use it in all their dishes! How dare you!"

And they grow their own Agalmi. In fact, because they live in the rainforest, this law actually benefits their home. No-one's clearing the rainforest to grow Agalmi anymore. Yet apparently Aang has now taken it upon himself to be the mouthpiece for Foggy Swamp people who buy supermarket vegan honey and he's not stopping.

"And what about the other products people make with Agalmi!? Like clothes made out of the fibres that people buy if they're allergic to wool!? Or what about the baby food they make with it? That they give to expectant mothers to help them raise their infant for the first five months?"

The baby food that gives babies diabetes and is the leading cause of dentures in children.

"Or what about the fact Agalmi is not doing anything to you, except-"

"Did you even read the law?" snaps Zuko. He doesn't need the folder for that. "Did you even read it? Because it sounds like you didn't."

Aang stills.

Sokka glances sideways at Aang, looking nervous. "Did you?"

"um..."

Zuko's jaw tics.

"I didn't need to!" Aang exclaims. "It's obviously terrible! How could you-"

Sokka scrubs a hand across his face.

"I didn't even ban Agalmi," snaps Zuko, and then watches as the colour drains out of Aang's face.

.

"You... you didn't?"

"No!" And, crap, he looks so, so mad. "I restricted its sale."

"Oh! Well, that's the same thing as banning it!"

The Firelord stands up and storms out of the room.

"Aang," says Sokka, quietly, "did you just piss off the Firelord? In his own office?"

Aang chews his lip.

"You just pissed off the Firelord, didn't you."

Two seconds.

"Again."

"Well he made a stupid law..."

"That you didn't even read! Aang, how could you be so stupid!? No wonder he invited us here! You have a gigantic platform and you made a rant video on something you didn't even know about and got it wrong!"

He wants to sink into the floor.

"Why did you not research it?"

"I did!"

"Did you even read any of the official material?!"

"...some of it."

"And was that some of it just the stuff that agreed with you?"

Aang rubs his head. He doesn't want to answer. He'd thought it was cut and dried! There wasn't any point researching it! For all he knows, it still is cut and dried! Just because the main argument agreed with him, doesn't mean he was only reading stuff that agreed with him... he's not shallow! It's just that... reading political stuff is boring. And the Firelord is obviously on the side of big companies. That's just how politics works in the Fire Nation. So he didn't even need to read the political stuff! It would just be backing up the big companies and who wants to read a whole big dry document of propaganda? He's a gaming YouTuber, not a politician!

"I'm a gaming YouTuber! Not a stuffy politician!"

"Then why did you make a video about politics!?"

"Because I'm vegan! It's vegan stuff! "

"Then you look up what's gone on with the vegan stuff, and you read about the politics!"

"But I don't like reading about-"

"You're such a fucking idiot!"

.

blue spirit: oh god oh god i fucking stormed out of a fuxkin meeting w/ the avtar and shouted at him oh god fuck

blue spirit: fuck my life

ryuko: no thx

genji: lol

blue spirit: u kno the folder

blue spirit: well i forgot it but like he just shouted at me for like 10mins so idk fuck it i guess

Kaoru : u got AVATAR AANG to shout at u lmao blue what did u DO

blue spirit: nothing! just like had a palace w sozins ivory kink goin on with it nd made a law about vegan food

Kaoru : lmfao im calling him out on twitter

Kaoru : #aangryboy

Kaoru : peace is not an option when ur a nomad scorned

ryuko: yeah fuck like any1's gonna see that kao

Kaoru : they might lmao

ryuko: u wish

blue spirit: pls dont call him out on twitter i dont want to be yelled at again pls god im so mad but fuck

blue spirit: hes like my hero

blue spirit: but hes so fucking stupid and god i hate him rn

ryuko: ^^mood

blue spirit: i hate this

blue spirit: he didnt even read the law like fuck

blue spirit: liek even YOU read that law

Kaoru : yeah like pay us god

genji: (lol prrofreading firelord's doc instead of doing hwk lol guess what teacher didn't believe that as an excuse)

ryuko: (all of them?)

blue spirit: do i- fuck

blue spirit: do i go back in or what

ryuko: no let them stew

Kaoru : if u don't go back in w/ smth there gonna think u just stormed out cos ur mad

Kaoru : get the folder or smth

genji: yeah get the folder

blue spirit: kay idk where it is

ryuko: like look?

genji: ask ur servants rich boy

blue spirit: ur all unhelpful

blue spirit: yeah fine joo dee might know

blue spirit: ok im gonna ask joo dee

blue spirit: she'll prob know or even HAVE IT idk

blue spirit: she just pulls things out of nowhere lmao

blue spirit: cool thx

Kaoru : good luck!

ryuko: lo kyoshi's war later dont forget

blue spirit: c u

.

Sokka hasn't even managed to get any good footage since meeting the Firelord, too terrified to point a camera at the man shouting at them, and he just hopes Katara can salvage all the audio. She's great, his sister. She can practically do miracles with how bad some of the footage is when it gets to her and she'll still get it up on time in the upload schedule. It's not her abilities he's worried about really... it's that they've told the viewers something big's happening, and, if they just get a load of shitty audio when they're meant to be getting a video of the Firelord, no-one's gonna be happy.

He eyes the edge of the desk. Does he perch or does he not? Aang is. The Firelord's taking ages. Fair enough for him to storm out, but did he have to take half an hour over it? And they're not even sitting down. God, he's ready to go back to the waiting room at this point.

Aang didn't take long to stop looking guilty and just start looking bored, but Sokka can't blame him. He decides, since it's just them in the office, he might as well get some better footage, so he picks up the camera from the floor (he'd put it there after a while of the Firelord being gone. No point holding it) and turns it back on himself.

"Hi guys," he says. He can't quite muster up his usual enthusiasm and he knows he sounds tired. A five hour flight and then getting shouted at will do that to you. "So, um, as you may have heard from whatever my sister managed to salvage from audio, the Firelord stormed out. Actually, it's been, like, half an hour, so I hope he's not forgotten about us-"

"He doesn't like me," says Aang, perched on the Firelord's desk.

"He... yeah, um... he's not so fond of Aang, unfortunately... so, uh, wish us luck for part two, I guess."

"Bye."

Sokka frowns. "Why'd you have to say 'bye'? I'd only just started."

"I don't want to talk much right now, Sokka."

He sighs. "Yeah, ok, fair." He knows Aang doesn't like being filmed when he's not his bouncy self but it does make it difficult when they've got to film something and Aang doesn't want to. Appa likes to help with that but Appa's not here.

The door opens.

"I apologise for making you wait," says the Firelord after a long pause, still looking as stiff and unfriendly as ever. He sounds insincere, but that's hardly a surprise.

"That's fine," Sokka squeaks and then clears his throat. (Puts the camera down by his side.) "That's fine. All good."

"Yeah, um... sorry for not reading your law," says Aang, slipping off the desk. Aang doesn't sound sincere either. He's grinning weakly, sounding like he does whenever anybody makes him apologise for something. Aang often forgets what he's apologised for, sometimes for his own convenience.

The Firelord scowls. "Did you manage to read it while I was gone, at least?"

"Um... no?"

"Did you even try?"

"Um... no? Should I have?"

A pause, in which the Firelord, who could have them thrown in jail, Aang, looks murderous and incredulous at the same time.

"I didn't know if there was internet."

"It's a palace!"

Ok, so yeah, that's a good point.

.

Joo Dee didn't even have the folder or have any idea where it was. Also Uncle was nowhere to be found. And his undersecretaries never knew there was a folder.

So Zuko comes back empty handed and hates his career.

"I apologise for making you wait," he says, which is the least controversial thing he can think of to say, even though he's literally only taken, like, ten minutes tops and has jogged half of it.

Sokka looks like he begs to differ but is also terrified. "That's fine." Clears his throat. Lowers his camera. (Were they filming in his office? Those inconsiderate idiots! There's, like, classified info in here that shouldn't be on the internet!)

Aang slips off the edge of Zuko's desk, where he's been sitting. (It has literally only been like ten minutes!) "Yeah, um... sorry for not reading your law." He sounds so insincere, Zuko's teeth hurt.

"Did you manage to read it while I was gone, at least?"

No, no he hasn't.

Good. Fucking great. No folder, everything screwed up, and no-one even bothering with the common sense solution to that. And the Avatar doesn't even look like he knows what's wrong with that. Because of course, on the day Zuko meets his heroes, his job is to shout at them. With his luck, with his fucking luck, of course it is. They haven't even brought Appa, a dog who is rapidly turning into Zuko's favourite Gaang member. (Ok, admittedly he had been before, but that was only because Appa is a dog, and dogs beat out people. Katara, though, is now Zuko's favourite human Gaang member because both her editing and her eyelashes are on point.)

"Not to be... that guy... or anything," says Sokka, very carefully, "but I just want to point out that last time Aang did research on Agalmi, he ended up with a video against it, so..."

Yeah, ok, that's an unfairly good point. Also he now has a grudge against Sokka because now Zuko has to explain and Sokka will hate him even more because he'll inevitably fuck this up and that's all Sokka's fault. Zuko sits back down at his desk and breathes out. Perhaps, if he stalls long enough, he'll remember everything even without the folder.

Five minutes in silence.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fuck it.

"Agalmi's bad," he says. "For... for a lot of things."

They stare down at him, bewildered. Zuko tries again.

"Vegan products aren't good," he says. Wait. No, there should have been an 'always' in there. Vegan products aren't always good. "Vegan products always... always aren't good." No. Fuck.

Now they're looking at him like he's stupid and prejudiced. Aang's frowning. Aang hardly ever frowns.

Zuko sighs. "Can we start again?" he says.

Aang's eyes widen in surprise but Sokka's narrow.

"With all due respect," says Sokka, "you've been pretty clear from the start of this you don't like us."

Zuko sighs and looks round at the office. At its dark, claw-footed desk; the 19th century aesthetic gas lamps on the walls that flicker not nearly enough light across the room in their thin glass prisons; the blood red rug that is far too opulent for such a small room and depicts in gold thread the legendary battle (technically massacre) at Yanagi Bridge and decides that that's it. That the office isn't helping.

"We should move rooms," he says, awkwardly. (That isn't something you say to guests, usually. It's a sign of a disorganized host... It doesn't matter. He's fucked this up already.) "Come with me."

.

They follow him out of the office and down the corridor, Sokka holding up the camera again as soon as the guy's back is turned and then abruptly dropping it every time the man so much as turns. His legs feel stiff from standing so long. He hopes 'moving rooms' doesn't mean moving somewhere even more uncomfortable, though he doesn't have high hopes.

"Uh... so who are the portraits?" (He might as well say something, and, from the way the man's secretary had gone on in the entrance hall, it's obvious this man gets a kick out of his many, grumpy-faced relative portraits.)

.

"...Relatives?" says Zuko, crossing his fingers inside the pocket of his formal robes and hoping he's correct. Why Sokka hasn't been put off by the absolute travesty that is Joo Dee's entrance hall tour, he has no idea, but she, unlike him, has a PhD in Royal History and Portraiture, so he hopes any further questions can be fielded towards her. He hates looking at the things, but she won't let him take them down.

"...Yeah," says Sokka. He seems uncomfortable. "That... that makes sense."

Zuko speeds up, face going red. Agni, he hopes he can salvage this. Agni, he's so doomed.

.

Sokka breathes a sigh of relief, just happy not to have started 'the tour: part two', and, although the silence is even more awkward now, at least he can now say it's not his fault.

"Wait," he says, after several minutes of walking. "Where are we going?"

Aang frowns and looks up from where he's been staring at the carpet. He's been silent this entire time too, in an Aang-sulk, which is only marginally less intense than Aang when he's happy but considerably less fun. He never likes to talk when he's like this: he's told Sokka he's always worried he'll say something mean. Of course, Aang's definition of mean and Sokka's are never quite aligned. Aang still maintains that it was mean when he accidentally ignored social media for a week without telling anyone and then came back like nothing was wrong, but Sokka doesn't think a holiday without wifi counts as 'being mean by ignoring everyone'. "Yeah," he says. "Where are we going? Is it another office?"

"Uh..." the Firelord pauses. He sounds more uncertain than he's sounded this entire time, and more human, and Sokka finds his heartbeat slow down a little from the pace it's picked up ever since meeting the man. "My... room. I only took you to my father's office because I thought it had... an information folder in it. And it didn't."

"Your father's office?" says Aang.

"Your room?" says Sokka, incredulously. "Your bedroom? Uh... sir."

The Firelord, turned away from them as he is, still goes visibly red at the tips of his ears and doesn't reply.

.

Oh Agni, oh fuck. Zuko's screwed things up again. Sokka sounds incredulous and Aang sounds like he doesn't believe him. Naturally they don't believe him. What sort of idiot would take a diplomatic meeting to his own bedroom after it doesn't work out in the official meeting room? A complete idiot, that's who. He's already fucked up. They already hate him. Nothing's going to change that.

He just hopes they don't mind him burying himself under the bedclothes and pretending he doesn't exist. That happens at official meetings, doesn't it?

When they get to the door of his room – the door with the plaque on it saying Firelord Zuko: Bedchamber, like it's a royal suite or something rather than a young adult's bedroom; a door which is in a corridor so long you could use it to learn how to draw vanishing points if you wanted to and so bland (Zuko having ripped all the tacky furnishings out of it soon after coming into power) one could mistake it for a low budget school corridor – he pauses. Everything feels so out of place and disjointed. He's the Firelord, the ruler of the nation, in full regalia, accompanied by two famous YouTube personalities, all standing at the door of his personal bedroom, inside of which is memorabilia of the games these two YouTubers have played and fan merch from their channel (fucking hell), and he's fucking here to tell them off about a topic he's forgotten the salient details of.

"Is this your bedroom?" asks the Avatar. The Avatar. The one Zuko's watched since before he even had the scar, for fuck's sake. The one that's shaped his entire personality. Or, at least, the one he shows his gamer friends, who he met in a fandom chatroom. Fucking Agni.

"Are... are we, uh... going in?"

"Yeah," says Zuko. "Yes. That's- that's what we're doing." And can't make himself push open the door. But he has to, because people are waiting for him to do it behind him.

And then he does it. Pushes the door open. Opens the door. To his room. His bedroom. Inside of which… is every human bit of him he doesn't wasn't them to see.

He pushes the door open.

And then waits.

"Uh... can we go in?" says Sokka, tentatively, still behind him, and Zuko realises he's been standing in the doorway of an open door far too long not to look weird.

And his eyes happen to catch what's on his bed-

.

"Those fucking bastards!" says the actual Firelord, standing in the doorway of the bedroom they haven't actually seen much of yet apart from a ceiling, carpet and some vague patches of bed past a silhouetted torso.

"What?" Aang squeaks.

"They left the fucking statistics folder on my bed!" He storms into the room and picks up the folder, flicking through it irritatedly and then throwing it back onto the covers. "This is what I left to find and couldn't fucking find! Fucking bastards!"

"Uh..." says Sokka, "can we come in now?"

The Firelord spins round, his face so much more impassioned, alive, than they've seen so far, and abruptly pales. "Uh... I'm so sorry. Fuck- wait, no- uh, I'm- I am so sorry. F-frick. No, wait- uh... F-f-orgive me. For the... language. Come in. Sit... sit down. Please ignore... everything."

Aang flits past Sokka and freezes, just past the doorway, very unhelpfully. Sokka decides what the hell and raises the camera to the back of his friend's head. He's going to get some decent footage out of this if it kills him. Then he catches sight of what his friend's looking at in the viewfinder.

At the end of the Firelord's bed (which is so weird to think about Sokka doesn't) is a computer desk, a wardrobe to the left of it with closed doors, and, to the right of it-

"Wait... is that a limited edition-"

"52% OF WORKERS ON AGALMI PLANTATIONS ARE PAID BELOW MINIMUM WAGE-" yelps the Firelord, from his position sat on the bed, folder dragged open and in his lap. His face is fully red and he isn't looking at either of them.

"What- No, but that's-"

It's a bookcase. A bookcase, from floor to ceiling, deep enough for both books, a small collection of CDs and DVDs and what looks like video game boxes to line the back, and in front-

"AND 97% OF THE REMAINING PERCENTAGE ARE PAID BARE MINIMUM FOR THE WORK THEY DO-"

"That's the Badgermole Game!" Aang squawks. "That's the one I brought to play! Sokka, that's on his bookcase-"

In the front are about twenty plushies, collectible character statues, fannish ornaments, two x-box controllers, a nintendo switch, four wii remotes in a bag... Sokka recognises almost all of the plushies from coming from games they've played, him and Aang and their friends, on the channel, and a couple of ones from games they haven't gotten around to, and, in any case, it is obvious the Firelord-

"65% OF RAINFOREST CLEARANCE IS DUE TO AGALMI PLANTATIONS-"

The Firelord, who is sitting on his bed, folder in lap, blushing bright red and sounding strangled whilst shouting facts to try and distract them, is not actually the terrifying person they'd imagined.

"And Cards Against Humanity! Sokka-"

"AGALMI SYRUP IN BABY FORMULA IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DENTURES- just leave the- They were presents- I don't-"

"Sokka, he's got more plushies than me- And, look! He's got Kyoshi's-"

"DENTURES IN CHILDREN AND BABIES- Stop touching that! They're not- They're decorative-"

"Look at the little duck one- I don't recognise that one. Is that a Pokémon?"

The Firelord stands up, folder falling to the floor, snatches the turtly-duck plush thing with worn-out fur out of Aang's hand and shoves it into a drawer. "Decorative," he snaps. "And stop touching them."

"What game's that from?"

"The None-of-your-Business game-"

Sokka clears his throat from behind his camera and the Firelord abruptly flusters, picks the folder up from the floor again, and says, "U-uh- uh, er... Yes. So. Agalmi is... is statistically-" Several pages and an informational pamphlet slip out of the folder and onto the floor and he scrambles to pick them up and shove them back in their plastic sheaths. "Statistically- uh..."

"Firelord Zuko?" says Aang.

"Zuko."

"Oh... uh. Just Zuko, then, I guess. Would you like to play Cards Against Humanity?"

"Sure," squeaks the Firelord. Zuko. "Sure. Why not."

.

They sit down, gingerly, on Just Zuko's bed, him with his back to the headboard and the other two at the end, and wait for him to divide the cards. Aang sneaks a look a the folder, sat next to them on the covers, and immediately blanches.

"How much rainforest clearance is due to Agalmi?!"

"Uh-" The Firelord pauses and checks the folder. "65% it said. 65%."

Aang goes cold. "But... what?"

"Yeah. It's a real problem, actually. The Foggy Swamp people have been trying to get the sale of it properly regulated for decades."

"So... so the law... That's what this is?"

"Uh... yeah. That's what the law's for."

Aang suddenly feels like the worst person in the world. "Sorry," he says.

The Firelord goes pink and mumbles that he doesn't have to worry about it. Then finishes sharing out the cards. "Uh... who's going first?"

"Does this mean we can call this a collab on our channel?" says Sokka, from Aang's left. The camera dips briefly as he shifts positions. "I mean, you know. We are technically playing a game together."

"Sure," squeaks the Firelord. Just Zuko. Clears his throat. "I mean, of course."

"Sweet! I'm thinking, title: Firelord Collab: Aang Fucks Up."

"Hey!"

"You did fuck up."

"Yeah, but not intentionally. And we're not swearing in the title."

"Fine! Fine. Anyway, I guess I'll start?"

Sokka starts. He deals out the answer cards, then picks the first question off the top of the pile.

"'What's fun until it gets weird?'"

Firelord Zuko plays 'King Kuei'.

Aang plays 'a vending machine full of cocaine'.