Miles Edgeworth stepped out of dakoolguy's closet. He closed the door, but soft green light from the magical swirling portal inside seeped through the door crack and illuminated the room.

"Thanks for inviting me to your sleepover, dakoolguy," said Edgeworth graciously. "But where is everyone else?"

"There isn't anyone else."

They watched the Scream series together with a big bowl of popcorn. But then Edgeworth heard noises coming from the hallway. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively, and then armycrawled across the toy-strewn floor to the door. He held his ear against it and listened, breathlessly.

"What the logic..." he whispered at last. "That sounds like parents fighting!" He had nightmare inducing flashbacks to his own mother Bethany Edgeworth and his own father Greggy Edgeworth fighting all the time.

"That's okay, Miles, they do that all the time. Now come back to bed."

They tried to watch the movie in peace but then dakoolguy's mother blew up the door with a rocket launcher and started strangling him and banging his head against the headboard while Miles just lay there, scared and wide-eyed, pulling the covers up to his chin.

"Dakoolguy! I told you to wash your pots when you were done with them! Now you're grounded and can't write John Phoenix fanfiction anymore!"

"What!" cried Edgeworth. "No! Don't worry, John Phoenix, I will prosecute your parents for you."

IN COURT

A gavel sound effect played and an animation of the Judge hitting his desk with gavel played.

"Court time now" said the Judge.

"The defense is ready, Your Honor," said Uncle Phoenix.

"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor," said Edgeworth. "We are ready to prove with decisive evidence that dakoolguy's parents are evil."

Dakoolguy's mom was called to the witness stand.

"Testify, NOW!" ordered Edgeworth. "Why did you ground the victim?"

"Simple, he was supposed to wash his pot when he was done with it, but he didn't, he just just left it on the stovetop."

"OBJECTION!" cried Edgeworth. "LIAR! You claim he was done with it? I think not."

He presented the pot.

"As you can see, there was still broccoli in it... because he was enjoying a pot of broccoli earlier! Why should he throw it out if he wasn't done with it?"

"AHHHHH THAT'S TRUE" said dakoolguy's mom.

"HOLD IT" said Phoenix Wright. "That's true, he wasn't done with it, but she might have needed the pot, and by leaving the broccoli in there, she had to spend a lot of time cleaning it."

"OBJECTION WRIGHT" said Edgeworth. "Or should I say... Objection Wrong?" Phoenix gulped as Edgeworth continued. "A pot of broccoli is easy to clean. LOOK."

He put the broccoli in a bowl, and then there were a few green leaves or whatever left in the pot, and there was otherwise no residue! He simply ran the pot under the faucet for a few seconds and then dried it with a towel.

"As you can see, it takes two seconds. Meanwhile, the VICTIM in this CRIME routinely has to clean DISGUSTING POTS THAT HAVE BEEN LEFT ON THE STOVE FOR DAYS with a lot of CAKED-ON FOOD RESIDUE on them, whenever he's hungry and wants to make food. Which necessitates his SOAKING THEM IN THE SINK for a long while." Edgeworth slammed his desk. "And yet only the victim gets badgered about not cleaning! Or gets these condescending notes taped to his pots of broccoli!"

Edgeworth dropped a bunch of notes on the table that said CLEAN THIS PLEASE.

"Why, that's abusive!" said the Judge.

Uncle Phoenix set his badge on the desk and shook his head. "Even I can't defend people like this."

"AND FOR THAT YOU WOULD TAKE AWAY HIS RIGHT TO WRITE FANFICTION?" said Edgeworth.

"It's not what it looks like!" cried dakoolguy's father, but then the murder weapon fell out of his pocket.

"I KNEW IT!" said Edgeworth.

Dakoolguy's parents were arrested and their house got bulldozed to the ground.

"GUILTY" said the Judge.

"YAAAAAAAAAY!"

DEFENSE LOBBY

Dakoolguy was crying because his parents were in jail. Edgeworth patted him fondly.

"Don't worry, dakoolguy, they won't be in jail for long. And when they get out I'll build them a new house. Hopefully by then they'll have learned their lesson. And... and... in the meantime, you can move into my mansion." He blushed. "I've been meaning to ask you for a while now..."

Then dakoolguy's angelic grandma came down from heaven and gave him and Edgeworth and Uncle Phoenix cookies.

Then a song started playing over the District Court Radio.

"Oh, it's our song..." said Edgeworth. "Care for a dance, dakoolguy?"

The lights dimmed and dakoolguy and Edgeworth slow danced together to Running Up That Hill.

THE END


Epilogue 1

I'M NOT GAY WITH EDGEWORTH! WE'RE JUST BEST FRIENDS!


Epilogue 2

Because it needs to be SAID, I didn't learn about that song from Stranger Things. I hate Stranger Things and I knew about that song before. If anyone tries to talk about that to me, I will have Edgeworth bulldoze their houses down just like I did to my parents.