Chapter Ten: A New Promise

District 12

One Month.

Knocking…

One month has passed since the 74th Hunger Games. Which ended in Marissa Greene, Primrose Everdeen, and I, John Doe, as the victors.

Three victors.

Knocking…

The first in the history of the Hunger Games. And of course, like the films, the Capital had done everything it could to control the public. Officially, we had all been allowed to be victors of the 74th Hunger Games due to the public 'believing' Marissa and I were star crossed lovers and our care of Prim made us unable to sacrifice each other.

Exactly like Katniss and Peeta.

They even gave us an unofficial name.

The Family Tributes Pack.

Knocking…

Unofficially, however, the public knew the truth. They had muted the footage when I gave the easy way out to the public. And my 'final' words to Prim. But somehow, each district heard the unedited footage. Someone in the Capital had leaked all of it and during the highlights, both parts had been played.

Someone had wanted the rebellion to start.

And they had lit the match. Because after we had left the arena, we learned of the public's reception toward everything that had happened.

Everything.

Knocking…

My odds were average. Prim's odds had been average only because it was an open secret that I would protect her. Marissa's odds had been decent enough. But after she joined us, her odds went up and down. It wasn't until what happened to Demetri, her odds went up. And since, all of ours kept rising.

Until the public was on our side to the end.

They had wanted us to win.

But did I care?

Knocking…

Not every district. But almost all. Districts 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. And their reaction to everything had surprised even me. No one paid any attention to me until I held Marissa's life in my hands. When I forced her to join us, the cameras focused on me a bit longer. When I killed Demetri and Marina. Almost all the cameras wanted to follow us. When the Career Pack found us, everyone was tense. When we ran, everyone was scared for us. When we fought Marvel and Glimmer, everyone cheered for us. When I broke down the first time, everyone cried for me. When I killed Thresh, everyone was angry. But not at me. At the Capital. When I broke down again with Marissa, they cried not with us. But for us. When Prim killed Rue. Everyone was silent. When I fought Cato, everyone shouted for me to win. When we killed Cato, everyone cheered in relief. When I was dying and gave my 'final' words and everyone knew the truth, all of Panem raised their left arm and held three fingers together.

When I whistled.

They all answered with their own whistle.

I even woke up with a Mockingjay pin on my dresser.

But I didn't care.

Knocking…

There were riots. They had been stopped. But the feeling everyone felt was growing. The desire to fight. The desire to protect the people they care about. The desire for freedom. All because of what I had done. But President Snow had said nothing. He had done nothing. I only saw him once. During the victory celebration.

I knew it wasn't over.

But for now, it was.

But I didn't know if the Rebellion would come.

And I didn't know what my role in it would be.

I didn't care.

Knocking…

Before we parted and returned to our respective districts, we had said goodbye with tearful eyes… Her and Prim hugged each other tightly… And I still felt her lips on my left cheek when she gave me one last kiss…

When Prim and I returned to District 12, we didn't speak. Everything we had wanted to say had been said when we shared a group hug with Marissa. We were exhausted. We were done. We just wanted to go home.

And we did.

I didn't care.

Knocking…

Prim had run straight to her mother and Katniss. They all held each other tightly believing she would be taken again. Respectfully, I stood back… Before I walked away quietly… They weren't my family.

My family was gone.

I didn't care.

Knocking…

Everyone I had known was gone. And in this life… I was tired. More tired than I had been in my old world.

I had kept my promise.

I didn't care.

Banging…

And… And I hadn't spoken to anyone since. I knew they came by. The Everdeens. At first, knocking on my shack door everyday. Until they became infrequent. Until they stopped and someone would sit at my door from the afternoon to the evening. I knew who was the last to keep trying. I knew why. But I couldn't. And I knew Marissa knew because mail would be slid under my door with other notes…

But I ignored them all.

I didn't care.

Banging…

Self exile… I don't know why. Maybe the first few nightmares. Demetri. Marina. Glimmer. Marvel. Thresh. Rue. Clove. Cato.

And then there was the missing piece of me…

Banging…

Finally, I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling of the shack wall. I used both my arms to push myself up so I could sit up. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Before opening them again. Slowly, I looked down.

At the empty space below my right knee.

Amputated because of an infection from being in the river. It was too infected. Too broken. But somehow. Somehow, I knew President Snow had something to do with it. A small revenge against what I had done.

Banging.

But I still didn't care.

Banging.

I still didn't care.

Banging.

I didn't care.

Banging.

I don't care.

Banging!

Furiously, I grabbed the crutches leaning against my bed and pushed myself up off my bed. I moved toward my door. The banging had increased in volume and strength until I gritted my teeth. I threw one crutch against the wall and pulled the door open.

"WHAT?!" I yelled furiously with complete anger in my eyes.

Katniss Everdeen stood on the other side with a furious expression of her own. Her mother Mrs. Everdeen was behind her. Katniss had long brown hair. But their mother… She had dirty blonde hair in a bun… Almost like… I looked down. I didn't want to look at her. I hated that look she was giving me.

Pleading.

"WHAT?! WHAT?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HURT HER?! SHE COMES HERE EVERYDAY AFTER SCHOOL! SHE HAS BEEN FOR A MONTH! AND YOU ABANDONED HER AFTER EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR HER?! AND AFTER WHAT SHE DID FOR YOU?! YOU SAVED HER LIFE BUT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE TOO! SHE-! She…! She almost died for you… Please… Please just help her… Why won't you help my little sister…"

Finally, I looked up with tears in my own eyes.

Katniss was crying.

She covered her face with her hands. Her mother stepped forward and pulled her into a side hug. I tried hard not to look away but failed. I looked down. Sometimes to avoid them, I snuck out into town late at night. I couldn't take the stares. I couldn't take the whispers. I couldn't take what some of them called me like the other districts.

The Angel of District 12…

The Demon of District 12…

The Grim Reaper…

I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back up to see Mrs. Everdeen with tears in her own eyes too.

"Prim… She said you do that sometimes… You think about things a lot… You get distracted for a minute… When she came back… She was different… At first, I didn't realize it… But then the nightmares started… Do you know what she would do when they came? She would scream… She would wake up… And she would call your name while crying…"

I tried to look away but I knew I couldn't now.

Once again, I was crying.

"I think I understand… Watching you… Watching everything you did… Everything you did for her… You remind me of… You're just like… And after he died… She… She needs you… Prim needs you, John… Please help my girl…"

Mrs. Everdeen broke down into tears.

But it was enough.

I looked down.

But I nodded too.

I heard her sobbing in relief.

I took my other crutch and began walking away from my home.

To where I knew I would find her.

It had only taken a minute. Because I knew where she was. She was where she would always go after I didn't answer. Like every weekend. I knew it was still around noon on Saturday. I also knew it was October. Winter was close. But I had given all my income to the Everdeens. They needed it.

I didn't want any of it.

But I left my thoughts again.

Eventually, I found her. She sat on a log a few feet away from my shack with her back turned to me. The limbs of the trees around us were bare. All the red, yellow, and orange covered the ground. And the sky and clouds were gray.

Like when…

I ignored that thought and kept going until I moved around the log to sit beside her. I laid my crutches against the log. She didn't face me but I saw her body tense. I knew she knew it was me and not her mother or sister again.

It was easy to tell because of the crutches.

But we sat together in silence. Not saying anything. How could we? After everything we've been through? After everything we've done? But I knew she needed this. If I didn't do this, she would grow up… to be exactly like me.

I didn't want that…

Finally, I spoke in a quiet voice.

"You know… I… I wanted to do many things when I grew up… I never knew for sure what I wanted to be when I grew up… Teacher… Writer… I never knew for sure…" She hadn't said a word. But I knew she was listening. Her body was also no longer tense. "But one time… Only one time I did… When I was a little boy… I… I wanted to be a hero…" Finally, she looked at me. Her expression was unreadable. But her eyes were blinking. "I wanted to be a hero… I wanted to save people… But while planning that, I quickly realized how hard that was… I gave that up… And when I grew up… I realized how stupid I had been… Because I… Because I couldn't even save myself from feeling… From feeling like I didn't matter… I think that's why when your name was called… And my name was called… I… I couldn't… I couldn't let you become like me…" Tears fell from her eyes. And mine. "You're still younger than I am… And this world is cruel… It's beautiful… It can still be beautiful… I know it can be… You have your entire life ahead of you… There's still a chance for you… But me? I-I'm broken… I have been for so long… Now my p-parents are gone… I-I've got blood on m-my hands…" She was shaking. And I was too. "I failed you… I did… I-I let y-you get blood on y-your hands… And that's there because of m-me… I couldn't… I couldn't let you be me… And now you are… But you know what?" I got off the log and knelt in front of her on the ground with all the red, yellow, and orange leaves. "I-I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Prim… I-I couldn't face you… I thought y-you'd blame me… I'd thought you'd h-hate me-me… But I promise, I-I won't fail you again… As long as you need me… I promise I won't abandon you again, Prim…"

Prim threw herself at me, her arms around my waist, and sobbed into my right shoulder. I hissed slightly from the pain still there so she moved her head onto my left shoulder. We both held onto each other tightly. We both cried.

For all the lives lost.

For all the innocence lost.

For our lives that were changed forever.

When we finally stopped crying, we still held onto each other. But I heard her quiet words along with the quiet fall wind.

"Promise?"

I thought about the old life I had lost.

I thought about the promise I had made when our names were called.

I thought about the lives I had taken.

I thought about Marissa.

I thought about Prim.

Finally, the quiet words I spoke next calmed her.

And flew along with hers in the quiet fall wind.

"Promise."

(Through the Valley - Shawn James)

24 District 8 Male

23 District 10 Female

22 District 3 Female

21 District 6 Female

20 District 9 Male

19 District 7 Male

I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

And I fear no evil because I'm blind to it all

And my mind and my gun they comfort me

Because I know I'll kill my enemies when they come

18 District 9 Female

17 District 5 Male

16 District 7 Female

15 District 6 Male

14 District 4 Male

13 District 10 Male

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life

And I will dwell on this earth forevermore

Said, I walk beside the still waters and they restore my soul

But I can't walk on the path of the right because I'm wrong

12 District 8 Female

11 Marina

10 Demetri

9 Marvel

8 Clove

7 Glimmer

Well, I came upon a man at the top of a hill

Called himself the savior of the human race

Said he come to save the world from destruction and pain

But I said, "How can you save the world from itself?"

6 Thresh

5 Rue

4 Cato

'Cause I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

1 Marissa "Foxface" Greene

And I fear no evil because I'm blind

1 Primrose "Prim" Everdeen

Oh, and I walk beside the still waters and they restore my soul

1 John Doe

But I know when I die my soul is damned

Hunger Games and the Self-Insert

Hunger Games.

I can't believe I wrote and completed a Hunger Games story before the Harry Potter story I've had drafted for months but well, maybe I can take a page from writing this story and start with the third year and do sequels... Which leads to me saying, yes, this will be the first story I do a sequel to.

Catching Fire and the Self-Insert

Where John, Prim, and Marissa will return. With familiar faces, new faces, and another threat to them all.

The 75th Hunger Games.

I won't say much further on that until the end of these notes because I have a lot to say so let's take a flash back back to 2012 where I went on a school trip to the movie theaters to see Hunger Games 2012. I hadn't read the books. I hadn't known a thing about the story. And... I remember really liking the movie. Sure, the premise had been done before but at the time, I didn't know that. Nor did I really care. I just wanted to see a good movie and I did. The story was decent with the highlight obviously being the 74th Hunger Games. I liked Katniss, Peeta, Rue, and even the Careers. Overall, I thought it was a good movie.

And then I forget the movie afterwards.

I remember seeing Catching Fire come out. I recall a bit of the trailer. Same with Mockingjay Part One and Part Two (Seriously, what was the deal with the final parts of different series being split into two parts? Harry Potter, Twilight, etc. I think Maze Runner was the only one to escape that). But I never saw any of them. I did remember hearing about Prim's demise. And I remember being impressed that Prim, Katniss' sole reason for being involved in the first place, had been killed off. I knew it had happened in the books as well. But nevertheless, I was impressed. It had even shocked me and I wasn't completely a fan of the series.

And then fast forward to this year.

I believe it was around July where I first drafted three chapters for this story. And boy was this a very different story. Somewhat. The bare bones were the same with a self-insert that entered the world of the Hunger Games film universe and became a Tribute. But with a few key differences. This story was much closer to canon with Katniss and Peeta still being the District 12 Tributes. And John? He was going to be the District-less 25th Tribute. A move by President Snow, who would have been mentioned in Chapter One, to make the Games more interesting in the future. Basically, John was an unknown and had he made the games interesting, the same way he did here, it would have set a president where every Game would have a random and unknown factor. John would have also encountered and teamed up with Foxface the same way. Then ally themselves with Katniss, Peeta, and Rue. And five of them would have likely escaped. But that all changed with our second main character of this story.

Prim.

Because I had left that draft alone for months until now. And while Hunger Games was on my TV in the background, I came up with a new idea I wasn't sure had been done before. I had checked but saw nothing similar to this. But maybe there is another story like it that I would read. But the idea was: What if Katniss had been denied as a volunteer and Prim was forced into being a Tribute. Then the idea of John protecting her came to my mind. And I knew I had to make him the District 12 Male selected for the 74th Hunger Games.

This change is more noticeable in the first three chapters because I had to rewrite them with Prim involved. That's why it isn't until later she becomes more involved in conversations and being slightly more active despite being protected by John. But in the end I'm happy with this change as it was the best change I had made. I do have regrets which I'll get to later but Prim had been the highlight to write and definitely the center and heart of this story.

And there is Foxface.

Or Marissa Greene.

Many Tributes don't even have names except our main heroes, the Career Pack, and a few standouts. Foxface is one of those standouts. Apparently, the actress had revealed her name as Marissa and I made her surname Greene because of obvious reasons. The other characters I had named were the District 3 Male (Demetri) and the District 4 Female (Marina). The actress for Marina had named her character too and Demetri... Well, he looked like Demetri from Cobra Kai to me so... Anyway, I thought she was an interesting enough character to include from the get go. I am aware of the fan theory that she may have committed suicide and added that as an aspect of her character to show despite how close they were to winning, she still had doubts she would even leave the arena alive. I wanted her development to be from being shy, quiet, and sneaky (mainly to avoid killing a lot and dying) to actually fighting which is why I gave her the kill for Glimmer. And her scenes with John were enough to make me glad I had kept her because originally, much like Prim a few times, I had come very close to killing her off. One of the more bleak endings was for Prim and Marissa to both be killed off in Chapter Eight and Chapter Seven respectively.

But we'll also return to that later.

As a side note, funnily enough, before Marissa, Clove was supposed to be the main love interest when John was still the 25th Tribute. But I wanted to keep close to canon with their personalities despite changing some rules and the Game. But she would have been captured and slowly changed over the course of the game and survived.

But now for our main hero.

John.

I'm starting to enjoy writing self-inserts. But John had been tough to write. Mainly, because a lot of him was me. I had my one rule with self-inserts. Don't make them personal. It can make readers uncomfortable and yourself too. And when the hard truths start bleeding out, it gets difficult. Something I'm both thankful for and regret though was that I broke that rule. Because John, next to my other main character from my Overwatch story, felt more real than any of the other main characters I've written so far. One of his biggest flaws that had been highlighted in this story was how different John was from Katniss. At best, he's caring, protective, and understanding. At worst, he's quick to anger, blind, and confrontational. Much like me in real life. There were even many times John could have PROBABLY saved more lives but because he was the way he was, things went the way they did. Because he had tunnel vision. A mistake he thankfully learned from in the end. But that made him better to write. He smiled, he cried, he got angry, he yelled, he screamed, and he felt pain. He was just as human as Marissa, Prim, Thresh, Rue, Demetri, Marina, and even the rest of the Career Pack as you saw a bit with Cato in the end. He didn't want to be a part of this. He didn't want to kill. He thought all of it would be easier because it was a story for children.

But then reality hit him hard. He had to take part in it. He had to kill. And it wasn't a children's story. Or a movie. It became real which he tried to ignore though it all until the very end with Prim.

I mentioned a bleak ending already where Marissa and Prim both died. That would have ended with John killing Cato not because he had to but out of vengeance and if that had happened. No rebellion. But I also had another ending just as bleak where Marissa had died from blood loss and John had died but killed Cato leaving Prim as the sole survivor. John would have fulfilled his promise but... it still wouldn't have been a happy ending. Because the last chapter would have been Prim taking a lot of characteristics from John. And the ending would have been her content to live alone much like John, after her and her sister avoided being Tributes completely after that after it almost inspired a rebellion (because of John again), to never have a family or children.

And she would have thrown away a Mockingjay pin.

But I couldn't do it so I let them all survive.

Still, I don't even consider the ending I gave them a happy one. The Capital, specifically those in charge, are annoyed with them. Most districts, besides 1, 2, and 4, are angry over the events as mentioned. Marissa, Prim, and John are all traumatized by what they had done with John feeling hard guilt and Prim closing herself off. The last chapter is basically John trying to force himself not to care and to forget everything that had happened. But he realizes even when the story has ended, he's still there. He still killed people. He missing leg, which had been a last minute decision, was a reminder. Marissa sending him letters was a reminder. Even seeing the Everdeens was a reminder. And he couldn't face Prim until the confrontation with the Everdeens. He couldn't avoid his new reality anymore. And even when they talk and they hug in the end, while sweet, is a bad sign as both will become far too codependent on each other.

They had survived.

But they both will never be able to move on without each other.

And that will be the focus in the sequel.

Whether either of them, any of them, could really move on...

Anyway, this has been a super long note. Probably my longest so let's wrap up the other stuff. The song choice in the end was also last minute. I know many don't like music lyrics being written in stories (I think) so I decided to save it for the end and add Tribute Names instead of overall credits. But Through the Valley by Shawn James was just too good to pass up on. The song perfectly captures the thoughts of John, and by extension the other Tributes, thoughts. But anyway again. I do have a few regrets for this story such as cutting out everything but the main event but that had been done for that exact reason. I wanted to focus mainly on John, Prim, and Marissa. I wasn't even sure if I'd continue this story. That includes the Reaping itself, the Parade, the Training Sessions, the Interviews, Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, Portia, Peeta, Gale, Katniss, etc. But don't worry, they will all have larger roles in the sequels. But my two biggest regrets were sponsors and the wildlife of the arena. I had forgotten the sponsors until late in the story but regretted that because that had been the whole point of John telling Haymitch to focus on Prim and not him. He wanted her to get sympathy but the twist would have been him and Marissa also getting supplies to protect her further proving he still made the correct move on that. As for the wildlife, I'm going to cop out and say I wanted the story to be more human v human and have that also been the explanation for why the Capital would do the same. But I really wanted Trackerjacks. Next time... Maybe not Trackerjacks but I have other wildlife in mind...

Now onto a different topic before I wrap up this long note. Or journal at this point. Because of those regrets and a few other things for the sequel, I decided to do life retcons in the continuations. I won't correct anything in this story because then I'll never draft or write the sequels. So the retcons will be included in the sequels to address a few issues and regrets I had. For example, I had John be seventeen and be with Marissa who I imagined to be fifteen. I had no problem with this but after checking, she was canonically 14. But who knows because the details are always messy. So a light retcon (light being character stuff and heavy being plot events) for the sequels will be that both John and Marissa were fourteen during the 74th Hunger Games. Prim would still be 12. This may seem like nothing now but it will be important. And besides, that makes it more of a David v Goliath story which I like more. Another light retcon will be sponsors and wildlife because those two had been my biggest regrets. Trackerjacks were the only wildlife but John, Prim, and Marissa had not encountered them but the Careers and others did. And Prim had received an item from sponsors while she had been separated from John and Marissa: more food to last until the fifth day after losing her bag when they first encountered the Careers. John would have received a new sickle after losing his own (jokingly related to the Grim Reaper title he earns). The last light retcon will be John, much like Marissa and Prim, will be more defined in appearance and characteristics.

And for a clear timeline. John came into the world around early May. Trained through May and June. Taken and selected in July. In the Capital through July. The 74th Hunger began and ended in August. Returned to District 12 early September. Began self-exile for all of September and early October. Chapter Ten ends in mid-October. And another reveal for the sequel: There won't be a one year time-skip. There will be a two-year time-skip...

And for those worried John won't be in the next game because of his missing right leg, well, no need to worry. As my favorite saying goes in life. Even if you're down, life can always find a way to kick you down more. John will be in the next game.

With old and new friends.

And enemies.

Anddd... That's it. This story is done and I'll be returning to writing my Overwatch story. The sequel to this story - Catching Fire and the Self-Insert - will be released in mid December. To end such long notes, I'll give a single word to hint at the arena of the 75th Hunger Games.

Blizzard.

Until next time! Thanks for reading!