痛みほどき 心ほどき 影をほどき
Untie the pain, untie the heart, untie the shadow
息をつめて 走りぬけろ 闇を裂いて
Hold your breath, run through the darkness
闘うことも 愛しあうことも
Fighting and loving
終わりわしない ON THE WAY...
Will never end. On the way…
— "ROCKS" by Hound Dog
After the breaking of the Infinite Tsukuyomi, Sasuke had vanished.
Reportedly down an arm and most of his chakra, his pursuers found it infuriating how the man could simply walk off into thin air. To everyone's shock, Naruto was not among those tearing the countryside apart in search of the Uchiha, choosing instead to return and lick his wounds in Konoha.
That should have been their first clue, really.
"It's ridiculous honestly," Shikamaru griped as he and Kakashi wound their way through the village, making for Hokage Tower. He was returning, empty handed, after weeks of coordinating a fruitless search effort for the wayward Uchiha. He'd barely returned from the front before that hag of a Hokage had sent him and Kiba out to lead the reconnaissance teams, "Even Orochimaru claims to have no idea where the guy went. His other allies have been accounted for. Wherever he is…"
"He's alone," Kakashi finished, "How very like Sasuke."
"If by that you mean troublesome, I can't argue with that."
Kakashi sighed, "I suppose it was too much to hope their truce would have ended this little game of cat and mouse."
Shikamaru only shrugged, "I guess some habits die harder than others. How is Naruto, by the way? I imagine he's climbing up the walls to join the search by now."
"Mah," Kakashi answered, glancing thoughtfully toward the sky, "Not really. I guess his recovery has taken more out of him than he'd like to admit. When he's not at the hospital, he holes himself up in that little apartment of his. Told Tsunade-sama the Kyuubi needs to rest, or something. He has a few clones helping with reconstruction efforts most of the time though."
That made Shikamaru pause at the door to the makeshift tower, "He's been staying at home? This whole time?"
Kakashi picked up on his concern, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking," Shikamaru groused, turning away from the tower once more, "We've been looking in the wrong places all this time."
They didn't bother knocking.
"Oi!" Shikamaru shouted, kicking the door down with no remorse, "This is a new level of troublesome even for you, Naruto!"
"Figured it would be Shika, y'know," Naruto grumbled petulantly from where he sat at his rickety table, setting his chopsticks down and having the nerve to look outrageously inconvenienced by the whole thing. Even the steaming of his cup ramen seemed sullen.
From his seat next to Naruto, Sasuke just scowled at them.
"Oi, it's the middle of the night, y'know," Naruto huffed, swinging the door open wearing nothing but a rumpled T-shirt and boxers.
It was so incongruous with the Naruto he'd interacted with these last few years, Sasuke felt his thought process abruptly stutter off the rails.
Realizing he hadn't even knocked yet, Sasuke frowned, "How did you know I would be here?"
Sasuke hadn't known he would be here.
… That wasn't entirely accurate, if he was being honest. He'd known. Somewhere deep down, he'd known.
Naruto had the gall to look at Sasuke like he was the idiot between the pair of them, gesturing pointedly toward yellow irises, framed by orange pigment, "I was meditating, stupid. I sensed you heading this way hours ago. Otherwise, how was I to know you weren't some whackjob lurking outside waiting to assassinate me or something?"
Sasuke shouldered his way inside, herding Naruto through the door and kicking it shut behind him, "Be honest, that could still be me."
Naruto squinted at him, "Was that a joke?"
Sasuke ignored him, "It's late. Normal people would be sleeping."
"As if you have any concept of what normal people do," Naruto snorted, throwing himself back on the unmade bed.
Sasuke paused. It was… a jarring image. Too mundane to feel real. Seeing Naruto dressed down and sprawled out across rumpled bedsheets… at home. Simply at home. Careless and confident in the security of this private space. A space he'd allowed Sasuke to so abruptly invade. As if their only interactions over the last four years hadn't been reserved for battlefields and broken landscapes.
He knew Naruto bleeding and sweating. Shouting and crying. Resolute and unwavering. He'd seen that Naruto's heart and had his own bared in return. Suddenly, this version of Naruto seemed like an impossibly different person. Practically a stranger.
Sasuke had spent hours debating this decision but charged ahead anyway. Arriving determined, sure that this was how to move forward after. It occurred to him, now, he might not belong here. What if his place in Naruto's life was reserved for those times of strife when they found themselves synchronized in battle, not the liminal spaces in between when they were just… living?
He hadn't thought this through.
"Hey," Sasuke jumped, as if he weren't one of the most powerful shinobi alive. Having completely missed Naruto entering his personal space until he was waving a hand in front of Sasuke's face. Naruto snickered, obviously thinking something similar, "Wow."
"Did you need something?" Sasuke ground out, attempting to hide his embarrassment though the damage had already been done.
Blond eyebrows arched as Naruto gestured vaguely in Sasuke's direction, "Isn't that my line? I spent, what, years? Begging you to come home? I never thought you'd just… drop by, y'know!"
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No!" Naruto yelped, suddenly pulling the chair out from the nearby table -everything was nearby, technically, Naruto's apartment was miniscule- and practically shoving Sasuke into it, "Crap, no- you can stay! Stay as long as you want!"
As swiftly as he'd manhandled Sasuke into place, he retreated just as quickly, taking a seat almost primly on the edge of his mattress- of course the idiot only had one dining chair. The silence between them stretched. Naruto fidgeted, transparently nervous and it occurred to Sasuke that if anyone were responsible for breaking that silence, it was probably him. He had just… dropped by, after all.
Of course, Naruto charged ahead regardless of that fact, looking at Sasuke with naked suspicion.
"I, um… didn't expect to see you so soon."
Sasuke glanced pointedly around the tiny room, "Am I interrupting some grand plans of yours?"
Naruto huffed, looking less uncertain in the face of Sasuke's attitude. It was probably more familiar territory at this point, honestly.
"I got home twelve hours ago, asshole. I've had just enough time to be told by no less than fifteen people that if I leave this house in the next two days, they will strap me to this bed. So no, not a lot going on right now."
To Sasuke's chagrin, he couldn't mask his humored snort, "Sound medical advice. Were you planning on following it?"
"As if," Naruto grumbled, picking a loose thread on his sheets, "They won't even let me help with construction. I ran out of cracks in the ceiling to count hours ago."
Construction? "Your arm was traumatically amputated a day ago…"
"Okay, but it's really been more like two days."
Sasuke's own severed limb had barely allowed him to survive his single-minded march for Konoha. All he wanted at this point was some hospital grade painkillers and to sleep for the next week straight. Sakura was an outstanding medic-nin, to be sure, and the injury was healing well, despite still being in the early stages of recovery. But it wasn't an injury one could just walk off. Unless.
"Must be nice having a bijuu's chakra to cut down on recovery time."
Naruto scowled fiercely at his navel, lifting his shirt to bare his stomach, "I wish. Kurama's sleeping, the bastard."
"You… why do you call it that?" Sasuke asked, suddenly. He'd heard Naruto call the demon the same, during the war.
"Kurama?" Naruto blinked, "Uh, because that's his name?"
"The Kyuubi has a name," Sasuke repeated skeptically.
"They all have names, ya know!"
"How do you even know that?"
"They told me, idiot!" Somehow, Naruto looked more exasperated by this conversation than Sasuke felt, "So what? Is that really what you want to talk about, coming here in the middle of the night?"
"Of course not. You brought it up."
"I really didn't though?!"
They turned away from one another, nearly identical frowns marring their features.
Ugh. Ugh.
Sasuke sighed, shelving his pride for the moment, "I didn't come here to pick a fight with you about stupid shit."
"Well, I'd hope not!" Naruto snapped back immediately, "I was beginning to wonder if you had a reason at all, at the rate we're going, y'know!"
It was about as close as Naruto had come to outright asking at this point, "I… do. I did."
"Ok, what was it then?" Naruto asked simply, alarmingly blue eyes boring guilelessly into Sasuke's.
For all he'd quibbled over his decision to come here, Sasuke… hadn't quite thought that part out yet.
After Sakura had patched them up, as best she could- frankly much higher standard than what should have been possible under the circumstances- they'd released the Infinite Tsukuyomi and Sasuke had just… left. It hadn't been difficult to slip away amidst the chaos and confusion of thousands of shinobi emerging from near life-like genjutsu. He'd considered seeking out Taka and Orochimaru but hadn't even know where to begin looking for them among the throngs of dazed ninja. It had been easiest to simply retreat before anyone realized no one had eyes on Konoha's notorious missing-nin. Sequestered well away from the battle's aftermath, Sasuke had found himself faced with the lingering question of what now?
It had quickly become apparent he had no answer to that. Just innumerable questions and the persistent irritation of business left unfinished.
Faced with no other immediate prospects, Sasuke found his sandals retracing ostensibly forgotten paths.
Not that he'd walked the entire way to Konoha, god no- he was missing an arm for crying out loud. He'd been able to muster the chakra to summon Garuda a few hours into his trek, thankful he was proficient enough to perform such a feat without hand seals.
Sneaking into a war torn and reeling Hidden Village had been as simple as he'd expected, considering he'd just done so not three days before. They'd left genin in charge of security, for crying out loud, and Sasuke was reasonably sure he'd managed to reach the Village ahead of the majority of Konoha's forces, thanks to Garuda.
He'd homed in on Naruto's distinctive chakra immediately and hadn't considered any other options after that.
"You don't even know, do you?" Naruto said, out of nowhere, wrenching Sasuke from his muddled thoughts.
"What?" Right, Naruto had asked and Sasuke hadn't offered any sort of explanation. He wished he had one to give.
"What you're here for," Naruto reminded him dryly, "You don't even know."
"What else was I supposed to do?" Sasuke asked. It was something close to the truth, anyway. He'd been genuinely wondering what he could possibly do with himself, now that his world had been tilted so far off its axis.
"I dunno," Naruto threw his hand in the air, "Whatever you want, I guess?"
Sasuke eyed him with transparent suspicion, not believing Naruto could be in any way cavalier about such a thing.
Naruto picked up on his doubt easily enough, "What? I meant it when I said I didn't expect to see you so soon, y'know. I figured you'd need," He wriggled his stub and remaining arm around vaguely, "Time, or whatever. You know I'd have dragged you back here eventually."
Sasuke sighed, not sure what Naruto wanted to hear. Or, well, reasonably sure of what Naruto would've liked to hear, but unsure of what he expected.
He tried a different tact- something just shy of a truth that Sasuke didn't have, "Where else was I supposed to go?" Who else could I have gone to?
Naruto observed him with remarkable scrutiny, answering slowly, "Wherever you wanted to go," He frowned, though it was a hairsbreadth away from a pout, "If you wanted to come here, you could have just said that. Why are you being so cagey about it?"
"As if I could want something like that," Sasuke deflected, feeling altogether too seen for his comfort.
He didn't know if he wanted to come to Konoha per se. No, he was quite certain he didn't, actually.
But Konoha was where Naruto would be, come hell or high water. Sasuke certainly couldn't go and say something like that without showing every one of his cards. He'd barely managed to acknowledge this gravitational pull between them as it was. He wasn't about to offer those thoughts to Naruto, when it was obvious the both of them were still feeling out where they stood relative to one another. It was a feeling for Sasuke to nurture on his own. Too delicate to voice but with too much potential to ignore.
He would cup this tiny flame in his hands, protect it, and wait for that kindling to catch.
Watching Sasuke steadily from across the room, Naruto's face was inscrutable. Sasuke might've even called it calculating if it were anyone else. He seemed to be waiting for Sasuke to offer more of an explanation than he planned to give, so Sasuke just waited right back.
When Naruto did finally speak, his voice was low and rough, but surprisingly soft, "It's alright if you don't know, Sasuke," He ran a hand through unruly blond bangs, suddenly looking so tired, but not unhappy, "You're here now. We can figure it out."
"I don't know what I'm doing," Sasuke warned him much later, after Naruto had shoved him, along with a spare set of clothes, into his washroom- You've been wearing those for what, a week? You stink, ya know!
After they'd curled, like two parentheses, next to each other on Naruto's too small, too lumpy mattress, their remaining hands clenching the bedsheets between them, like they were both afraid to breach that fragile distance.
Sasuke felt drained from their entire interaction. It had required very little of him, compared to his endeavors in the past, and yet it felt like he'd run the emotional equivalent of the breadth of Fire County. It occurred to him once more that he shouldn't have come here, if this was all it took to wear him out.
The grain of sand in his chest- the one he'd spent years trying to dig out and carve away- throbbed. Like a warm, tiny star nestled between his heart and his lungs. He'd used to hate it, tried to smother it until it went out entirely. And when that didn't work, he'd just pretended it wasn't there, praying in the back of his mind it would wither and die on its own if he refused to feed it.
"That's okay I think," Naruto had answered, tone light, "I never really know what I'm doing, when it comes down to it."
He wondered what would become of that grain of sentiment, when nurtured for the first time in his life. The idea of what might happen was both thrilling and terrifying.
"Tch," Sasuke scoffed, "I knew that already, usuratonkachi."
Naruto snickered, punching Sasuke lightly in the shoulder.
Sasuke woke over twelve hours after falling into a blissfully dreamless sleep, starting awake instantly as a wanted man only knew how. He catalogued unfamiliar surroundings quickly, with practiced efficiency, before his bearings caught up to his instincts.
With the night before in mind, he turned his focus away from sun brightened walls- two doors, two windows, weapons both designed and improvised available in every direction imaginable- to his bedmate.
Naruto's back was to him, suggesting an alarming lack of caution, considering who he'd allowed into his bed the night before. The other man was obviously still fast asleep, broad shoulders rising and falling in a steady, slow rhythm. He'd shrugged off his shirt before crawling into bed, which left a wide expanse of skin open to Sasuke's perusal, unobserved.
The first thing Sasuke noticed was the disconcerting lack of scars. For even the most novice of ninja, scars were a fact of life, one that apparently didn't apply to the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki at all. He knew Naruto had been battle tested, even before the war- he'd displayed far too much competence to suggest otherwise. No, Sasuke knew Naruto had battled his share of demons, both physical and otherwise. It seemed Naruto was destined to bear those scars upon his soul alone.
The second thing Sasuke noticed was that Naruto's hair had gotten far too long to be respectable, with how unruly it was. It stuck out from his crown like a gleaming, golden halo of fringe, untamed and wild. Sasuke could even make out the slight mats in the back, where his hitai-ate rested. Further down, it brushed the bronze skin of his shoulders, just barely, contrasting starkly against his skin- significantly darker than Sasuke's own pale complexion.
Something felt off, Sasuke thought.
Nothing felt right about this situation, but mostly in that nothing felt immediately wrong. His mind was stunningly blank, unconcerned with anything outside of the casual appraisal of the man in bed with him. He didn't have it in him to fear or distrust Naruto, at this point, but he had assumed he would feel something other than rested, upon waking that morning. Afternoon?
He was comfortable, and undeniably safe, here. Sharing this quiet space with Naruto. Which led to Sasuke feeling distinctly uncomfortable, all at once. It felt too easy, for how much pain it took to get here.
His tension skyrocketed, however, when he realized that idiot had left all the blinds open.
Naruto woke twelve and a half hours after they'd fallen asleep, as Sasuke was finishing preparing breakfast.
His friend grumbled awake as if on autopilot, very obviously still mostly asleep but going through the motions of waking out of habit. Naruto practically rolled out of bed with a thud and a grunt. Sasuke heard the scrabbling of what was likely Naruto attempting to right himself, but forgetting he only had one arm at his disposal. With a groan, Naruto eventually managed to become somewhat vertical again, as he lurched toward the washroom door as if both hypnotized and drugged.
He didn't even spare Sasuke a glance.
Sasuke idled for a moment, unsure if he should make his presence explicitly known. Instead, he chose to finish his task without an audience, self-conscious of his own fumbling as he attempted to navigate preparing a meal for the first time while down an arm.
Naruto would figure it out eventually.
It wasn't until he'd turned back to the stove to check on the rice that he realized he'd stopped listening for Naruto's reemergence without even noticing. Because Naruto was there.
Frozen in the doorframe, watching Sasuke with a hesitance Sasuke had rarely seen in his friend. Naruto's face seemed incapable of picking an emotion and sticking with it, flickering uneasily between apprehension, elation, and something that looked terrifyingly close to tears. Which would have just been. Unacceptable.
If there was one thing Sasuke knew he was categorically incapable of offering another person, it was anything resembling comfort or emotional stability. He was well aware of that without Naruto reminding him. Sasuke looked away immediately.
The grain pulsed in his chest, warm and painful.
When it became apparent Naruto was neither going to break down crying nor say anything, Sasuke decided to take one for the team.
"I'm surprised you had anything that wasn't ramen," Sasuke commented wryly, hoping to steer the atmosphere toward something less emotionally charged, for both their sakes. He didn't look at Naruto again, deciding to give the other a moment to compose himself if it would spare Sasuke having to acknowledge whatever conflicted emotions his presence had aroused.
"Me, too," Naruto finally answered, a few beats too late to be conversational, but again, Sasuke graciously said nothing. Naruto muttered something like 'Konohamaru' before shuffling toward a chest of drawers in the corner.
By the time Naruto actually approached him, Sasuke had their breakfast plated and on the table, pulled up against Naruto's bed while he was in the bath, in deference to the lone dining chair.
"Thank you for the food," Naruto mumbled, digging in as soon as his ass hit the bed-cum-seat.
Sasuke watched him silently for a moment, starting to grow uneasy with Naruto's unnaturally subdued mood. He remained unequipped to address something like that though, so he began eating without comment.
They ate in surprisingly tolerable silence, for all the things left unsaid between them. Naruto remained uncharacteristically quiet, though his mood visibly lightened as he worked his way through his plate. By the end, Sasuke might even have ventured to call the experience… not unpleasant. Weird, but not unpleasant, all the same.
Naruto had finished, risen, made, and served them two steaming cups of tea before the silence had drawn on long enough that Sasuke started to worry the tentative truce they'd seemed to find last night had been an illusion after all. He'd banked on allowing Naruto's aggressive optimism and determination to steer them from there, but the blond didn't seem willing to cooperate to that extent. It was unfortunate, but Sasuke hadn't expected this to be easy.
"So…" He began, cursing his own inability to just… talk like a normal person. He'd thought this out though- debated with himself what would be safe and what would be… too much, "Your father was the Yondaime."
Naruto, visibly more awake after a few gulps of his tea, eyed him suspiciously over the rim of his mug as if daring Sasuke to make a wrong comment. Sasuke waited him out, considering his social responsibility fulfilled for the moment. The ball was firmly in Naruto's court now, strange paranoia or no.
"Yeah…" Naruto responded eventually, setting his tea down.
"You didn't seem all that surprised," Sasuke prodded when Naruto failed to elaborate at all. It may have been a poorly disguised effort to start a conversation, but it also happened Sasuke was curious. He was certain Naruto hadn't known who his parents were when they were children.
"No, I…" Naruto continued, looking uncomfortable, "I found out a while ago, actually."
Sasuke's cocked his head, taking stock of Naruto's odd behavior, "Most people wouldn't look so depressed learning their father was a Village hero."
Face screwing up into more familiar irritation, Naruto ground out, "It's not that. I just... I don't know really know what to say. It was… I was happy, to learn who he was. It seems almost too good to be true that I got to talk with him. To fight together like that."
Sasuke nodded, able to appreciate that wholly unique experience likely more than Naruto knew, "I assume Kakashi told you, at some point. The Fourth was his teacher after all."
A sudden dark cloud passed over Naruto's features, "No, he didn't, actually. No one ever told me. I found out when the seal nearly broke- my dad had sealed the last of his chakra inside, with Kurama, when he died," His friend let out a harsh breath, mood blackening unexpectedly. Naruto slumped back on the bed, propped up on his elbow and staring at the ceiling, "No one ever told me anything really."
Sasuke felt an unexpected jolt of irritation toward their teacher. How much pain would Kakashi have spared Naruto, if he'd just told Naruto what he so obviously knew? How many adults in both of their lives had made similar judgements, with such devastating effects? Sasuke assumed that his face spoke the questions for him, as Naruto continued on his own after a brief glance.
"Although, I guess… Mizuki-sensei was the one to tell me about Kurama. After the graduation exams."
That stopped whatever line of thinking Sasuke had up short.
"Mizuki-sensei?" He fumbled, having to cast far back to even place the name. One of their Academy teachers- the one who was arrested for treason. The rest of Naruto's words caught up with him, and he coughed up a mouthful of tea, "You didn't know you had a demon sealed inside you for twelve years?"
Naruto scowled at him, "It's not my fault no one told me, y'know! How else was I supposed to- have you seen this seal? It's, like, really good!"
Sasuke mulled that over, finding it explained a great deal, "It must have… it must have been better to know. The reason." The reason the Village seemed to hate you for existing. The reason you were alone for so long.
The cutting look Naruto sent him was… nasty, to say the least.
"Did you feel better, knowing about your clan?" He didn't seem to care about Sasuke's answer, as he continued on before Sasuke could address that can of worms at all, "It's not like it changed anything, right? It didn't make me less miserable, or less lonely. I was still the same me I'd always been, but now I knew I had a monster inside me that'd tried to destroy the Village. I wouldn't say I felt better, like at all. It just made me feel… like maybe I was the monster everyone always said I was."
"Hm," Sasuke graciously ignored the dig about his clan- Naruto knew how he felt so the question had likely been rhetorical anyway.
What's left was… an empty feeling. He'd always recognized Naruto's suffering, when they were kids. Known it had resonated with his own, without being able to say why. Peeling back the layers of Naruto's trauma was… difficult. He had the fruitless desire to be able to go back to that time and tell his friend- what, that he wasn't the monster that they'd sealed inside him? That it wasn't his fault? That he'd done nothing wrong- it was the Villagers who were wrong, for treating him that way? Sasuke cringed, he hadn't meant to drag old wounds to the surface like that. It wasn't a discussion they were equipped for at this point.
"But anyway," Naruto continued, when it was obvious Sasuke wasn't going to say more, "I still couldn't control it, until, um, recently," He scratched at the patch of scalp where his hitai-ate would tie, looking sheepish, "It's the reason I learned senjutsu, actually- I couldn't afford to let Kurama be... it for me, you know? Not when I kept hurting people as the seal weakened," he said the last bit in a rush.
Like he was trying to distract Sasuke.
As if that ever worked… As if that only worked sometimes. Naruto was ridiculously skilled as using those clone diversions, after all.
Sasuke backtracked through Naruto's words, narrowing his eyes, "How recently is recently?"
Naruto flushed, and Sasuke knew he'd found the weak point. He felt slightly bad for seeking it out, but not bad enough to stop.
"Um," Naruto coughed, before muttering something into his fist.
Sasuke smirked, which seemed to just make Naruto blush more. Allowing red to bleed into his irises, "I could always ask the fox myself, if you'd rather?"
He grunted as Naruto's bare foot collided with his sternum, sending him flying across the small apartment. With his Sharingan activated, he'd seen it coming well enough. He just… well he just hadn't expected such a violent reaction to his words. Naruto hadn't even kicked him all that hard- he knew how strong the other could hit when he really meant it- but this wasn't a fight. Against all odds, he'd actually been relaxed until a moment ago. Or as relaxed as he was capable of being. It was relative.
He blinked through his surprise for a moment, trying to figure out his misstep. He only looked up when Naruto crouched over him, fisting his hand in Sasuke's shirt.
"Let's get one thing straight, bastard," He growled, deep and serious in a way Sasuke still wasn't used to hearing from him, "Just because you can doesn't mean I'm gonna let you fuck with me and Kurama whenever you feel like it. I let you into my house. I haven't told anyone else you're here- not Baa-chan, not Kakashi-sensei. Not even Sakura-chan. I won't pretend there's much you can do to me that could make me kick you outta here, but use any of that doujutsu bullshit on us, and we're gonna have a problem, you got that?"
With a frown, Sasuke nodded. He hadn't been serious, but apparently, he'd touched on a sore spot for his friend, unintentionally. Sasuke couldn't say he didn't understand it- he'd probably be wound up about it, too, if his rival possessed such a direct key to such a vulnerable part of himself.
Naruto sighed, letting go of Sasuke's shirt, "If you're gonna talk to Kurama, you're gonna be invited, asshole, and- and we aren't there yet, alright. Just because I want to trust you doesn't mean Kurama does."
His word choice didn't slip past Sasuke. Wanting to trust someone certainly didn't mean you did.
But Sasuke really wasn't in a position to argue, even if that stung a bit. It was irrational. Naruto shouldn't trust him, after everything. Sasuke had conceded their fight and followed through to end the war. Neither of those things were actions to build trust between them, considering everything else he'd done, up until that point.
Based on the way Naruto words landed though- at least Sasuke now had some idea of what he came here for. Working this knew piece of knowledge about Naruto into his mental framework, he made a decision.
He wanted Naruto to trust him again. And he wanted to learn to trust Naruto. It wasn't much, but it was a place to start.
"Alright, dobe," He said, letting the Sharingan fade, "I accept your terms."
"This isn't a negotiation, y'know," Naruto groaned, voice tight with frustration, but his tense posture noticeably relaxed at Sasuke's words. With that, Naruto stood and returned to the table, beginning to clear his and Sasuke's breakfast dishes, "It was… maybe a few days before the Juubi was revived. I dunno, things really started to blend together after I got to the frontlines. Lotsa clones, lotsa memories I had to absorb really quick. It's all kinda fuzzy, honestly."
It took Sasuke a moment to realize Naruto was answering his question.
"You…" Sasuke's chest felt tight, for some reason, "You learned to control the Kyuubi's chakra during the war? Are you serious?"
"Technically, I didn't know about the war yet? At the time? Doesn't that count as before?" Naruto glanced back at him, wide-eyed.
"It doesn't," Sasuke hissed, "Did you even try and train with it at all before charging in like a reckless idiot?"
Naruto turned around fully, "What is this?" He asked, gesturing between himself and Sasuke, "Don't tell me you're worried or something. You didn't even know- and it obviously turned out fine!"
"It was an unnecessary risk."
"Um, it absolutely was not, ya know! If hadn't showed up when I did, the White Zetsus would have crippled the Allied Forces- even the Raikage admitted that, and that guy hates my guts!"
"How you get away with shit like this is beyond me," Sasuke groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall with a thunk.
"Yeah, yeah- whatever, bastard. After I unlocked the seal, we were able to go full Bijuu Mode on the first try, so I think I had things handled."
Sasuke, buried his fingers in his hair, wanting to scream, "You unlocked the seal. For the first time. In the middle of a warzone."
"Ok," Naruto said, raising his hand and stump placatingly, "I know that sounds bad, but I knew what I was doing, y'know."
"You never know what you're doing," Sasuke reminded him, "You just throw shit at a wall until something sticks, and then you do that same thing over and over again for the next million years."
"Lies!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!" Naruto shouted, "I mastered Perfect Sage Mode, like, a year before that. I can learn new shit whenever I want, asshole!"
"You know what they say about broken clocks, don't you?"
Naruto looked like he wanted to scream now, gripping his bangs in his hand, grinding out a high-pitched noise of frustration that was actually hilarious.
"You," Naruto started, pointing an antagonistic finger toward his friend, "Are gonna eat those words when I figure out how to make more Truthseeker Orbs, ya know!"
And with that, Sasuke felt wrong footed all over again, "When you what?"
"I'll have it down in a month, just watch me!"
"You're going to what?"
"I mean, I might wait until after Baa-chan finishes making me a new arm, I guess? I'm not going to, I dunno, learn how to do one handed seals if I don't have to."
"Dobe," Sasuke pressed, finally bracing himself against the wall to stand, cutting Naruto off, "What do you mean, make Truthseeker Orbs?"
"I lost like half of them fighting Katsuya, or whatever her name was," Naruto scowled, "And then the other half fighting someone else."
"I know that," He'd purposely put Naruto in a position to lose or destroy them. They were a powerful offensive and defensive resource and he'd been trying to kill Naruto, at the time.
"You still have that freaky Rinnegan," Naruto pouted, jabbing a finger toward Sasuke's left eye. Sasuke reached up toward the eye in question- he'd actually forgotten it was there. It wasn't like he'd spent much time looking in mirrors, the last few days, "As if I'm gonna let your stupid Six Paths power one up my own forever. No way."
"I didn't realize you could even make more," Sasuke clarified. Personally, he enjoyed the idea that his gifted power had more long-term usefulness compared Naruto's.
"Of course I can, ya know!" Naruto shouted some more, flinching when an upstairs resident finally banged on his ceiling, likely protesting the noise, "Somehow. Probably. I'm sure I'll figure it out."
Sasuke sighed, unable truly believe Naruto could, in fact, figure it out- but also having learned the hard way what happens to those who bet against Uzumaki Naruto, "Whatever you say, dobe."
It occurs to Sasuke an absurdly long while later how smoothly Naruto had steered their conversation away any and all discussion of his father.
Naruto had to report to the hospital every three days to meet with the Godaime as she measured the progress of the amputation's healing. Especially without the Kyuubi augmenting Naruto's recovery as usual.
Sasuke should have enjoyed the few hours reprieve, but instead he felt… impatient. Waiting for Naruto to get back, each time. He didn't like it. It had been years since he'd simply missed someone when they weren't with him. While he wouldn't go so far as to say he was missing Naruto when he was out, the feeling was still annoyingly similar.
Poking around Naruto's small home, in the meantime, it was readily apparent Naruto spent little time here over the years. Apparently, like Sasuke, Naruto was more accustomed to living off what he could carry on his back, which left little room for accumulation of stuff. Without Naruto's presence to distract him, Sasuke grew bored enough he very nearly threw caution to the wind and flung open the window looking out over Naruto's dinky balcony space, if just to appreciate a view that wasn't these four walls.
He refrained, barely.
"I'm home, bastard," Naruto said, after he shouldered the door closed, lone hand occupied by a pair of shopping bags. Sasuke at least appreciated that Naruto'd taken his firm words of caution to heart- no longer bellowing at Sasuke for all the neighbors to hear. He also managed leaving the blinds blessedly closed rather than allowing any ninja with a wild hair to glance in and blow their tentative arrangement out of the water.
"Welcome back," Sasuke replied after an awkward moment, still unfamiliar with the rhythms of life in someone's home.
Those same domestic rhythms seemed to leave Naruto similarly wrong-footed, as he awkwardly shuffled inside, gaze lowered and suspiciously misty. It was a stark reminder that even before Sasuke's defection, neither of them had anyone to come home to for a long, long time.
"Here," Naruto said, thrusting the bags at Sasuke brusquely, who fumbled to grasp their handles in one hand before Naruto was quickly withdrawing.
Sasuke had only been occupying Naruto's space for two days, but the both of them still seemed hesitant about things like touching. Sasuke himself was wholly unaccustomed to physical contact, having tolerated nothing but Suigetsu's periodic manhandling and Karin's aggressive affection for the last three years… he could only wonder at Naruto's reluctance though. His memories, long suppressed, from before were steadily rising to the forefront. He'd recognized that the Naruto in his memory had never shied away from expressing himself physically with anyone around him, regardless of social acceptability.
He wasn't sure if he appreciated this new, reticent version of his friend. Finding it made him further question whatever place he could possibly have here, in Naruto's life.
Sasuke stared at the bags in his hand as Naruto blundered through the one-handed process of filling a cup with water, "What's this?"
"Open it and see," Naruto shot back with a small grin before carefully elbowing the window door open and slipping through the blinds, likely to water his poor, shunned houseplants, relegated to the outdoor space due to the dimmer indoor light.
Confused, Sasuke set the bags down on the counter to peer inside. Confusion shifted to surprise and then suspicion with what he found.
"Books?" Sasuke asked as Naruto appeared back indoors.
"Yeah?" Naruto eyed him as he set the cup down on the table, "You used to read a lot."
"So what?" He replied.
Naruto scowled back at him, "Well, I didn't want you getting bored and using that as some stupid excuse to fuck off again, y'know. Just take the books."
Rifling through the titles, Sasuke acknowledged that while he had experienced brief bouts of boredom since arriving- not at all limited to when Naruto was out; the other teen spent a lot of time napping, with the Kyuubi still asleep and unable to accelerate his healing- it hadn't once occurred to him to leave because of such a thing. The thought of leaving hadn't much occurred to him at all, so far.
"I wasn't sure what to buy," Naruto admitted flopping back on the bed with a wince, fingering his bandages absently, "If you don't like them just say so and I'll get something else."
"These will be fine," Sasuke picked one up, some sort of drama about feudal lords and ninja from the warring clans times. They were all fiction, he noticed.
Sasuke knew what he should say, but the silence had drawn on a little too long before he mustered the dignity to get the words out, "Thank you."
He glanced over when Naruto huffed a soft laugh, "You're welcome, asshole."
For some reason, he was surprised to find Naruto reading one of the books when he woke up the next morning. Naruto waking before him wasn't all that unusual at this point- the other ninja spent so much time napping since Sasuke had arrived, he was rarely out for more than a few hours at a time.
They spent most of that day in silence, the two of them caught up in narratives safer than their own.
It was fine. It could have been worse. The idea of breaking the quiet they'd shrouded themselves in felt taboo, anyway.
He didn't remember Naruto ever reading, as a kid, though. Certainly not for pleasure, Sasuke was certain.
He wanted to ask but shoved the thought away.
Sasuke understood Naruto was walking on eggshells around him. It hadn't been obvious, which is why it'd taken Sasuke five days to realize it at all. Naruto didn't act any different than expected, per se. He was still brash and tactless and easily riled and just as likely to punch Sasuke if he stepped over the line. He didn't think Naruto even knew how to turn all his… Naruto-ness off. But the longer Sasuke stayed, patterns began to emerge, and Sasuke had always had a knack for patterns.
Sasuke'd come here with questions, wanting answers. There were certain subjects he instinctually knew to avoid, but that didn't stop him from asking others, when presented with the opportunity. He hadn't worked up the nerve to ask much- but he'd tried. Taken every opportunity and opening offered to ask. About Naruto. He cared- he did. It was easy to care once he allowed himself to- the small grain of that caring seemingly taking up more and more space each time he went to look for it, now. He just didn't know how to express that.
Naruto hadn't asked him any questions, since that first night.
"I was beginning to wonder if you had a reason at all, at the rate we're going, ya know!"
"I… do. I did."
"Ok, what was it then?"
He hadn't even asked what kind of books Sasuke read. Hadn't asked anything of Sasuke at all since he'd arrived. When he'd realized, Sasuke at first thought it was yet another extension of Naruto's ceaseless complex when it came to him- determined to give and refusing to take anything in return.
But in being fair to Naruto, Sasuke thought there was probably more to it than that.
There are questions Naruto- the Naruto he knew- should've been demanding answers to. Questions he had every right to ask.
Why are you here?
How long are you staying?
What do you want from me?
What are you going to do, now?
Sasuke was grateful Naruto hadn't asked, because as much as he'd asked himself those questions every day he was here, he didn't have the answers yet. But he at least knew he owed Naruto those answers. Not just for having taken Sasuke in as the most unlikely and unwise of boarders, but for… being so wholly different from any other person in Sasuke's life.
People had taken a lot from Sasuke, over the years. Sometimes to use and possess his power. Orochimaru. Obito. Madara.
Sometimes as collateral damage. The Sandaime. Danzo.
Sometimes they hadn't even realized they were taking, despite how much Sasuke kept giving. His father.
Sometimes with the best of intentions. Kakashi. Itachi.
Sometimes they'd wanted nothing more than a powerful ally or… something a little more. Sakura. Suigetsu. Karin.
Juugo was one exception- Sasuke still barely understood the strange circumstances that had cemented the other man's loyalty to him. He'd never met Kimimaro and was fairly certain they shared little in common, and yet Juugo had remained steadfast, over and over again. Sasuke had rarely acknowledged that. It made him feel guilty, for a moment- like he had used Juugo the way Sasuke'd been used over and over again. For now, there was nothing he could do with that fact. So, he let it slip away as easily as it had come.
But Naruto.
It hadn't always been Naruto giving, and Sasuke taking. They'd been reciprocal, once, Sasuke thought, but not for a very long time. The horrible thing was, he wanted to take more. He felt like he would continue to take and take and take as much as Naruto remained willing to give him but that was wrong- it was the wrong thing to want, because Naruto deserved to be given something in return for everything he'd given Sasuke without question… and the idea of continuing to be nothing more than another burden to Naruto left Sasuke's chest feeling cold.
He considered, solemnly, the scars littering Naruto's soul, and thought there was something he wanted to give Naruto. Something he suspected only he could. He just didn't know how.
The thoughts were exceptionally powerful, as his and Naruto's fingers brushed, working in tandem to change the bandages encircling the remains of Sasuke's arm. Sakura had closed the open wounds as best she could, but the skin on the distal edges remained thin and fragile still and the bandages kept pain and further damage to a minimum just in case someone was, perhaps, kicked across a room. Or something.
It occurred to Sasuke that their relationship was like their healing arms. Unfamiliar and disorienting.
Sometimes painful.
It was hard to focus on things like that, so Sasuke focused instead on the repetitive motions of twisting the bandage around and around and stopped thinking altogether.
