1. The Rooftop
Nighttime was upon them and the rain was falling down on the two figures standing on the roof of the impressive building.
Light stood close to L as they were both being drenched. Light had asked L to come back inside; he didn't want to catch a cold, did he? But the detective seemed uninterested in the proposal and just remained still, as if entranced by something in his mind.
Light internally sighed. Thankfully it wasn't too cold, as he was only wearing his thin white shirt. Both he and L were now completely wet anyway, it was too late to avoid that.
L still appeared deep in thought, staring at something but not really looking. He seemed almost… sad. His frame looked kind of fragile in the rain, Light thought. Something about him seemed so distant tonight.
Light approached the detective and asked: "Hey, Ryuuzaki… you okay?"
L's eyes lit up momentarily, as if interrupted from his deep thoughts by the question. He half turned to the younger man and answered softly: "I was just… thinking."
"About what?", Light asked in a manner that he hoped sounded curious and not too concerned.
L's eyes lingered upon Light's for a moment before he turned away again and started at the rainy horizon in front of him. "I've been thinking that… it's almost time, isn't it?"
He didn't specify what he was referring to, but Light had a feeling what he was talking about.
He didn't respond as the detective continued: "Very soon things will be over… and this case will close."
L sounded so… sorrowful as he said that. It somehow made Light uncomfortable. Of course he knew what L had in mind. The detective had surprisingly good instincts, and had been right about Light from the start. He knew he was Kira, and he could feel the end was near. Light's plan was almost complete. And L's defeat, L's death… was near. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.
He tried sounding cheerful: "It's not over yet."
At that, L looked over at him. Light continued: "The Kira case is still ongoing. Everyone is working hard and doing the best they can. And we'll find him, Ryuuzaki. We'll find him and we'll bring him to justice. I know we will."
The other simply gave him his trademark blank stare, but this time it seemed off. There was something going on underneath it all, a certain kind of sadness and thoughtfulness that was new.
"Yes…" He didn't seem convinced at all.
The rain was still falling around them, though it had calmed down. It provided an almost soothing background noise to Light's thoughts. Obviously he knew that he was lying, that he couldn't tell the other man the truth. He knew that in a few days, the detective would no longer be in this world. He would no longer be an obstacle to Light and his New World. A world where people would no longer have to live in fear of criminals having their way. A world where justice was law, where punishment would come to those who had done wrong. The idea filled Light – Kira – with pride. He would reign over this New World as a God. He was convinced of himself and was willing to sacrifice anything for it, even his soul.
And yet at this moment, despite his anticipation for his irrefutable victory, he felt… empty. Distracted.
Distracted by the way L was looking at him right now, eyes filled with an indescribable emotion. He looked so lonely, Light thought. And he realised that he, too, could share in the sentiment. The knowledge that he was finally getting rid of his biggest rival should fill him with joy, and it usually did, but right now he just kind of dreaded the idea.
"Tell me, Light…," L started, "Has there ever been a time in your life where you've actually told the truth?"
Those piercing eyes were staring right into Light's soul, it seemed. He feigned casualty: "Everyone lies from time to time, L. We're just humans after all. But I would never lie to hurt someone else."
That in itself was a lie and they both knew it. Yet Light was the perfect display of a concerned coworker and friend. L wouldn't be getting any more out of him and he knew it.
"I see…" L turned his gaze to the city skyline and retreated back into his mindless stare. Light swallowed. Why was all this feeling so wrong suddenly? Was it L, who appeared almost vulnerable tonight? Or was it a nagging sensation Light had felt creeping up upon him over time, but had chosen to ignore?
The two young geniuses stood side by side, both looking at nothing, each lost in their own mind. Light never knew what it was like to have someone he could relate to at this level. Or just someone he could relate to, period. Everyone around him seemed so trapped inside their own narrow bubble and Light had already learned as a child that there was a distance he just couldn't cross. This was part of the reason why he had gotten so good at acting, at convincing everyone else and himself of anything he would put his mind to. He would make the world a better place and he would… educate people. In time, they would come to understand what it takes to live together as a functional society. A meritocracy with clear rules and consequences. He would be the shepherd to guide them to the promised land. That was Kira's goal, his goal, and he knew he had to be fully committed to it.
But it would mean he would be by himself, again. His entire life he had always felt a rift between himself and his peers, but with L things were different. Without realising it, he had started to enjoy the detective's company. Yes, he could really get under his skin, and they would sometimes argue and fight, but he had also never met anyone before who could really communicate with him on his level.
Light found L often managed to complement his reasoning. Unlike most other people, around L he didn't have to dumb himself down or hold back so much of himself. In some way L really was Light's first authentic friendship. Obviously he loved his family, he respected his father's work and he wanted to do good for humanity in general… But L was the only person who really got him. The first and only person who had alleviated some of his accumulated boredom and frustrations over the years. And he would never admit it to the other, but sometimes he found himself confused by him. Sometimes his gaze would linger on the detective when he wasn't looking. On his deep dark eyes, his mouth as he licked his spoon clean… That confusion was not something he had wished to delve deeper into, though. It was better to keep everything locked away. That had been his strategy all along.
And yet, a part of him struggled. The thought of having to kill his greatest rival and companion was filling Light with an unsettling feeling of unease. Without his knowledge, he subconsciously placed a great value on the other's presence. But it would all have to end.
L was right. It would all be over soon. And Light didn't want to think about it. The notion created such conflicting emotions inside of him that he simply didn't know what to do with it. He could feel a raw pain swelling up, a pain that he had tried to ignore. But standing there on that rooftop next to L, knowing that it would be one of the last times he'd ever see the other… It caused an inner turmoil that completely consumed him.
"Light… Are you alright?"
Suddenly he was snapped out of his musings by the sight of what looked like a slightly puzzled L.
"Of course, Ryuuzaki," he replied in what he hoped was a nonchalant way. "Why do you ask?"
"Because you appear to be crying, Light-kun."
Light blinked.
Ah. He hadn't even noticed his vision blurring. He quickly wiped his eyes clean and shrugged it off: "Yeah, I guess I'm a little stressed out because of the case and everything."
Silence.
"Anyone would feel the effects," he quickly added. "I'm alright though. Just a bit tired I guess."
He himself could hear that he wasn't fooling anyone. His voice came out weak and he couldn't get rid of the awful feeling he had. It was as if his throat was being crushed and he had a pit in his stomach.
He avoided L's burning eyes on him as he turned to go back inside, with the excuse that he was tired and should get some rest.
One step was all he had taken before a hand on his shoulder gently stopped him in his tracks.
"Wait."
Light didn't turn toward him, yet he didn't protest either. In all actuality he now really was exhausted. His thoughts about the other's demise loomed over him like a dark cloud, and he avoided looking in L's direction.
"Light-kun," L began carefully, "You're…" He paused for a moment. "Tell me what's going through your mind."
Light had some difficulty composing himself under the intense look L was giving him. He didn't know what to say. Frankly he didn't even know what to think of it all.
L placed his hands on Light's shoulders. "Tell me the truth, Light."
There was a look on L's face Light couldn't place. He wasn't sure if L was talking about him being Kira or about something else. It was as if there had been something unspoken between them, something that was rising to the surface at this time.
"The truth?" Light felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "I… can't tell you. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
L was staring at him intently. He stood so close Light could see his own reflection in his big, twilight eyes. He couldn't help but notice the way L's black hair framed his porcelain white face quite perfectly.
Before he could second-guess himself, he closed the distance between them and gently but firmly pressed his lips against L's. He could feel the other tense up momentarily out of surprise, but it took only a brief moment for L to let himself relax and melt into the kiss.
After what seemed like a short eternity Light pulled away just enough to steal a glance at the dark-haired detective, and wow – there was something so ethereal about him, glistening in the fine drops of rain and with dozens of unspoken words written across his face.
It didn't take long before said detective initiated another kiss, tentative and inexperienced but with enough enthusiasm to convey to Light his intentions. It was as if the world stopped as they stood there on the rooftop and there was nothing but them. There was no room in Light's mind for the case as he was completely entranced by the warmth emanating from L's body. Despite being outside and wet, he felt warm all over.
With a hand on his waist he pulled the detective closer. He started putting more pressure on L's – surprisingly – soft lips, and even dared to ask for entrance with his tongue. L didn't seem to mind, though his unsure movements signalled Light not to overwhelm him. They shared slow and languid open-mouth kisses and fuck – Light could feel himself getting hotter by the second. L had such a sweet, savoury taste. It was the best thing Light had ever tasted, and he was starving for more.
He couldn't remember the last time he had been so turned on; in fact he doubted anyone else had ever caught his attention like L had somehow managed to. His mind was blank, his body was on fire and he was becoming more demanding, pushing harder against L and sneaking his hand under his shirt to grab his bare skin forcefully. As if electrified L flinched and stepped back at the sudden touch, pulling Light from his hot haze.
"Light." L began. His voice came out slightly ragged and his face was all red. He took a second to calm his breath down, and then seemed to be gathering his thoughts.
"Light… Light is Kira. I'm certain of it."
The younger male couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just like that, with those words, he was snapped back to reality.
L just stood there, a defeated impression emanating from his person. Light almost started laughing in spite of himself. He was the one who felt defeated.
He shook his head. "How can you… think that of me, Ryuuzaki? You know it's not true. You know it."
A flicker of doubt flashed across L's face. As convincing as Light sounded, of course he knew he was lying through his teeth.
But how dare he? The insolent little bastard. Pushing him away? Accusing him?
"How many times have I already told you? But you don't understand. Of course you – you couldn't… You don't understand anything."
Light was beginning to lose his patience, yet through his anger he was aware of L's calculating gaze analysing his every word. He knew he shouldn't overreact and give himself away. In fact he had already said too much. L really had a way of getting under his skin.
With forced composure he retreated: "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow."
Before the detective could say anything, Light turned on his heels and headed back inside with large, confident steps. He didn't feel all that confident, though. Somehow the dread he had been pushing back before, hit him with full strength.
There was no going back now.
