Imperial Year 1176


A scream erupted from Edelgard's throat and she sat bolt upright. Her eyes darted around the room. Only darkness greeted her.

Where was she? It certainly wasn't her usual cell. She had a legitimate mattress beneath her. Actual blankets over her. An actual pillow beneath her head. It…was too soft and gentle. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be on a hard cot with only the thinnest, scratchiest woolen blanket to try to keep her warm within the freezing dungeon.

And it was quiet. Too quiet. Where were the pained shrieks of her siblings? The skittering of the rats? The boot steps of the guards? It was far too quiet. It shouldn't have been like this. At all. She should be locked away, having her flesh torn asunder and then healed again. Where were those nasty slitherers and their damnable leader, Duke Aegir? Why was she suddenly not in the small cell now?

She dangled her feet over the side of the bed and found a candle on the nightstand. She also blinked as she made out the vaguely familiar forms of her journal and pocketbook. What were they doing there? She hadn't been able to keep them since she arrived back in Enbarr from Fhirdiad. How long had she been trapped underneath the castle, she wasn't sure.

She lit the candle and went over to her magical calendar Hubert had made for her. Ir was set to 1174, Harpstring Moon. She furrowed her eyebrows. She could very faintly remember setting it up a couple of times after Hubert had given it to her. It was an invaluable tool to help keep her meetings and schedule on track.

But it couldn't be 1174 anymore, could it? She went back over to her journal and opened it.

All she found were incomprehensible scribbles. None of it was useful. She did see attempted heading but they were as incomprehensible as the rest of her handwriting. Why was it so bad? Even her journals and pocketbooks from Fhirdiad were pristine. Why were these so poorly written? She didn't understand.

Still, she saw three headings… So it was three days she'd been out. She couldn't remember anything about the past three days. Like so much of her life after fleeing Enbarr for Fhirdiad, they were blanks. Her only clue was the journal entries. She no idea what was going on. She was back in her room in Enbarr like no time had passed. Why had the slitherers and Duke Aegir released her?

She sat the journal down and started to walk around her room, only to stop dead as she saw herself in the mirror. She almost dropped her candle as she rushed over to it.

Her hair!

What had happened to her hair?!

Memories flashed through her head and she hurried back to her bed. She picked the magical pen up and started writing like a demon possessed her. She couldn't forget this, any of this. The Crests, the experiments, her siblings…

But she stopped after a couple of minutes, then looked at her handwriting. It was a illegible as the previous pages. She took a breath and slowed down. No wonder they were so terrible. But she didn't want to dwell on the memories for too long. They were horrible, so horrible…

She started to weep. So much had transpired. She could barely remember any of it aside from what flashed through her head. She knew she needed to get it down, but she didn't want to remember. Why would she? Why would she want to remember seeing little Alina, rocking back and forth in her cell? Why would she want to remember Tobias' screams as he wast tortured? Why would she want to remember Gete's glassy eyes as the light drained from them? She had never liked her, but he didn't deserve that.

A soft knock came on her door and she stiffened, looking at it. "W-Who's there?" Was it the slitherers or Duke Aegir? Was this some ploy to break her even further? Let her be free for a few days then drag her back down? But they'd said the experiments were complete! Had they been lying or had they forgotten something?

"Lady Edelgard…" She didn't recognise the voice, but there was only one person that would call her that. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Go away, Hubert! I don't want to talk to you!" she sobbed. She was so lost and alone. She didn't know what the time was aside from the middle of the night. She didn't even know the season, let alone month or day. Nothing made sense. Almost everything about the last…block of time was gone. Even Fhirdiad was slipping away because she hadn't checked her journals in so long. She could barely even remember Dimitri anymore. What was she supposed to do?

Edelgard awoke with a jolt and looked around. The sun was up now. It hurt her eyes. She drew the curtains over her windows and fell on the bed. All she could do was stare blankly at the ceiling.

What was she supposed to do now? She could still recall the memories triggered by her hair, but they slipped away fast. She knew she should write them down before they disappeared. But she didn't want to dwell in them. It was all too painful. All of this just because of Crests? Why? She didn't understand.

The tears rolled down her cheeks again as she continued staring blankly. She wanted the world to slip away. She wanted to forget. She didn't want to continue on any longer. She could remember Gete dying, but she wasn't sure about the others. She occasionally remembered seeing them in their cells. But she didn't know what fates befell them. She wasn't sure she wanted to know either. It was all terrible, so very terrible… At least most of it was a blank. The memory issues that had started in Faerghus had only gotten worse during the torture apparently.

How long she laid there, she wasn't sure. Time had lost all meaning to her at this point. She heard the bells chime the hour, but it meant nothing to her. They were sounds.

She heard knocks through the day—soft but enough to be heard—but she refused to move. Hubert didn't speak to her. She heard him pacing outside of the room. Eight steps to the right, turn, seven steps to the left, turn, eight, turn, seven, turn… It was almost the only thing in her awareness. She felt so numb. Nothing held meaning anymore. It was all a blank. All nothingness.

However, sometime in the evening, a different knock came on the door. She sat up and stared at the door. It wasn't Hubert. That she could be sure of. She could recall how his knocks sounded through the day. This was a more assured knock, much louder. It was trying to be intrusive…

"Who is it?" Her voice was as hollow as she felt. The panic had worn off a long time ago. Now she felt nothing. The only thing she felt was the sun's rays continuing to hurt her eyes. She couldn't even really feel her body. Nothing felt real either. She heard Hubert sill pacing in the hallway. Eight, turn, seven, turn, eight, turn… It was the only thing that kept her connected to anything.

She heard something click then heard the door handle turn. She saw a woman walk into the room. Edelgard felt like she'd sene her before, but she didn't recognise her. Who was she? She ought to know this woman. Yet her mind refused to bring forward any memory of who she might be.

She felt the woman pull her into her arms. "El, oh El… I'm so sorry this happened to you. Let's go get you cleaned up." The woman stood Edelgard on her feet but all she did was stare up at her. She heard her words. She heard them. But who was she?

"Who are you?" Once again, her voice rang hollow. She didn't want to leave her room. It was safe. It was comfortable. The warmth from her bed was nice. She didn't want to leave that. She shifted a bit. Was this a ploy by the slitherers and Duke Aegir?" Was she going to be tortured again?

Another scream erupted from her throat. She fell backward on her bed and she scrambled to the corner. She shook violently. Her eyes stretched wide. She was powerless to stop them. She wanted to stay in bed. Why was that so much to ask?!

She heard footsteps rush into her room. A dark figured in the doorway. She screamed again. Who was— "Lady Edelgard!"

Hubert?

She didn't recognise him. She could barely remember him being taller than her after returning from Fhirdiad. Hubert. Her trusted protector. Her shadow. The one who had dedicated his everything to her.

The pieces finally clicked as she looked up at the woman again. "Mother Juliane?" Her father's wife. Tobias' mother. The one that had treated her as her own blood when Anselma left. The kindest of all of her mothers. Even Anselma hadn't been as kind as Mother Juliane. But…what was she doing here? She said something about cleaning up? Edelgard frowned. When was the last time she'd had a bath? "What year is it?"

"It's 1176, El. I'm sorry." Juliane sat on the edge of the bed and held her arms out. Edelgard hesitantly left her corner and rested against the woman. She was warm like her blankets. She snuggled into her further. Juliane wrapped her arms around her. A hug… She hadn't had one in so long… Tears once again sprang to Edelgard's eyes and she clung to Juliane. She'd missed her so much… She couldn't remember it, but the pain in her chest told her she had missed the woman something awful.

Still, it had been two years… She'd lost two years of her life. She didn't feel any older. She still felt like a little girl, not a teenager. How was she supposed to reclaim those lost two years? How was she supposed to mature properly without those couple of years? Everything was so wrong. She was supposed to still be a little girl, not a teenager!

"El, honey, would you like a bath with me?" She looked up at Juliane. If she was a teenager now, she shouldn't be so clingy and dependent on the adults in her life. She was supposed to be incredibly independent. She should be learning to rule the empire. But…

But…

Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. "Okay." She didn't want to be alone. Something inside her feared it. She probably shouldn't have turned Hubert away. But she was so afraid. She'd lost two years of her life. Her hair was white now. She didn't know what to do. She really didn't. She wanted to stay in bed and not move. She knew she had lost at least one of her siblings to the experiments. She was absolutely terrified to learn the fates of the others.

Juliane stood up and kept her arm wrapped around Edelgard. "Hubert, would you mind packing up some of El's things and moving them to my room?" She looked up at Juliane, wide eyed. What was she doing? She wanted to stay in her room! She didn't want to leave! But, then again, she would have to in order to take a bath… She reached up and felt her hair. It was matted and greasy. She wasn't sure of the last time it'd been washed and brushed. She really did need to get it clean…

"Of course, Your Majesty." Hubert bowed and started rifling through her dresser and closet. He methodically moved through them. "I'll have the servants bring a fresh outfit by time you finish."

"Thank you, Hubert; I appreciate it." Juliane started to walk with Edelgard out of the room. Edelgard pressed deeper into her side as they walked. She noticed a lot of servants staring at her as if she were some fabled beast. What was wrong with them? She really didn't understand. More tears welled in her eyes, but she forced them down. She was a member of the imperial family. She shouldn't be moved to tears so easily.

Eventually, they made it to Juliane's room and headed into her private baths. She filled the large tub with water that made it start to feel sticky hot to Edelgard. She fanned herself a bit and Juliane frowned. "Is it really that warm to you, El?"

"Yeah…" She wasn't sure of the last time she'd been truly warm aside from her bed and blankets. The heat from the water and steam felt overwhelming to her. She honestly felt a little faint. All she could remember from the dungeons was how ice cold it was. Had she really lost her heat tolerance for heat? She just felt so faint.

Juliane drained part of the tub and refilled it with cooler water. Soon enough, they were both in the massive tub and Edelgard felt herself finally relaxing a bit. Dried rose petals and lavender buds floated on the surface, offering a scent of nature she hadn't had in too long. The water was a nice temperature too. It wasn't too hot or too cold. She was glad Juliane had ruined the excessively hot water.

For a while, Edelgard let herself simply relax in the tub. She could see the water cloud up, though, which made her frown. Seriously, how long had it been since she'd last been truly clean? She couldn't remember any baths in the last two years, but she couldn't rely on that. Her memory had been terrible ever since arriving in Fhirdiad. She really couldn't remember anything from that time almost anymore. Dimitri's face was becoming fuzzy now…

"El, can I work on your hair now?" She looked up at Juliane before nodding. "This will probably hurt and…" Juliane sighed. "We may need to cut it. It's already been cut haphazardly but it's still long enough to be tangled and matted. Are you okay with that if I can't detangle it?" Edelgard frowned. It was shorter than she remembered, now that Juliane mentioned it. It was hair… It could always grow back.

"Okay, Mother Juliane." Granted, she would probably be distressed the following morning when she woke up. Her hair was fully white at this point. She really did like having long hair. It made her feel pretty and feminine when she often didn't feel that way. She really didn't feel like proper wife material a lot of the time.

"Would you mind getting your head wet?" Edelgard dunked herself underneath the water for a few moments, then winced after Juliane started to try to work her fingers through her hair. Apparently even touching it was enough to hurt. It tugged at her scalp uncomfortably. She had a really bad feeling they were going to need to cut it. It was a really nasty mess of mats and tangles.

How long she sat there with Juliane, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that the water had completely cooled by time she heard the woman sigh. "I'm sorry, El. I'm trying my best, but it's tangled too badly. I've tried several different angles, but nothing is working."

Edelgard frowned. "How bad will it need to be cut?" She had long hair even as a child. Anselma had actually discouraged her form having long hair. She chided her it as too difficult to take care of when it got too long. Still, Anselma had let her have it long. It only got tripped an inch or two a couple times a year to get rid of the split and dead ends. She could barely remember it being to her shoulders when she'd met Hubert the first time.

"It's going to have to be pretty close to your head like Frauke's was." Was? That… She shoved the thought thought away and nodded. Frauke's hair had been so short and cropped close to her head. She had never really liked hair in that style on women. She didn't want that style on herself. But there was no way around it. Her hair was too tangled and matted to be salvageable. It was hair. It would regrow.

They left the bath and Edelgard sat on a stool. Juliane spent time to trim her hair and make it look neat. Unfortunately, Edelgard's eyes still misted over at seeing herself in the mirror. She really didn't recognise herself at this point. Her face had changed, her hair was white, and now the long locks she had nurtured for years were gone. She wasn't the same little girl she'd been a few years ago. She was tainted, broken by whatever the slitherers had done to her. She would never be the same.

"It's past time for dinner. Are you hungry?" Juliane wrapped her arms around Edelgard from behind. Honestly, she was starving. She wasn't sure how much food she'd gotten while down in the dungeons, nor how much she'd had in the past few days. But she felt queasy as she looked in the mirror. She wasn't the same person anymore. She could never go back to who she'd once been. The overwhelming urge to sob crept up her throat, but she forced it down.

"I should try to eat something… But my stomach's upset." She wasn't sure how much she'd be able to get down with her stomach doing flips. She knew she really needed to get something in her body, though. It was practically screaming at her to eat.

Juliane led her back over to her bed, then handed her the journal. "I'll go speak with the cooks. I'll be back soon." With that, the empress left.

Edelgard started to write in her journal but the silence made her skin crawl. She didn't want to be left alone again. She could almost hear the tortured screams of her siblings ringing through her ears again. A soft cry left her throat and she curled in on herself. The silence was too much. She was almost back—

The door opened made her look up. Hubert stood there and she looked at him. "Is there anything I can do for you, my lady?" She didn't want to admit to any of it. She was supposed to be stronger than this… But she nodded reluctantly and patted the spot next to her. Hubert sat down and she leaned against him. It was still quiet, but at least she had somebody with her now. She didn't want to be alone right now…

Hubert wrapped an arm around her. She snuggled as close as she could, writing down the events of the day as she could remember them. There wasn't much to write, though. She'd been staring at the ceiling most of the day. It was only after Juliane showed up that anything had happened. She wasn't sure if any of this was good or bad.

Juliane eventually returned and they ate dinner. Edelgard knew she was starving, but her body wouldn't accept much. Her stomach was simply too ill at ease to be able to accept much. It was only then that she realised how thin she was. She would really need to put on some weight but today would not be that day. Eventually, she tucked into bed with Juliane, drifting off into an uneasy sleep.