I Should Have Been There For You

Reiner Braun woke up in the middle of the night, his head was pounding and he nearly coughed on the smoke that was still emanating from his healing wounds. Reiner then put a hand to the top of his head, remembering that Jean had attacked him during the campfire and that he had probably been unconscious for hours. Reiner looked around and saw that everyone was asleep, that the campfire was getting smaller and the light from the fire was getting dimmer, so he decided to get up and take a walk, having just taken a multi-hour nap, despite it being a forced one.

Not too long after he had made his way into the forest, Reiner saw Pieck, away from her Titan, and staring off into the distance. Reiner raised an eyebrow at her and walked up to her, with Pieck seemingly not registering Reiner walking over to her. Reiner tapped Pieck on the shoulder, causing her to turn around, looking at him with her eyes wide and mouth slightly open, causing Reiner to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"Pieck…what're you doing up?"

"Reiner…where's Porco?" Reiner's breath immediately hitched at the question. Pieck looked genuinely curious and was patiently waiting for him to answer, with a light glow of hope in her eyes.

'Does…she really not know what happened to Porco?' Reiner asked himself as he clenched his fists, trying to get the nerve to tell Pieck the truth. "Pieck…Porco's dead," Reiner said, his eyes involuntarily closing as he didn't want to look at the look of pure anguish and tears streaming down her face, much like he went through when he found out the gruesome details of Bertholdt's death. After a moment of silence, Reiner opened his eyes and saw that Pieck had a blank look on her face, seemingly still registering the news that Reiner had given her.

"You…that…that's not true."

"Huh?"

"Porco's not dead. He can't be dead," Pieck said, her voice wavering the more she talked. Reiner also noticed that Pieck was shaking, and shaking hard, while also staring straight ahead into the forest, trying her best to keep her eyes off of Reiner's sad expression.

"Pieck…I saw it myself. Porco's-"

"NO! He's not dead! He promised me that we would make it out of this! Porco promised me that we would both live through this!" Pieck uncharacteristically yelled out, causing Reiner to jump back slightly as Pieck began running her hands through her back hair that Porco had helped brush before they left for Paradis. Reiner decided to let Pieck calm down before trying to talk to her, and after a couple of minutes of uncontrolled wailing, Pieck took several deep breaths and her wailing subsided to several hitched breaths.

"How…how did it happen?" Pieck asked out after calming down.

"From what the Survey Corps told me, Falco drank a small amount of Zeke's spinal fluid accidentally, so when Zeke screamed, Falco turned into a Pure Titan. Falco was actually about to eat me before Porco got out of his Titan, all bloodied while his wounds were barely healing. Porco was talking about how he finally saw Marcel's memories and the truth about me becoming a Warrior before…before Falco ate him whole," Reiner explained. It almost made Reiner throw up reliving that memory, but what made him feel even sicker was the look of disbelief and terror on Pieck's face, her eyes widening even more as if she just realized something.

"Wait…this all happened when…we were fighting in the city?" Pieck asked. Reiner wasn't sure whether Pieck was asking herself or Reiner, but before Reiner could answer, Pieck's shakes returned as tears began pooling from the sides of her eyes. "That…that means I could've done something," Pieck barely uttered as she started running her dull nails down her cheeks, but she ran them down with enough force that cuts started forming on Pieck's face.

"Pieck…"

"I could've done something! I was there! Porco was on death's door, and I just let him go out of his Titan all by himself! Why wasn't I paying attention!? Why didn't I just subdue Falco!?"

"Pieck-"

"I mean, Magath and the other Marleyan soldiers had everything under control! I could've slipped away for a second to help him!"

"Pieck please-"

"I should've been there for him! I was so focused on this stupid mission that I couldn't even notice that the man I'd been dating and living with for years got killed! What the hell is wrong with me!?" Pieck continued ranting as Reiner, having had enough of Pieck's self-loathing, grabbed both of her shoulders, and started shaking her.

"Pieck, stop! Porco's death was not your fault!" Reiner yelled out. It hurt his throat, as it felt like it was the first time in forever that he had yelled out a complete sentence before. Pieck looked up at Reiner, tears still falling from her eyes as she shook her head.

"Reiner, I was there! I could've saved him!" Pieck argued, attempting to break out of Reiner's grasp, but rather than let her go, Reiner, enveloped her in a hug, causing Pieck to look up at Reiner in shock. Reiner's 5-O'Clock shadow grazed the top of her head as Reiner kept her grip on Pieck's hug firm but soft.

"Pieck, please calm down. I know you think that it's all your fault, but let me tell you something; it's not. Porco's death happened in the blink of an eye, and I know you're fast Pieck, but you may not have been able to get to Porco fast enough. I had to hold Eren down so that he couldn't escape to Zeke while you had to hold off the Survey Corps, neither of us could've saved Porco without potentially leaving the world in Eren's hands. I know it sounds pessimistic, but please don't blame yourself for Porco's death, because I know he would not have blamed you for what happened," Reiner soliloquized, running his hands through Pieck's hair. Reiner stifled back a laugh, thinking about how jealous and annoyed Porco would've been if he saw this scene in front of him. Pieck took several deep breaths and used her free hand to wipe her eyes dry (or as dry as she could) of tears.

"How am I even supposed to go on? My dad's probably going to be stomped to death by those Colossal Titans, and Porco got eaten alive. I could lose the only two people I could ever rely on in my life, and even if we made it out of this alive, what would I even have to live for?" Pieck mumbled, her voice even more muffled by Reiner's shirt. Reiner looked unsure, as, much like Pieck, he's felt the same way after Bertholdt died; his only source of comfort and reliability died, and he really felt like his entire life in the Warriors was meaningless and that he had no real reason to live.

"Pieck, I know it may be hard for you to believe, but there are so many of us who need you. Gabi and Falco need you. Annie needs you. I need you," Reiner mumbled. Pieck looked back up at Reiner with surprise, her eyes were still wet from the crying.

"Really?"

"Yeah…we're friends, aren't we?" Reiner asked. Pieck continued looking up at Reiner, as she remembered the times they shared as children. Pieck politely rejected Reiner's crush confession, but they continued to remain friends, with Pieck offering Reiner the motivational words that not many in his life aside from Bertholdt had given him. A lot of the other Warriors hated him because he was what was called a 'Marleyan apologist', but Pieck was one of the few Warriors that treated him like a human being and gave him a chance when others didn't. Reiner, in return, was always someone she could rely on for company when Porco and Zeke were busy with their training. Reiner and Pieck had a lot of good times over lunch, talking about their day, their training, their dreams, and what they planned on doing in the future if they survived past the 13 years. It may have been too optimistic, but they were only children, so even Eldian children living in Marley had some optimism left. Pieck's mind focused back on the present day, and she smiled at Reiner before sinking back into their hug.

"Yeah…you are my friend. I'm…sorry if I haven't been a good friend to you when you came back from Paradis," Pieck responded. Reiner smiled for what felt like the first time in years as she patted Pieck's back.

"You don't need to apologize. We all should realize that we have more allies around us than we wanted to believe," Reiner responded. The two stayed in the hug, as Pieck went back to crying, remembering that Porco wasn't going to come back. Reiner's eyes began to tear up as he once again began patting Pieck's back and stroking her hair while he tried his best not to join her in losing someone who he admittedly had a rocky relationship with, but still saved the life that Reiner hadn't always valued.