Some birds took the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts. Just some madness of crazy guests from my crazy mind.
Birdbrain Watching
"Good news!" Sam told Pete, Sasappis, Isaac and Trevor in the mansion's lobby. "We're getting a couple of new guests!"
"Please be sexy bikini models," Trevor crossed his fingers.
"They're birdwatchers Trevor," Sam looked at him. "Why do you always go there?"
"In the hope that one day I'll be right," Trevor sighed. "It's all I have Sam! Don't judge me!"
"We can and we do," Isaac looked at him.
"Ooh! Birdwatchers!" Pete was happy. "I love birdwatching. It's so relaxing and peaceful watching our little feathered friends."
"More like annoying little featherbrains," Isaac groaned. "All they do is chirp! Especially when you want to sleep! They just go on and on about themselves! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! On and on and on!"
"Like you," Trevor quipped.
"I used to birdwatch," Sasappis admitted. "The first two hundred something years of my afterlife. Then it just got depressing. The same families of birds raising chicks, flying for the first time. Getting eaten by various other animals. And the survivors would do it all over again. And again. And again. And again."
"Oh, come on," Pete remarked. "It couldn't have been that bad."
Sasappis looked at Pete. "Pete there was this particular family of blue jays that always had at least one bird…Every year…Without fail…Fly right into a tree!"
"Don't birds fly into trees to roost?" Trevor asked.
"No, not to roost," Sasappis explained. "Flying right into the trunk of the tree. Splat! The same tree every year! In almost the exact same spot!"
"Hang on," Pete paused. "Are you talking about that oak on the south end of the lake that has that weird indentation that looks like…?"
"A bird flew into it, yes," Sasappis told him. "Technically several hundred birds flew into it."
"I saw that once about three years ago," Pete realized. "I thought the poor thing was confused."
"You weren't wrong," Sasappis told him. "After hundreds of years of watching suicidal blue jays, warring chickadee families and an out of tune lineage of robins…Birdwatching lost its appeal."
"I thought that one robin sounded a little off this morning," Pete blinked.
The doorbell rang. Sam went to get it. "Welcome to the Woodstone B and B!" She said cheerfully. "I'm Samantha!"
A man with a big beard and a paunch belly dressed in a hiking outfit was there. "I'm Thaddeus Thuddpucker, bird watcher extraordinaire! And head of the New York Watcher of Birds Society."
"Watcher of Birds Society?" Sam blinked.
"Well, our group couldn't use the name New York Birdwatching Society after that injunction," Thaddeus admitted as he walked in. "Bunch of uptight rule-following jerks! That's one of the reasons our group seceded from that group!"
"A group of renegade birdwatchers," Isaac blinked. "Oh, this bodes well."
"Two other members of my group will be arriving shortly to stay," Thaddeus told Sam as he checked in. "But I believe I booked a small excursion around the property for a larger group?"
"Yes, you requested a breakfast buffet for twelve tomorrow morning," Sam nodded. "We can accommodate that."
"Splendid! Splendid!" Thaddeus grinned. "Birdwatching is so rewarding! I could watch birds for eternity."
"Careful what you wish for pal," Sasappis groaned.
"The best part about this is that we don't have to travel off the property to observe these delightful creatures," Thaddeus grinned. "Why as I pulled up, I saw some red breasted nuthatches, a flock of house finches, some Canadian Geese flying over head and a robin. At least I think it was a robin. Its tune sounded a little off."
"That's not all that's a little off," Trevor quipped.
"I believe that this area is the pathway of the migration of the rare double breasted spotted loon!" Thaddeus explained. "I've been practicing my bird cry! Ooo-coo-coo-whoo! Ooo-coo-coo-whooo!"
"I'm seeing a loon right now," Trevor remarked.
"A great big loon," Isaac added.
"He's an enthusiast!" Pete snapped.
"That's a nice word for saying someone is an obsessive nutjob, Pete," Trevor told him.
"Yes," Sasappis grinned. "Like how we call Trevor an enthusiast. When he's in the room."
"First of all," Trevor looked at him. "The correct term is Connoisseur of the Female Form. And secondly, I'm not that obsessive."
"Oh please," Isaac waved. "You once waited four hours by the door to see if the lady UPS driver was wearing a bra or not."
Trevor looked at Isaac. "Said the guy who waited five hours to see if the hot guy plumber was coming."
Isaac paused. "Touché."
Hetty walked through the walls. "What the devil is that racket?" She looked at Thaddeus. "Who or what is this?"
"Thaddeus Thuddpucker," Isaac explained. "Birdwatcher."
"Ooh! Coo-Coo-whoo! Oooh-coo-coo-whoooo!" Thaddeus called out.
"Oh god," Hetty groaned.
"COO-COO-COO-WHOO! OOOH COO COO WHOOOOO!" Several voices were heard outside.
"AH! My friends!" Thaddeus cried out in happiness. "OOH! COO-COOO-COO-WHOOOO!"
"Oh look," Isaac quipped as Sam let in several more people. "A whole flock of loons."
"More like cuckoos," Trevor remarked.
"This is what my afterlife is like?" Hetty groaned. "Watching my beloved mansion devolve into a location where insane bird loving plebians flock to?"
"Apparently," Sasappis shrugged.
"Everyone! Let's do our favorite bird calls!" Thaddeus cheered.
"Cooo! Cooo! Awwweeeet! CHIRP! CHIRP! CACAW! CA-CAAWWW!" The birdwatchers called out.
Hetty sighed. "Once Woodstone Mansion only hosted the finest of high society. Only the most wealthy and prestigious families were allowed to enter these hallways. We even had the governor visit this once proud mansion. And now…"
"CUCKOOO! CAW! CAW! AWEEET! WEEET! CHIRP! CHIRP!"
Hetty sighed. "I thought this mansion was going downhill with all those bootlegging parties. This is worse."
"Well, I have a new hobby," Sasappis remarked. "Instead of watching birds, I'll watch birdbrains."
"Technically we've been doing that for centuries," Isaac quipped.
"To the grounds!" Thaddeus called out to his troop.
"Don't you want to see your room first?" Sam asked.
"Oh right," Thaddeus blinked. "Okay after I stow my gear we'll all patrol the grounds! Bird lovers! We'll check back here in ten minutes! Caw-Caw! CAW-COOOO!"
"Wow, what a bunch of loons," Trevor groaned.
"Not the kind of birds you want to watch, huh Trevor?" Sasappis snorted.
"At least it's something to do this afternoon," Pete said helpfully.
"Coo-Coo-wheee! Coo-Coo-whee! CHIRP! CHIRP!"
"They're entertaining I'll give them that," Isaac remarked.
Hetty sighed. "I hope none of them did what Cousin Jeremy Woodstone did in the 40's. He thought he could fly like a bird with some homemade contraption. He couldn't."
"Nice funeral though," Isaac remembered. "It was surprisingly upbeat for the occasion."
"That's a shame," Pete frowned. "Kids can be very reckless."
"He was 47," Hetty told him. "And he never had any."
"Lucky for your bloodline Hetty," Sasappis told her. "Trust me. You dodged a big giant oak tree."
