The House of Mouse
September 8, 2008...

"What was I thinking?!"

Max paced back and forth behind his podium. Sweat was soaking the collar of his T-shirt and his stomach was threatening to erupt.

"When am I gonna learn?! I'm not cut out for this! I haven't even practiced, I haven't had a warm-up game, there's 2,000 people in the audience—most of whom are in the King of Jeopardy's fan club—and I couldn't even change into my valet vest! Oh, man, oh, man...first episode of Jeopardy! Live, and I'm destined to lose. That's assuming I don't puke first!"

Beast put a paw on Max's shoulder. "You need to calm down—"

"Calm?!" Max spun around and spread his arms wide. "How am I gonna be calm?! I'm completely in over my head! It's bad enough I was a valet at this place, and now I live with my dad and I have a limp. Oh, and now I'm going on Jeopardy! Live, looking like the idiot I am. Everyone I know is out there. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, PJ, Bobby, Roxanne, my dad—everyone except Daisy, and she's the floor director."

"She's on your side, too—"

"Worse, my Jeopardy! heroes are out there. Tod, Gantu, Prince Eric, Thomas O'Malley—and that's not even mentioning Rabbit, my Jeopardy! idol. If I blow it, what are they gonna think?"

"They're your friends," the chimera said gently. "And so am I."

There was a pause. Max tried to show a smile, but his head went wobbly and he laid a paw on his stomach. "Oh, man...I still feel like I'm gonna puke..."

"All right, this is it, boys..." The reigning champion lifted his head over his shoulder and gave them a cocky smile. "Two butt-kickings coming up."

Max gave him a glare but didn't give him a reply. "What a lucky guy I am. Going up against the reigning champ, who's also my friend. Or at least, you were..."

The champ didn't hear it. "Oh, and Max? Break a leg. Never mind—you already did..."

"Heads up, everyone," Daisy said. "We're going on the air in five...four...three—"

The canine went even more queasy at that. "Oh, jeez..."

"You'd better hold it in," Beast said. "We're on."

The huge screen lit up with rows of squares flying through space, and the bass-drum-and-strings music pounded across the House.

With a cue from Daisy, Johnny Gilbert smiled and said: "Live, from the center stage at the House of Mouse: This…is…Jeopardy!"

The music began to soar, and the crowd cheered and waved as a boom camera soared over their heads.

"Let's meet today's contestants:

"A prince and a ballroom dancer from Bourgade-en-Provence, France—Beast.

"A retired athlete, originally from Spoonerville, USA—Max Goof.

"And our returning champion: the King of Pride Rock, and a musician from the Pride Lands—Simba, whose 79-day cash winnings total $2,986,800."

"And now, here is the host of Jeopardy!—Alex Trebek!"

And with a mighty cheer, the audience went onto its feet as Alex came out from the wings, giving everyone a wave and a modest smile.

"Thank you, everyone, and thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Over the years, cartoons have had a reputation for being unintelligent, but that reputation has changed. For the last four seasons, the people and animals we all grew up are making their place in Jeopardy! history. First, we had Prince Eric, our first superchamp, over $388,000 in 17 days. Then there was Tod, over $741,000 in 27 days, and Gantu, over $547,000 in 23 days. And of course, Rabbit from the Hundred Acre Wood, over $1.7 million in 53 days. And now, Simba, who has earned his place as King of Jeopardy!, has not only made a mark in history but surpassed Ken Jennings in both wins and winnings. Tonight, he's embarking on his 80th victory, and if he wins, he will be the first $3 million winner of any version of Jeopardy in the world—"

He was cut off by a roar of applause and shrill cheers from Simba's fans, and the King of Jeopardy gave the camera another smug grin.

"But he's up against some tough competition," Alex said. "Beast was formidable in the warm-up games, and I've been told that Max has been studying for this day for the last four years. And since it's the first live episode of Jeopardy!, it's going to be especially interesting to see how they perform. Gentlemen, pick up your signaling devices—here comes the Jeopardy round."

On cue, Alex turned to the board, and the dollar amounts appeared to the rhythm of the touch tones.

"There's one Daily Double hidden among these categories:

"Books & Authors…

"1953…

"Songs by Their First Lines…

"En-Light-En Me…

"United…

"And, finally, States.

"Simba, you're our reigning champion. Make a selection."

"Songs by Their First Lines, $1000."

The clue swelled to fill the screen.

"'Edie Brickell and New Bohemians: "I'm not aware of too many things / I know what I know, if you know what I mean."'

"Simba?"

"What is 'What I Am'?"

"Good."

"Songs, $800."

"'Alanis Morissette: "I'm broke, but I'm happy / I'm poor, but I'm kind."'

"Simba?"

"What's 'Hand in My Pocket'?"

"Yep."

"Songs, $600."

"'Elvis Presley: "Wise men say only fools rush in.'''

"Simba."

"What's 'Can't Help Falling in Love'?"

"Right."

"Songs, $400."

"'Gavin Rossdale: "A thousand times I've seen you standing / Gravity like lunar landing."'

"Simba."

"What is 'Love Remains the Same'?"

"Correct."

"Songs, $200."

"'Elton John: "I remember when rock was young / Me and Susie had so much fun."'

"Simba again."

"What's 'Crocodile Rock'?"

"You ran the category."

A loud ovation broke across the house. Everyone heard Timon and Pumbaa whooping and hollering in the front row.

"That's the ninety-ninth category you've run. Select again."

"Books & Authors, $1000."

"'In 2003, Christopher Paolini's novel Eragon was a New York Times Bestseller; so was this 2005 sequel.'

"Max?"

The canine saw his own face on screen and went blank. "What's…Eldest?"

"Just in time, and you're on the board."

Max sighed and held a hand to his stomach. "Books & Authors for $800, please."

"'Edmund, Lucy, and their cousin Eustace sail to the edge of Narnia in this seafaring Chronicle.'

"Simba?"

"What's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader?"

"That's it."

"Books, $600."

"'This self-help manual by Dale Carnegie was supposed to make people like you, but not everyone liked the book; Sinclair Lewis called it an exercise in manipulation.'

"Simba?"

"What is How to Make Friends and Influence People?"

"No."

Simba's face twisted in confusion.

"Beast?"

"What is How to Win Friends and Influence People?"

"That's the one. Go again."

"1953 for $1000."

"'January 5: This play makes its debut at the Théâtre de Babylone in Paris; the title character didn't show up, and (spoiler) he still hasn't.'

"Beast?"

"What is Waiting for Godot?"

"Good."

"1953 for $800."

"'June 19: Charged with a crime "worse than murder," they are the first Americans to be executed for espionage.'

"Simba?"

"Who are Julius and Ethel Rosenberg?"

"Right."

"1953, $600."

"'January 19: The title character of this sitcom delivers her baby boy, and 71% of America's TVs are tuned in.'

"Beast?"

"What is I Love Lucy?"

"Everyone likes Ike, but they love Lucy."

"Indeed. 1953 for $400."

"'June 2: God save the Queen! She's just been crowned.'

"Simba?"

"Who's Queen Elizabeth II?"

"Yes."

"1953, $200."

"'May 29: Edmund Hillary and Tenzig Norgay become the first to conquer this Himalayan peak.'

"Simba?"

"What is Mt. Everest?"

"Right."

"En-Light-En Me, $1000."

"Players, take a look at the screen.

"'It's the phenomenon you're seeing on this glow-in-the-dark watch, where the hands and numbers absorb light and release it at a different wavelength.'

"Simba?"

"What is phosphorescence?"

"$1,000 more for you."

"En-Light-En Me, $800."

"'From the Latin for 'whiteness,' it's the amount of light reflected off an object: almost 100% for snow, almost 0% for water.'

"Simba again."

"What is albedo?"

"And that takes you up to $6,400, another commanding lead. Beast is in second with $2,200, and Max is in third with $1,000. We'll talk with our contestants and finish the round when we come back."

The music soared and the audience cheered, and Max and Beast sighed and leaned against their podiums.

"Five minutes in and I'm already screwed," Max said. "I can't believe I froze up like that."

Beast let out a rumbling sigh and stared at the buzzer in his paw. "It was only an hour ago, and I thought I knew how this worked. It's as if those warm-up games were for nothing."

"At least you had a warm-up game," Max muttered. "I was sitting out in the audience when the producers came up to me and said, 'Herbie was in an accident on the 421, and his electricals are shot. We randomly picked a fill-in contestant, and it's you.'"

"You could have said no," Beast said. "But if you had, I wouldn't have been playing against my best friend. Besides, I think it was brave of you to say yes."

Max ignored him. "When am I ever gonna learn? Don't you remember what happened the last time I got full of myself?"

"Max, that was five years ago. You're not who you were. And you didn't get on Jeopardy! to stroke your ego. You did it because you'll never have another chance like this again."

Max sighed again and shook his head in consternation. "I know I'm not an idiot. I would have gotten all those questions right if only I could ring in. I just don't want my friends thinking I'm an idiot, which is what they will think if I lose."

Simba turned to Max. "Then maybe they're not your friends. They ought to support you, no matter how you do."

A hint of a smile lifted his face. "...You really think so?"

"Just give 'em a chance. They're still gonna have your back when you wind up in last place."

Max's face warped in anger. "You know, I've been wanting to say this for the last 16 weeks: As a player, you're awesome. As a contestant, you suck."

"Come on, it's just trash talk. If you can't handle it, try out for Wheel of Fortune. Spin the wheel, and everybody claps for you. (Which is clearly what you want...)"

Max snickered. "That's probably how you've won so many games: You trash-talk your opponents so much, they're a helpless mess. And I'll tell you something else: If your f—"

"Guys!" Daisy said. "Leave your problems at the door, because you are on live TV. Thank you."

Max nodded sheepishly at her, then glanced away and felt something else well up in him. It was a simmering anger so strong that any hint of nausea was blown away. He took the signaling device in his hand, and he poised his thumb over the button.

Simba's going down.

"Chill out, Max," Simba said. "He's going to interview you. You don't need to ring in for that." The lion smirked. "On second thought, maybe you do..."

And the lion's smirk made him feel queasy all over again.

"Heads up!" Daisy said. "We're coming back in five...four...three...roll music!"

To be continued...