A/N: I am so sorry to anyone who saw this yesterday when this was first posted and thank you to the the reviewer who brought this to my attention but somehow when this was originally posted there was a bunch of HTML mumbo-jumbo pasted in with it, making the story unreadable. I apologize profusely as this is my first time posting on and I hope that the story is okay now that it's fixed!
Also, I forgot to give the typical I-don't-own-TMNT disclaimer, so you are warned! I do not in fact own a multi-million dollar franchise!
Leo couldn't breathe.
He could hear the sounds of fighting around him, could hear his brothers voices but the feeling of the collar around his neck choked off his ability to speak, and in his panic he was unable to understand what the voices were saying.
He inhaled desperately and electricity seized his body. He didn't know what was happening, why wouldn't it stop – but as he stumbled back a step, recognition flooded his senses.
The collar had been Donnie's gift. His brother couldn't have known, right? He couldn't have known how much it would hurt, it had to have been an accident-
"Leo!" Suddenly, Raph was right in front of him. "What are you doing? Get back in the fight!"
Leo opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out.
And suddenly he was falling, falling, as his blood ran cold.
.
Leo felt himself hit something hard. Breath coming out in pants, he looked around at the familiar surroundings, as his heart rate began to lower.
Another nightmare.
Pulling himself up, he curled into a fetal position against the side of his bed as he glanced warily around, checking that everything was in its place and nobody was watching him. As his breaths began to even out, he realised that he was shaking.
Willing himself to calm down, Leo gingerly stood up, leaning against the wall when his head spun. When he felt as though he could walk without falling on his face, he slipped quietly from his room into the kitchen.
.
The kitchen was deserted; he assumed everyone else was still asleep.
Pouring water into the kettle and setting it to boil, Leo felt the tension in him slowly ease as he pulled out a teabag, placing it into an empty mug. He focused on evening his breaths as the water boiled, and as he filled the mug the herbal aroma and warm heat encompassed him.
He sat down on the kitchen counter, grinning faintly as he imagined how furious Raph would have been if he'd been there. Hunching over the steaming mug held in both hands, he swung his legs back and forth as he took a small sip.
He sat there for a little while, embracing the dim lighting and peaceful atmosphere. He closed his eyes for a moment.
"Leo?"
Leo's eyes snapped open, focusing on the unmistakable outline of Donatello.
"Hey, Don," he said, back straightening. "What are you doing up?"
"I was thirsty," his brother replied, watching him questioningly. "Why are you up?"
Leo lifted his mug sheepishly. "Same?"
He felt his heart sink as understanding sparked in the turtle's eyes. "Are you having trouble sleeping again?" Don asked.
"What? Nope, my sleep schedule is A-okay. Better even, some would say-"
His half-hearted bluff was cut off as Donnie stepped closer, reaching out; and for a moment he felt the spark of electricity along his skin. Before Leo even understood what was happening his heart dropped and he cringed away, moving from the countertop to stand.
"I-" his throat seemed to close off as he felt more electricity spark along his skin. Abandoning his mug on the counter, he fled.
"Leo?" His brother called after him, but he was long gone.
.
Curled between two arcade machines and the wall, Leo tucked his head between his knees. He'd freaked out in front of Donnie over nothing, what was his deal? He was fine, nothing had happened so what was wrong with him?
Why was it so hard to breathe?
He shivered, guilt and dread twisting in his gut. He hated feeling like this – knowing something was wrong but not knowing how to fix it.
He didn't even know how to hide it from his brothers.
He hoped none of them would find him in the darkness of the arcade before he'd managed to pull himself together, but as the faint neon lights began to look more and more like the contraptions in Donnie's lab, his breaths began to speed up.
He froze. He was sitting in the arcade, which meant that there were arcade machines running all around him.
He was surrounded by electricity, and one spark could kill him.
Please not again, he thought desperately, his inhales beginning to falter and fail. He struggled to draw breath and his heartbeat grew louder, drowning out all sound as he fought for air.
All he could see were blurring colours and panic spiked in his chest as he realised he didn't know where he was. He felt himself go weak, slumping sideways against something hard and ungiving as he tried to curl in tighter upon himself.
He heard himself give a small whine as he was drowned in pure, unfiltered panic.
Suddenly there was a blurry shape in front of him, (too close, too close) and he shrunk backwards, flattening himself against the wall when there was no more space behind him.
The shape in front of him stopped moving. He stared at it, nerves strung tight enough to break as he watched it, waiting for something, anything to happen.
"…eo, …ou hea…e?"
He blinked. The shape – person? – seemed to be talking to him. He whined in frustration as his hearing cut in and out, heartbeat too loud in his ears to understand the words being spoken.
The shape started to move forward (too close, too close) and he felt something brush his forearm.
Instantly, electricity sparked up his arm and he flinched violently backwards, slamming his shell against the wall behind him. He could feel pressure wrapping itself around his neck, choking him-
The person suddenly disappeared from the space right in front of him. Eyes squinting through his blurry vision, Leo realised that they had moved back to give him space.
Wrapping his arms around his middle, Leo leant forward. As the mindless panic began to wear off, he began to hear the person speaking again.
"Just take some deep breaths, in and out." The person said. He tried to follow their instructions but choked out a sob when his inhale stuttered and stopped. He was suddenly aware of how wet his face was. Had he been crying?
The voice seemed to notice he could hear them. "You're doing really well. Let's try another deep breath, you can do it."
He drew in another shaky breath, earning a quiet praise from the person. The room was silent apart from his ragged breathing and as his heartrate began to return to normal, the rest of his senses began to filter back in.
"Don?" he croaked.
"Leo! Leo, can you hear me now?" Donnie stayed where he was, but he could see his brother look of worry a mile away.
Leo gave a quick nod, voice closing up again.
"Keep your breathing steady; it's okay," the softshell instructed, making an aborted movement as though he was going to reach out to Leo, but thought better of it.
Wow.
Donnie had never been one to initiate physical contact, so for him to stop himself from doing so to Leo of all people…
It made him feel even worse.
But every time someone reached out to him all he could think about was how easily someone could put that collar on again. He knew they wouldn't, they'd never betray him knowingly – but Donnie hadn't meant to freak him out like this, and it had happened anyway
He felt completely and utterly helpless.
"I-" He made a noise of frustration as he struggled to get the words out, eyes glued miserably to the floor. "I'm sorry," He choked out.
Donnie's face gave nothing away. "What for?"
He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the floor.
"Do you know what caused this?" Don asked. If Leo didn't know better, his voice sounded… gentle?
He tried to speak, but nothing would come out. Swallowing, he tried again. As the silence stretched longer and longer dread began to pool in his gut, making him hunch in on himself in shame. It was like his thoughts were disconnected from his voice; no matter how hard he tried to say what was in his head, he just couldn't say it.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Donnie said, face creasing in worry as Leo gave a small whine.
"I want to!" he could barely force the words out. "I'm trying, it just won't… it won't…" He used the heel of his palms to press at his closed eyes, trying in vain to stop more tears form falling.
"Would…" Donnie sounded hesitant. "Would you like a hug?"
Leo looked up. His brother was watching him, looking slightly uncomfortable at his own suggestion but still unmistakably genuine. He didn't understand. Donnie was the last of his brothers to ever willingly give or receive hugs, so why now?
He's worried about you, idiot, a rational voice in his head told him.
Donnie held a tentative hand, and Leo watched it blankly. He wanted to say yes – everyone knew that he was the most tactile out of the four of them – but again, the fear of betrayal lurked in the forefront of his mind. Donnie could have easily made another gadget like the collar…
No.
Donnie was his brother. He made mistakes, but he would never hurt him like that.
Slowly he reached out and Don carefully placed his hands on Leo's shoulders, drawing him in.
Leo stiffened for a moment as he waited for the inevitable shock.
It never came.
Overwhelmed and exhausted, Leo slumped forward and let his brother's arms envelope him, tucking his head against his brother's plastron. Leo began to tremble. He felt the softshell trace slow circles on the back of his shell, murmuring quiet reassurances as he tried to stifle a sob.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," he heard the turtle say. "Just… just let it out, Leo. You're okay."
Leo felt the last of his fragile resolve shatter.
Going completely limp, his body shook as he was wracked with sobs. He felt himself pressed closer to his brother's plastron as he was gently rocked back and forth like when they were tots, whining miserably as his breath hitched. He was so tired; it had been days since he'd felt safe enough to let his guard down and now that he had, it was like he'd fallen apart.
After a while Leo began to quiet. The silence was punctuated only by the occasional sniff and his head began to slowly droop, eyes fluttering drowsily.
"Leo?"
He blinked, looking up at the sound of his name. Sleep dragged at his limbs, dragging at his limbs and muddling his thoughts. Too exhausted to process any more information and already half asleep, he gave a small, questioning chirp.
There was silence for a long moment. Just as he began to drift off the voice above him spoke, the plastron he was lying against vibrating with the words.
He was too tired to hear what they said, but as he finally gave into sleep Leo finally felt safe.
.
Donnie looked down at his brother curled in his arms, unsure. What now?
He wasn't good at this. He should have called Raph – or even Mikey, he would've been better at it than him – but honestly? Seeing Leo wedged behind an arcade machine mid-panic attack had triggered some sort of buried 'brotherly instinct' within him; he honestly hadn't thought about what he was doing until the slider was collapsed in his arms.
He could still feel the panic he'd felt when he first found his brother.
.
Donnie entered the arcade room, noting the already-ajar entryway as he stepped inside. He knew Leo had ran this way and after whatever had happened in the kitchen, suffice to say he was a little worried.
Eyes scanning the dark room, he searched for anything out of the ordinary. Where was he? He was reluctant to switch the lights on and risk startling Leo if he really was hiding in here, but he could barely make anything out in the dark…
His thoughts trailed to a stop as he heard a small noise just ahead of him.
"Leo?" he breathed, moving towards the noise. As he got closer he heard the sound of harsh breathing and peeking in the gap between two machines, his heart stopped.
There, curled in the cramped, dusty space, was Leo.
"'Nardo?"
He kneeled down, pausing as his brother's eyes snapped to his. The snapper's breath hitched and he shrank backwards, plastering himself to the wall as his plastron heaved with the effort to draw breath. He just stared, unseeing eyes fixed on Donnie, waiting.
Staying where he was at the entrance of the small space, he spoke softly to not frighten the turtle in front of him. "Leo, can you hear me?"
Leo blinked, seeming to register his voice but struggling to understand his words. His brother gave a small, low whine and he felt his heart clench. He had never been one for empathy – or emotions in general – and although he could never really tell exactly what feelings were going on inside of him at any given moment, he knew that Leonardo needed comfort.
And if he had to fumble his way through giving it, that's what Donnie would do.
What should he do? He wondered, uncertain. Leo had always enjoyed physical touch; he vividly remembered how the slider used to cling to Raph after a nightmare when he was just a tot. So, maybe he should initiate some kind of physical contact? But Leo looked so scared…
Panicked and unsure of what action to take, Donnie moved forwards and reached out, fingers just brushing his brother's arm.
Leo tensed. Flinching, he rammed his shell into the wall behind him as he tried to move away into a space that simply wasn't there. His frame shook, trembling with unseen terror.
Wrong move, wrong move, his mind chanted as he quickly moved back to give Leon space. He's too out of it; you have to calm him down another way first.
But how to do that…
He studied his brother, who had wrapped his arms around his middle and was leaning forward, mask beginning to stain darker with tears. His breathing is too fast, Donnie noted.
"Hey, it's okay Leo, it's okay," he said in a slow, quiet voice, hoping the slider could hear him. "Take some deep breaths, okay? Just take some deep breaths, in and out."
His brother attempted to follow his instructions, letting out a desperate sob when his breath stuttered again. Donnie watched him, something akin to hope swirling under his plastron. It was like any other experiment; here was a problem and now he just had to run some trials, think his way around obstacles, to solve the root of the issue. He kept the same gentle tone, already noticing how Leo responded to it and filing that information away for later. "You're doing really well. Let's try another deep breath, you can do it."
He watched as the slider took another shaky breath, and another. "There you go, good job 'Nardo," he murmured, falling silent as his brother began to take slower, more even breaths.
His brother blinked, eyes clearing as he glanced around. "Donnie?" He croaked.
"Leo! Leo, can you hear me now?" the softshell said, relieved. Leo nodded, eyes falling to the floor between them. Donnie noticed the change, deciding to focus on breathing for the moment. "Keep your breathing steady; it's okay," he said. He almost reached out to put an arm on Leo's shoulder but thought better of it.
Leo seemed to be trying to say something but was struggling. "I…" he made a noise of frustration. "…I'm sorry," he said after a long moment.
Donnie schooled his face. "What for?"
His brother shrugged, not meeting his eyes.
Ignoring the rather loud voice in his head screaming abort, abort! Too many emotions! He decided to 'rip off the band-aid.'
"Do you know what caused this?" he asked in the same tone. In the back of his head he had his suspicions, but he wanted to know if his brother knew himself, first.
Leo opened his mouth. Then he closed it and tried again.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he began to backtrack, but Leo interrupted him.
"I want to!" he whined in frustration. "I'm trying, it just won't… it won't…" he watched as the slider buried his face in his hands.
Donnie took a deep breath, mustering all the courage in him. You can do this.
"Would… would you like a hug?" Donnie asked hesitantly.
Leo's eyes snapped to meet his, and the softshell offered a tentative hand when his brother didn't make another move. The slider glanced at the hand proffered to him and slowly reached out and took the hand in his own.
Broadcasting each movement clearly, he drew Leo into a careful hug. He felt his brother stiffen at the contact and froze for a moment himself until he felt the other turtle suddenly relax, almost collapsing against his plastron. As the slider tucked his head into Donnie's neck, he felt the turtle in his arms begin to shake.
Donnie began to nervously rub circles into his back, muttering quiet reassurances he'd heard Raph use when one of them had a nightmare, almost forgetting his awkwardness when he felt Leo stifle a sob.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said, "Just… just let it out, Leo. You're okay."
He said nothing as Leo broke down completely, clinging desperately to Donnie as he buried his head in his plastron. Hugging his brother more securely to his chest, Donnie continued to repeat the same quiet reassurances as Leo shuddered under the weight of his own emotions.
Slowly, Leo's cries began to quiet and his breaths began to even.
"Leo?" Donnie whispered. The turtle in question raised his head blearily, eyes half-closed as he gave a tiny chirp.
Don paused, thoughts whirling. Leo hadn't made a noise like that since they'd been much younger, and if they'd been in any other situation he would have teased him for it mercilessly. But now it was just cute.
"Go to sleep, Nardo," he said with a small smile, watching as his brother's eyes blinked closed and his breaths deepened.
.
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Don focused on the situation at hand. He was sitting in the arcade in the early hours of the morning with Leo asleep in his lap and no way to move without waking his brother up.
As much as he disliked the idea of sleeping on the arcade floor for even a few hours, it seemed to be the best solution – and there was no way he was going to disturb Leon just after he'd finally fallen asleep, they all knew how bad his sleeping habits were – so he just sighed, shifting into a more comfortable position.
He knew his brother would have to talk about what had happened later, but Don could wait.
Leo was okay for now, and that was all that mattered.
