Author's note: This week has been so long yet I somehow didn't manage to make much progress in anything, really. Needed something light as a pick-me-up, so have this. Or you can leave it, whichever suits you. Don't take this seriously, because it definitely isn't. Still doing my best to work on the other updates!
Warnings: Main pov Naruto with some sprinkles of others mixed in; canon divergent after the war; mentioned MPreg; established slash; some vague references to canon typical violence and Naruto's childhood; fluff
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns it.
I hope you'll like this odd drabble!
No Touchy!
The ensuing reactions after the news leaked out that their Hokage was pregnant were … interesting.
There were the congratulatory ones, of course, though whether or not those were all truly sincere was another matter. There were people expressing various shades of disapproval, from slight dismay to utter revulsion that the Hokage had decided to have a child with the person they had come to abhor more than they had ever abhorred Naruto or the Kyuubi: Uchiha Sasuke. Some were convinced that Sasuke somehow had put Naruto under his control and had nefarious plans to bring his clan back, empowered by the vitality and power coursing through the Uzumaki blood. Others – mainly some girls who had never fully given up on their crushes on the last living member of the Uchiha clan – were almost green with envy that Naruto was the one carrying Sasuke's child. They had held hope that eventually the two men would grow bored of each other and one of them would be able to snatch up Sasuke.
And then there were ones who were really … happy for the couple, reaching the level of excitement usually only seen in family members and close friends. It was endearing at first, how enthusiastic some of the villagers were whenever Naruto showed up in public, especially when his belly started showing. They plied him with good advice, asked question after question about the baby and wondered aloud after whom the baby would take the most.
"If the gods are willing, the baby will take after Sasuke-kun," Ino remarked dryly, remembering all too well the many pranks Naruto had pulled as a kid. Another mischief-maker at the level of Naruto? Konoha might not survive that.
"Who the fuck would want the kid to take after our broody boss?" Suigetsu chortled. "They're going to suck all the joy out of the world if that's the case, mark my words."
"How about being less of a dick?" Karin sniped and the ensuing punch in Suigetsu's shoulder had the people nearby covered in water droplets. "I bet the kid's going to be really cute, no matter who they take after. I mean, have you looked at them?"
The group looked and yeah, even Shikamaru who had never really bothered with considering other people's appearances, had to admit that Naruto and Sasuke made quite the good-looking pair. They were like day and night with Naruto's sunshine coloured hair and Sasuke's cool, dark looks, but there was no denying just how well they fit together. Honestly, the only remarkable thing had been how long it had taken both men to get their head out of their arse and start dating each other officially.
Four years after what had become secretly known as The Incident they were still going strong; this baby was just another piece of proof in a very long list that showed how much they loved each other.
The group watched Sasuke and Naruto seek shelter in the shade of a tree, away from the heat, and were witness to Sasuke pulling Naruto against his body, whispering something in his ear which made Naruto throw his head back and laugh before rising up on his tiptoes to kiss the other man; his long white Hokage robe fluttering weakly as a breeze played with it.
"God, they're so disgustingly sappy," Ino sighed and Karin nodded in agreement, but well, there was something to be said for being in such a sappy relationship.
People's enthusiastic response to his pregnancy had been fun at first, much more appreciated than the death glares and foul glowers Naruto had to content with from the less than pleased villagers. The keywords being 'at first' here, because to be quite frank Naruto was rapidly approaching the point where he was less endeared by their enthusiasm and more ready to slap their ever insistent hands off his freaking belly!
What was their sudden obsession with touching his stomach ever since he had started to show? Most of them kept themselves at a respectful distance, but there were others who apparently thought it necessary to keep touching his stomach out of the blue, as if that was normal! Just because his belly was currently housing a kid didn't mean they could just touch him without permission!
He had tried to make that clear to them as politely as he could, even doing his best to evade their grabby hands once he spotted them reaching out, but somehow some of them still managed to touch him and it was driving him bonkers.
What did he have to do to make it clear that his stomach – or any part of him, really – was off limits to them?
How about burn them to a crisp? Kurama suggested idly. That should teach them.
"I can't burn them!" Naruto said, slightly horrified. Sometimes he forgot just how brutal Kurama could be. In his defence the nine-tailed fox had calmed down significantly throughout the years.
Sure, you can, Kurama disagreed. You've got the chakra to do it. I can lend you some more if you want.
"It's not about not being able to, but we can't go around burning people; are you insane?" Naruto demanded, pointing at the giant fox head. "This is why people don't like you!"
What's the point in being the boss if you can't do what you want? Kurama questioned bored, ignoring Naruto's last remark. It's the best way to teach them. Burn a couple of them and the others will catch up quickly.
"No burning!"
"Naruto, something wrong?"
Sasuke's voiced, tinged with concern, pulled him out of the mental space he shared with the vicious fox bastard and Naruto blinked, turning around to face Sasuke. He'd been still standing in front of the window, he realised and wrinkled his nose.
"Nah, nothing," he said, but couldn't help but sigh a bit, running his fingers through his hair. "Just …" He hesitated, knowing all too well how prickly Sasuke could react when it concerned other people touching Naruto.
Sasuke would never admit aloud – and people probably wouldn't believe him anyways – but he had quite the possessive streak, one which had only heightened once they had discovered that Naruto was pregnant. To say that Sasuke was even less impressed by people randomly touching Naruto's stomach than Naruto himself was the biggest understatement of the year.
"Just what?" Dark eyes narrowed and Sasuke dropped the files carelessly on the desk, walking around it in order to reach Naruto. "What happened?"
Naruto pouted and linked his hands behind Sasuke's neck, pressing his rounded belly against Sasuke's firm, flat one. "I went outside for a bit and some people thought it was necessary to touch my stomach again," he admitted reluctantly, wincing inwardly when the Rinnegan and the Sharingan flashed none too subtly.
"It's not a big deal," he hastened to say, but the utterly frosty look on Sasuke's face begged to differ. "It's just … getting a bit annoying, that's all. Don't get their fascination with touching baby bumps. I never had that obsession when I was a kid."
Granted, it was mainly because back then he hadn't even been able to walk through the streets without people giving him a wide berth, but still! If it was just kids touching his belly now, he thought he could tolerate it somewhat more, if only because children tended to be rather socially clueless still – And you're that much better? Naruto was becoming quite good at tuning out Kurama's taunting comments – but it wasn't just the little kids touching him. It was elderly women, giving him well intended advice, giggly younger women recalling their own pregnancies, and even the occasional oblivious guy spurred on by their mother or girlfriend.
Surely he couldn't be expected to lock himself up just to get people to stop bothering him!
"How about burning their hands every time they dare to touch you?" Sasuke sneered; his hand clamping down around Naruto's hip.
An exasperated sigh escaped the blond. "What is this obsession with fire?! No, we can't go around burning people, geez!"
"Who else suggested it?" Sasuke asked curiously; his ire cooling down a bit.
"Kurama did just now."
"Heh, looks like that old fox is still rather bright."
Immediately Naruto could feel hot chakra bubbling up and Kurama snarling, How about I teach that vagabond just how bright I am?!
"Both of you, stop it!" Naruto ordered before addressing Kurama, "And Sasuke isn't a vagabond!"
My apologies, you're right; if he still was, he wouldn't be stinking up the place right now, Kurama growled.
Naruto barely resisted the urge to close his eyes and bash his head against the nearest surface – which so happened to be Sasuke's shoulder. One would think after so many years that Kurama and Sasuke would know to behave better around each other. Clearly that was a very long-term process.
"Maybe burning people might be overdoing it," Sasuke conceded and ignoring Naruto's spluttered "Maybe? Might be overdoing it?!", he continued, "but unless you're going to be firm with them, they're going to keep trying to pull this stunt."
"I don't want to be too rude," Naruto pouted. He was still Hokage; it wouldn't do to be incredibly rude to his own people!
Even if said people were really testing his patience with how insistent they were on feeling his belly …
"You tried the nice approach and it didn't work," Sasuke said bluntly. "They're idiots, they're not going to learn unless it gets hammered straight into their skulls."
"How come you and Kurama can't stand each other when you're both so very violent?" Naruto complained and huffed, smashing his face into Sasuke's shirt. "Eugh, I'm tired; I want to go home."
That hand switched from his hip to his lower back, resting heavily against it. "Don't you still have some paperwork left to finish?"
Naruto increased his pout on purpose when he lifted his head to look at Sasuke. "Aren't you always the one telling me to take it easy and not overwork myself?"
Sasuke snorted, rolling his eyes so hard Naruto was momentarily worried they would be permanently stuck backwards or worse, fall straight out of their sockets. "Oh, so now you decide to start listening to me? Curious how you can never do that when you actually should be listening."
"You know, you really should make up your mind," Naruto told him with a brilliant smile. "You want me to rest or not?"
"I'm not going to come up with an excuse for Nara why you didn't finish your paperwork," Sasuke said, because he was just a merciless bastard that way.
"Aw, come on, who even has time to read all that crap?" Naruto whined, pointedly not looking at the pile of documents still waiting to be read and signed.
No wonder Tsunade had always been so grouchy. The paperwork coming with this title was just unbelievable. It was as if finishing one pile just made another one appear!
When he felt Sasuke's hand cupping his stomach, he couldn't help but smile again, pressing himself closer against the dark haired man.
"You're getting spoilt," Sasuke murmured into the shell of his ear, making him shiver slightly at the warm breath caressing the sensitive skin.
"Whose fault is that?" Naruto murmured, his eyes already turning half-lidded. At this point his body was basically hardwired to respond to Sasuke whenever he used that low tone of voice; his body associating the voice with very fun times ahead of them.
Glancing up showed him that Sasuke was definitely of the same mind; his eyes darkening, turning almost smouldering.
Naruto's laughter still rang through the air when the portal closed behind them and Shikamaru entered the office just in time to see the both of them disappear. He didn't even sigh anymore and merely turned around, walking straight out of the office and locking it up. Really, who was he actually advising: the Hokage or a horny teenager?
Two more times where people touched him without his permission had Naruto fully relenting, admitting that perhaps it was time for a more extreme measure. No burning people had been his immediate demand and he later conceded that perhaps he should have thought to add other nature elements to that list.
As it was, though …
He hid his amused smirk behind his wide sleeve when the elderly woman in front of him yelped and cradled her hand, staring shocked at his belly. Before she had even been able to touch him a subtle, but undeniable light spark of lightening, similar to Sasuke's Chidori, had zapped her in warning.
She was still staring when he turned around and continued his way to the Hokage Tower. The little zap wasn't strong enough to do any lasting damage, but it was certainly impressive enough to make people think twice about touching him.
Sometimes the ideas of that Uchiha brat aren't that bad, Kurama said approvingly, or as much approving as he would ever be when it concerned Sasuke.
"You're just enjoying messing with people," Naruto accused him good-naturedly.
With access to nearly all the elements, it hadn't taken Kurama long to adapt Sasuke's Chidori to a smaller and more tolerable, but not less impressive version, which he eagerly used to zap people whenever they came too close to Naruto.
They're asking for it, Kurama scoffed.
Well, Naruto couldn't exactly argue with that. Not after the many, many times he had tried to verbally rebuke them.
When Sasuke met up with him in the office and bent towards him for a kiss, Naruto was just in time to snuff out the zap of electricity Kurama had wanted to launch.
"Kurama …"
Force of habit, was Kurama's nonchalant answer.
Naruto rolled his eyes and ignored Sasuke's questioning look, choosing instead to drag him down into another deeper kiss.
At least Kurama and Sasuke were able to work together when it concerned Naruto. Small baby steps as they said. In the meantime Naruto was going to enjoy being free of pestering hands again!
The End
AN2: I don't know, man, it's something.
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in my future stories! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!
Cuddles
Melissa
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