Something is different.

Luz isn't sure when it started, or even what made her notice but she's tired.

Not tired, as in I-need-go-to-sleep, but tired as in I-want-to-lie-down-for-years-and-maybe-never-get-up.

It's a feeling that's settled onto her bones over the past few months. Weighing off of her.

She's always tried to see the good in everything. To be a glass half full person and look on the bright side.

She's finding it hard to be that person nowadays.

Amity snuck up behind Luz as she was sitting at her computer. "Hey sweet potato! What're you working on?" Luz started and sent her laptop sliding. Amity stopped it from falling with magic.

The truth is, she hadn't been working on anything. She'd just been sitting staring at a blank word document. She wanted to work on something, anything to distract herself.

But she opened her English homework and got overwhelmed. So Luz moved to her Good Witch Azura fic doc, but that sat just as untouched. She settled on just staring at the screen and tapping out mimics of words on the keyboard as her hands longed to write something, but her brain refused to cooperate.

"Oh, um, nothing actually, why do you need something?" The words came out flatter then she'd meant. Amity looked slightly taken aback. She reached out and pushed back a strand of hair that had been in Luz's eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you alright?" No. I helped Phillip meet the Collector. This is all my fault. You can't go home and I got you stuck here and you're going to hate me.

Luz didn't say that though. Instead she leaned in to Amity's touch and said, "Yea, just tired."

Steps thundered up the stairs. Gus ran out from the basement and up to Luz and Willow on the couch, where Luz was watching Willow play on the Swip.

"Oh my Titan, Luz, have you read this?" He shoved a book in her face. When her eyes uncrossed she could see the cover of the first Cosmic Frontier book. He pulled it back. "It's AWESOME! Do humans really have a cure for the common cold? Do you think it would work on the common mold?"

Luz let out a soft chuckle. "No, no. Humans haven't actually cured the cold, so I doubt they could cure the mold. That book is old, and not the most… scientifically accurate ." Gus's energy dimmed. "Oh." He perked back up. "Well, the book's still really good! So have you read it?"

Gus couldn't possibly know, but he'd hit a bit of a sore spot. Luz was honestly… afraid to read the Cosmic Frontier books because of how much her parents liked them. How much they meant to them. At first, she didn't read them because any reminder of Manny was too hard for her mom. But since, it's just become too scary. Too daunting. Too much.

Luz didn't explain that though. Didn't want to get into it.

"No, I haven't actually gotten around to it yet. Just been busy."

Luz's alarm for school went off on her phone, but she just hit snooze.

And kept hitting snooze.

The fourth time it went off, Willow threw a pillow at her.

It wasn't even that she wasn't awake, because she was and had been for at least two hours at that point. It was that she couldn't get out of bed. She felt like there were a ton of bricks sitting on her chest and she just could not bring herself to move.

She thought the blare of the alarm might stun her into motion, but all it did was make the feeling weighing her down worse as she was reminded of her obligations for the day.

Vee's face popped down from the top bunk. "Are you alright Luz, do you want me to get Camila?"

Luz nodded weakly. Maybe if I say I'm sick she'll let me stay home. It's not a total lie, I don't feel well.

Vee hopped down, shifting to their human form as she went to make her landing softer. A few minutes later, the door cracked back open as Vee entered, Camila in tow.

"Hi baby, what's wrong, are you sick?" Camila reached out and put her hand on Luz's forehead and cheek, checking her temperature. No I'm not sick Mamá, I just ruined everything and it's too much and I miss King and Eda and I feel guilty for missing them because I promised you I'd stay and it's too much, it's too much. It's too much. Luz didn't answer. "Oh you do feel a little warm."

Maybe it was written on Luz's face, maybe it was motherly intuition, but whatever it was, Luz was grateful for the next thing that came out of her mothers mouth. "Do you want to stay home from school?" Luz nodded, still burrowed in her blankets. She cast a glance at the room and found Amity, Willow, and Vee all up now too, in varying states of awakeness. Camila followed her gaze. "Come on mija, why don't you come lie down in my bed?"

Luz nodded again, mentally bracing herself for the energy it was going to take to sit up and get to her mom's room. Her mom left, leaving the door open for her to follow. Luz gathered her plush blanket and her palisman egg to bring with her.

She trailed down the hallway, feeling like she was walking through syrup. Everything is sluggish, it all feels like too much. She got to her mom's room and climbed right into the bed. Camila tucked the blanket around her.

"I'll ask Vee if they'll be up to going for you, if you'd like?"

Luz felt guilt hammer at her heart. She looked down and said "If Vee wants, I can just miss if not." Her attendance has never been great, and since getting back from the Demon Realm it's gotten worse. Luckily for her, she had days saved up since Vee was very punctual. Camila stroked her hair. "Can I get you anything?"

"No Mamá, I'm just tired."

"Alright baby, try to get some sleep"

Their latest attempt at building a portal back to the Demon Realm was a failure. Just like the one before. And the one before that. Luz was sitting on a chair in the shack, watching her friends.

Gus and Amity were conferring with Emmiline and Ghost. Hunter and Vee were working on Spanish conjugations.

Willow had taken to telling the picture of her dads what they had been up to. She says it helps her feel normal, since she usually tells her dads about her day every night.

So she was currently filling them in on their latest failure. On my latest failure. Luz couldn't shake that bitter thought. That everything they did, everything that went wrong, was her fault. I put us all in danger. I took them from their homes. From their families, their lives. I did this.

Luz felt tears spring to her eyes and quickly shut them to hold them back.

"Luz? Are you alright?" Willow called.

No. I'm not. All of your lives would've been better if you never met me. If I'd just gone to camp like I was supposed to. If I wasn't around.

"Yea, just a little out of it, sorry."

Hands in the sink, Luz barely reacted when she felt Hunter come up next to her and begin drying.

They worked in silence for a few minutes before Luz broke it with a whisper. "Do you hate me?" It's been on her mind for a while now. How can Hunter even stand to look at me when everything is my fault! I helped Belos. I almost got everyone killed. I might've gotten everyone else killed. He deserves to hate me. They all do.

She adamantly refused to look at what Hunter's face was doing, so she started when he reached out and touched her sleeve. "Luz. Look at me." She did.

"I absolutely do not hate you. You saved me." His eyes held enough sincerity to make her cry. Tears sprang to her eyes as she choked on her answer and the thoughts that he can't possibly mean that. Can't possibly think of her as anything but a force of evil, a wrecking ball that destroys everything she touches. She shook her head. "No Hunter, I– I messed everything up. Why– why don't you hate me?"

"Luz if it wasn't for you I'd still be in the Emperor's Coven. I'd still be with Belos. You got me out of that." Tears streaming now, Luz just shook her head again. This isn't coming out right. Yes I helped, but I also ruined everything. Why don't you see that?

Wiping her eyes, Luz just shrugged and said "Yea I guess. Thanks."

Luz is reading her book for english class, trying to pick up the themes her teacher wanted of fate vs. free will.

The book was ringing very poignantly and Luz was hating every second of it. The protagonist was a self-serving jerk whose actions put everyone around him in danger and then he got to reap the benefits and be rewarded as a hero, despite all the pain and damage he inflicted on everyone. She couldn't find the themes of fate, but could only see his self-servicing actions. Her own self-servicing actions

So when Mr. Sandoval said "This epic ends with the homecoming of not just a man, but a hero," Luz snapped.

"Hero? Everywhere he went, people ended up suffering." Her teacher cut in trying to argue about the ripple effects of his good. Luz couldn't take it.

Who cares if my actions had some good ripples like Amity standing up to her mom and Hunter leaving Belos' grasp? Who cares if I got Willow in the plant track if the Boiling Isles is gone! If everyone is gone! "Who cares about the ripple effects? He was just a pawn in someone else's game. A-and he was never smart enough to realize it. If his friends and family knew about his mission, they'd know that their lives would have never been in danger if it weren't for him. They should hate his guts, and it would have been better if he literally never existed!"