Okay, so, I don't think I'm going to get today's chapter of SWHBL out in time (oops) (it's mostly done tho) (maybe I'll finish it) BUT I found this old oneshot I wrote uhhhh. Over three years ago? That I apparently never posted anywhere as far as I can tell. It was part of a Ninjago zine on tumblr but idk what happened to that.

I made a few minor edits (fixing typos, a couple of sentence structure things) but this is almost 100% genuine 2019 content. Please enjoy.


"Cole," Kai asked, deadpan. "Why did you buy ten pounds of M&Ms?" Cole's cheeky grin didn't even falter.

"They were on sale." Kai didn't answer for a few moments, pressing two fingers to his forehead.

"Yes, but Cole- Cole, we don't need ten pounds of M&Ms."

"Technically," Zane interjected. "We don't need any of this." He gestured to the groceries sitting on the kitchen floor, in the center of which lay ten 1-pound bags of M&Ms. "We could live entirely on potatoes if need be, save the requirements of other vitamins, which are cheap and simple to grow. We could be entirely self-sufficient!" Kai's glare turned to him.

"Why are you taking his side?"

"It's because you're no fun, Kai!" Lloyd chirped, shoving a handful of the candy-covered chocolates in his mouth. "Think of all the dessertsh we c'n make!"

"Now look what you've done!" The fire ninja threw his hands up in the air with a scowl. "Lloyd's high on sugar! He's gonna be bouncing off the walls!" The blond stared at him blankly as he stuffed more candy in his mouth.

"It'll be fine, Kai." Zane patted his arm. "It is more cost-efficient to buy in bulk."

"Yes, but the idea with that is that the product is consumed over a period of time! This way everyone's just gonna sugar crash!"

"They're kids, Kai. Let them have their fun."

"Hey, I take offense to that." Jay glared up at them from where he sat on the floor with Lloyd. "I'm just as old as you. Well, as Kai. Zane, you're…" He frowned. "How old are you?"

"Sixty-two." The nindroid replied without missing a beat. "Total. My new body is a little over a year old, but my consciousness is sixty-two."

"Ah. So, I'm not your age."

"Indeed."

"I don't take offense to that. I am a kid." Lloyd interjected. "I'm like the baby of the family. And you're like… my four dads. And mom." He added as Nya entered the room and stopped short.

"…what's… happening?" She asked slowly, eyes skimming over the group in search of an obvious answer.

"Cole," Kai pointed accusingly at the black ninja. "bought ten pounds of M&Ms when he was supposed to be grocery shopping."

"I did get groceries." Cole protested. "I just got M&Ms too."

"Way too many M&Ms."

"I wouldn't say that. I love M&Ms." Nya grinned, hurrying over and plopping down on the floor next to Jay. "But, if Sensei gets back and finds all this, he's probably not gonna be happy." The ninja exchanged glances, most worried, one I-told-you-so.

"Well… I guess we've got to get rid of them." Cole said slowly.

"Great!" Lloyd shoveled more M&Ms in his mouth.

"We can't eat ten pounds of M&Ms before Sensei gets back from buying tea!" Jay protested. "Even between the six of us, that's more than a pound a person, and we don't have a lot of time!"

"Jay is correct, that would be far too much to eat before the end of the day." Zane cautioned, gently pulling the open bag of chocolate from Lloyd's hands. "Besides, those of us with enamel teeth would likely suffer from it."

"I'm not going to pretend I know what that thing about teeth means, but I'm with Zane." Kai agreed. "And, Lloyd, take a break from the candy." Lloyd tore open another bag.

"No."

"Lloyd, how about this?" Zane began, taking the second bag from him as well. "If you don't eat them all, would you like to help me make M&M cookies?" Lloyd's eyes widened.

"Heck yeah."

"Wonderful. Cole, will you help me gather the other ingredients?"

"Sure. I can't burn anything that way, I guess." The black ninja shrugged.

"I want to help." Nya got to her feet. "It's been forever since I've made cookies."

"Oh, well, me too." Jay quickly followed her up.

"Wonderful! It can be a family activity, then." Zane announced. Slowly, all eyes turned to Kai. The red ninja managed to keep a firm scowl on his face for about ten seconds before breaking down and letting out a long sigh.

"Alright, fine, I'll help. Let's go… do family things, or whatever."

"Yay!" Lloyd cheered, grabbing a handful of M&Ms from the bags Zane was holding. Zane just sighed.

So, the ninja obtained a recipe, and all the ingredients required, and made batch after batch of bookies. Contrary to Zane's hopes, making cookies did not stop Lloyd from eating more and more M&Ms, and eventually he wandered out of the room and passed out on the living room couch. The rest of the ninja, fortunately, had enough self-control to keep from making themselves sick, and continued making cookies late into the day.

"Hey guys?" Nya spoke up as the sun started to set. "Is this really any less conspicuous than ten bags of M&Ms? The ninja glanced around at the racks of cooking cookies on nearly every surface, flour smudges on every ninja from head to toe, and more than a few M&Ms scattered on the floor.

"No." Zane admitted. "We should get to work on cleaning up this mess. Cole, stash the remaining M&Ms in a cupboard."

"What about all of these?" The earth ninja asked as he obeyed, nodding at the cookies as he tossed a couple M&Ms into his mouth.

"We'll bag them up and hide them. Maybe give some away. Just hide them wherever you can. Jay, wake Lloyd, please. Kai and Nya, help me clean." Kai groaned and fell over on Cole, who caught him with obvious reluctance.

"I'm so tired. Everything hurts." He complained. "Cole, this is your fault. You and your stupid M&Ms." Cole dropped him on the floor with a thud. "Ouch."

"We're all tired, Kai." Zane assured him. "But we all have to pitch in if we don't want to get in trouble."

"What problem could Sensei have with a few cookies?" Kai scowled. "I mean, he didn't have to make them. I, on the other hand, never want to see another cookie again for the rest of my life." Without breaking eye contact with him, Cole took a warm cookie from one of the cooling racks and stuffed the entire thing in his mouth. "I can't believe you made me watch that with my own two eyes."

"On your feet, Kai." Zane grabbed his arm and dragged him upright. "Jay, get Lloyd." The blue ninja, who had been watching the spectacle with glee, blinked and hurried out of the room. Lloyd was sprawled out on the living room couch, one arm drooped over the side onto the floor."

"Hey squirt, wake up." Jay rubbed the blond's hair. Lloyd grumbled under his breath, swatting him away.

"'Squirt'? I'm like a foot taller than you!"

"Which is really unfair, honestly." Jay crossed his arms. "But, anyway, Zane says you have to come help us clean. Up an' at 'em." Lloyd rolled over to frown up at him.

"Clean? Clean what? What time is it? Oh gosh, where am I?" He rolled over again, off the couch and onto the floor with a thump. "Ow. My stomach hurts."

"It's like 4:30, you're in the living room, and clean up the kitchen." Jay thumbed over his shoulder back towards the kitchen. Lloyd closed his eyes with a groan.

"I'm tired. Why does my stomach hurt? I don't remember anything after Cole going to the store." Jay let out a bark of laughter.

"You ate too many M&Ms, spazzed out, and fell asleep."

"What?" Lloyd's eyes shot open. "We have M&Ms? And… do I smell…" he sniffed the air. "Is that cookies baking?"

"Yep! Which is why we're cleaning up the huge mess we made. Now get your butt in here."

"But I didn't make the mess!" Lloyd protested as Jay began to walk away.

"Doesn't matter! 'Those who shalt not work, shalt not eateth cookies'." The blue ninja told him in as important a voice as he could muster. Lloyd blinked.

"That's not fair."

"Well, if we get in trouble for trashing the kitchen, we'll make sure you're included." Jay shrugged, and Lloyd scowled.

"That's blackmail."

"It's business." Jay winked at him before returning to the kitchen.

However reluctantly, the ninja managed to get the kitchen back to its original state, and maybe even a bit cleaner. The cookies, they loaded up most in plastic, zipper-lock bags and hid under a bunch of pots and pans in the pantry. The remaining, Zane stacked on a pretty plate and set on the counter- the Bounty did still smell like cookies.

The ninja were just getting themselves cleaned up from… cleaning, when they heard the telltale thump of Sensei's dragon landing on the deck. They hurriedly finished their preparations, and gathered back in the kitchen, doing their best to look casual. A minute later, Sensei entered the room, a bag that presumably contained tea in his hands and Misako trailing behind him.

"Good evening, students." He greeted them, prompting a chorus of "Good evening Sensei"s from the group. "How was your day?"

"It was great." Kai replied, maybe a bit too quickly.

"Yeah." Lloyd agreed, also too quickly.

"We made cookies." Jay blurted, gesturing to the plate on the counter. Sensei raised an eyebrow.

"So you did." He stepped over and took one, taking a small bite. "They're very good. Well done." He praised, then set his bag of tea on the counter and walked away, Misako giving them a smile before following him out. The ninja didn't move, listening to their retreating footsteps, until they faded out. A horrified look on his face, Kai slid from the counter he leaned against to the floor.

"He knows." He whispered.

"Undoubtedly," Zane sighed. "It was a valiant effort."

"What do we do now?" Lloyd asked, covering his mouth to hide a yawn.

"Play dumb?" Cole suggested. "Maybe he'll forget."

"When does Sensei ever forget anything?" Jay protested. "Maybe we should just go and apologize."

"How about we sleep on it?" Lloyd suggested, folding his arms on the counter and resting his chin on them. "How about we sleep? I'm tired." Kai patted his leg.

"I'm with Lloyd. This was exhausting. We'll decide on something in the morning."

"What about dinner?" Cole asked hopefully. "It's already late. We should eat." Four pairs of suspicious eyes turned to him (Lloyd's were already closed). "What?"

"Everyone saw you sampling at least one cookie from every batch." Nya pointed out. Cole threw his hands up in the air.

"I'm a growing boy! I need my nutrients!"

"No you're not. You're dead." Jay stuck a finger through his arm. Cole looked sad.

"Now that's just hurtful."

"Very well, Cole, I will make you dinner." Zane patted his shoulder. "Everyone else may go to bed. And, someone, please carry Lloyd. I believe he has already fallen asleep." Sure enough, Lloyd was asleep standing up, drooped over the kitchen counter.

"I got him." Kai rolled his eyes and stood, scooping up Lloyd and carrying him from the room amid the blond's sleepy protests. Nya and Jay drifted after them, discussing some mechanical problem and leaving Zane and Cole in the kitchen.

"I did it to get back at Kai for making me go to the store when it was his turn, but honestly? This has been a really nice day." Cole said with a yawn, watching as Zane began digging in the refrigerator for something to cook. "Like you said, it was like a family activity. Baking cookies. It's so… normal."

"Heaven knows we don't have enough normal in our life." Zane shook his head in regret. "Chicken or fish?"

"Fish. I like to take out my anger at not being able to touch water on things that can." Zane just nodded and carried it over to the stove. "But I like our life. It's not normal, but it's constant for the most part. It's our normal." Zane nodded again, smiling.

"So it is."