Happy Asexual Awareness Week 2022! Basically all the turtles are aroace, except Leo. He's aromid.
"Oh, Jim! But I always loved you! This whole time, since the moment we met— Didn't you notice?" The woman in the movie swooned, disheartened.
Two out of the four teenage boys cringed, audibly groaning in their own ways, while the other two let out enthusiastic awwws. Leo smacked his forehead and groaned into the sky, Mikey held his clenched hands up to his face and he grinned his gap-toothed grin, his eyes twinkling; Raph's hands flapped at his sides and his eyes crossed as he giggled, and Donnie fell backwards onto the ground from his perch on the living room sofa chair, immediately getting on his tablet out of sudden boredom.
"Instant zero out of ten stars. Just for that line." Donnie said curtly, his tablet raised over his head as he typed.
"What was that even for? Seriously! Who was that for!" Leo raised his arms toward the screen, looking from it to his three brothers. "Where did that even come from?"
"It goes against all logic!"
"Right?" Leo agreed, legs crossed with one hand gripping his lap and the other palm up in a shrug. "It's like they just shoehorned it in at the last minute!"
"What are you guys talking about? That was beautiful!" Raph pursed his lips at his two bros, the sofa chair creaking under his weight. His father hated when he sat on the chair; he always left holes from his spikes in the cloth. "Lou Jitsu movies never have these scenes! That's partly what I appreciate about Jupiter Jim movies! They hit you right in the feels!"
The two turtles murmured their dissent, shaking their heads emphatically. Mikey, on the other hand, was nodding along in agreement with Raph and frowning at Leo and Donnie.
"It's so unrealistic. She hated him when they were getting to know each other. You can't just be in love with someone the moment you meet them! It's bad cinema." Donnie said, getting back up onto the arm of the chair.
"It's also just straight up annoying," Leo started. "Why even add it? What does it bring to the story? They were barely even good friends— but just because they're a man and a woman they have to be together." He rolled his eyes. "What kind of toxic 90s sitcom trash is that?"
"I agree; it's mediocre at best." Donnie nodded, pursing his lips.
"It's not about realism!" Mikey complained. "It's about the heart! How can you be so cold and ruthless?"
The two scoffed. Leo crossed his arms, "I can't believe I'm agreeing with Donnie about something."
"Ditto," Donnie drawled, eyes on his tablet and back to Raphael, who was glowering at him.
"I don't get what's up with you guy's hatred of romance themes." Raph peered one eye at the purple turtle.
"They're boring." Donnie said at the same time as Leo said, "They're boring trash."
Raph and Mikey gasped. "Take that back!" Mikey frowned tightly at them, voice rising.
"Think about it! Who wants to be with someone they've hated the entire past week?" Leo looked off into the corner, his hand palms up in a pondering gesture. "Crap, who wants to be with someone, period?"
"Ok, you got a point." Raphael begrudgingly agreed. "I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who treats me like that." Raph raised an eyebrow, a sideways finger gun pointed at the projection on the wall from his lap. "Actually, I can't imagine being in a relationship at all! But it isn't real. It's the possibilities it brings to the table."
"It's lazy writing is what it is," Donnie said. "Making a character fall in love instead of actually developing them is just what writers do when they can't think of anything satisfying to fill plot holes."
"Man, you guys were like this last movie, too!" Mikey's fists were hidden inside his crossed legs, his lower lip rising to match his stank eyes at the two haters.
"That's right! This is the third time this has happened this week!" Leo straightened his back. "What kinda world do we live in where you can't watch one well-made action movie without any romance in it?"
"Ah, what a utopia that would be.." Donnie looked up into nowhere with his hands clasped against his cheek, his eyes shining with hope and fascination.
Raph watched him from his seat next to him. "…Ya'll are weird."
"C'mon guys, we all know it's not real. It's just a thing TV studios made up to get big; and obviously it worked, because people loved it, and now everyone's doing it!" Mikey waved his arms in emphasis.
For a few seconds, silence completely overtook the dojo. Then Leo asked, "Mikey, did you just say that romance isn't real?"
Mikey frowned. "Of course it isn't real. Leo..did nobody tell you?" He looked concerned, like this was akin to Leonardo still believing in the Tooth Fairy or Santa, which was ironic, because Mikey did believe in those myths.
"Bro, I don't know how to tell you this, but people actually like each other. In real life. Did I tell you guys about Big Mama and Splinter?" Leo froze, his tongue out and his arms crossed at the wrist before he cringed so hard he was shaking all over. "Eugh! So gross! Never. Wanna. See that. Again."
Mikey was still computing what he'd said earlier, his eyes crossed to different ends of the room.
Raphael spoke up first. "Wait, what?"
"Yeah, dude, people fall in love for real." Leo looked behind himself to the big guy on the sofa chair, frowning.
"Eh, jury's still out on that." Donnie shrugged, scrolling down his tablet.
"So Dad and Big Mama are really.." Raph's eyes went big. He couldn't even finish the thought.
"Yeah, it's hard to believe Dad would ever be into that stuff. He's so…" Mikey started and didn't finish; they were all reminded of Splinter walking around in just a short robe and nasty underwear, scratching his butt and squatting. They shudder.
"It's gotta just be a human thing, right?" Donnie brought up, his goggles now placed over his eyes to shade him from the horror on the wall.
"Donnie? So you were really..into that..cartoon mascot of Atomic Lass?" Mikey asked, afraid.
"That's different!" Donnie rolled his eyes and neck. "I wasn't into the mascot, that was just for fun; it's not like I actually like her. She's a fictional character, I.e., not real. Not like I have a shot with her ever reciprocating in real life."
"And it's in every movie! You can't get away from it!" Raph added, now understanding where his brothers were coming from and horrified, legs and arms spread out. "It's everywhere!"
"I mean, I get thinking a girl is pretty or a guy's handsome, but actually wanting to date them?" Leo looked grossed out beyond belief.
"Yeah, I mean, I'd like someone to hold hands with, but, in all honesty, I have you guys for that. I'd rather be with you guys for the rest of my life than some rando." Mikey admitted.
"Aww~" Raph and Leo cooed.
"Gross yet appreciated." Donnie said with an approving voice, his eyes stuck anywhere but at the paused projection.
"Anyway~" Mikey glared at Donnie with a pout on his face. "I refuse to believe any of it is real. It's gotta be some long-standing joke!"
"Nah, nope, according to human sociology and the chemicals that flow through the brain, romance is real, unfortunately," Donnie dissented, equally disappointed. He placed his tablet in his lap and sighed into the air.
"Could NOT be me," Leo rolled back and forth on the edge of his shell, holding his ankles in hand.
"I know right?" Raph agreed. "I mean, I really thought this whole time that it was just a movie trope."
"I wonder why it's so prevalent?" Mikey questioned. "It can't be normal if none of us like it."
Donnie coughed into his hands as Leo smirked. "That's not really taking into consideration us not being exactly normal."
"Whatever, man." Raph guffawed. "All I know is that it's weird; wait…you don't think that..."
"What?" Leo asked.
"The thing that comes next? In movies? It's not real, right? It's definitely, really, the fake one, right? Leo? Donnie?" He started to panic as no one answered him. They looked at him with confusion. "Whatever comes next? You know?"
"Whatever comes next?" Mikey's face contorted in confusion.
Realizing what he was talking about, Leo smirked, turning his face away from his naive little brother.
"Ehh, that's a no from me. I don't even wanna look it up. Nope, no." Donnie rolled his eyes at the terminology.
"Ugh, dude, I don't want to have this conversation with my brothers!" Leo whined as Mikey looked from one turtle to another.
"What's 'whatever comes next'?" He asked, desperately.
Raph ignored him. "What, Don, so you're saying it is real, then?"
"I don't want to explain to you the mutants and the machines, okay?" Donnie answered as Leo repeated Don't wanna hear it. Don't wanna hear it. Gross gross gross with his eyes shut and ear holes covered. "I can teach you about any other kind of science but that."
Raph grimaced, just as Mikey crossed his arms and pouted. "I couldn't imagine myself doing that. At all." Raph put a hand over his heart. "The very idea is disgusting and against my very nature."
"That's kinda harsh," Leo said, finally unballing himself. "Yeah, sure, dating is one thing, but 'what comes after' at least makes sense. I get it, at least."
"You get it? What is there to get?" Raph screwed up his face, then looked at Donnie.
"Off." Donnie said, scrolling down his phone, now, uncomfortable.
Raph, not getting it, looked down at Leo on the ground, who smirked up at him until the butt of the joke finally hit him. He flinched.
"Well, since you guys aren't gonna tell me what you're talking about, I'm gonna text April." Mikey announced pettily.
"About what?" Leo asked.
"I'm gonna ask her if she believes romance is real or not."
"It's not a myth," Leo said.
"Then she can prove it."
"If we're talking science—" Donnie began.
"Oh! And music! It's always in music! Love songs are their own genre!" Mikey interrupted. "Ugh! I hate it when Dad sings those dum dum, icky karaoke love songs!"
"Not just love songs. It can sneak up on you anywhere," Raph's eyes widened scarily as he spread out his hands, it being a word he couldn't say aloud with kids in the room. "Like the bogeyman."
"Remember that show that came out all those years ago that ended with the two rivals apparently getting married?" Leo flashbacked.
"Ah! I hated that!" Mikey groaned. He gasped. "Wait, is that how you guys feel all the time?"
"And the movie where the Viking god guy fell for some girl in three days?" Raph mentioned.
"She was not some girl, she was a scientist!" Donnie defended.
"And then that horror show with the kid who went missing? And several seasons later it was revealed that he was apparently in love with the other main character the whole time?" Leo brought up.
"Yes!" Mikey hollered. "And even in the first season, the character's were being paired off with zero chemistry! And the one couple who did, ended up breaking up in the beginning of the second season!"
The entire group groaned. Raph raised his hands to the heavens, Donnie's head went limp, and Leo fell onto his side and faced the wall in frustration.
"See, you're getting it..! Like I said, this is why we stick to Lou Jitsu movies. Among other things." Leo said.
"I really can't believe it..I love romances..! What's happened to me? What have you two converted me into?!" Raph points at Leo and Donnie, scowling in disbelief.
"Yessss," Leo hissed. "Join us! Join the hatersss!" He beckoned Raph with his hands, curling his fingers toward himself and Donnie. "See the lack of representation..!"
Mikey's phone dinged. When he looked at it, he exclaimed, "What!" And glared down at the text with a pout. "April says romance is a real thing! Says WHO?" He typed back.
Says common sense. Haven't you had a crush before? She texted back.
"A crush?" Mikey repeated, incredulous.
"Never heard of it," Donnie looked towards the corner of the room, bored.
"What's that?" Leo played along, shrugging noncommittally.
"Sounds made up." Raph said at the same time as his brothers.
Mikey texted back. If that's real then how come me and the guys have never felt it?
There was an ellipses for a while. Then a pause. Then another ellipses. Another pause. Then: oh boy
Donnie was tapping on his tablet again. "Looks like there's this thing online for it. Apparently~…" he squinted at the screen. "It's a lgbtq thing."
"It?" Raph asked skeptically.
"Knew there was something queer about us." Leo smirked at the projection on the wall. "What's it say?"
"Yeah, what's it say, Donnie?" Raph leaned over in the old, raggedy sofa chair, trying to get a good look at Donnie's screen. The chair creaked under his weight as he squinted one large eye and widened the other, pursing his lips.
Donnie stood to his feet next to the chair, his expression bored as his nub of a finger scrolled down the search page. His goggles sat flat against his bald, green head, his feet pointed in opposite directions but touching at the heel, like two magnets repelling each other. A light frown dawned his face, which was more likely caused by his focus rather than any disconcertion. "Oh yeah…we're queer, alright…" he murmured absently. His forefinger moved up and down with increasing speed as he read faster and faster, his brothers slowly rising into view and invading his space, watching his screen with wide, interested eyes and gaped mouths.
Mikey's bandana rose over his forehead as he grinned and grabbed Donnie's arm, causing his brother to stop scrolling, and pointed at the mix of colors on screen. "Ooo! That one's yellow and orange! Those are my colors! What is it?"
Donnie's eyes traced over the page. "It's the…uh, aroace flag."
Mikey fist pumped the air. "Hey yeah! I don't know what that means but hey yeah!" His voice pitched as he showed off his gap-toothed smile.
"It's got shades of blue, so me too, brother," Leo said with his trademarked, perfect-toothed smirk, fist bumping Mikey.
"Twinsies!" Mikey squealed, for lack of a better word. His voice pitched an octave, as it usually does. "We're blood, for real!"
Donnie scrolled down more, only for Raph to grab his wrist this time. "Aye, that one's red." He noticed. His eyes were wide with awe. "What's that?"
Once again, Donnie read off the screen. "Uuh, that's…apa-apothi? Romantic."
"I'll be that one." Raph sat back in the chair with sparkling eyes, all dramatic, as if he were seeing another universe— which was surprising, because they had seen another universe before and he hadn't been nearly as impressed then.
"That's not how that works—" Donnie began as Leo swiped the tech right out of his hand and started scrolling down it himself, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth.
He stopped at one. "Ooo! Ooo! This one's all blue! Looks like I was too hasty, dear Angelo!" Leo grinned, and his brothers pulled in around him to look at the newest flag. He held his arms out so they could get a clear look at it. "Fraysexual! Let's go, baby!"
"Oh nice!" Mikey exclaimed from over Leo's shoulder, peering from over his brother's shell.
"Yeah, yeah," Donnie moved forward and took his tablet back from Leo's hands, turning to face the turtles while Leo frowned and glared at him. "It doesn't work like that but whatever, who cares— the important thing is—"
"What about you, Donnie?" Mikey asked, arms slugged around Leo's shoulders as he leaned over his shell. "What's yours?"
"I was getting to that—"
Leo snatched his device again and scrolled back up to a flag of black, grey, white, and purple. "Oh it's got to be this one!"
Raph and Mikey looked at it over Leo's shoulder. Raph took it into his hands and said, "Oh, it's got Donnie written all over it!"
Mikey laughed and nodded in agreement, his grin huge.
Donnie, confused, said, "What? Let me take a look at that."
Raph showed the screen to Donnie. Donnie looked to speculate the flag for a few seconds, then took the tablet back. "Oh, yeah..! This was one of those flags we saw at Pride, remember? The one we couldn't identify at first glance?"
"Oh, yeah!" Leo perked up. "I remember that! And the green one. It was green, right?"
"Uh huh, yeah, I guess so. This flag works well, but I was thinking more this one!" He scrolled down a bit and turned the screen around for his brothers to see, his eyes closed and mouth in a smile.
The boys leaned in to get a look.
"Don't ya think? Nonlibidoist," Donnie said aloud, a fist on his hip and his chest out.
"What does that mean?" Mikey asked aloud what the rest of the brothers were thinking. The flag was purple on red, with a pinkish-grey V-shape in the middle.
Donnie quickly pulled his tablet away before they could read the caption all the way through. "Nothing, nevermind, doesn't matter what it means." He suddenly realized how awkward it would be to explain it to Mikey and turned away from them, holding the tablet to his chest.
"Uh, I guess you kinda got the assignment?" Raph said in a question, one side of his bandana raised and the other furrowed.
A text from April rang on Mikey's phone and he checked it while Leo pointedly got out his own phone and went to the same website Donnie was on.
"What the heck's aromantic..?" Mikey mumbled as he went back to his sitting spot.
Minutes later of Leo scrolling through labels ("Hey! I found the green one from Pride!") and Michelangelo texting April("Why can't hand-holding be nonromantic?"), Leonardo finally commented, "Oh hey, check this out." He read aloud, "Incapable of distinguishing between romantic and platonic feelings."
"What's that?" Raph asked, once again sitting in that chair, one leg strewn lazily over the shoulder.
Leo sat on the floor before him, next to Mikey. "Quoiromantic… French! How fitting," he smoldered.
"You think that's cool? Check this out—" Donnie said, "Bellusromantic." He slurred the word, drawing out the L's.
"Dang!"
"Mm, yeah, how did that sound?"
"Wazzat?" Raph leaned over his leg to get a peek at the flag on the screen.
"Flirting but without any interest in actual dating," he answered. "Basically." He was grossly over-simplifying it.
"Ayyee!" Leo exclaimed agreeingly. "Like the sound of that!" He raised his phone in a cheer-like motion and brought it back down to his face, smiling down at the screen. "I'm really into this aromid thing."
"Aro? Like aromantic?" Mikey asked, still looking at his phone. "That's what I am. At least, that's what April's saying."
"Yeah, that's it, lil brother," he replied, flipping his phone in the air and catching it. "Aro for aromantic and the mid part for fraysexual, which I am." He pressed his fingers to his chest and smiled proudly, eyes closed and bandana raised.
"Wouldn't it be arofray, then?" Mikey tapped a reply into the messaging app and sent it, a short ding ringing out.
"No, because the mid stands for everything on the spectrum, not just fray," Leo told, matter of factly with a tiny lilt to his voice. "But I do like how that sounds… I should coin that..!" He opened up his phone and started tapping something out. "Anyway, Mikey, I thought you said you didn't like labels?"
"That was before I knew there was one for me!"
"I'm having trouble deciding between aegoromantic or fictoromantic. They both kinda work for me," Donnie mumbled, not really paying attention to his brother's conversation.
Raph, looking over Donnie's shoulder at the flags he keeps scrolling to and from, laid back against the other arm of the chair, both legs up, and mumbled to himself, "..Still not understanding the assignment…"
"April says it's normal for kids ages five to eleven to have their first crushes." Mikey raised his voice for all of them to hear.
"Huh?" Leo.
"No way!" Raph.
"You're lying. That's a lie." Donnie.
"Wow, we really are missing the romance gene." Leo said, bottom lip pursed as he reread over the definition of quoiromantic. Being unsure of what romantic attraction is? Check. Finding the concept nonsensical? Check. Not identifying with romantic attraction as a concept? What does that mean? What? Questioning for so long that the questioning is the identity at this point? Yeah.. yeah…. And being incapable of distinguishing it from other types of attraction. Yup. "Queer as can be.." he mumbled under his breath.
"I don't see what's so difficult about it? Just choose what's closest and makes the most sense. Me? I'm sticking with the repulsed labels." Raph said. "I like it on my screens and such, and if April or one of you were to start dating, I'd be happy for ya, but me? Yeah. That's gonna have to be a no. Apothi-aroace it is!"
"Yeahhhh, I think aroace works for now." Mikey nodded almost solemnly, continuing to text on his phone. The more he thought about it the more confusing it seemed to get. Why were there so many labels? Where was the one where he could be lovey-dovey, cuddly, and funny with people he considered friends without it seeming romantic or sexual? What did Donnie say? Bell-something? He liked how it sounded music-related, but it was a bit wordy for his taste. He sighed. "Man, I'd rather have pizza than a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or whatever."
"Amen to that, brother." Leo replied.
"I feel that." Raph muttered agreeably.
"Nothing truer has ever been said." Donnie continued to scroll back and forth between the two definitions. "Eh, I'll just be both. Who's asking, right?"
"I 'unno, Donnie, with all the babes falling over you, you might gotta tell 'em what's up..!" Leo snickered at him, to which he glared back. He was gonna make Donnie's near future miserable. Just until he got tired of it. Who did Donnie have to flirt with? The Purple Jackets? Miku Hatsune?
"Oh, right, Mr. Alloaro, like you're any better than me." Donnie rolled his eyes. "How about you go break a few hearts, since you have so many options?"
"I'm aromid, Dorkatello. And unlike you, I can at least follow through."
"Maybe you should recheck what fraysexual means."
"Don't need to if it's just one night." He smirked, and Donnie gagged.
"Can you two stop? I don't wanna hear all that!" Raphael complained, pouting with a furrow in his bandana. "And boys? Neither of you could give anyone a relationship, aroace or not." They were way too dysfunctional, Raph rolled his eyes.
"What? Lame! I'm just saying! I mean, not even I'm immune to the charm of a cute guy; well, not for a while, at least."
"That's called aesthetic attraction, lil 'Nardo; I know you have a hard time discerning that among other things," Donnie muttered loud enough for Leo to hear but low enough to sound like he didn't care. He'd also read what wtfromantic meant and he could tease Leonardo about his orientation just as much.
Leo shut his phone off and placed it on the ground. "Yup." He said before tackling Donnie.
Mikey yawned as the rough and tumble went on beside him. Raph screwed up his face and began to stand. "Oh, come on, guys." As he went to grab them apart from each other, two different green-toned arms reached out of the dust and grabbed him, pulling him into the fight. Mikey continued to tap on his phone, paused, let his hands rest in his lap for a solid second in thought, then grabbed the projector remote and unpaused the movie.
The noise of yelps and pain went uncommented on as Mikey sat his phone down beside him, stretched his legs out, and leaned back on his hands, watching the Jupiter Jim movie with a bored look as the scene that started all of this played to its end.
The thumps of limbs hitting the floor and unintelligible yells stopped abruptly. "Hey, I love this part!" Raph's voice rang out. Mikey heard the sound of the sofa creaking and knees thudding across the ground as Leo and Donnie slipped onto the floor beside him, smiles now on their faces as they focused on the film.
"We should order pizza!" Leo mentioned.
"Already did." Mikey told, eyes glued to the wall.
The three brothers fist pumped the air, completely forgetting about the fight they were just having. "Let's goooo!"
After a few minutes, Mikey's phone dinged again, and he checked it for April's text. He gasped. "Hey guys!"
They turned to him.
He grinned at them, eyes alight. "Guess what week it is!"
leave a nice comment, please! Also, alloaros are the best, they're great and important! also alloaces, oriented aroaces, and angled aroaces(which leo would technically be cause hes quoiro fray)!
