Shaun Arroyo did not believe in an afterlife.

He never did, not even as a child, when he was stuck in catechist education, thanks to the perfunctory Catholicism of his family's. He believed in what he could see and prove, he believed that, once you died, that was the end of it. No heaven, no hell, no eternal life. Just nothingness.

So, as he stood and watched Sophie cry, curled up in the chair he once sat in, he began to think nothingness would have been kinder. Perhaps old Mrs. Helms had a point and there was a heaven and a hell, and he did not qualify for the upper echelons of eternal living.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God and that whole thing, he supposes. Though he admits he has never been much of a Christian, morality-wise, in any case, so perhaps it is rash of him to condemn the entire bourgeoisie just yet.

Death is a great opportunity for self-reflection. He is not a good man, and he did some shit in his time, but he wishes he could be spared of being tortured through the purest, most beautiful thing he held on his heart.

Shaun sighed from his place in the doorway as he watched his fiancée. He does not need to breathe anymore, but he feels weird when he does not, so he makes sure that he keeps up with it.

He cautiously stepped into the room, his steps silent against the wooden floorboards which would usually creak under his weight, but not anymore. Sophie had been crying all day, completely wracked with grief. It was almost too much for him to bear, or it is, and he just has no other choice but to stand there and do it anyways.

At first, he had desperately tried to comfort her. He yelled and shouted until he felt sick of his own wailing, hopelessly trying to tell her that he was right there, that she was not alone. He gave up trying to get through to her a week after the funeral.

Shaun turned as he heard footsteps on the stairs and frowned when their owner entered the apartment.

"Jace…" The ghost breathed. "Jace, I'm sorry."

He took in his friend's appearance. He also seemed a complete mess, but he was on his feet which was more than what could be said for his fiancée.

Shaun sighed as Jace looked right past him like he was not even there. In truth, maybe he really was not, as he did not receive a reply again. Why would he?

"You didn't answer any of my calls." Jace stated as he pulled his phone from his pocket and showed it to her.

Sophie does not answer and instead wipes at her eyes, not that there was any point in trying to hide the tears.

"I was worried, Sophie." He mumbled and looked away.

"Don't be." She muttered back, looking down and hoping to arrange herself into a presentable state. "I'm fine, Jace. It's alright."

"Bullshit." Jace's voice rose slightly.

His tone adopting a dangerous edge, so much so that it even caught Shaun off guard.

"Sophie, this needs to stop. You've completely locked yourself away from everyone! Your friends, your family. You won't talk, not to me, or Ruby. Even your father called to ask how you're doing. Hell, you don't even acknowledge the maid when she's in here!" He shouts, his voice full of anger and despair. "You don't sleep, you never eat. Sophie, you need to let this go, let him go. I know it's hard, it's been hard on all of us, but you can't let it destroy you like this!"

Jace's words rung in her ears as tears dampened her cheeks again. She wipes them out in the mousy sweater she wore, but it was also much too wet to be of any help.

The day Shaun died, Jace did not just lose one friend, he lost two. Sophie is completely broken, and she is not going to be okay for a very long time. He was desperate to get through to her, but given how she still refused to meet his eyes, he knew it is not working.

"Do you honestly think this is what he'd want?" The athlete asks, in a lower and chilly tone.

Shaun's eyes widened at his friend's words. He felt an uncomfortable sting in his chest as his eyes fell back on her and he realized how right Jace was. He hated seeing her like this, and he might not remember how he effectively died, but he knew he had no one but himself to blame for her pain. He is the ghost now, after all.

Jace, however, regretted his words the moment they left his lips. He is wrong in having said it, and he knows that she would react badly. Not to disappoint, her eyes quickly snapped up to meet his. Her tears did not stop as the anger took over her usually sweet expression.

"Get out." She growled.

It causes Jace to recoil at her tone. "Look, Sophie, I'm sorry, but…"

"I said, get out!" She shouts again.

Jace does not attempt to argue any further, as there is no point. Sophie is inconsolable and no words were going to get through to her. Not from him, not from anyone.

He raised his hands in surrender before turning to leave. Shaun watched him go, frowning his lips. It hurt him deeply to know that this was all because of him. He had caused all of this pain. He was the reason she is broken.

"I'm sorry, Sophie, I am." Jace murmured, stopping in the doorway. "But Shaun wouldn't want this for you. He cared about you, and if he were here, if he saw you like this? It would kill him."

The words were very harsh, but it was Jace's final attempt to break through to her. When he was only answered with silence, he sighed in defeat and left her to grieve in peace.

Shaun watched him go, an uncomfortable weight setting in his stomach. Whoever said being dead was easy clearly was not speaking from experience.

"He's right, you know?" Shaun voiced as he turned to her. "I cared about you, Sophie, certainly more than anyone else in my life."

Shaun knew that she could not hear him and that trying to speak to her was pointless, but he did not stop. He does not want her to waste her life grieving for him, and until he learnt how to properly haunt this apartment, speaking is the best that he got.

"I want you to live, Sophie. I want you to breathe and smile and laugh and be happy. I want you to be the person I remember you to be. Not this." Shaun begged, his eyes burning with tears he could no longer produce. "Never this."

He was standing in front of her now, but she paid him no attention. Her gaze was fixed a few centimetres off to his left, staring at nothing in particular. He felt transparent.

He watched as Sophie suddenly sat up in his chair, rustling through her pocket before pulling out a small piece of paper. It took him less than a moment to figure out that it was a photograph. He felt some sort of despair claw at his own throat when he saw the image it held.

It was of them. She is front and centre, a smile adorning her face and faint blush on her cheeks. He stood behind her, side-eyeing the camera with a smirk, the usual cocky pose he held whenever a photographer turned their attentions on him.

Shaun remembers when they took it. It had been over seven years ago, at her introduction at the Science Society, when he stole Thomas' thunder for that stupid presidency run. He had put her on the spot, having her play along with the whole thing, and he remembers with a small chuckle the deer-in-the-headlights expression she wore the entire night.

It was the only picture they had alone together. The student newspaper did not use it for their story on that night, but the photographer called him the morning after to offer a copy of it, as they thought it had been a nice framing. He accepted it, and then immediately sent it to the girl, thinking it would have more value to her than to him.

He was not wrong. He recalled how Sophie had it framed, and then, after they began dating, took to keeping it in her coat pocket, carrying it everywhere, although she would never admit to it. The corners were frayed and there was a crease in the middle from how many times she had taken it out to look at it and then folded it back up for safekeeping.

The photo used to make her smile, even on her darkest days. Now, however, it was just a painful reminder of all she had lost.

Shaun watched as her eyes filled with tears once again and a sad smile pulled at her trembling lips.

"I'm sorry, Sophie." He managed, not knowing what else he could possibly say. He never meant to hurt or cause her so much pain. "I… I'm so sorry. I don't know what I should have done differently, but… Whatever it was, I'm sorry."

She raised her head and, for a single fleeting moment, he thought she could see him. It was almost enough to make his heart start beating again.

However, his hopefulness was short-lived. It did not take long for him to notice the absent nature of her gaze, how unseeing her eyes were. His heart sank once again. She is not looking at him, she is looking straight through him.

Her droopy eyes slowly fell back to the photo clutched in her hand. A tear slipped down her cheek and splashed against the surface of the photograph, dispersing small droplets against the frozen image of their smiling faces.

She chocked back a sob. This is too difficult, and she does not think she is going to be able to keep herself together.

"I miss you." Her quiet voice echoed in the seemingly-empty apartment.

Shaun watched in pained silence, knowing nothing he said would bring her any comfort. He placed his hand over her own and leaned in, planting a gentle kiss to her temple.

Sophie did not so much as blink. A gesture that would usually fill her stomach with butterflies now no longer prompted so much as a simple reaction.

"I know." He said, his heart falling into a black abyss as he helplessly watched her fall apart.

Even though he was in front of her, he knew things would never be the same. He would never be the reason she smiled or laughed. He would never get to see she grow excited as he spoke or feel her embrace as he held her in his arms.

Shaun would never get to be with her as he once was. Sophie is either going to move on and be happy without him, or would be miserable for the rest of her life. He does not know which one he hates less.

"I miss you, too."