There might be a delay on this, I have an urge to write in LRTD and Normal. Doesn't this fic just make you want to hit them until they realize they're in love? (I also have soooooooo many finals and no time, forgive me)
* Stuff in stars is in English. *
Thoughts will be in italics most of the time.
: Actions are in colons. : (That's where all the fun is ^.^) I know, bu-dum chhh! [MJb is a yaoi fan- reow! NOT of RK yaoi though]
(this fic is based solely on the anime, and the Revenge arc basically has never happened)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, it belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro and some other people like Jump comics and such. I'm not making any money off of this… unfortunately. :P.
Vocab for this chapter ^.^x :
"Yahiko, doshita de gozaru ka?" --- 'Yahiko, what's wrong?'
Mou --- Geez
Kenshin shook his head thoroughly upon leaving the grounds where the ship stood. His ear still wrung from having the translator in it for an extended period of time. His ached for so many more reasons than that however. He rubbed his temples as he walked downcast towards the dojo.
Damnit! he thought, and he might had said it out loud. I was GOING there so NOTHING would change! And I come out in worse shape than I was when I started de gozaru yo. He sighed and tried to think on the bright side, It could be worse… I could have not confronted him and then convinced Kaoru-dono from going. Then he would have kidnapped her and she'd be all alone de gozaru.
He pushed a branch out of his way as he shuffled along rhythmically. Oh, but this does not solve things by far de gozaru yo… he conceded, There's so much to be thought through and I didn't think of any of it! What will happen to Yahiko if both Kaoru-dono and I were gone de gozaru ka? He figured that perhaps Sano could take care of him, but that would be restricting Sano by much and Megumi was not an option because she would return to Aizu some day, and definitely within the year. Yahiko couldn't come with them; it was far too dangerous. The only reason Kaoru was even allowed to go was because she had to. At anytime they could be attacked and Kenshin couldn't protect two people in completely different places at the same time.
Kenshin's surroundings became more familiar and as he neared the house he realized he had a more immediate problem to think of. What am I going to say to Kaoru-dono?! he thought frantically. He stopped dead in his tracks and fear flew across his eyes; he wasn't any good at this kind of stuff!!! The thought of saying something like, "I'm not leaving your side de gozaru yo," (though it seemed romantic), filled him with the utmost fear, nay, fear for his life.
What if she were to take it the wrong way?! What if she thought it was a confession of love or a proposal? He swallowed, What if she… rejected me de gozaru ka?! All of these thoughts scared him immensely, and he could now see the wall of the dojo!!!
Oh, come on, reject you? Baka, part of his arrogant mind exclaimed with conceit. Shut up, you, he addressed himself. So part of his brain did recognize that Kaoru had affections for him. There was no way he saw at all how head over heels in love with him she was, but out of that, at least he recognized affection. You see, Kenshin felt that she felt the same way he pretended to feel, only was better at showing it.
Therefore, she might take my going with her as an advance, which it is not, and that is something I just can't handle right now de gozaru. Too much change de gozaru. He concluded that he had to stop all romantic tendencies immediately and had to say his piece in the least romantic way possible. In fact, he decided, he would just say almost the exact same thing he said to Sawyer in the same way. That's as unromantic as it got right?
At least he had come to a decision just as he reached the dojo.
Now, I thought, this is not a good sign. I watched as Kaoru silently walked up the steps and into the house to where her room was. The look on her face answered my questions as to whether or not she would decide to go. Even I felt some pity for her, because she looked ready to cry. It's so awkward when women cry in front of me for real. Since she was ready to cry I didn't say anything and didn't even continue to look at her for more than a glance. Even after she went inside I continued to stare at the spot I hadn't been sweeping for a half an hour.
What a stupid waste of time thinking could be.
And here I am, Myojin Yahiko-sama, wasting my time for some girl and her problems. Okay… that was a little extreme. I did have my own stake at mind as well.
See, I thought Kaoru would be all righteous and go off to kill some things in outer space or whatever because that's what she always teaches me to do. Sort of. I mean, she's always encouraged me to do what was right even if it meant butting into someone's business and all.
Here's the thing though, out of all of Kenshin-gumi, Kenshin treats me with the most respect and responsibility. Kaoru would be leaving, and there was no way she would be taking me with her. That was okay as long as I could stay with Kenshin… but I know them both too well, and definitely better than they know themselves, and if Kaoru was going, Kenshin was going too.
Where does that leave me? With Sano?! Even Kenshin won't let me go with them to this place and they might be gone for years. I can't live with Sano for years!!! He would eat all the food, and there'd be no one to borrow money from and then we'd both starve or eat each other or something. I'm better off supporting myself with a job at the Akabeko, but I can't live in the dojo alone. And, there is NO WAY I'm sleeping in that excuse for a room called Sano's 'apartment'.
So what, I'm thinking, am I going to do? Do you know how hurtful it is that I'll be the one left behind? Mou, there's only so much a man can take. They'll hug me or something embarrassing like that, and tell me how much they'll miss me- and then they'll LEAVE. That makes all their sentiments worthless.
I heard Kenshin approach the dojo, open the doors and walk up the path. I wasn't feeling particularly nice right then, so I gave him the most resentful scowl I could. Kenshin walked towards the steps and paused to talk to me.
I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to him. I was angry… but, but he's Kenshin! "Yahiko, doshita de gozaru ka?"
I narrowed my eyes but could think of nothing cutting to say, and I was too angry to whine too. "I'm just peachy," I muttered with anger and sarcasm. I quickly stepped to the side and started sweeping furiously, "Go ahead." Maybe Kenshin passed it off as anger at Kaoru, but he seemed concerned. Not concerned enough to stop his mission. He nodded and headed up the steps and through the much used entrance towards Kaoru's room.
I shook my head; people get so stupid when they're in love. But now back to my problem- so what was a guy to do in a situation like this?
Duh, steal aboard the ship. How could I do that… The ship was impossible to get into unless the thing was lowered, and I couldn't get on with Kenshin and Kaoru that way… Shit! The luggage, that's right. I can sneak in with the luggage, even if I have to sneak in within the luggage. (Kaoru may be neat, but she's a packrat, surely I'll fit in her luggage.) But when will the luggage be unguarded? … When everyone's saying goodbye. That means I can't say goodbye to Sano and Megumi but I'll write them something.
I felt a little better. Oh, wait, no, if everyone's saying goodbye and I'm missing they'll come looking for me. So I'll have to act really upset (not much of a jump from how I feel) and storm off in a really angry way. Angry enough for them not to follow me, but not so angry or upset that they'll need to follow me.
Hey, I'm pretty smart.
And with that I started sweeping once again.
About three steps away from Kaoru's room Kenshin was attacked with another bout of nervousness. It was only the third in what, five minutes? He needed to calm, for what reason did he have to be nervous? Not one. He was only preparing to run away to a dangerous war in the future with the only woman he'd loved in ten years and leaving behind the only family he'd loved in longer than that. No biggie.
Kaoru was someone he prized as a confidant. He could always speak to her about things before, all things except matters of the heart, which he failed a terrible, terrible death at. He mustn't think about that now. This had nothing to do with matters of the heart anyway.
It didn't.
Stop looking at me funny; they're his thoughts.
She would do anything for him, including risk her life; they were a team, and he felt the same way. Besides, he'd risked his life to save hers before; it wasn't news. He had nothing to worry about… except that this time he wasn't saving her life per say, but he was going so that she would not have to face her hardships alone. He couldn't very well say that she should deal with it herself because it's the only way that people grow; the circumstances were abnormal. She was only seventeen years old. She shouldn't need to feel all the pain and loneliness that- that he had experienced. It hurt him to see her suffer when she should be filled with mirth and possible violence.
He realized he was much closer to the room now and his thoughts had side tracked. The matter at hand: My heartbeat is speeding up, I feel warm and my palms are sweaty. Kenshin chuckled to himself, I'm acting like a school boy asking his first crush out or about to give a girl my first kiss. Like how Yahiko acts around Tsubame when he thinks we're not looking de gozaru.
He stopped outside of her room and heard the faint sound of sobbing. Each of his feet slowed once again to a stop. She was already suffering, even before she left. All other thoughts of nervousness and confusion melted into concern and determination to explain what he decided so that she would not have to feel heartrending loneliness.
"Kaoru-dono?" had he not been so focused he would have wondered at his ability to sound so calm when he felt so distressed.
The sobbing abruptly stopped, and there was a period of shuffling before whatever was going on in her room ceased. She called back softly and with the rough edge to her voice of one who had been crying for long periods of time, "Not right now, Kenshin, I can't talk right now."
Kenshin stared at the shouji and waited, thinking. He had already decided he would not give up. It was all or nothing. "That's okay then de gozaru. I won't come in and you don't have to say anything."
"Kenshin…" she started to protest.
Kenshin turned his back to the shouji, sat in his usual position and propped his sakabatou in its usual place- thereby settling the argument. "I talked to Soiya-dono about the war. I didn't like his answers. This war is a very dangerous investment de gozaru."
Kaoru was torn between the agony of being inadvertently upbraided, and anger, "So are lots of things we've done…" Her anger faded and left her with a hollow feeling and dread of what she now needed to say, "I… I have to go." Tears welled once more in her eyes and she buried her head in her folded arms. She now sat opposite Kenshin against the shouji.
At Kenshin's next words fear grasped her heart and squeezed it mercilessly, "I thought you would de gozaru." Is he angry? Why- why does he sound that way… I knew it! I'll never be forgiven! This is the end of my happiness! "I wouldn't want to ruin the relationship we have by trying to stop you from going, because I know that it seems no matter what I say you would try to go." Kenshin hadn't noticed his wording, but Kaoru had.
"Please, Kenshin… it hurts as it is… I don't want to leave, but I would be nothing if I didn't do the right thing. Please, please don't decide now that-" her throat constricted at the possibility that he might try to stop her by confessing his love. She partially wanted to hear it, but at the moment, under the circumstances, it would only hurt her more. Besides, it would only be a way to bend her to his desires, Kenshin would hopefully never stoop that low in such a case as stands.
"Oro?" Kenshin was a bit lost, but he couldn't afford to loose his hold on the conversation and continued. "When you needed it, I've always tried to be there to protect you. Sessha would be nothing if I couldn't continue to protect my loved ones."
Kaoru's tear stained face poked up from her arms with a look of alarm. "Kenshin, what are you saying?" Should I dare to hope? I would stop him now but… I need to hear it too much. I've longed for him to say something for so long.
Kenshin, who was oblivious to what he was implying, tried to word this next carefully. He wanted her to keep faith in what she was doing so that she wouldn't be forcefully taken away without him. "You say that you have to go. Soiya-dono never said you had to go alone."
Kaoru's jaw dropped slightly; she stared ahead blankly but her mind was thrown into a sea of swirling emotions. She was, above all, shocked and off guard. Her overwhelming sadness about leaving was now added to by no small amount of disappointment. Unlike anything else though, she felt bubbling happiness.
Kenshin's nervousness that had subsided washed back over him immediately after the worse had been spoken. "Soiya-dono said that it had never been done before but that he had no objection. You don't have to feel so," he whispered, "alone, this way." He waited for her to say anything.
The sobs he heard from inside her room started up again, but they were different; this time they had a relieved breathy sound to them. She was not speaking to him though and so he took that as a cue to let her think everything over and leave. He stood up and took his sakabatou up. maybe I'm just running away… maybe I don't want to know what her answer to that is de gozaru. It didn't matter; Kenshin was ready to hightail it outa there.
So many thoughts and emotions were going through Kaoru's head at the time she didn't know what to cling to to keep her sane. She was miserable, excited, disappointed and frightened all at the same time. The only thing she could recognize was that she had a good deal of relief that Kenshin would be with her and wouldn't leave her. She wanted to say thank you. She wanted to do something, release how she felt or something like it. Only when she heard Kenshin leaving was she able to do anything but stare with shock at the opposite wall. She stood quickly, stubbed her toe, spun around anyway, threw open the shouji and meant to run to Kenshin but ended up tripping because of her toe and ungracefully launched herself into his arms sobbing.
When he heard the shouji slam Kenshin turned around besides his instinct to run away from Kaoru and all of a sudden he was holding her.
"Oro?"
Then his breath caught… she felt so perfect in his arms… he had forgotten how it felt to hold her. At first he had pulled back in surprise but now he took a careful look from left to right and allowed himself the pleasure of encircling his arms around her shaking form. He tried to comfort her by rubbing her back slightly. She sniffled into his gi.
The fact that she was still leaving everything else she loved reached Kaoru and she was once again crying silently into Kenshin's chest. With understanding Kenshin continued to comfort her with soft words like, "It'll be okay de gozaru," and held her gently.
Aw. I'm sorry this is short but I have finals and this was where the chapter was supposed to end. I have to write a paper now, wish me luck bc its gonna suck. Review
* Stuff in stars is in English. *
Thoughts will be in italics most of the time.
: Actions are in colons. : (That's where all the fun is ^.^) I know, bu-dum chhh! [MJb is a yaoi fan- reow! NOT of RK yaoi though]
(this fic is based solely on the anime, and the Revenge arc basically has never happened)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, it belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro and some other people like Jump comics and such. I'm not making any money off of this… unfortunately. :P.
Vocab for this chapter ^.^x :
"Yahiko, doshita de gozaru ka?" --- 'Yahiko, what's wrong?'
Mou --- Geez
Aw. I'm sorry this is short but I have finals and this was where the chapter was supposed to end. I have to write a paper now, wish me luck bc its gonna suck. Review
