Well, it's been a long time in coming and not really worth the wait but here's chapter 4. I've also tagged on a Chapter 5 (which is also posted). I'ld love to hear what you think.

(Qui-Gon's Thoughts)

Peace is an ideal so fragile that is seems an illusion, ephemeral at best. It can not be resolutely clutched in one's hands but only guarded in one's heart by a gentle embrace. It's length of residency marked by it's beholder's tenderness and purity of soul. But I have coldly brokered peace like a commodity without ever acknowledging it's true worth.

Now unmarred peace has touched my long guarded heart and I know what a miracle it's very existence truly is. Just as I know to whom I owe thanks for this precious gift. Obi-Wan. But even as peace covers my soul, I know it's stay will be fleeting if I let the barrier that my son has constructed around his own heart to stand, unchallenged, by the depth of my love.

I have fought in many battles, I have stared down hatred and I have defied the council. But it all seems child's play compared to meeting my 16 year old apprentice's eyes and telling him what is in my heart. "A Jedi faces his fears, runs from them he does not." Usually I would rather face a resurrected Sith than succumb myself to the vulnerability of emotions but the stakes are higher than my own life, than my own soul. If I fail in this "negotiation", I will forfeit Obi-Wan's love and that is a defeat I can not bear to suffer.

Daily I watch him struggle to manage the pain that still courses through him as the healers tend to his wound. He shoots me a worried look and I give him an encouraging smile. I know what he is afraid of, what he is waiting for. He expects me to withdraw my love, to reconstruct my barriers twenty times stronger than they were originally. He is anticipating my disappointment, and my abandonment.

I can not fault his caution nor his logic. How many times have I offered a slivering of my respect, of my love, only to pluck them savagely from his grasp, from his very heart. No worthy father withholds his love so cruelly. And no worthy father abandons his son to the manipulations of the world as I have done so callously. He thought he was unworthy to be a Jedi but it is I who am unworthy, to be a Jedi Master or to be a father.

But I am unwilling, even unable to quit the arena of either position. I can not leave Obi-Wan, not even for his benefit. No, instead I will keep my promise to him. I will become worthy of the titles bestowed on me, of the love he has given me. Now I must show him my steadfast resolve, prove that I will not abandon him nor withdraw my love, ever.

I enter the Medical ward to find him struggling to walk but I can sense his agony and weakness. He begins to crumble to the floor but I fly to his side and catch him with in my grasp. With great care, I pick him up in my arms. "I'm sorry, Master," he stammers and I cringe at the look of abjection in his eyes. A reaction I cultivated in him.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, my padawan. You haven't suffered a failure." And I hold my position as I watch his youthful face register my response. He is caught off guard by my response, is hesitant to accept it's leniency.

"But I did fail, master. I can't even walk across the room," his tone of self- loathing pierces my heart. I shake my head in denial. "This is a victory, Obi-Wan. Your body was severely injured and it requires time to mend. That you are drawing in a breath is a miracle, that you can stand is a wonder, that you can manage a step at all is more than the healer's foresaw at this stage of your recovery."

His look merges into relief and I smile at the sight. "Come, let's get you back to bed," and I carry my precious burden back to the bed, carefully lay him on the mattress and pull the covers up to his chin. I claim a seat on the side of his bed and he watches me intently. Suddenly I am not the master he has grown accustomed to, I have become unpredictable in his eyes. I am trying my best to shape that unpredictability into something he anticipates with joy instead of viewing with trepidation.

My voice is raw with anguish as I begin, "When I first saw you lying on the hanger deck," I swallow down my emotions even as I redirect my gaze to my hands in my lap. A moment passes while I marshal my feelings into array. Then I meet my apprentice's gaze again, "I thought you were dead." A shudder vibrates through me as the memory washes over me. "There was so much blood...your blood. And I...I couldn't help you, could only hold you in my arms and beg you to return to me, to save me."

The boy's eyes are huge in his pale face at my words. And I almost miss his quiet question, "Save you?" I brush my knuckles across his check, "Yes, my son, save me. I finally knew then what you meant to me, to my soul and I could not endure the loss of you. I knew it would destroy me, destroy me with a potential that Xanatos' betrayal never had. No matter how deeply my affection for Xanatos ran, my heart never claimed him as a son, not as it had you."

I let the truth of my words permeate the boy before I continue. "Some would probably say I used underhanded tactics to save you." A moment of silence falls between us. "I pleaded with you to stay with me ... but more than that. I told you that you would be abandoning me when I needed you most, that you would be forfeiting my life if you died. I exploited your honor, your devotion, your love to keep you by my side. I would not let the force have you, regardless if it were your destiny to die that day. I put my desires above everything else."

I look again down at my hands, ashamed of myself but knowing the truth had to be spoken. Meeting the boy's eyes, I speak the last truth that I had concealed for far too long, "And I don't feel regret for any of it because I love you, Obi-Wan, and need you by my side. I know I have failed you and hurt you but I will not do so in the future. I don't want to waste another moment of our time together being aloof and protected. I want to know the joys of having a son, of being a father, of offering love instead of greedily taking it. Please, Obi-Wan, give me another chance."

Again the world seemed to grapple in the grips of a black hole. This boy held my fate in his hands and I would not denounce his verdict. I had not the right. Obi-Wan's words were slow, measured but strong, "When I thought I would die, I wanted another chance...." Obi-Wan's head drops and I fear that his resolve is set, he will reject me.

I close my eyes as overwhelming pain shatters my heart. A Jedi's mission is to bring peace to all those who seek their aid. But I know I will never have peace in my soul without Obi-Wan's forgiveness. And I can not hope to offer to others what I can not obtain myself. Obi-Wan will decide my fate this day. I will either be Obi-Wan's Jedi Master or I no longer will be a Jedi.

My eyes fly open as a youthful hand touches my cheek and I am rewarded with the sweet sight of my padawan's face. Concern mars his pale face and I curse myself for being the cause of more of his pain. I offer an encouraging but small smile. The decision is his alone and it should be made, not out of pity, but out of love. "Tell me, padawan. What did you wish for?" my voice soft and striving to be light, even as my very soul lies close to desolation.

A guarded look falls onto the boy's eyes and I curse my pride. I am still trying to pretend my heart doesn't lie within the boy's hands. But Obi-Wan takes a steadying breath and I know his decision has been made. He meets my eyes boldly and speaks the words that will seal my fate.

"What I wished for...was a chance to tell you that I loved you as if you were my father." Suddenly breath is beyond my abilities as the words fall on my ears and my eyes watch my son's face. "And I wanted to make you care about me." A smile lights up Obi-Wan's face, "I guess I got my wish...and you got yours."

Without thinking of his injuries, I pull Obi-Wan into my arms but at the last second, I remember that I must be gentle with his healing body, and moderate my hug to something less than bone breaking. His arms wrap tightly around me and I murmur in his ear, "I love you, son." Almost simultaneously, Obi-Wan whispers in my ear "I love you, father". With those words, Obi-Wan decides my fate and captures my heart, forever. Unfathomable peace settles deep into my soul and I know there is nothing more precious in this life than love.

There's a cute epilogue in the next chapter and my final A/N.

Thanks to all who took the time to read this chapter!!!

Cheryl