Title:
This Feeling That Remains.
Summary: In
the aftermath of the car accident, the Gilmore Girls try to pick up the pieces
and move on.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the
characters of Gilmore Girls. This
story idea is my own, although it does contain some scenes from the actual show
in places. (mainly at the beginning)
Authors Note: This fic starts during the episode Teach Me Tonight, right after Lorelai leaves Rory at the hospital to go and find Jess. It's a Java/Lit fic.
To the person who asked where Dean is, he's in Chicago. But he'll be back for the End Of Summer Festival, just like her was in GG.
Thanks to ILoveJess, Jayde, yesitsme, lilacmoon, Starrychicke90, Arianna, blackrose, JCtigerwolf4e, Leigh and Katie for all your reviews. I wish I could do something for you all to show you how grateful I am. I'll think of something...
*~*~*~*
The house was dark and quiet as Rory cautiously crossed the
threshold. As silent as she tried to be while closing the door behind her, she
still caught Lorelai's attention.
"So you're home?" She asked. She didn't want an answer though.
Rory jumped in fright and fell against the door.
"Oh my god!" She gasped. "What kind of weirdo sits all alone in the dark
of her living room until 11 o'clock at night?" She asked, hostility still in
her tone no matter how much she tried to let it go.
"Me." Lorelai answered plainly.
"Noted."
Rory took off her jacket and started to walk towards her room. Lorelai was hot
on her heels.
"Where have you been?"
"Out."
"Yeah, I know that. But where… and why? I was worried." Lorelai sighed.
"You can stop worrying. The world is as it apparently should be." Rory
muttered bitterly, pulling a fresh pair of pajamas out of her dresser and
putting them on the bed.
"What do you mean?" Lorelai frowned.
Rory looked up at her mother and saw that Lorelai wasn't back for round two.
She was worried and genuinely concerned. Of course she was. Lorelai was the
person who cared most about her.
"I was just wandering around thinking." Rory shrugged as she pulled off her
shoes and threw them lightly towards her closet. "I needed some time to think.
Alone."
"So that your thoughts could be heard instead of everyone else's?" Lorelai
asked almost apologetically.
"Something like that." Rory nodded and sat on her bed.
Lorelai watched her for a minute and then joined her, making sure she sat a
little way away from Rory to give her some space.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too."
"I didn't mean to get so upset. It's just… sometimes, I feel like I have
no choice in anything." Rory admitted quietly, looking down at the bed.
"Oh sweetie… you always have a choice!" Lorelai insisted, closing the
distance between them and putting and arm around her daughter.
"Really? I don't know." Rory shook her head.
"Talk to me."
"Tomorrow?" Rory asked hopefully. "The sheer volume of words I've spoken
tonight has left me… wordless."
Lorelai smiled faintly and nodded.
"Tomorrow then." She agreed softly.
She pulled Rory closer and the two shared an embrace that lasted several
minutes. Strength was shared, pain was eased… questions went unanswered.
Lorelai kissed Rory quickly on the top of the head as she stood up, and then
walked over to the door.
"Goodnight, sweets." She smiled softly.
"Night, mom."
As she started to close the door, Lorelai remember something else she wanted to
say to her daughter.
"Rory?"
"Yeah?"
"Welcome home, babe. We missed you." She said, gesturing to the house around
them.
"Thanks mom. I missed you too." She smiled back.
Rory listened as her mom closed the door and walked through the house, up the
stairs and into her room. And when she heard Lorelai's bedroom door close, she
let out a long unsteady breath, her body relaxing.
It wasn't fair. Her body ached and her head pounded but somehow, she didn't
feel at all tired.
She wished Jess would call. With the help of a book, he could take her somewhere
different. They could accompany some lost soul as they figured life out for
themselves. Or sit between two soul mates and watch them struggle against what
was planned for them by everyone else.
Things that were so tiring and consuming that she was asleep before the journey
was over.
That was all their month had been about. He'd call and they'd make small
talk, though it was just as important to both of them as the rest of the call.
Then he'd pick up from where they'd left off in the book the night before.
Or if they'd finished a book he'd start a new one.
And she listened quietly and sometimes, not often but sometimes, they'd talk
about what they were reading and then he'd carry on with the story.
After 5 chapters or so, depending on the length of them, Jess knew Rory was
asleep. He'd finish the chapter and pause for a minute, waiting for her to ask
why he'd stopped. But she wouldn't. And then he'd say her name, and she
wouldn't answer.
She didn't know how much effort it took for him to hang up the phone then. And
she didn't know how much that scared him. He wasn't used to having something
in his life, someone, that he had trouble letting go of. Even for twenty-four
hours.
He didn't like how vulnerable that seemed to make him. How much he'd allowed
himself to actually look forward to their calls.
And at the same time, he cherished it.
Rory lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. The whole situation was just plain
awful.
* * * * *
Luke stepped into his apartment and made a beeline for his desk.
"Jess, have you seen the delivery organizer? I could've sworn I saw it right
here." He sighed as he rifled through each draw once and then started all over
again.
There was no response from Jess, and Luke was used to that. What he wasn't
used to was Jess staying in the apartment most of the day, but for the last week
that was all he'd done.
It'd taken some effort on Jess's part to convince Luke that he was owed a
weeks vacation, since it was his summer break and working in the diner every day
wasn't his idea of a break.
That's when he heard it.
Momma had a chicken, Momma had a cow, Daddy was proud, he didn't care how!
Luke frowned and slowly walked over to where Jess was sat.
"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" He asked in disbelief.
"It's 'Cow and Chicken'." Jess responded matter-of-factly.
"Good to know." Luke said dryly. "Why are you watching it, aside from its
rather sick premise… it looks like a kiddy show!"
"Yeah, but you see… I have been working hard all week, Uncle Luke… and I
have finally done it."
"Done what…?" Luke asked cautiously, almost afraid of the answer.
"I have single-handedly sunk to new lows in television viewing. I just sat
through 2 episodes of 'SpongeBob SquarePants', now I'm going to watch
'Cow and Chicken'. And when that's over I'll either watch 'The View'
or 'Jenny Jones'. It all depends on whether Jenny is doing make-overs or
paternity tests." He informed Luke.
Luke stared at Jess in bewilderment.
"Are you telling me you've been watching this crap all week?"
"Yes."
"On my television?!"
"Uh… Yes." Jess nodded, never looking away from the screen.
He shook his head in complete astonishment and slowly headed back for the
apartment door.
"As long as the nice folks at 'Jenny Jones' don't call you up and invite
you to take a paternity test on the show…. I don't care what you watch."
Luke announced.
"I guess that means that later, when I'm watching 'Freakazoid!', you
won't mind?"
"As long as its not some MTV show where no one seems to know what clothes
are… no, I won't."
Jess nodded and went back to watching TV, while Luke took one last glance around
the apartment and then opened the door.
"Oh, by the way… Rory's looking for you."
"Oh?" Jess forced himself to sound and look uninterested.
"Yeah. She hasn't exactly said that she is… but she sits in that
diner every morning looking like she's expecting some celebrity to come down
from our apartment. And when they don't, she leaves looking like a
teeny-bopper who couldn't get Britney's autograph."
Jess tried to hide the smirk that was threatening to invade his features, but
failed.
"Just thought you might want to know." Luke added.
"Thanks." Jess replied casually, saluting Luke with the TV remote.
Luke rolled his eyes and mock saluted back while mumbling something about
'Cartoon Network destroying brain cells' and then left.
He felt almost bad when he pushed back the curtain and stepped into the diner.
Rory's face lit up at the movement, and then fell when she saw that it
wasn't who she's hoped it'd be.
They said they'd be 'friends'. It was kind of hard to be friends with
someone if they never spoke to, saw or otherwise contacted you. But she knew she
had no right to be upset at Jess. None at all.
The bells over the diner door jingled softly, but Lorelai and Rory were so used
to the sound that they didn't look up. Luke, on the other hand, was always
checking to see which new customer the bells were welcoming.
This customer caused Luke's face to darken. The man approached Lorelai and
Rory where they were seated at the counter.
"Knock, knock."
Lorelai's head snapped up and a smile spread across her face.
"Who's there?" She asked in playful curiosity as she and Rory exchanged
pretend 'clueless' shrugs.
"Atch."
"Atch who?" Lorelai chuckled.
The customer pulled a handkerchief from his jeans and held it over Lorelai's
shoulder.
"Cover your mouth when you sneeze."
Lorelai laughed softly and accepted the handkerchief as she turned around in her
seat.
"Christopher." She smiled softly.
"Dad!" Rory grinned gleefully as she jumped off of her stool and hugged him.
"What a welcome!" He laughed, lifting her and hugging her tighter.
"What are you doing here?" Lorelai asked.
"I had a spare weekend, and I thought that Rory had been home long enough to
be settled again… and I just jumped on the bike and headed down to see the
Gilmore Girls!" He declared happily as Lorelai stood up and hugged him.
"We're glad you came!" Rory smiled broadly. "Right?"
"Right." Lorelai agreed.
"Me too. I just got hugged by the two most gorgeous women in Connecticut, you
could kill me now and I'd die happy."
"Well, as comforting as that is to know, we'll spare you." Lorelai
chuckled.
"Much appreciated." He laughed. "So… can I steal you away from your
precious diner, or are you still shoveling food into those bottomless pits you
call stomachs?" He teased.
"I think that was some form of ridicule." Lorelai gasped.
"I think so too." Rory agreed, unable to keep herself from smiling.
"No, no. I admire the amount of food you guys can consume in one sitting.
Always have." Chris assured them.
"Hmm." Lorelai eyed him suspiciously, her arms folded across her chest.
"What do you think?" She mumbled to Rory.
"Graciously accept the compliment and forget former ambiguous comment?" Rory
suggested.
"Sounds good." Lorelai nodded.
"Ok." Rory agreed as they both smiled at Chris.
"So, what now? Lunch?" Chris joked, seeing the almost completely eaten breakfasts sitting on
the counter.
"Ah, you jest, but you never know!" Lorelai giggled.
Luke watched sadly as Chris guided Lorelai and Rory out of the diner, the three
of them laughing and joking. A family.
He wasn't aware that, moments before, Jess had slipped into the diner and had
seen the happy group leaving.
"Are you ok?" Jess asked quietly. As much as he usually liked to annoy Luke,
he knew that this was nothing to tease or taunt about.
"I'm fine." Luke muttered, throwing his dishtowel onto the counter.
"Caesar, I'll be upstairs." He boomed into the kitchen before pushing past
Jess and disappearing behind the curtain.
Jess sighed and shook his head as he looked out of the window. He could still
see them.
It had always been obvious that Luke liked Lorelai. And whenever Chris came to
town Luke was on edge. Lately, Jess had watched Luke and Lorelai grow closer
than ever, and the look on Luke's face made it clear that this time it hurt
more than any other.
* * * * *
"Locked out?"
Rory looked up from her book and smiled slightly.
"Nope. I just felt like being outside. It's nice out. Not too hot." She
shrugged and closed the book, letting her thumb act as a marker.
"True." Jess nodded and remained standing in front of her.
"Oh…" Rory scooted across the porch step and patted a spot beside her.
"Sit."
"Is that a request or a command?" He smiled slightly.
"Depends which one you're more likely to respond to." She chuckled.
He sat beside her and they stared out at the Gilmore's front yard quietly,
neither feeling a desperate need to say anything.
"I love summer." Rory mused quietly, pulling her knees up under her chin and
hugging them to her. "Everything is so much more… alive."
"I prefer fall."
"Really?" Rory scrunched up her face. "But… everything is dying."
"Ah, but it does it in a very colorful way." He smirked.
"But it's still dying."
"But it's not dead. It's not as bright and loud as summer. But it's not
as cold and dead as winter. It's… just changing." He shrugged.
"I guess that explains why I'm not a fan of fall. I'm not one for
change." She smiled and he nodded.
"But that's the beauty of it. Everything around you changes, and you don't
have to change at all." He explained.
"Hm. I never thought of it like that."
"Glad I could open you up to a new way of thinking." He laughed softly.
They fell back into a comfortable silence, stealing glances at one another every
few minutes.
"Why are you here?" Rory finally asked.
"Not entirely sure." He admitted. "I stepped outside of the diner… put
one foot in front of the other a couple of times, and here I am."
"Oh. You took a little walk?" She smiled softly.
"It was more of a mosey, really."
"Not many people appreciate a good mosey anymore." She chuckled.
"I know. They're all so busy sauntering and strolling. It's sad how easily
they over look the thrill of a mosey." He continued as seriously as he could
with Rory giggling beside him.
"This is a very pathetic subject." She noted.
"Definitely. Maybe we should advance to something a little more intellectual?
Like… is the grass really greener on the other side?"
"Well… no." Rory laughed softly, trying to control herself and act as
seriously as Jess. "Look… Babette's lawn is exactly the same shade of
green as ours."
"Yes, but Babette's lawn isn't on the other side of anything." He
corrected her.
"It is."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. It's on the other side of the property line." She laughed.
Jess's brow creased into a frown and he opened his mouth to argue the comment,
but couldn't think of a good comeback.
"Nice going Gilmore. You just killed our most intellectually stimulating topic
of conversation!" He taunted.
"I don't know, maybe if you were a little smarter…"
"Hey!" Jess put on his most convincing wounded expression. "There are some
things that not even Chilton can teach you."
"Like what?" She challenged.
"Like… How annoying it is to have grass down your shirt."
"What?" Rory frowned.
In a movement that was so quick and coordinated that it only confused Rory more,
Jess grabbed a handful of freshly cut grass from the lawn beside them, pulled
the neck of Rory's shirt out a little and dumped the grass down her top.
Rory screamed and jumped up, hopping around in front of Jess, much to his
amusement.
"Pig!" She shouted at him through breathless laughter.
"Hey, I'm not one to run from opportunity." He answered simply.
"I can't believe you did that. If I told Taylor, he'd have you doing
community service for the rest of summer." She threatened playfully.
"For putting grass down Rory Gilmore's shirt?" He asked skeptically.
"Not even Taylor Doose is that cracked."
"Think about what you just said. In the same amount of unnecessary detail as
Taylor would." She chuckled.
Jess rested his chin on his hand and wrinkled his brow, trying to look as
thoughtful as he could. He smiled slightly.
"Wow… I'm right up there with the likes of a peeping tom." He laughed
softly.
Rory continued trying to get the grass out of her shirt and eventually gave up
and sat down beside him again.
"So…" He sighed after a brief pause. "What were you reading?"
Rory frowned and then realized she had been reading when he arrived.
"Oh." She picked up her book and showed it to him.
"'The Sun Also Rises'." He smiled slightly.
"Couldn't leave it unfinished, could I?" She smiled slightly.
He looked up at her and they held eye contact for a moment before she looked
down at her book.
"But you've read it before?" He asked, trying to break the tension filled
silence.
"Yeah, but I still can't just stop reading halfway through." She smiled
slightly. "I won't be able to forget that I didn't finish it. It'll
haunt me."
"You're so over-dramatic." He chuckled.
"I need closure. I can't just… eat half a chocolate cake and put the rest
in the fridge! What kind of person would that make me?"
"Normal?" He offered with a smirk and she glared at him playfully.
"It's like having half a conversation with someone and then walking away!"
She explained and he nodded.
As they continued to discuss Rory's inability to leave something half done,
neither of them allowed their minds to settle on what they both knew was
unfinished and unsaid. They were both too grateful for the comfortable
conversation they were sharing.
* * * * *
Lorelai opened the diner door and closed her eyes as she breathed in the smell of cheeseburgers.
"Mmm. Beef. It's what's for dinner." She laughed softly and was surprised when Luke didn't even acknowledge her presence.
She followed him back to the counter and placed her purse on a stool.
"Hey, Luke." She smiled cheerfully.
"Hey." He replied, still not looking at her.
"Um… everything ok?" She frowned.
"Dinner rush." He mumbled, gesturing to the other customers in the diner. "What can I get you?"
"Two coffee's, to go."
"To go?" He asked, finally making eye contact with her.
"Yeah, Chris is taking me out to dinner tonight, he says he has something he needs to tell me. But I promised Rory I'd stop by and get her a coffee."
"Dinner? Anywhere nice?"
"Apparently. It's Château… Château… Poulet or something else equally French." She chuckled.
"Well… it sounds nice. But sometimes things sound nice and then they aren't as nice as you thought. Sometimes somewhere like this Château Poulet place might give out the impression that they serve great food, but the actual food can make you choke or gag."
"Ok…" Lorelai frowned but tried to ignore the look of frustration on Luke's face.
"All I'm saying is… don't get your hopes up, 'cos sometimes these slick, fancy types… they can be a big disappointment. I mean… at least with… I dunno… food from a diner… you know what you're getting."
Lorelai smiled and nodded, knowing what Luke was saying, even though he wasn't aware that she'd cracked his 'code'.
"And I know that you're probably sick of diner food, 'cos you have it every day and it's boring and monotonous and… now you've got the chance to go to this hip… new place and it's all exciting and romantic. But you shouldn't underestimate boring and monotonous, 'cos at least it's too dull to run off and let you down…"
Lorelai leaned across the counter, grabbing Luke and pulling him into a kiss that surprised them both.
She let go of him and pulled back slowly, blushing a bright shade of pink.
"Well…" Luke cleared his throat and looked around at the surprised customers.
"Well…" Lorelai laughed softly, trying to hide her embarrassment.
"Enjoy your dinner."
"I will, thank you." She nodded, picking up her purse and walking to the door.
Luke let out a deep breath, staring at the counter, his eyes wide with shock.
"Luke?" She called back to him as she opened the door.
"Yeah?" He replied quickly.
"See you for coffee after dinner?" She asked hopefully.
"Won't you be having coffee at the fancy place? I mean… those types of places usually serve coffee…" He babbled.
"Yeah. But… I prefer yours."
"Oh. Ok. Well, sure. See you then… then." He smiled slightly.
Lorelai returned the smile and left, pulling the door closed behind her and leaning against it for a moment, trying to get her heartbeat to slow down, afraid that if she tried to walk home too soon, her knees would buckle and she'd fall.
