Title: This Feeling That Remains.

Summary: In the aftermath of the car accident, the Gilmore Girls try to pick up the pieces and move on.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Gilmore Girls. This story idea is my own, although it does contain some scenes from the actual show in places. (mainly at the beginning)

Authors Note: This fic starts during the episode Teach Me Tonight, right after Lorelai leaves Rory at the hospital to go and find Jess. It's a Java/Lit fic.

This is the last chapter of this fic! *tear* I'm gonna' miss you guys! lol I'll have to get working on something else.

I want to say a big, huge, enormous, coffee-covered Thank You to everyone who reviewed this fic. I sooooo appreciate it.

Note to those who think it'd be weird for Rory and Jess if Lorelai and Luke were together: It would only make them cousins, but only by marriage, not by blood. And there's nothing wrong with that. :) I mean it's weird to some people, but it's not illegal and it's not 'wrong'. It's just a strange coincidence that Jess's uncle and Rory's mother happen to be attracted to each other.

*~*~*~*

"I'm gonna go get a soda. Do you want anything?"

Rory frowned. Someone was talking to her. Someone was saying something…

Dean!

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks." She forced a smiled.

Dean sighed and walked away. They'd been walking around the festival together for almost 2 hours now, and Rory had been distant the whole time. When she did talk to him she seemed awkward and every smile seemed fake.
She kept telling him she was just feeling a little dizzy from the heat, or that she just needed some water.

Rory felt someone tapping on her left shoulder, and when she turned to look, there was no one there. But when she turned back around, Jess was standing in front of her and she let out a little squeal as she jumped back.

"I never knew you were so skittish." He smirked.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, trying to get her heartbeat to slow down.

"Well, I was just enjoying the festival. This town sure knows how to party. I was a little offended when Kirk said I was too big to go for a pony ride, but I got over it as soon as I saw the cotton candy…"

"Dean is…" She turned to look for him but couldn't see him. "He's going to be back any minute." She sighed. "I'm sorry… he's just not happy with us hanging out."

"Did you tell him we're just friends?"

"Yes." She sighed.

"So?" He raised and eyebrow at her.

"So… it doesn't matter. He doesn't like you. He doesn't trust you, and he thinks…"

"Do you like me? Do you trust me? What do you think?"

"Yes, yes and I don't know." She folded her arms across her chest. "It's not like it matters much what I think." She mumbled.

"Look… we're friends, ok? Dean can deal with that…"

"But…"

"And if he can't deal with it, that's his problem."

"Can't deal with what?" Dean asked accusingly, holding a soda out towards Rory.

"Nothing." Rory stated quickly, silently pleading with Jess to leave.

"It didn't sound like nothing. It sounded like you two were arguing." Dean continued.

"And if we were, why do you assume it has anything to do with you?" Jess asked.

"I'm her boyfriend."

"Yeah, her boyfriend, not her legal guardian. Jeez, man, you need to calm down."

"And you need to shut up and walk away." Dean ordered angrily.

"Dean, come on…" Rory begged gently, pulling on Dean's hand and trying to lead him away from a confrontation with Jess, verbal or otherwise.

Dean continued to glare at Jess as he allowed Rory to lead him a few feet away. Jess didn't move.

"I hate that guy, Rory. He's a jerk."

"I know you hate him… but he's my friend." Rory tried to explain.

"Why? Why do you need another friend? You have friends! You spend all you time with Paris or Lane or your mom… it's not like you have time for more friends." He sighed.

"I have time." Rory protested.

"I don't see why you have to be friends with that idiot. All he ever does it try and make me crazy!"

"Don't let him! If you're right, and he is trying to get you riled up, then all you're doing is proving that he's capable of it!"

"Are you taking his side?" Dean stared at Rory in disbelief.

"I'm not taking his side! I'm not taking anyone's side and, if I were going to take a side, it'd be yours, because you're my boyfriend."

"Because I'm your boyfriend, but not because you think I'm right and he's wrong?"

"What?"

"You're saying you'd take my side but only because you feel some kind of obligation to me as my girlfriend, not because you believe I'm right."

"Oh my god…" Rory sighed in frustration.

"Well?!" He demanded.

"How is anyone supposed to be right? How? This is stupid! He's my friend and you're my boyfriend! I want to be able to have you both in my life. Why is that so hard to understand?!"

"Because he's a jerk, Rory. He's nothing like you!"

"How do you know? You don't know him, none of you know him!"

Rory tried to calm herself down. She realized she was shouting and that the louder her voice got, the louder Dean's got and vice versa. People were watching. She hated having public fights with people. She especially didn't want to fight with Dean in public. It was way too teen movie for her liking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean frowned.

"It means… It means…" Rory sighed. "I don't know what it means. Can we please not talk about this…"

"No. Look, I have tried to ignore it but I can't."

"Ignore what?"

"You and Jess! He's always around, Rory. He's always lurking in the background!"

"He's not… always…" Rory started to protest.

"Whatever! He's there. He's at your house, he's at the diner… he's bidding on your basket and eating dinner with you. He's studying with you… he's sitting on a park bench in the middle of town with you! Every time I turn my back for even a second, he's there and I'm sick of it!"

"I don't ask him to do those things!"

"No. But you never ask him to leave. You never tell him to stop."

"Because I don't want him to!" Rory blurted out.

There was a pause, an uncomfortable pause, where Dean focused all his attention on trying to read the expression on her face.

"Because he's your friend, right?" Dean asked uncertainly.

Rory didn't answer. She hugged herself protectively and stared at the ground.

"Rory, what's going on?"

"What's going on is… I'm tired of this. Of you yelling at me for spending time with Jess." She cried. "He was just a friend…"

"Was?"

"But you kept telling me to stay away from him. All of you. And the more you pushed me to stay away from him, the closer we ended up."

"What are you talking about? Did something happen between you and Jess?!"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Dean bellowed.

"Stop yelling at me! I'm trying to be honest with you and you're just…"

"You don't think I have a right to be angry? You lied to me, Rory!"

"Yes. I lied to you, and I lied to my mom, and I lied to Jess and this town and everyone else I can think of. Including myself! And you know why? Because I always have to be perfect little Rory Gilmore. I always have to do and say and be the right thing and I don't make bad choices and I don't get confused because I'm too smart to get confused!"

Dean was thoroughly lost, standing in the middle of town, listening to Rory ranting about how confined and censored she felt. Yes, she was perfect little Rory Gilmore, but he'd always thought that was a role she'd taken it upon herself to play, not one she felt was forced on her by everyone else.

"So at the end of the day, you can tell me that Jess and I are nothing alike and that he's a jerk, but I'm just as much of a jerk as he is! I've told more lies than he has, and I've hurt more people than he has…"

"Rory…" Dean sighed, reaching out to hold her hand, to calm her down.

"No." She took a step back, wiping tears from her eyes. "As long as we're being honest, you should know that… I am not perfect, and I am very, very confused… and you don't know me half as well as you think you do. So it's probably best if we just… break up."

Rory turned and started walking away, ignoring Deans confused gaze and the shocked looks she was receiving from everyone around her, including Jess.

"Rory!"

She ignored him. She was walking away from him, finally. And she wasn't going to let herself turn around and pretend that things could be fixed or smoothed over. Because even if they could, she was pretty sure she didn't want them to be. So in the end she'd just continue to unintentionally mess them up until they were truly unfixable.



* * * * *

Rory sat in the dark, with her back resting against the oddly comforting tree. Its bark was rough and coarse, but the tree itself was solid. And at that moment, solid was good.

She wiped her cheeks idly with the back of her hand and sniffed quietly. She'd been crying on and off all afternoon. She hadn't been sitting under the tree all afternoon, though. She spent most of it wandering around town, trying not to cross paths with anyone she knew or anyone she felt she owed an explanation to, because she honestly didn't have an explanation for any of it.

Pin pointing the exact moment she'd realized she wasn't in love with Dean was difficult. On some level, she'd always known, it was just a matter of admitting it to her self. Sure, she'd loved him. But as Paris had said, there was a difference between love and being in love.
When she'd realized that her being friends with Jess was never going to be ok with Dean, something inside her broke down. It was a choice… and she'd chosen Jess. Or rather, the freedom to have Jess in her life. Without question, without dispute.

She still loved Dean, but not the way she used to. Not the way she wished she did. For his sake and for her mothers.

And Jess… she didn't know if she could define her feelings for him with just one word. It wasn't friendship… it was way more than that. She wondered if it was love. Or maybe she was in love with him. She was still figuring out how to tell those feelings apart, and then she'd be able to figure out which one applied.

One thing she was certain of, was that whatever she felt for Jess was all her. No outside influence, because when it came to Jess she really didn't listen to everyone else. Any decision she came to about Jess would be her own and no one else's.

"They're looking for you, you know?"

She looked up at him, her eyes were well enough adjusted to the dark to be able to make out his face, but just barely.

"How did you find me?" She sniffed, wiping her cheeks again and pulling her knees up to her chest.

"I wasn't looking." He said honestly. "I mean… I was. Not in the 'mountain rescue' way that the rest of the town was…"

Rory smiled slightly and nodded.

"Do you come here much?" He asked, sitting beside her.

"No." She shook her head. "Usually, I go to the Gazebo or…"

"The bridge." He smiled.

"How about you? If you weren't looking for me, how come you ended up here?" She asked curiously.

"I seem to find myself here a lot. It's as quiet as the bridge, but it's further away from that insane asylum known as Stars Hollow."

"Why here though?" She asked quietly.

"Same question to you."

"I asked you first."

Jess looked at her in the dark and then looked down at the ground, grateful that if he blushed, she wouldn't be able to tell.

"Well… I don't know… It might have something to do with a certain kiss I shared with a certain someone at a certain wedding…" He laughed softly. "And a certain… feeling of maybe being wanted. Despite that someone's verbal protests suggesting I wasn't."

Now Rory was blushing, and it was her turn to be grateful for the darkness.
After a long moment of silence Jess heard her crying again. He didn't know what had brought it on, but he didn't say anything. He waited for her to choose what she did and didn't want to tell him.

"I didn't mean to do it." She cried softly. "I didn't mean to hurt Dean. And… god, I hurt Dean." She sniffed and covered her face with her hands. "And I hurt you, and my mom…" She shook her head slightly. "I didn't mean to."

Jess nodded in understanding and picked at blades of grass around where they were sitting. This conversation didn't involve him. Not right now. This was Rory realizing and explaining things to herself… he just happened to be sitting there, and she just happened to not mind.

"I don't understand how you can sit there, like I deserve to have you around." She sighed and folded her arms over her knees, resting her chin on them. "I don't understand why you even care. Why me? Why do you care about me, Jess?"

He remained silent. Some day she'd understand why. And one day, maybe he would as well. Right now he didn't have any answers for her. He couldn't explain why he'd spent the last year waiting for her to come into the diner and smile, or even glance at him. He couldn't tell her what it was about her that had knocked him off guard the second he first laid eyes on her. And how, when ever they talked, he struggled to maintain those defenses and walls he'd spent years constructing.

So he said nothing.

She ran her hand through her hair slowly, ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks. She brought her fingertips up to her face and gently rubbed her forehead. She had a pounding headache from crying so much.

Her body shook as more tears fell. This time Jess realized it wasn't just a slow trickle of salty emotion as she let go of things, but an outpouring of hurt as she realized what had happened.

"Rory…?"

She didn't respond, she had buried her face in her folded arms and was sobbing.

"Rory… come on." He almost pleaded. "Don't… don't cry. There are two things in this life that I don't understand… women and crying. Crying women… I just can't deal with it." He sighed.

He thought that he almost heard a small laugh through her tears, but he couldn't be sure. He tentatively reached out his arm, and then quickly pulled it back towards him. He clenched his fist nervously.

He couldn't believe he was nervous. He'd been in a lot of strange situations in his life. He'd been around women a lot more intimidating than Rory. But the idea of comforting her… Not just offering a few words of understanding, but actually comforting her. It scared the hell out of him.

He reached out again and slowly placed an arm around her shoulders and, as he did so, he felt her become still for a second. It was one of the longest seconds in the world, where he was left wonder if he'd made a wrong move, and she was internally debating what her reaction should be.
She allowed her body to relax again, and she continued crying. He hesitantly shifted closer to her, pulling her gently towards him. He almost froze when her head instinctively lifted from her arms and came to rest against his shoulder.
He swallowed hard, his chin resting against the top of her head while his hand rubbed her arm gently, reassuringly. Was this how it was supposed to go? He wasn't sure how he could tell if he was helping, if he was doing the right thing.
In reply to his silent questions, Rory reached her hand up and wrapped her fingers around the fabric of his his jacket, holding on to it firmly, pulling him closer, craving comfort. Something real and stable.
He closed his eyes, his lips pressed lightly against the loose hair haphazardly covering her forehead. Yeah. He had it right.

This was closeness.

This was something he wasn't at all familiar with. And after showing her that there was a world beyond the one she lived in, this was Rory's gift to him.
It didn't matter that he was comforting her, it mattered that he felt able to. It mattered that, as terrified as it made him for reasons he still couldn't fathom… he wanted to sit in the dark with her, wordless and calm… and just hold her.

Friends or more. Love or in love. The feeling really didn't need to be defined right then. What mattered was that she could admit that she felt it, and he was capable of feeling it.

** The End **

A/N: Love it? Hate it? Well... I started writing and this is what came of it. I hope you liked it, but if you didn't, I'm sorry. Either way, thanks for coming along for the ride.

The stars-hollow.org gang - Haddy, Emily, Lia, Jules, sidney, Leila, Steph, Ashley, AvidTVfan, LukeLorelai4EVER, Vanessa, Ilona, championship_vinyl, LeRêveur, Kimberly, Amanda, and Tink. Thanks for the support and encouragement with this fic. You guys rock! I love you!

ILoveJess, Tye, Jayde, blackrose, lilacmoon, Arianna, sleepless-dreams, Sweetie, Roganu-chan, LitJJAiken, yesitsme, Spreeaholic, JCtigerwolf4e, Coolio02, lauren, Len, Starrychick90, Samantha, s, Kayla, Leigh, Katie, megan, Jaded Evie, LCI-02/03, alliegirl, Firehawk, Luke Rules, Kris, mememe, Alece, JavaJunkie-ie, airforcebrat529, meffy, gilmoregurl1928763 and anyone I'm forgetting!
I'm so grateful that you all took the time to say something (and in some cases, say a lot) about my little fic here.

Oh, and of course, Tye's evil twin, Rye.