***
Alanna shivered with delight as she watched Jonathan glide out of the room, giving her a final wink as he exited; she could feel his warm hands on her, his warm lips on her mouth. Against her will, George's face flashed across her face again, and suddenly all her happy ecstasy disappeared, leaving her reaching for the feeling that had been swallowed up by something and left her with an empty void that ached for the warmth that had once filled it. She could feel herself dissolving into tears again, but abruptly the old Alanna she remembered flared back to life inside her, and her tears dried with the fire of suppressed fury that burned deep within her.
Faithful yowled from under the bed, sticking out his black head as he said sarcastically, Are you all done embarrassing me, or is he going to come back again? If he is, open that door and let me out!
Grateful for her pet, Alanna picked him up and set him next to her on the bed, saying tartly, "You enjoyed every minute of it."
Faithful made an indignant noise and set about cleaning his paws. Smiling, Alanna stood and stretched. At least her cat still treated her normally, exactly the way he had before she married Jonathan. Faithful eyed her as she began to dress, pulling on the discarded shirt and pair of breeches that were lying in a tangle on the floor. As she hunted for her tunic, she felt a rush of power glide through the air and stiffened. When she summoned the resolve to straighten, she was not surprised by what she saw, yet she was still fearful. Hardly able to tear her eyes from the perfect figure before her, Alanna dropped reverently to her knees and forced words over her frozen tongue. "Great Mother—I—".
The Great Mother Goddess reached out a slender, perfectly white hand and placed it on Alanna's shoulder. "Rise, my daughter." Her voice rang with the sound of the baying of dogs on a hunt, echoing in Alanna's ears. The girl tried not to wince as her ears throbbed painfully, rising and looking into the goddess's eyes as the hand, delicate yet immeasurably strong, forced her chin up. Deep black eyes bored into violet ones for a long moment, and Alanna felt as if her soul was being shone out into the pools of black. Then the hold was broken; although the goddess continued to meet Alanna's eyes with her own, somehow the fierce force of power staring into her seemed to depart, leaving only two pairs of eyes.
"Why are you surprised with this visit, daughter?" the Goddess asked gently. "Did you expect me to abandon you now, in your most dire moments?"
Unable to speak, Alanna shook her head quickly, forcing down fear inside of her. She had met the Goddess before this, and never once had she been harmed, so why should she be afraid? Yet it seemed an impossible task to dismiss the fear of this great being standing before her, in her own bedroom. The fear seemed right, as though she would mean dishonor to the Goddess by having no fear.
The Goddess laughed kindly, and Alanna blushed furiously as she realized the Goddess could read her thoughts.
"Indeed, one without fear of me would be quite the fool." A pause. "But you, my daughter, are not the fool—although you believe yourself to be at this moment."
Alanna reddened even more. "Yes, I do believe myself a fool," she snapped, thinking of her problems with Jonathan and George. Her expression turned to one of horror in the next instant. "No disrespect, my lady! I just…" she trailed off, staring at the floor in shame.
Cool fingers once again lifted her chin up. "I understand, child. And you must understand that I will not interfere with your path—and as I told you years ago, the path you walk is a hard one. You have endured it well thus far, and I am well pleased with you. I also recall I gave you advice—that love would ease the path. And I see that you have learned to love. But now you must learn to let go, as well. Too many loves will not suit you."
Alanna's head dropped forward again, and she closed her eyes in pain, whispering, "I know, Mother. I know." As thoughts rushed through her head in turmoil, she heard Faithful yowling and dimly realized she could not understand him, no matter how hard she tried. The goddess laughed once, and then there was silence. Alanna lifted her head a blink of an eye later, but the Great Goddess was gone, leaving behind only a slight shimmering of magic in the air and the echoes of her voice as though they drifted across a wind far away: "Hard times will follow. Do not disappoint me, daughter!"
"I'll do my best." Alanna spoke the words to the air, but she knew the Goddess could hear her.
She turned shakily to Faithful as she clutched the ember stone hanging around her neck for comfort. Her cat was sitting calmly on the bed, but she could see traces of longing fading back into his purple eyes.
"You want to go home, don't you?" Alanna breathed in a voice less than a whisper. She knew by now that Faithful had come to her from the Goddess, to be a help to her—and although Faithful would never admit to it, he knew that Alanna knew. Now he shook his black head, leaping into her arms to bat a playful paw at her cheek. Don't worry, I won't abandon you, he mewed gently. After a short pause he added in his normal tone, If I did, what would become of the kingdom? Leaving it to the whim of a bad-tempered lady knight—not me!
Alanna grinned, satisfied that things were back to normal, and dropped Faithful back on the bed. "You think too highly of yourself," she informed him, finding her tunic and pulling it over her head. Faithful sniffed airily as she gave him a quick pat and disappeared out the door, leaving him to laugh quietly to himself, sitting snugly in a pile of mussed bedclothes.
Closing the door behind her, Alanna hurried down to the stables. Thankfully no one was about—although Stefan must be up in the hayloft somewhere—and she was free to sit in a corner of Moonlight's stall and think without interruption. If her horse thought it was odd for her mistress to curl up in a pile of straw in the corner of a stall, she did nothing but gently nibble Alanna's fiery red locks. Petting Moonlight's nose absentmindedly, Alanna said out loud, "I just don't know what to do, girl." She heaved a long sigh. "Maybe someday things will work themselves out, do you think?"
Moonlight whickered gently in reply, shaking her head and sending her silky mane flying. Alanna grinned, saying dryly, "Well, thanks for being honest. I didn't think so either."
Of course there was no magic solution. Life had no solutions. It was just a hopeless muddle that you had to wade through alone.
***
as everyone can probably see, im just stalling for time with this chapter—I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!! Please, suggestions!!!!!!!! Need help. ;-)
and for all the jon fans—im sorry, but I really don't like jon! Ill do my best to keep them together though—I know alanna did marry him and that should count for something. :-P
if anyone has any MUCH NEEDED suggestions, email me at narao812@hotmail.com or post a review.(please please please??)
