I'm back and lucky for you I did get some reviews, most of them good and with *helpful* criticism.  Thank you everyone that made me feel better about myself (most of you). I ended up changing a lot of things in both chapters, so if you haven't reread them you probably should.  Sorry!  I decided that the chapters I do have ready don't really match anymore, and I am changing them, too.  I will try to keep this updated as much as possible, but with school and two jobs…   Oh yeah, and I still don't own Spidey (damn lawyers).   You go read while I sit here and cry.

Author's note: This chapter is a little weird because I switch it from a third person POV to first people's POV's. (Does that make sense?  First people's?) Let me know if it's too confusing.  I want to go more in depth as to how M.J. and Peter feel about each other and themselves.  When it is in Peter/Spider-Mans POV, it's kind of choppy, but keep in mind that he is unconscious, then in pain…  (Lyrics by Erasure: Dreamlike State)

******** Peter/Spider-Man Point of View (Unconsciousness)*************

         Pain.  Incredible, unbearable, unworthy pain.  All I know right now is pain.  Pain that should not be, pain that would not be if I would allow myself to be.  Allow myself to live, to love, to let love.

         I remember, when I was little,  Aunt May and Uncle Ben took me to a train yard just outside of the city.  We had chocolate ice cream, and I dropped mine.  I cried, and wondered why such terrible things had to happen to such good little boys.  

         I always was a good little boy.

         I never deserved this.  To be loved, to love back, and yet, at the same time, be unable to do it.  Unable to be loved.  Unable to love back.  Forced to push her away.

         And I do love her.  I'm not one to use the word love loosely.  In all of my life, I've only loved two people.  I never loved my parents.  How can you love what you can't remember? 

[Love is cast ornately in your heart flame

Charka wheels are turning like a love train

I could pray a hundred times

Keep these demons from my mind

Yeah, I could pray a thousand times

Stay in your loving arms entwined]

         The answer is, you can't.  You must love what is in front of you, what is real.  Reality.

         But when your reality is as twisted as mine, what do you do?

[Oh that I should be ever so lonely

Driving the pain right through to my heart

Oh that I should be ever so lonely

Riding the pain like a fool in the dark]

         You pity yourself.  You deny the love, pass it up, give it away.  Watch it dwindle until it finally fades away, a balloon rising towards the stars.  You wait for the day, the day when the balloon pops.  It is no longer held in; the pressure is gone.  The pain is gone.

[We shall blur the lines of definition

Waves of love our only ammunition

Tear my head out from the sound

Throw myself upon the ground

Take me to the burning tree

It has this strange effect on me]

         I'm a bubble.  I float higher and higher.  I become weaker and weaker, until finally I give.  That moment, that pivotal moment when I give into my weakness and allow myself to love, is when I become strong again.  It is necessary. 

[Fascination never tasted sweeter

My desire real and soaring freely]

         But I won't allow myself to burst.  I must keep my shield solid, I must stay strong to protect her.  I must shelter my love, save it for later.

[You alone can save my soul

You alone are my salvation

You alone can make me whole

Rescue me from condemnation]

         If she knows…this changes all.

[Oh that I should be ever so lonely

Driving the pain right through to my heart

Oh that I should be ever so lonely

Riding the pain like a fool in the dark]

****** Peter/Spider-Man's POV (Consciousness)*********

         Movement.

         Voices.

         Awareness.

         I am aware.  I think I'm alive. 

         Is that a good thing?

         "Ugh."  A grunt escapes through my lips, causing more pain in my chest.  I feel a hand grip mine, and I hear her voice.

         "Spider-Man!?"  She sounds breathless and terrified.  I think she loves me.  Yeah, I'm pretty sure she loves me. 

         "No."  No, M.J.  It's me, Peter.  Peter Parker.  Don't you remember me? 

         "Dr. Marcel!  He's alive!  He's breathing, and talking!"

         I take a deep breath, prepare to open my eyes, and when I do, I see…

         Love.  Pure love.

         Dazzling emerald eyes, wet with moisture and framed by a red fringe, stare into mine.  I am again sentient of her hand squeezing mine.  I release my grip and bring my hand to her face, tracing her jaw line, feeling the warmth her body gives off. 

         I'm cold.  I can't feel my body, but I realize I'm shaking.  Shivering.  It is affecting my vision, and that cannot happen.  I need to see her.  She's my only hope, my only reason for coming back.

         "It's a bit chilly."     

         The smile, radiant, bright and full, blinds me.  But it is nothing compared to the laugh that comes from her throat.  It's a sigh of relief, really.  In the form of laughter. 

         My hand moves to her throat, caressing it, willing the sound to flee from within again.  Suddenly, pain returns.  My body begins to tense, my hand falls to the floor.  I need to get out.  It's too much.  I can't take it.  "M.J."

         "What's wrong, what hurts?!  You have to tell us.  Don't leave."

         "I'm going to take a nap.  I'll be back."  My voice is raspy and it discomfits me.  It's not supposed to be like that.  I'm supposed to be strong, I need to fight my emotions.

         I need sleep.

         I hear her crying.  All I want to do is take a nap.  I'm not leaving, M.J.  Please don't cry. 

         Now, all I can see it colors.  They swirl through my mind, lots of reds and blues.  They form pictures, thoughts, and words…

         Dreams are fun.

         I don't remember anything now.  I see white.  The pain is retreating.  It's gone. 

         I can only wish it won't return.  I don't want it.  I don't deserve it.

         Emptiness. 

         Plainness.

         And finally, oblivion.

         My sanctuary. 

I know this was a short one, but I'm putting the next one up within 1 or 2 days.  It's M.J.'s point of view.  I know it's slow and boring, but I need to set their feelings for the rest of the story.  Just hang on, we'll make it.  Please review, let me know how it is.  Thanks.