Inner Demons

Chapter 4 "Guilt"

            "Leo…Leo, stop" I said, sitting up, he stopped kissing me and sat up too. "What's wrong?" he asked immediately. "Gee, I don't know, I'm making out with my sisters husband?" I snapped. I don't know why I'm taking it out on him, it's me who I'm mad at, but sometimes it just seems like it's too much to handle. Leo and I have been sneaking around together for two weeks now, but so far all we've done is kiss, and now we were about to go… farther and I just freaked out.

            "Why are you mad at me?" Leo asks sitting up and pulling me into his arms. I sigh, "I'm not, it's just, I don't know. We can't keep doing this." "I know, I hate lying to Piper so much, but it would kill her if she knew, she's already having such a hard time, after Prue's death and all" Leo answers. "I then why are you in here with me? Go fix your marriage" I tell him, I know it's the right thing to say, but I hope with every fiber of my being that he'll choose to stay with me instead. "I should" Leo agrees, but he makes no move to get up. "Paige, I don't know what to say, I think I'm falling in love with you" Leo admits, kissing my neck. I sit up and kiss him too, "No you're not Leo" I tell him, it breaks my heart to say it, because I do love him,  but I don't really know what he feels from me, but it's not love. "You love Piper" I tell him "You two are soul mates, you always have been."

            "That's just it" Leo says sounding frustrated, "It's always been Piper-and-Leo, every past life, and even when we've been to the future. I'm tired of just being Piper-and-Leo, everyone thinks we have this picture perfect relationship, we don't. Everything's just so predictable with Piper, so boring. Paige, when I'm with you I feel…alive. I feel lucky to have you, be here with you and I never want it to end. I haven't felt that with Piper in a long time, if I ever felt it at all. I know I love Piper, I do, but it's almost as a friend, not as a wife, there's just no…" Leo trials off, not knowing what to say. "No passion?" I ask. Leo nods, "Exactly, there's not really any emotion at all, it's just routine. Neither of us are really trying any more." "I know Leo, but its still not fair to her, it's not fair to any of us to have us be sneaking around like this. We need to tell her what we've been doing and then you could get a divorce and we could be together" I tell him. It sounds so much easier when it's just words.

            "I would if it was that easy, but its not and you know it. It's not like I could just whisk you way and have us live together, what would happen to the power of three? There are lives at stake, we can't be selfish about this" Leo says sounding more like a whitelighter and less my lover. "I know Leo" I say cracking a smile "Don't go all whitelighter on me now with the speech" He laughs and kisses me and we settle into a comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts. "See, this is what I love" Leo says after a moment "Just laying here with you, not having to think about demons or warlocks, or…Piper" I nod. "But I really don't want to divorce her though, it would hurt her too much, I just…don't know what I want" Leo looks at the clock next to my bed, "Damn, I'd better go, Piper will be expecting me home from work pretty soon" "Okay" I reply, kissing him again as he gets out of my bed and puts his shirt back on, "Bye Paige, love you" He says, orbing out.

            I sigh, laying back in bed; I still can't help but feel like this is all my fault. I don't know how I could do this to Piper, she's never been very nice to me, but she still doesn't deserve this, but I can't help who I love, and if Leo loves me too, if it's not just because he and Piper are having a hard time, but if he really does love me, then don't we deserve to be happy too?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I wake up the next morning to the sound of Piper crying. I jump out of bed and rush downstairs to her, thinking Leo told her what we've been doing. Instead Leo's nowhere to be found. When I walk into the kitchen, I see Piper sitting at the table, sobbing as Phoebe flits around trying to comfort her. "How could he do this to me Pheebs?" Piper asks through her tears, "How could he leave me?" "Oh, honey" Phoebe says hugging her "He didn't say he was leaving you, he was just needs time to think"

"Leo's gone?" I ask, surprised, walking over to Piper and hugging her too. "Yeah, he left Piper a letter, he was gone when she woke up" Phoebe explained handing me a piece of notebook paper with Leo's messy handwriting scrawled across it. It said: Piper- I know we've been growing apart for sometime now and I'm sorry. It's not fair what I've done to you or what I'm doing now, but I need time to think, I just need to get away for a while and figure out what I want. I've talked to the elders and they said Paige could be your whitelighter until I get back. I love you, -Leo. 

I hand to letter back to Phoebe shakily, I can't believe he just left. "It doesn't make sense" Piper says shaking her head "What does he mean it's not fair what he's done to me?" My heat sinks, I know what he means by that, but how can I tell her now? "I don't know" I lie, my voice cracking as I wipe a few tears out of my eyes. How could Leo just leave me, he didn't even say good bye, at least Piper got a letter. "It's okay Paige" Phoebe says, hugging me too, but the second she touches me, she stiffens like she's getting a premonition.

A few seconds later she opens her eyes and glares at me, "You little slut" she hisses. "What?" I asked shocked. "How could you do this to Piper?" Phoebe yells "What the hell's the matter with you Paige?" Oh no, I could just guess what she saw in that premonition, I really wish she couldn't see the past.

"What is it Phoebe?" Piper asks, surprised by Phoebe's sudden anger, "What did you see?" Phoebe just shakes her head, "You don't want to know, Piper" she tells her sadly. "Tell me" Piper insists. Phoebe hesitates, "Paige was with Leo…they were kissing" "What?" Piper gasps, new tears filling her eyes as she turns to me, "How could you do this to me Paige, you're my sister"

A/N: Don't forget to review. :-D