Disclaimer: I still don't own Yu-gi-oh.

Warnings: Lots of yaoi, and lots of CURSING!!! Go away if it offends you.

Notes: Jou's point of view. Thanks to all the people who reviewed. You are awesome! ^_^ This chapter is dedicated to: 1. Vicky, cuz she is such a cool person and it was her 17th B-day a couple of days ago. Happy Birthday! 2. Lydia (though she has never read this story and never will, if I can help it) because she's my muse. ::hughughug:: Also, I used some of her expressions in this chapter. (Like 'insensitive prick', she called me that on several occasions ¬.¬) 3. This cute little boy who randomly challenged me to a duel in the middle of the food court, and kicked my ass. Badly. And then he made fun of me. And then he made me give him $2. Thank you. But no worries, I will be back next week, seeking my revenge. I have to win back at least some of my pride, after all. (Why the hell am I dedicating this to him? Oh well. ::shrugs::) And 4. To all my reviewers! I wuv you guys! ::sniff:: And onto the story!

*****

I walk down the gravel road, hands shoved into the pockets of my jeans. I'm not even sure where I am. I started walking at about 7:30 am and haven't stopped since.

It's 12:30 now. I should be in school, but I'm not. For some reason my legs just wouldn't take me there.

It sounds stupid, but it's true.

Shit, if my father finds out that I've been ditching school again I'll end up in the emergency room.

Yeah, the bastard doesn't care if I'm lying dead in some alley, but it's real important that I go to school. Doesn't make any fucking sense.

But I don't care that he despises me, that he wishes I were never born. I don't care. I don't fucking give a damn.

I don't.

Really, I don't.

I should stop skipping school, though. If I don't get into college I'll be stuck with my oh-so-loving dad for even longer. And believe me, even in missing one day of school there's a pile of homework you have to catch up on. It sucks.

Too bad I'm not a fucking genius like Kaiba.

Heh, Kaiba. Almost forget about him.

Actually, you know what? I'm not even going there. All I'll say is that I still hate him. And I'm not going to talk to, interact with, or look at him ever again.

Yes, I'm being stubborn.

Yes, I'm acting very childish.

And yes, I've been avoiding him for about 2 weeks now.

Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I realize that Kaiba could never sincerely care about me. He wouldn't. He's just. not. like that. He's a selfish, cold-hearted jerk. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, except maybe Mokuba. But that's because they're family.

And we definitely can't carry on a 'fuck-buddy' type of relationship, because those always lead to heartbreak. It's not possible for two people to share something so intimate and feel nothing more than just plain lust for the other person. Eventually romantic feelings will develop, at least in one of the individuals.

I KNOW that one individual would be me, because Kaiba has this remarkable super-human ability to not let anything affect him emotionally.

Thus, in order for me not to get hurt, I must stay far, far, away from that hot, sexy bastard. Or die trying.

So much for not talking about Seto, eh? Oh well.

I kick a stray pebble down the path and look up to see where I have wandered to. I've been walking for a while, but never bothered to pay attention to where I was going.

It seems that I'm standing right in front of the gates to the Kaiba mansion. How fucking ironic.

I'm not surprised. I laugh bitterly and shake my head. It was probably some weird unconscious mind-thing that led me here.

I saunter up to the iron gates and allow myself to marvel shamelessly at the Kaiba estate for a few moments.

Man, the place is fucking HUGE. The guy has everything-- money, fame, power, a family that loves him, more money.

Lucky bastard. I bet he can get any girl he wants. Or boy. Whatever floats his boat. I never would have thought that he 'walks both sides of the blade', though. But hey, who can honestly say they're completely straight nowadays?

Gods, what I wouldn't give to live like he does. It's just not fair. The guy has everything that he ever wanted, and yet he isn't happy. What else can he want? Jeez. He never even smiles. I sure as hell would be leaping for joy if I had that much money. I don't understand him. I don't think I'll ever be able to. That guy is a fucking mystery to me.

I know I'm being unfair and unreasonable in saying that because he has a shitload of money means that he MUST be happy. I know there's more to it than that. It's just hard to understand when the guy has everything you want but will never have.

I shove my hands back into my pockets and turn away from the mansion, almost angrily. I should go. All marveling at Kaiba's wealth is doing is almost giving me a reason to justify my self-pity, and that's not good. You can't justify self-pity. Ever.

"Jou, wait!" The voice comes out as a half cough from the Kaiba mansion. I nearly jump when I hear it.

Gods, Kaiba??! No, no. It doesn't sound like him.

To my relief, Mokuba is running towards me, still in his flannel pj's, robe, and fuzzy slippers. As he runs across the lawn, the grass his feet come in contact with flattens. I almost feel sorry. It was so perfect and even before, and now it's not. Everything Kaiba owns is just so damn perfect.

He finally reaches the gate and opens it with a loud 'clank'.

"Hey Jou!" He greets, his voice raspy and out of breath.

"Hey, what's up?" I reply, for lack of anything better to say.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

I blink stupidly several times. I'm setting a great example for the kid, aren't I?

"Uh, yeah." I finally stammer. "I dunno. Didn't feel like going. I started walking and I guess I ended up here." I shrug and throw him a casual glance. "Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

He points to his throat and say in that same scratchy voice, "Sick."

Oh. Ok then.

"Oh, I know! You're waiting for Seto, aren't you?"

My face immediately heats up. He told his little brother about our. 'thing'?!?

"N-no!" I manage to sputter out. "Why would I be waiting for that. that." I'm at a loss for words, and I'm practically yelling now. I think I scared Mokuba with my sudden outburst.

But Seto told him. I can't believe he actually TOLD him. Now the kid thinks I'm some perverted stalker. Great.

"Jeez, sorry Jou. I was just thinking that 'cuz Seto mentioned something about a project you two had to work on together."

Project. project? What project?

Shit. The Lit. project in which our teacher managed to conveniently pair us up. Heh. Yet another bitter irony.

There goes my plan of never talking to Kaiba again.

"Yeah, we do have a project. I'm really sorry about that." It's the only thing I can say to prevent me from looking like even more of a jackass than I already proved to be.

Mokuba smiles and shakes his head. "No, it's alright. You could come inside and wait. School should end in about an hour, so you won't have to wait that long."

He actually thinks I'm going to go inside the house? I'd rather hit myself in the face with a brick.

"No, I have to get going. Just tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow," I answer, turning to leave.

"Oh. Alright." He frowns slightly, but then smiles and waves. "Goodbye!"

"Bye," I say and start down the street. "You should get back to bed!" I call out. The kid's sick, after all.

He nods and smiles again. "I will!"

I should probably go home. I have some extra time, so maybe I can study and catch up on my schoolwork. Then at least this day won't be a complete waste.

Damn. This projects means that I will be spending a lot of time with Kaiba. It'll take good week of us meeting up for several hours a day to get it done, and done well. Maybe even more. Gods, I'm gonna be spending at least three hours each and every day with Kaiba, for one whole week. I don't think I can handle it. I'll either end up killing him, or.

I feel the flush rise to my cheeks again. I'm sure you can use your imagination to figure out what that 'or' is. In any case, it would be a helluva lot worse than killing him.

And the project itself will be grueling as well. There's so much research and work to do. It will require me to put more effort than I usually put into school since it's worth thirty percent of my semester grade. I'm really gonna have to put my ass into it. It more ways than one.

Christ, Jou. There you go, thinking about fucking Kaiba again. Does a second go by that you don't think about sex?

Just goes to show you that I'm a perfectly healthy adolescent boy. Heheh.

When will this horny/perverted-teenager phase be over anyways? I swear, my hormones will be the end of me.

As I round the last corner, only I half a block away from my house, I notice the silhouette of a person sitting on my porch steps. Kaiba.

This guy is un-fucking-believable.

Now he's fucking invading my personal space? Who the fuck does he think he is??! Ok, so maybe I have been sending him mixed signals, but I'm through with that. He can fucking sit on the porch all night, if I care. I don't fucking ever want to see him again. Except for this damn project.

I deviate from the sidewalk and decide to use the back door so I can avoid any possible interaction with Kaiba. Hopefully he won't notice me.

So such luck. He has left his perch on the steps and is only a few feet behind me. Bastard. He can fucking go to hell.

With a sudden burst of rage, I turn around and snarl, "Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

He frowns. We stand there for several moments, staring at each other, and finally he asks quietly, "What is wrong with you?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??! Excuse me, but I'm not the sick freak who likes to fuck other guys! I'm not the faggot!"

Shit. I so did not mean that. He actually flinched. Oh gods. I really should learn how to think before I say anything. That was way off line.

We stand there for a few long seconds, neither of us moving.

Finally, Kaiba says, "Fine. Whatever. I give up. Just meet me tomorrow in the library after school."

I have to say something- an apology, anything. My mouth opens, but no words come out. He leaves hastily, but not before adding bitterly, "That is, unless you think that I, the fag, will rape you or something. Because you are just so perfectly straight, Jou."

Shit.

I stand there for a long time, long after Kaiba disappears from my view.

I swallow the lump in the back of my throat. I really fucked things up this time, didn't I? All the things I called Kaiba I should be calling myself instead. It's like the teapot calling the kettle black. I'm the gay one. I'm the fag. This is all my fault, I shouldn't be the angry one. And he has every right to be angry with me. He really did care. Until I screwed everything up. Dammit.

I'm in my locked bathroom, staring at the reflection in front of me.

Look at you. You're a real fuck-up. Can't you do anything right? You should just die, you're not worthy to live. All you do is take up space on this earth, space that could be used for a better person than you are. You should just kill yourself and make everyone happy. They wouldn't care. No one would. Who COULD care about you? You're just a burden for everyone- Your father, Yuugi, Honda, Kaiba. Do them all a favor. Die. Burn in hell, like you deserve.

I shatter the mirror with my fist, causing a shower of shimmering glass droplets to rain down everywhere. very pretty.

I open the medicine cabinet and take a handful of pills from the jar, enough to knock me out. I swallow them all dry and slump to the floor. I bring my knees up to my chest and lay my forehead against my folded arms. I feel the affect of the pills taking its course.

I'm a child again, playing on the dismal, desolate beach of eternal despair.

Running away, giggling delightfully, echoing, from the infernal black waves.

Don't let them catch you.

But they have. Ankles surrounded by their whirling madness.

So calm, so patient. They're always there for me. They'll never shun me.

Don't let them catch you.

But they have to. I WANT them to. They're so perfect and innocent. Only for a little bit, I promise. They just want to play.

Don't let them catch you.

Neck deep, almost done. Too late to take it back, we're already in the macabre dance now, the sand is our floor, the thunder our symphony.

Don't let them catch you.

But this is my dream, my nightmare, my hope, my flaw, my reality. This is all I have.

Please, don't let them catch you.

I am swept up into the dark abyss.

*****

I have to say I feel better today after than chemically induced sleep. I realize now that I have the possibility of making everything right between us if I apologize. And if I'm not forgiven, hell, I know I at least tried.

I really am sorry, Kaiba. So, so sorry. I hope that you will forgive me, and maybe then we could be friends. Or more, but that's up to you. I really do care as well.

I enter the library and scan the area before my eyes fall on a trench coat wearing dark-haired figure sitting at one of the tables in the far right corner of the room. It's Kaiba, no doubt. I close my eyes for a couple of seconds and then proceed to make my way through the maze of scattered chairs and tables. Finally at the table, I drop my book bag and plop down into the seat across from Kaiba. I guess this is the time to make my plea. "Look, Kaiba. I really want to tell you that I'm-"

"Here, look through these." He never once looked up from the text he was skimming as he shoves a stack of books towards me.

I sigh and take the topmost book from what seems like a pile of a thousand. So he doesn't want to hear it. I'm definitely not going to push it. God knows I've done that enough already. I'll leave it as it is for now.

*****

I glance up at the clock. We've been here for two hours, and I'm on the fourth book. I can't ignore it anymore. I wish there was something I could say to show him that I really am sorry. Or something I could do. After all, actions speak louder than words.

I lean back in the chair and curl my lip, balancing a pencil between it and my nose.

Suddenly I get a brilliant idea. My ingenious mind is at work again. Heheh. It's a long shot, and will probably result in my death, but it's worth a try.

I slump back down over the book, placing my elbows and forearms on the table and resting my chin on my folded hands.

Ok, so I said I wouldn't initiate anything with Kaiba, and now I'm about to. I'm a walking contradiction. But I can't help myself. He looks so adorable, biting his bottom lip, brows furrowed in concentration.

And he calls ME the puppy.

He catches me staring at him, and I smile. He just raises an eyebrow and gives me a 'get back to work' look before returning his own attention to the book in front of him.

I quickly smirk before slipping my shoe off as quietly as I can. I feel my way to Kaiba's leg with my socked foot. Coming in contact with his ankle, I stroke it with my toes. Kaiba's head immediately snaps up, eyes wide, and I respond to his stare by cocking my head to the side and giving the best 'innocent' look I can muster without laughing out loud. It's amusing to see Kaiba like this. This proves that there much more to him than that emotionless shell he always displays. I slowly draw a line up the side of his leg, never breaking contact with his eyes. I hear the pen Kaiba was holding hit the floor as I retrace the line I made before moving my foot up to the inside of his thighs.

My foot gradually inches further down Kaiba's thighs, but I doubt I'll be bold enough to actually get to his crotch. Despite all my talk, I've never actually. you know, 'done it'. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, I'm a virgin, as much as I hate to admit it. And I'm not gonna say stuff like 'I'm just waiting for the right person' and shit like that, because it'd be a load of bull crap. It's just. I dunno. I had chances before, with both sexes, but I just don't want to do something I'm gonna regret later.

So maybe I am waiting for the right person. I don't know.

Kaiba's face is a deep crimson, and this time I don't hold my laugh.

Getting a little turned on, aren't we, Kaiba?

Before I can even blink one more time, Kaiba jerks himself out of the chair with so much force that it tips dangerously. My eyes are wide as he leans over me, growling as he grabs me by the collar, and drags me out of my chair. I nearly trip as he as he hauls me off behind him.

Oh gods. He's going to kill me. He's so pissed. I went too far. He's going to murder me.

I'm stumbling after him as he winds his way through the labyrinth of books, until we come to the obscure 'Gardening' section that is hardly visited by anyone.

So when I'm beaten to a bloody pulp and left for dead there'll be no one to help me. Great.

Kaiba pushes me against the bookshelf and I hear it rattle, causing me to wince. He leans in and points an accusing finger at me.

"You," He pants out sharply, "You tease."

The he crushes his lips against mine. Hard.

So he isn't going to kill me. He's kissing me. MUCH better.

I feel like my legs will give out any second now, so I slide to the ground, legs stretched out in front of me. Kaiba has no choice but to follow, crouching beside me. We didn't even break apart.

I forgotten that we're IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING LIBRARY, but I don't mind, and Kaiba certainly doesn't seem to mind, so it's all good.

I bring one of my hands under Kaiba's coat and under his shirt, massaging the ridges of his rib cage. My face burns as he brings both of his hands on either side of my cheeks and rubs them with his thumbs.

Kaiba sucks on my bottom lip for a few moments before completely pulling away.

"You've been a bad puppy," He breathes. I close my eyes and bite my lip to suppress a moan as I feel his hot breathe caress my ear. "I'm going to have to teach how to finish what you started."

Finish what I started? What the h-

Oh.

OH. I glance down through half-lidded eyes at Kaiba's crotch. Oh that. I didn't mean to do THAT.

I feel his hands at the side of my head, and I find myself in the middle of another bruising kiss. I shut my eyes and tangle my finger in Kaiba's soft mass of hair.

I enjoy this. I really do. I wouldn't mind staying like this forever.

My mind suddenly registers a loud 'thump' coming from behind us, but I'm still not sure if I heard it. This time I pull away, looking past Kaiba's shoulder. He growls out of frustration, and I just motion for him to turn around. I rest my head against the bookshelf and sigh as he shifts.

He is now face to face with a curly-haired girl, a little younger than myself, gaping at us, jaw dropped. A thick line of pink appears, spreading across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

Not one of us moves for a long time. Kaiba's glaring at her, she's gaping at as, and I just staring off into space, wishing that she hadn't wandered over. I'm sure this is uncomfortable for all three of us, especially her.

Oh well. It's her own damn fault. Who the fuck goes into the 'Gardening' section, anyway?

Kaiba catches me off guard when he grabs the back of my neck and gives me a soft, closed-mouthed kiss on the lips. I see him look the girl right in the eye as he slowly swiped his tongue across my lip.

The girl's eyes only grew wider, but it looks like Kaiba's little display finally brought her out of her shock.

"S-s-s-sorry, I-I'm s-sorry for interrupting you," She stutters, turning on her heel and practically running away. Her book was lying on the ground, untouched.

I slide further down the bookshelf until I'm lying flat on the ground, almost in an attempt to melt into the floor.

Poor girl. Must have been embarrassing for her, seeing two people making out in the library. Two guys, at that. She probably thinks we have some sick gardening fetish.

My eyes close and I massage my temples with my fingers. I have a killer headache, and I'm exhausted. I wouldn't mind taking a nap right now, even if I am in the middle of the 'Gardening' section of the library.

"Are you going to lay there all day?"

Leave it to Kaiba to be so blunt. I shoot him a glare and stand up.

Or rather, I ATTEMPT to stand up. My legs fell asleep, causing them to not want to cooperate with me. I barely manage to grab hold of a shelf to keep me from falling on my ass.

This, of course, earns me another one of those chuckles from Kaiba.

Hmph. Insensitive prick.

"Need a little help?" He asks, still smirking.

"No," I answer sharply, regaining my balance. I'd rather drink a gallon of bleach than admit that I need help from Kaiba.

I absently brush the sides of my pants and push past Kaiba towards the main area of the library.

Once there, I throw several books into my bag and sling it over my shoulder.

I'm about to leave, but Kaiba tells me to hold on a sec so I lean against the doorframe and wait.

I am soo whipped. But I know that I earned it, after acting like a huge jackass. I'm surprised Kaiba is even talking to me. What the hell did I do to deserve a guy like him? I really am lucky.

I turn my head just in time to see Kaiba returning the dropped book to the curly-haired girl, who was once again as red as a tomato. Heheh.

Kaiba is soon makes his way over to me and we leave, heading down the marble steps towards the main street.

Halfway down the stairs, I stop dead in my tracks.

Fuuuuuuuck. Now THIS is embarrassing. I can't believe that the shoe I took off earlier is still sitting under the table. I'm such an idiot. I mean, what kind of person doesn't notice that they've been walking around with only one shoe on? I guess my mind was occupied with. other things.

Kaiba now turns around, noticing that I have stopped. He gives me a questioning look. There is no way in hell that I'm going to admit to him that I left my shoe in the library. It would just give him another reason to tease me. I have to come up with a brilliant plan. "Uh, I. kinda, you know, left something in the library, like maybe a. book or something."

Congrats, Jou. That sounded so incredibly believable. I'm sure it never even once crossed Kaiba's mind that you are lying.

Oh well. I never was a good liar. At least I made a descent excuse to go back into the library.

As I'm about to turn around, Kaiba holds something out in front of him. My shoe.

I blink and feel the color rise to my cheeks. He chuckles.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to realize that you didn't have one of your shoes," He says.

"Jerk." I mutter half-heartedly, before snatching my shoe away and slipping it on. He just chuckles again.

God dammit. Am I really that amusing?

.Don't answer that.

So we are on our way to my house. Just like a typical date, the guy walks the girl home. Only why do I always have to be the girl? It's not fair.

Wait. It's like he has forgiven me even though I haven't apologized. I'm not letting myself get away with that. I take a deep breath and stop, wrapping my arms around Kaiba's waist, drawing him closer to me and forcing him to stop as well. He is clearly startled by my sudden display of affection.

Call me a coward, but I can't look him in the eyes, so I bury my face into the crook of his neck.

Damn him for being several inches taller than me.

"I have to tell you that I am sorry for yesterday, and that I didn't mean anything I said. It was just. spur of the moment, I guess." I start quietly. This is harder than I thought it would be.

"I know." He replies with a smile, bringing up a hand to rub the expanse of skin between my shoulder blades.

We stay like that for a little bit. I don't know what else to say to him, but I don't think there is anything else TO say. This is. comforting, safe, like there is nothing else that matters except this moment, this time and place. I even ceased to care if anyone from school sees us. Screw them. Who says that we can't go out? We have the same rights as every other person on this goddamned planet.

I'm not going to worry about what other people think anymore, they could go and fuck themselves. I'm going to do what makes ME happy for once, and you better believe that Kaiba makes me happy.

*****
End Notes: Research paper is done, Latin exams are over. So yeah, I could probably update this fic weekly. I'm sure you are all thrilled. ::sarcasm:: ¬.¬ ::yawn:: This fic is getting too sappy for my tastes. I think it is time to lay down the angst and make Jou and Kaiba's happy little worlds come crashing down upon them. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! One thing I really want to do is to write this chapter in Seto's POV. I meant to do Jou's POV and Seto's POV at the same time, and post them up at the same time as well, but that would have taken another month, most likely. But yeah. We'll see how I feel later. Who knows. I remind myself too much of Seto, though, and I'm afraid I'll make the story too personal. But then again, what 'art' (I don't think this is exactly art, however) isn't personal?