"The worst way to miss someone is to be standing right next to them knowing you can't have them." - Unknown
Disclaimer – I don't own Pokemon. I do however own the two songs that I wrote but I think that's basically it.
Just so you all know ~^_^~ is used to change the scenes in the next couple of chapters or the perspective or whatever it is. So with that said, let's begin.
Valentines Verse : Lost Lyrics Part IV – If I Let You Go, I Will Never KnowAsh was awake this time long before the clock began to strike three times. Actually, he never even got to sleep. He was too busy thinking about Misty to even think about sleeping let alone actually sleep.
He realised now that though he had already been visited by two presences, three if you included Saint Valentine. He still had no idea what the decision he had to make was. All he knew was that it had something to do with Misty, and that scared him more than anything had in his entire life.
It was as he was trying to lull himself back to sleep that he noticed the little girl watching him expectantly from the end of his bed.
She was small and fragile, almost scrawny, but he had learnt his lesson a long time ago about calling girls that no matter how old. She looked about six or seven no older than eight.
She smiled at him from across the bed. She had one of those smiles that seemed to light up her entire face, just like Misty's. Her blue green eyes sparkled with mischief as she jumped onto the bed somehow not disturbing Pikachu.
"Are you awake Ash?" she asked happily as she got up and straightened her pale blue kimono covered in pink cheery blossoms.
"If I wasn't before I am now," he sighed.
It was the girl from the past his dad had shown him, that was for sure. That much he could tell, but still he tried to figure out who she was, why she seemed so familiar to him now even though he seemed to have forgotten that part of his childhood.
"Does this mean your dead?" Ash asked sadly as he watched her crawl off his bed after lightly petting Pikachu.
She shook her head. "Didn't they tell you who I am?" she asked cocking her head to the side and screwing up her nose slightly.
His mind immediately strayed to Misty doing the same thing as she tried to get her own way. He held back a content sigh as the image danced before his eyes.
"I'm not dead," she continued taking him away from his reverie. "Maybe you'd recognise me better in an older form."
The room suddenly began to glow white and Ash had to shield his eyes. As the light dulled back down Ash was left with the image of perfection he had grown to love more than anything else in this world.
Her long waist length red hair had been left out and had been curled into soft ringlets at the ends. She wore a pale pink kimono also but this one with a darker shade of pink roses and gold leaves embroidered into it. The dress was formfitting, accenting her perfect curves that seemed to hypnotise him into doing her bidding.
Her cerulean blue eyes looked at him shyly as she awaited his approval.
And then she smiled nervously, setting his heart into a frenzy of emotions as it often did.
'Breathe,' he reminded himself. 'Just breathe.'
"Misty," he whispered quietly, almost breathlessly as he was locked into a trance by her eyes.
He suddenly found himself under a spell she was unaware of casting over him. He couldn't look away from her stunning beauty, even if he wanted to. He was entrance by the shards of emerald in her eyes and the way they blended into the blue green as he searched for the perfect word to describe their colour.
"Your first love is often your last," she shrugged still looking down, her cheeks a light shade of red. "We just don't always realise it."
"How are you here if you're not dead?" he asked saying the first thing that came to his mind.
He often got this way when he was around Misty. He suddenly stopped thinking before he spoke because there just wasn't enough room in his mind for that and her. He ended up saying stupid things and doing even stupider things to catch her attention.
"Aren't you happy to see me?" she asked with mock defensiveness pouting at him playfully.
Again he felt his heart skip a beat and he was just thankful that he was already lying down because he was positive that if he had been standing or even sitting, that one perfect, playful pout would have sent him into a state of comatose.
"No, I mean . . . I'm happy . . . I mean . . . it's just that . . ." Ash began to stutter his words coming out in a confused phrases of nonsense that made him more nervous and embarrassed then he was to begin with.
"Never the most articulate boy," Misty muttered to herself as she shook her head at Ash while a small smile played on her lips.
She rolled her eyes and then proceeded to answer his question. "It's astral projection," she explained simply. "My physical form is still in bed appearing to be sleeping. In the morning this will be nothing more than a distant dream that I'm struggling to remember."
Ash just nodded not wanting to embarrass himself further by speaking.
He hated what Misty did to him sometimes. All she had to do was look at him and he began struggling to string as simple as sentence as "You know that's not what I meant" together. Sometimes he would fall over his own feet just trying to get her attention and in return all he would receive was that sweet little laugh that would almost have been beautiful if it wasn't constantly aimed at him.
"So . . ." Misty began as they suddenly found themselves in an awkward silence. "Where do you want to begin? The good future or the bad future?"
Ash pause for a second as he thought about the two options.
"The bad future," he replied.
"Good idea, because we'll be needing the good future to cheer us up," she said wincing as if she was ripping off a band aid.
With that Misty waved her hand theatrically and the scene began to dissolve into a field he recognised as one just outside of Cerulean.
"And so it begins," she whispered as she directed his gaze to where they saw themselves sitting together in the middle of the empty field.
~^_^~
Ash bit his lip nervously. This was the hardest thing he would ever have to do in his life, the hardest decision he was ever forced to make and the biggest regret he would ever have.
"Myst," he said taking her hand in his, "I think I need to make my own path for a little while."
Misty too bit down hard on her lip forcing back the tears that threatened to fall from her already red eyes. She could taste blood in her mouth from biting her lips so hard, or maybe that was just the taste of her heart breaking in two.
But she promised herself that she wouldn't cry, that no matter what she wouldn't let Ash see her cry right now. She knew that deep down that this was something he had to do and she didn't want to make it harder on him by showing weakness and vulnerability.
She gulped back the lump in her throat before she spoke her words strained with emotion. "That sounds like a good idea Ash," she told him lying through her teeth.
Ash didn't need to see tears, he knew before she'd even spoken. After knowing her so long he could see past her deception of strength she put up around her and he could see the pain in her eyes.
'Please,' he thought to himself. 'Please let this be the right decision.'
"This isn't good bye Myst," he pleaded hopelessly wishing he hadn't seen that single tear roll down her cheek filling him with regret, but it was already too late to go back. "Just so long."
"Goodbye Ash," she told him as she forced a smile onto her lips and kissed his cheek softly.
"You'll always be my best friend," she told him as she stood up. "So long Ash," she added as she ran away from him before he saw the mass of tears flooding her eyes.
That one, single tear that fell down her face had turned into two and two into four until she didn't think she would ever stop crying and though the tears would dry eventually, she knew part of her would always be crying for him.
"Goodbye Misty," he whispered after her, his own tears lost in the rain that began to poor down around them. "Goodbye."
~^_^~
Ash's heart was shattered into lots of tiny little shards. He had broken Misty's that much was clear in her eyes, and that was the worst feeling that anyone could ever imagine. It made him feel physically sick and emotionally distraught, how could he have done that to Misty?
"Is that all?" Ash asked hopefully as he turned to Misty.
She shook her head her face grim as she already knew what this future held and it pained her so much to have to be the one to show it to Ash. She knew it would hurt him just as much as it had hurt her to know, but she tried to convince herself that it was for the sake of their future, whether it be together or not.
Ash sighed and closed his eyes in thought. She had warned him in her own way that this was going to be hard on him, he just hoped that was the worst of it.
And when he opened them again, he was no longer in the empty field watching himself cry for the girl he had just let run out of his life, instead he found himself in a crowded stadium chanting her name.
~^_^~
Ash had the best seat in the house, front row and centre with a perfect view of the stage. The crowd around him was filled with excited anticipation though his was more nervous.
He just wasn't sure what to make of it all. They hadn't seen each other for five years, he didn't know what to expect, what she'd be like, if she'd still like him. He wondered if just the sight of her would rekindle the old feelings he had been forced to let die.
The crowd began to roar loudly as she began to walk onto the stage, something that they had both become used to after so long in the public eye. She scanned the audience quickly and smiled as she caught sight of him right where she'd hoped he would be.
"Misty! Misty!" the crowd chanted.
She adjusted her headset and turned to one of her assistance back stage to make sure that it was working. They nodded and Misty smiled in satisfaction before addressing the crowd.
"Hello West Kanto," she called to them, which was answered by an approving roar from the audience. "This first song is one of my favourites and it's dedicated to my best friend who's sitting here in the audience. When I first started writing this song, and not necessarily from the first verse it started out as a song about him, but I guess somewhere along the way the intention got messed up and this is the result.
"So this is dedicated to you Ash," she told him smiling down on him from her stage. She signalled for the band to play and began to sing to its soft minor melody filled with the tears she still longed to cry.
"I use to think
That you were all I need
That you were everything I needed to succeed
I thought I knew
All there was to know
But you never know just what you're letting go
It feels like something's missing
Something I can't get from you
Forget the lies
Forget the pain
Know we'll never be the same
Forget the tears
That we cried
And just know that we both tried
Forget the fairy tale
We both forgot the words
And just remember
The heart that never hurts
I need to let you go
We need to face the facts
I need to take a brand new trail
Not retrace the same old tracks
We've sang the same old lines
Took the same old paths
We need to leave it all behind
And leave it in the past
I need a new beginning
It's something I can't bear to do
Forget the lies
Forget the pain
Know we'll never be the same
Forget the tears
That we cried
And just know that we both tried
Forget the fairy tale
We both forgot the words
And just remember
The heart that never hurts
Forget the tears that we both cried
Forget the times that we both lied
Forget the things you never thought we'd ever lose
Forget the times I'd lie awake
Just waiting for my heart to break
Forget the times our dreams would all fall through
Forget the love that we once knew
Forget the dreams that were still true
And know that love is nothing without pain
So . . .
Forget the lies
Forget the pain
Know we'll never be the same
Forget the tears
That we cried
And just know that we both tried
Forget the fairy tale
We both forgot the words
And just remember
The heart that never hurts
Just remember
The Heart That Never Hurts"
('The Heart That Never Hurts' © Virgo Writer)
The crowd, especially Ash cheered loudly as Misty finished her song leaving them for a few seconds in a stunned silence. She was an amazing performer filled with a hypnotising charisma that never let Ash take his eyes off her.
Though he had never really been able to take his eyes off her before anyway.
He'd always known that Misty had a great singing voice, he'd even recalled times when he'd heard her singing late at night, he'd just never really known that she was this good.
Ash went back stage after the concert to meet her feeling totally on edge. He was more nervous than the teenage girls around him that had been given the chance to meet their idol.
'Is five years too long?' Ash asked himself as he tried to ease his nerves.
"Well if it isn't Mr. Pokemon Master," she teased as she walked up to him wearing a simple silk skirt with a white singlet top and her hair tied up in a messy pony tail.
"You know you can't call me that anymore," he told her as he felt that much of his previous nervousness disappear as soon as he saw her.
Despite the fame she just seemed like the same old Misty and he was just as in love with her as he was all those years ago, but he couldn't do anything about it, because he'd already made his decision and ruined their chances along with it.
"Yeah I forgot," she said a playful hint in her voice. "It's Mr. Worlds Greatest Pokemon Master now, and hottest too according to most of the female population of Kanto."
"Well I can't say it's a matter of taste," he began, "because they all seem to think that you're the greatest too."
It was silent for a moment as they both just stood there, their thoughts straying elsewhere.
Misty broke the silence as she suddenly wrapped her arms around Ash's neck and hugged him. "I'm so glad you came," she told him, happy tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
"Me too," he told her wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close to him. "I missed you so much," he added tears welling in his own eyes.
"Excuse me, Miss. Waterflower," an assistant called interrupting Ash and Misty's long awaited reunion.
"Yes Harrison," she said pulling away from Ash's strong arms with a sigh of regret. In the five years apart she had forgotten how safe and protected she felt to be in Ash's arms. She missed that feeling and she didn't want to let it go again.
"I'm sorry to interrupt Miss. Waterflower," he said anxiously, "but you're supposed to talk to the prize winners right now."
Misty sighed again. "I'm sorry Ash, I really wanted to be spending some catch up time with you before I had to head to the next stop on the tour," she told him apologetically, "but I guess things never go the way you planned."
"Don't worry Myst," he told her, "we'll get the chance to catch up. That's a promise."
She smiled at him her eyes retaining more of their usual glow that she had lost a bit over the years. "Don't let it be five more years Ash," she told him. "And that's an order."
"Yes sir," he told her saluting jokingly.
"That's ma'am to you private," she teased. "Say hi to Pikachu for me Ash," she said quickly before going to do her duty and meeting the fans that had done everything possible just to see her.
"Yes ma'am," he said quietly a tone of sadness coming to his voice as he watched her retreating figure walking away from him yet again.
~^_^~
"That song was so sad," Ash whispered afraid that if he spoke too loud she would hear the tears that were threatening to fall. He had to rely on all his strength just to hold them back.
"It was written from the part of me that's always crying for you," she replied her own eyes filling with tears as she thought about the things that brought her to write the song.
"Which part?" Ash asked softly not fully understanding her words.
"My heart," she told him.
He nodded understandingly, it explained the ache he felt in his own heart as he listened to the lyrics, the sad melody and the emotion found in her harmonic voice.
"Why did you write it?" he asked.
"It's as I said, I wrote it for you," she told him. "Because of you," she added with a slight chuckle.
"It meant so much," she continued after a pause as she realised Ash wanted her to explain further. "It was like I was using that song to try and move on with my life, it didn't work. I almost felt like it gave me something more to hold onto. It explained to me what you felt, parts of it were from my angle, others from yours but mostly it was from a third person trying to tell me to move on with my life and forget you. It was like they were scorning at me, at what I had become because of you.
"Forget the lies, forget the pain, know you'll never be the same," she sang showing what she meant by changing the lyrics slightly to fit that tormenting voice that had always told her to give up on Ash. "Forget the tears that you cried, forget you even tried. Just forget the fairy tale, you both forgot the words. Try to remember, the heart that never hurts."
Again they both felt tears stinging at the backs of their eyes. It was as if the song now had a deeper meaning, like it was never meant to be.
"Did we let it be five years?" Ash asked.
Misty shook her head. "That's one thing you've always been good for Ash," she told him. "Keeping your promises. We kept in touch better after that despite both our intense schueduals. We saw each other for short periods of time now and then, never more than an hour or two, I made sure that it was never enough for you to get a close enough look to see the plastic smile on my face."
Ash looked at her with concern in her eyes. He didn't like it when Misty was hurting, because that meant he was hurting too. He was curious to learn more.
"I wasn't happy," she told him. "Not even close.
"I had all anyone could ever want," she continued sadly looking at the ground. "All the latest and greatest of everything. Fancy cars, platinum credit cards, precious jewels, exquisite gowns and huge mansions; I had it all. I had fame and fortune, something everyone dreams of their whole lives but few succeed to grasp, but it wasn't enough to make me happy.
"I had all I could ever ask for and it was just like, so what?" she said as a tear streamed from her eye, "I had everything I could ever dream for, everything but what I truly wanted. I didn't have you and my life felt so empty with out you. No matter how happy I was to be with you again when we met up I was always reminded that I would have to say goodbye once again at the end of it all.
"It was five years to the day that we had a proper meeting . . ." she trailed off as again the scene began to change and Ash tried to prepare himself the pain that he knew he would feel.
~^_^~
" . . . no matter what I do I can't . . ."
Ding! Dong!
"Will you please get that Larkspur?" Misty called from her study where she did most of her song writing.
(A/N: I know Larkspur is a weird name but it's a really pretty flower and seeing as Kris wouldn't let me call myself that cause it really is a weird name I have to name someone after it)
"Yes Miss."
Ash followed Larkspur as she led him through Misty's huge house and into the study where Misty was working. He took the few letters from Larkspur before sending her away so he and Misty could catch up.
Misty had her back towards him when he came in and she was still busy working on her song to notice. She would hum small tunes now and then as she tried to work out exactly what she wanted to hear.
Larkspur watched at the door for a second thinking about how happy her mistress would be to see him again. She had noticed that Misty was always noticeably happier when Ash was around, or even the days leading up to a visit. When Ash was near she had a light in her eyes that she had previously lacked.
"Boo," Ash whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her from behind in a friendly manner.
Misty yelped and noticeably jumped by this action, which confused Ash immensely.
"Myst, what's wrong it's just me?" he said his confusion eminent in his voice.
"I know Ash," she said massaging her temples and shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. "You just startled me," she told him tiredly hoping it would be enough.
"You don't fool me Misty," he told her. "Remember, I know you better than I know myself. You wouldn't get like that over nothing Myst so tell me what's wrong. I'm your best friend, you can't hide anything from me?"
Misty let out a small laugh at Ash's efforts to cheer her up and get information out of her at the same time.
"It's nothing," she told him.
She reached for one of the letters that Ash had brought in with him thinking this seemingly normal gesture would convince him of just how alright she was. She only read a few lines before throwing it into the nearby fireplace and walking across to the other side of the room to watch it burn from the sidelines.
"Absolutely nothing," she muttered more to herself than Ash as she rubbed her arms trying to make the goosebumps disappear.
Ash sighed as he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. He hated to see Misty like this especially as she wouldn't let him do anything to help. He just wanted to make all her fears and tears disappear forever so she would never have to be unhappy again.
"Misty, you don't throw letters into the fire over nothing," he told her seriously. "What ever it is you can tell me, and I'll help you get through this no matter what."
"It's nothing," she repeated, "just a silly threat."
"Just a silly threat?" he asked knowingly. "You're the bravest person I know, you're too strong to be pushed this close to tears over a silly threat and I'm sure this has something to do with the fact that you practically screamed when I snuck up on you before."
"I don't want to burden you with my troubles Ash," she told him. "I don't . . ."
"You're never a burden," he interrupted.
She sighed again. "You really want to know?" She paused waiting for Ash to nod his head and encourage her onwards. "It's a death threat.
"I've been receiving them for about a year," she continued refusing to look him in the eye. "At first it was just jealous girls, mostly because of all the rumours there were about us being together." They both blushed at this comment. "But then there was this one that always stood out, that seemed to be attacking me just for the sake of it. They'd say things that no one but you would know, things that they knew would hurt me. They'd describe what they would do to me if they ever got the chance in such gruesome detail that I could almost imagine it happening to me as I read. They threatened to hurt my sisters, and you and anyone I ever cared for."
She could no longer hold back the tears, which she had been holding back and hiding from everyone for so long and began to cry into Ash's shoulder.
"it's ok Misty," he told her softly as he wrapped her in his arms and gently consoled her. "I'm here, you're safe now."
She nodded into his chest as slowly the tears began to fade away until they were gone all together.
"Thank you," she whispered. "It's good to see you again Ash."
"You too Myst," he replied as he rested his head gently on top of hers. "So what was so important that you wanted me here ASAP?" he asked as he leaned back to look at her face.
"Actually I was wondering if I could ask you to do me a favour," she said shyly.
"Anything for you Myst," he told her forgetting to ask what the favour was, not the smartest idea I might add.
"Can I hold you to that promise?" she asked mischievously.
"You name it Misty," he said confidently as if there was nothing Misty could throw at him that he couldn't throw back at her triple fold.
"Can you do a duet with me?" she asked.
"What?!" he gasped his eyed widening with surprise.
"You did say anything," she told him.
"Yeah, but I thought you wanted me to stay here for a while so you felt safe," he argued.
"Get over yourself Ketchum," she teased rolling her eyes as she was back to the same old Misty that he loved so much.
"I can't sing," he told her desperately
"Yes you can," she told him. "I've heard you in the shower and I bet you didn't realise that you sing the 'To Be A Master' theme song in your sleep."
Ash blushed with embarrassment and looked away. "Fine, I'll do it," he mumbled quietly in defeat.
"Sorry Ash," she said cocking her head to the side in mock confusion, "I didn't quite hear you."
"Fine I'll do it," he said a little clearer but not clear enough for Misty's liking.
"Pardon," she said a smirk pulling at her lips.
"I said I'll do it," he said louder as he sighed defeatedly.
"I knew you would," she told him smiling triumphantly as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and began to get back to her song showing Ash what she was doing.
~^_^~
"You're a new person," Ash commented as he watched the possible future of himself and Misty. "One second you're close to tears and next it's like you're on top of the world."
"Because I was Ash," she told him. "I had you back in my life again and I was on top of the world. I was happy again, I didn't need drug induced happiness and alcohol induced numbness anymore like I had before, I had you and that was enough now.
"You made me forget all the bad things there were in life, just like you always had," she continued. "You were still so innocent to the world despite your age and you helped me find the innocence that I had lost again.
"We worked on the song for months, a lot longer than I would usually work on a song but I wanted this one to be perfect, and I didn't want you to leave again. I didn't think I could say goodbye again so I did all I could to make you stay longer.
"I was so happy," she said again beginning to sob softly.
Ash wrapped a comforting arm around Misty feeling her pain.
"I didn't mean to Ash," she continued as if she was trying to explain her own actions for what happened next and asking for forgiveness. "I was just so happy, I let my guard down. I forgot about all the evils of the world and all the pain it caused and I let my guard down. I had a headache and I needed some asprin so I just took a drive down to the local 711.
"It wasn't even that bad of a headache," she said sobbing harder. "I could have waited till morning, I knew that and I knew I should have when someone grabbed me from behind. I didn't think it would hurt anyone if I just went out to get some asprin, but it did. It hurt everyone that ever mattered to me, especially you Ash."
He wrapped his arms around her tighter as tears sprung to his own eyes and let her sob into his chest.
"It was the day before we were going to release the song," she said softly. "That was the day they found my body and brought you in to identify it."
Ash gasped and more tears came to his eyes falling down his cheeks. "What happened to you?" he asked softly not really sure if he wanted to know.
"The guy, he seemed to think he was Jack the Ripper or something," she told him. "He butchered me. He dragged me down a dark alley and chopped off parts of my body signing a name with a knife into my abdomen. To him, I was just one of many victims, many triumphs and many more he would make. It took them two years after that to catch him and put him in jail where he belonged."
"How could some one do that?" he asked her.
She shrugged her shoulders as she changed the scene to the funeral. She hadn't showed Ash the actual death, she didn't want to hurt him further than he already was.
~^_^~
"Um . . . this is like a song our baby sister, Misty Kasumi Waterflower wrote before she died so like tragically. It's called like 'Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust'," Daisy said before she was led off the stage sobbing by her other two sister who were also crying softly.
A soft melody began to play filling the small cathedral. The ceremony was only for her close friends, family and important members of her management team. It wasn't just an opportunity for the stars to compare who looked better in black, it was a day for those who mattered in her life to grieve the loss of a friend, a loved one and a sister.
Ash's voice followed the melody keeping to its slow and somber rythmn that would fill the rest of his days now he was without her.
Ash: "So many words that I could say
But none would bring you here
No goodnight prayer
No wishing star
I know because I've tried"
Misty's voice followed softly and melodic like the voice of the angel bringing tears to his eyes as he realised he may never hear it again.
Misty: "A thousand tears won't bring you back
I know because I've cried
My fallen tears
My lonely heart
This emptiness inside"
It was strange how fitting the song was for today. When Misty wrote it she had said it was about two friends that had lost one another along the way. Now it seemed that it was about two friends, himself and Misty, and now one of them was gone, lost forever.
Their voices came together in perfect harmony to sing the chorus that could quite possibly the most fitting part of all. He missed her badly and just wished he could have her back.
Ash & Misty: "When we said friends forever
Did forever mean today?
Tell me what's the point of feeling
When there's nothing we can say
I can't explain my reasons
I cannot say just why
But no matter what I do
I can't bare to say goodbye"
Misty: "When I think of us as children
The day we saved each other's lives
It was all for one
And one for all
Just you and I combined"
Ash: "I didn't hear you last words
But I know you saw me cry
(& Misty) no matter what
no matter where
You're always by my side"
Ash & Misty: "When we said friends forever
Did forever mean today?
Tell me what's the point of feeling
When there's nothing we can say
I can't explain my reasons
I cannot say just why
But no matter what I do
I can't bare to say goodbye
"When we said friends forever
Did forever mean today?
Tell me what's the point of feeling
When there's nothing we can say
I can't explain my reasons
I cannot say just why
But no matter what I do
I can't bare to say goodbye"
Ash(spoken): No amount of words will bring you back
I know because I've tried
A thousand tears won't bring you back
I know because I've cried
I didn't see you close your eyes
I didn't see you die
But the thing that hurts the most
Is that you didn't say goodbye
Ash & Misty: "When we said friends forever
Did forever mean today?
Tell me what's the point of feeling
When there's nothing we can say
I can't explain my reasons
I cannot say just why
But no matter what I do
I can't bare to say goodbye"
This was where the song was supposed to end, but it seemed that without him knowing Misty had added something to the end that just brought this song closer to Ash and made it more meaningful then it was before.
Misty: "Do you think of me where you are?
Am I still your shining star?
Cause the thing that makes me cry
Is that you never said goodbye
{Goodbye, goodbye}
You never said goodbye"
('Ashes to Ashes {Dust to Dust}© Virgo Writer)
Ash swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat as he tried to do everything in his power to keep from crying.
He was reminded of something someone once told him about how sometimes it's not holding on that makes you strong, but letting go.
He had let her go, he had did everything he could to stay strong to let her be free and live her life without him and now she was gone forever.
He got the feeling that Misty was never really meant for this world, that she wasn't meant to live in such a cruel and heartless place, that angels like her were only meant for heaven. He knew she'd be watching over him from above, it was the one hope he had left to hold on to, the one thing that stopped him from giving up on life altogether.
Misty had been the world to him, even if she didn't know it. She had changed his life in so many ways, she had made him who he was today and he would be lost without her.
From the moment he met her everything he had done was for her. He valued her opinion more than anyone else's and everything he strived for was to make her proud of him.
Now he had lost his reason and he just didn't know where he was going anymore, he didn't know if he could continue battling without her even though she hadn't been by his side for ten years. All he knew was that he had to continue, for her, because it was only thing left to fill the void that she had left behind.
Ash sighed as he walked up to the alter and looked down at the closed casket.
Part of him was glad that her sisters had decided against the open casket idea, he'd already suffered enough pain being called in to identify her mauled body after it had been found in a deserted ally, he didn't think he could handle that again. The problem was that the rest of him wanted to see her face one last time, to kiss her goodbye.
"I'm sorry Misty," he said softly looking down at the intricately engraved coffin as tears streamed freely from his tired eyes. He hadn't slept since her death and he wasn't sure he'd be able to again.
"This is all my fault," he continued in a hushed whisper filled with emotion. "If I had never been there you would have known better than to go out on your own. I know I couldn't have stopped you, even if I tried, you've always been so stubborn, but I just wish you were still here. I wish I'd told you when I was given the chance, but now you're gone and you'll never know how much I love you."
Ash took a deep wavering breath as he tried to push back his tears. This wasn't the first time he'd cried for Misty and it wouldn't be the last even if no one saw the tears he cried later on.
"How are you like holding up?" Violet asked gently as she and her sisters came up behind him.
"That's what I was going to ask you," he replied forcing a small smile onto his face as he turned around to face them. It was futile, his eyes portrayed all the pain and sadness he felt inside as his entire world was pulled away from him.
"You don't have to pretend for us Ash," Lilly said in a moment of insightfulness. "We understand because we feel it too."
Tears welled in her eyes as she wiped them away trying to be strong for Misty even though she wasn't here to see them. They'd always tried to be strong for her, especially after their parents deaths but it had always turned out that Misty was the one with all the strength. Now she was gone and they weren't sure if they could be strong without her.
"We're as good as we could be considering," Daisy finished answering Ash's question. "I'm still waiting for the tears to stop falling behind my eyes, but I don't think I could possibly imagine the pain you feel Ash. She was our sister and we loved her in our own special way but to you she was everything."
Ash nodded solemnly as the tears began to form in his eyes. "Life's funny like that," he said though he was far from laughing. "It never let's you see what you've got until it takes it away."
"Ash we want you to have this," Lilly said suddenly as she pulled out a leather bound book.
He could easily guess what it was. He even recognized it from the occasional time he'd caught her up late writing in it. He'd often taken it for ransom in his younger years, but never once had he even dared to look through its neatly written pages.
He stared at it incredulously wondering why on earth they would want him to have something that held every thought that Misty had ever had.
"If it was her choice she'd want you to have it," Violet insisted noticing his hesitation.
"I can't take it," he said looking at it. "It wouldn't be right."
"There are a few things in this book that you need to know Ash, that you need to find out for yourself," Daisy told him. "She would have wanted this."
Ash sighed defeatedly as he flipped through the book. More tears filled his eyes as he read through the book remembering all the time they had together good and bad.
Then he came to one particular page and he no longer had the strength to hold back the tears anymore.
~^_^~
"What does it say?" Ash asked Misty worriedly as he watched himself breakdown in tears.
"Read it your self," she replied softly as the book suddenly appeared in his arms automatically flipping to the same page his future self had been reading.
Febuary 14 2003
Dear Diary,
Today my heart broke.
I think I felt it smashed into millions of tiny pieces in a matter of seconds and he'll never know.
Whenever I thought about broken hearts and so on I always thought it was just a metaphorical thing, I never realised that the day my heart would be broken in two that I would physically feel it.
Ash means so much to me and I can't believe that I just let him go so easily without out a word, without even trying to call him back.
But you know what they say, if you really love something you have to let them go and all that really matters anymore is their happiness even if it isn't with you.
I thought he was happy with me, but it seemed that he needed to be free. I suddenly feel as though all this time I've been holding him back, keeping him from what he was destined to achieve in his lifetime.
Being the 'Worlds Greatest Pokemon Master' had been his one dream since he was still in school, since before his father died and there was no way that I would even try to hold him back from that.
So I let him leave. I just let my best friend walk out of my life because I couldn't stand the thought of being the one to hold him back. I thought with time that maybe his dreams would change, that maybe one day I could be his dream.
I know that was my dream, but then dreams never do come true, do they?
Ash has always been there for me. He saved me, saved me from a life of lonliness and hurt even though I would never admit it to him.
He was that one friend who was always there for me. The one who always made the sun shine brighter and the dark clouds fade away. The friend so perfect he often seemed a dream that I prayed I would never awake from.
He was the one who was there when I felt my world cave in around me, when nothing could go right and everything was wrong. But then he would just come wrap his arms around me, bring me to my feet and give me strength to fly.
But after that is where it all starts to go so terribly wrong, beyond the healing powers of his soft loving arms.
He's my best friend in the entire universe and I know no matter what he'll always be my best friend. No more, no less.
I spent a lot of my life searching for something that was in front of me all along, searching for Ash even though he was right there by my side. I was looking for that once in a lifetime kind of love that you read about in fairy tales and by the time I finally opened my eyes I was already in too deep to back out.
It's strange the things that stick with you in life and the way you remember them sometimes as if they were a dream, others as if they were only a few hours ago.
I remember when my world used to disappear just to be inside his arms but today it crumbled away into nothingness because today I realised that he is my world and now he's gone.
He was always in front of me, protecting me leading the way. He's always been behind me, pushing me forward and supporting me in everything I ever did. And he was always right beside me; he was a hand to hold and a friend I could always rely on.
He was a shoulder to cry on, and the reason I cried. It's one of the hardest possible times in life when the only person who ever made you cry is the only person who can take the tears away.
I've always valued him too much as a friend to do anything about how I feel, I was always too afraid that our friendship would be destroyed if I did, but now it's too late anyway.
It was so painful that way, but I would rather just be with him even if it was just as a friend than to be without him. It hurt me so much to be so close that I could hear my own heart beating in time with his and not be able to say a word.
'Goodbye Ash,' I said kissing his cheek softly. 'You'll always be my best friend.'
How I longed to say more, wished I could confess my true feelings inside my heart. I spend so much of my life wishing that I could tell him and wishing that I could hear him say the same that I start to wish I could stop.
Writing it down on paper, like I do now makes it all seem so easy. I love him, with my entire heart and soul constantly falling deeper and deeper in love just from one look in his chocolate brown eyes. But it's more than that, so much more that I can't even find words to explain it.
All I know is that I love him and that I always will love him.
But that alone will never be enough, not when he doesn't love me.
Signed as always
Misty Kasumi Waterflower
"I lost hope of you ever loving me after you left," she told him as he finished reading the entry. "I gave up on you loving me, but I never stopped loving you."
"I don't deserve you," Ash muttered more to himself than to her.
To know that Misty could get hurt, or even worse die because of something he easily had power over, a decision he made was something he didn't want to have to think about. But he couldn't help it. It just kept on repeating itself reminding him that it was his fault she had died.
"It's not your fault Ash," Misty said as she tried to comfort him as she sensed his thoughts. "Fate makes it's own choices, we can't control it. It's not a definite future, just a guess at would could happen."
"That's the choice I have to make, isn't it?" Ash asked not really hearing Misty's words as his mind was elsewhere. "You or the title. The girl of my dreams or my childhood dream."
Misty shook her head gently. "It's just a choice."
With that she knew it was time to show Ash the other half of the future, the future she longed for him to choose.
~ to be continued ~
I thought heaps about the things that could go here and took a few of your idea's like the death one though I knew Misty's death would probably effect him more than his own and I was close to doing the chiche Rudy thing then I realised just how much I disliked Rudy I didn't feel like putting him in, plus Misty is so damn in love with Ash what are the possibilities of her being able to move on with her life? Exactly, just about as likely as Ash going off to live happily ever after with Melody after Misty's death.
So anyway, please review, tell me what you think and remember to tell me what you might want to see in the next chapter. I've split the futures into two separate chapters as they're both about 8000 words long which together is longer than the whole of the original story put together.
