I thought 'Calling it Off' would be the end of that particular story and
then 'Home Again' wrote itself. It takes place during the car ride home
after Daphne calls off her wedding with Donny.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to send feedback. You are the reason writers share their stories.
Home Again
By Amy (amydekanter@yahoo.com)
The drive home was a constant replay of last night's and today's events, all tripping over themselves to make it to the surface of her consciousness, creating mind-numbing traffic jams of information too huge or too strange to absorb. If Daphne tried to think of things from the beginning she wouldn't know where to start. If she started at the end, she would be faced with the absolutely round the bend mistake she and Niles had made of kissing in front of all her wedding guests, prompting Simon to bellow out the now unshakable assumption that she was pregnant.
As if it weren't enough to try and sort out her thoughts, her feelings were also fighting for top billing. The strongest and the one she most wanted to feel was the very one she kept kicking back under the surface. Yes, she had promised herself that once this was done she would allow herself to be flooded by it, but now somehow it didn't seem right, not with all the pain she had caused back there. She could not help thinking of Donny, and every thought stung with guilt and remorse. She tried saying as much.
"There was no easy way out of this. But you guys did the right thing coming back. I'm proud of you both." Two psychiatrists in the car and it was Mr. Crane who managed to be reassuring. For that at least she was grateful. Dr. Crane, on the other hand, was still furious. He had not said a word the entire drive except to crossly remind them of the chaos she and Niles had created back there. She was relieved when flattery - her and Niles thanking him for the role he had played in bringing them together - worked its magic and softened him up. A bottle of 82 Latour was a small price to pay to have one less person disappointed in her.
Just when she was feeling that once again she was among friends, her brothers had to drive by and treat them to what her father called the rosy- cheeked salute. Charming when they were teenagers, twice as charming now that half of them were pushing 40. Mortified, Daphne covered her eyes and tried not to imagine what Niles or his family must be thinking.
"Living up to the Moon family name I see," Dr. Crane said dryly as Daphne prayed for the earth to open up and swallow her. She could hardly blame any of them for not wanting her genes wading around in the Crane pool. "Well, that just puts the cherry on this perfect day," Dr. Crane added, his eyebrows pulled lower even than before, his frail good mood irrevocably shattered.
Daphne sighed miserably. She had ruined the day for him and for hundreds of other people. She had also ruined the lives of at least two others. All because of what? A feeling? A whim? Cold feet? She stared out of the window at the setting sun. This was not the way this day was supposed to end.
And suddenly, everything changed. Niles' warm fingers closed around her cold ones, tightening just enough so she would stop wringing her hands. He did not look at her but she stole a glance at him and saw that although he was facing forward, his full attention was on her. He smiled slightly, a reassuring smile she knew was just for her. And everything changed. Everything else mattered less, and what needed to matter, mattered more. She remembered exactly why she had done this, and for whom. Her hands, her body and her heart relaxed as she concentrated on the gentle movement of Niles' thumb, gently stroking back and forth across the backs of her fingers. She finally let the feeling surface.
And the thoughts. Her mind cleared enough for thoughts to start flowing through and she did not bother trying to put them into any kind of order. With Niles holding her hand, she felt safe and content enough to just let them come.
Considering how relieved and happy she now felt, she was vaguely surprised when her thoughts chose to take her to the moment when she had been at her most wretched. The moment she pulled away from the most magical kiss she had ever experienced to say there could never be any more.
Last night. With Niles holding her hand, Daphne had the strength to revisit last night, when she had cried longer and harder than ever before in her life, breaking the record she had set just days earlier when she had been told of Niles' marriage to Mel.
The crying had begun even before the kiss had ended, her own tears choking her as she pushed him away. Part of her wanted him not to let her go but she saw - she knew -- that he loved her enough to agree to whatever he thought would cause her the least amount of pain. Even at the cost of his own heart.
Daphne had fled the balcony, ripped apart by the agony one can only feel when one's soul is left behind. She had pushed past her family and into her room, first hoping Donny would be awake to reassure her, then grateful beyond measure to find him fast asleep. He was a heavy sleeper and once the quiet snores started, Daphne knew nothing would wake him.
Curling up in the armchair, she tried to get the sobbing under control as she gazed at her fiancé. Why did Donny have to be so sweet and wonderful? Why couldn't he be more like the men her mother predicted Daphne would marry, someone she could leave in a heartbeat, as Niles had promised to leave Mel.
It was different, Daphne tried to tell herself. Mel had no heart to be broken. Not like Donny.
Yet, as much as she loved Donny, and as much as she needed comforting, she couldn't make herself get into the bed. Part of it was feelings of guilt and betrayal. The other part, the larger part, the part she vainly tried to shut out, was the one that knew that the face and form in her bed were not those of the man she wanted to curl up against for love and reassurance. For life.
Daphne cried even harder. Here she was, regretting that she loved Donny because she wanted with all her heart to leave him for someone else. Dr. Niles Crane. Her employer's brother. The married man. The love of her life.
'Enough! How can you know that?' she asked herself angrily. "You can't possibly know that."
'How can you doubt it?' another part of her responded, just as angrily.
'We haven't even been...'
'On a real date. We don't know how we'd be together. What if we have different tastes in silverware?' The voice inside was mocking. 'When have you ever needed cold hard facts for anything? Your whole life you've blindly obeyed visions, signs and hunches. You once walked Eddie to the dog park across town because a dream warned of a potential paw splinter if you took him to his regular place. How can you ignore this now?'
'If Niles Crane were the love of my life, why would I only know it now? Where were all my signs and visions over the past seven years?'
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'What is that supposed to mean?'
'It means that signs and visions came by the truckload and that you chose to ignore them, both subtle and blatant. Everyone knew he was in love with you. Only you knew you were also in love with him.'
'I didn't! I wasn't! I only started imagining I had feelings for him recently, after I became engaged to Donny.' Memories attacked her. Memories of moments she had spent with Niles Crane over the years, of the things he had done of the way he had looked at her... of the way they made her feel. 'I didn't know about... I mean, I wasn't..."
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'Shut up!' Daphne's body heaved with sobs so deep and desperate that she was afraid she would wake Donny. Holding her hand tightly to her mouth for fear she would scream, Daphne staggered outside, into the garden then beyond, out of the lights, into the trees, towards the lake. The voices inside were relentless. She tried to fend them off.
'I admit it, there were signs. But they all pointed away from him, not towards him. A red tie, indeed. And a dragon. Unless Dr. Crane's new calling is as a waiter at a Chinese restaurant, it's not him.'
'Those weren't the only signs, just the ones you felt safe enough to examine because they didn't leap out at you with the obvious.'
'Rubbish.'
'Then tell me, what are you doing here?'
'I was trying to get away from you but that hasn't worked. And I needed air.'
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that?'
'Look.'
Daphne looked and quickly ducked behind a tree. There he was: Dr. Niles Crane. For a man who wiped down seats in perfectly respectable restaurants, he looked lost and out of place sitting on the ground by the lake, his arms around his knees and his hands clasped. He was staring up at the stars.
'Don't pretend you're surprised.'
'I couldn't know he was here.'
'You did. Do you realise you only ever lie to yourself about him?'
'I'm don't. I. . .' Daphne's heart was pulling, pulling, pulling her towards him. He looked so sad. And so heart-wrenchingly handsome. 'I haven't...' a sudden sob escaped before she had a chance to cover her mouth. Dr. Crane turned towards the sound, but not far enough in her direction. He didn't see her. After a moment he looked back at the sky.
This was the same Niles Crane whose terror of the outdoors was surpassed only by his terror of the outdoors at night. The Niles Crane Daphne knew would have fled in feral panic at hearing a sound coming from the dark woods. He had changed. This night had changed him. And Daphne knew she was looking, not at a braver man, but at a man who had ceased to care.
For the first time in her life, Daphne despised herself. He did not deserve this. He did not deserve to suffer because of her.
'Why not because of you?'
'Because I'm not meant to make him miserable. I'm meant...'
'...to make him happy.'
'I didn't say that.'
'You didn't finish it. Not listening is not...'
'Stop it!' The silent shriek echoed inside her head, repeating over and over until finally it exhausted itself into a low pleading moan.
'You love him.'
'I love him. I have been in love with him for years. Is that what you wanted to hear?'
'Yes. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Tonight stop lying about that.'
'Very well,' Daphne agreed tiredly. She felt better. Fatigued, but better. The air was fragrant with jasmine... or orange blossom. She gazed at the man staring up at the stars. Tomorrow she would marry Donny, as she had promised. Tonight...
"I love you," she whispered at the lonely figure on the beach.
Tears continued to fall, but now they fell quietly. Still in the safe dark shadow of the tree Daphne sank down to the ground, nestling against the trunk and wrapping her dress closely around her legs. Tomorrow was tomorrow. Tonight was the first and last night she would spend with Dr. Niles Crane. As she was meant to.
She stayed with him until daybreak. A few times he stood up as if to go somewhere, but he always ended up walking in a circle and sitting back down, as if there were nowhere for him to go. She herself never budged until the sun came up and threatened to reveal her to him. She would not allow herself to give him any more false hope. She loved him with all her heart but she was not free to offer it to him. She would not allow herself to punish Donny for their years of indecision.
As she said her silent good-bye, she found that she had no more tears left. She only prayed that she would manage to keep dry during her wedding.
'You are surprisingly silent,' she told the other part of herself as she walked back to the hotel.
'That's because I know something you don't.'
'Let me guess: Something I'm not listening to?'
'Yep,' the other part was smug. 'But you will hear it.'
And she did. Hours later and dressed for the wedding, she heard it in the voice of a four-year-old flower girl telling her that she was the saddest bride she'd ever seen.
And that was when everything became clear. Not easy, but clear. Herself and Niles aside, this was not what Donny deserved. He deserved to be married to someone who was certain and happy and who loved him the way Daphne could only love Niles. She had tried to deny that love to herself and to Niles without realising that she was also sacrificing Donny's chances. Going through with this wedding would save Donny the hurt of today and perhaps even the next few months but, no matter how hard Daphne tried, the hurt would come. Even if things didn't work out with Niles, she knew she could not let Donny marry someone whose only wedding wish was to be able to say 'I do' without bursting into tears.
There was no aside. If she wanted a chance to make someone truly happy, this was it. She could do it for herself and she could do it for Niles. Her heart soared. She was calling him Niles. If only in her mind, he was now and forever would be Niles.
"Excuse me," she'd told her bridesmaids as she rushed into the loo.
"Nerves." She heard her mother say knowingly.
"Well, what can you expect?" Daphne heard Roz's response. "This is a big day. It's going to change the rest of her life."
The rest of the conversation was lost as she landed outside the window and took off running. It certainly was. And she couldn't wait.
Daphne turned to look at Niles, sitting next to her still holding her hand as if it were as precious as life. Niles. She caressed the name as she said it, even to herself. Niles. Her Niles. He was looking at her too, smiling in response to her smile. Last night she could not think of him without wanting to weep. Today she could not look at him without wanting to sing.
"Niles." She mouthed the word silently at him. Dr. Crane was still in a very bad mood and she didn't want to attract his ire. Niles grinned.
"Daphne," he mouthed back. She giggled and tried to compose her face as Dr. Crane shot them a sharp look in the review mirror. Niles was much better at this than she was, his face the mask of sombre innocence.
"Shhhh, Niles." Unfortunately, 'shhhh' was not something someone could say without sound. Niles gave her the exact same glare they'd just received from his brother, joining in as Daphne collapsed into giggles.
"Oh, for god's sake. Can you two control yourselves back there?" Unfortunately, Daphne could not. Once again Niles seemed to be faring better and had at least stopped laughing. He was smiling at her, with a look tender and loving and wonderful. His eyes moved back and forth between her eyes and her mouth, as if there was nothing he would rather do than help muffle her laughter with a kiss. Daphne's face grew warm as she touched her fingers to her lips. There was nothing she would like better either. Soon.
"Civilization at last," Dr. Crane said as they finally entered Seattle. "Niles, we'll drop you off first, then we'll take Daphne home." Again, that look in the review mirror, as if daring them to object. Daphne was surprised that she hadn't thought about what would happen next. It seemed so odd, yet so normal, them going back to their homes. Both she and Niles were supposed to be heading off for their individual honeymoons then returning to sort out new living arrangements. Niles to move into Mel's enormous house, Daphne to Donny's luxurious condominium.
She glanced at Niles but he also looked as if he had been taken by surprise. Dr. Crane was still waiting for a response.
"It has been a long day," Daphne said, neutrally. "And I can't wait to get out of this dress."
A muscle in Niles' face jumped and Daphne realised there was something else she had not thought about yet. But she was thinking of it now and suddenly she did not know where to turn her eyes. Memories of Niles' kiss, his hands against her bare back, suddenly took on a life of their own as she imagined both his lips and hands sliding to different parts of her body.
"And it will also give me a chance to take care of unfinished business," Daphne added desperately. "Like make sure the wedding gifts get returned. Niles, is there anything you and Mel still need to sort out?"
Invoking Mel's name was a dirty trick but an effective one, serving as the icy shower Daphne needed to regain control of herself. Niles looked as though it had had a similar effect on him.
"Only our divorce," Niles said. And Daphne loved him for it. She squeezed his hand.
All too soon, Dr. Crane pulled over. They had reached the Montana.
"Here we are." He said. "Out Niles."
"Frasier, give the two a break."
For the first time, Dr. Crane's expression toned down just a smidge.
"Very well," he said. "Three minutes."
Niles was already out and on her side of the car, holding the door open. Hand in hand they rushed past the doorman and into the lobby.
The second they were alone Daphne threw herself at him, knocking him a step back and kissing him deeply. He kissed her back in that way which was finally becoming familiar, though no less marvellous, that put clouds in her brain, warm, slippery oil in her knees and wings on her feet. His hands crept over her back and shoulders, so warm that the rest of her felt cold and she trembled in his arms.
He tried to speak several times but Daphne would have none of it. Words were for telephone calls and they only had a precious three minutes. She just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. So she did. And he did it back. When they finally drew apart she was breathless and dizzy, loving that Niles' chest was also rising and falling unsteadily and that his eyes were hungry.
"You'd better go. You wouldn't want them to leave without you." His face was transparently hopeful. Again, Daphne felt that stirring inside, wanting more than anything not to be apart ever again, wanting to spend tonight and every night from now on in Niles' arms. But at the same time she knew she couldn't. For a million reasons. Including Donny. Including the fact that she and Niles still hadn't even been on a date yet. Including the fact that so much had already happened in the past twenty-four hours, she did not want to cram anything else in. There were some things that could be saved.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, kissing him, briefly this time. He embraced her and held her tightly.
"I love you, Daphne" he said.
"I love you, Niles."
With visible effort, he let her go. She knew exactly how he felt. He walked her back to the car and opened the door for her.
She paused to gaze at him once more before getting in and saw a look she had seen many, many times before, but only on his face and only when he looked at her. It was a look that spoke of everything he found beautiful about her and that told her his life was transformed by her mere presence in it. It was a look that carried every hope and wish and promise for a future together. It spoke holding hands by the fireplace, on long walks, at the altar, next to a child's pram, and through every one of life's small and momentous events. It was a look that caressed her eyes, her face, her shoulders and then slipped under her clothes with a loving and tender touch. It was a look that left her breathless with its passionate intensity.
Daphne stared out of the window as they drove away, held by the look. It was a look that spoke volumes and had done so for years.
She was finally listening.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to send feedback. You are the reason writers share their stories.
Home Again
By Amy (amydekanter@yahoo.com)
The drive home was a constant replay of last night's and today's events, all tripping over themselves to make it to the surface of her consciousness, creating mind-numbing traffic jams of information too huge or too strange to absorb. If Daphne tried to think of things from the beginning she wouldn't know where to start. If she started at the end, she would be faced with the absolutely round the bend mistake she and Niles had made of kissing in front of all her wedding guests, prompting Simon to bellow out the now unshakable assumption that she was pregnant.
As if it weren't enough to try and sort out her thoughts, her feelings were also fighting for top billing. The strongest and the one she most wanted to feel was the very one she kept kicking back under the surface. Yes, she had promised herself that once this was done she would allow herself to be flooded by it, but now somehow it didn't seem right, not with all the pain she had caused back there. She could not help thinking of Donny, and every thought stung with guilt and remorse. She tried saying as much.
"There was no easy way out of this. But you guys did the right thing coming back. I'm proud of you both." Two psychiatrists in the car and it was Mr. Crane who managed to be reassuring. For that at least she was grateful. Dr. Crane, on the other hand, was still furious. He had not said a word the entire drive except to crossly remind them of the chaos she and Niles had created back there. She was relieved when flattery - her and Niles thanking him for the role he had played in bringing them together - worked its magic and softened him up. A bottle of 82 Latour was a small price to pay to have one less person disappointed in her.
Just when she was feeling that once again she was among friends, her brothers had to drive by and treat them to what her father called the rosy- cheeked salute. Charming when they were teenagers, twice as charming now that half of them were pushing 40. Mortified, Daphne covered her eyes and tried not to imagine what Niles or his family must be thinking.
"Living up to the Moon family name I see," Dr. Crane said dryly as Daphne prayed for the earth to open up and swallow her. She could hardly blame any of them for not wanting her genes wading around in the Crane pool. "Well, that just puts the cherry on this perfect day," Dr. Crane added, his eyebrows pulled lower even than before, his frail good mood irrevocably shattered.
Daphne sighed miserably. She had ruined the day for him and for hundreds of other people. She had also ruined the lives of at least two others. All because of what? A feeling? A whim? Cold feet? She stared out of the window at the setting sun. This was not the way this day was supposed to end.
And suddenly, everything changed. Niles' warm fingers closed around her cold ones, tightening just enough so she would stop wringing her hands. He did not look at her but she stole a glance at him and saw that although he was facing forward, his full attention was on her. He smiled slightly, a reassuring smile she knew was just for her. And everything changed. Everything else mattered less, and what needed to matter, mattered more. She remembered exactly why she had done this, and for whom. Her hands, her body and her heart relaxed as she concentrated on the gentle movement of Niles' thumb, gently stroking back and forth across the backs of her fingers. She finally let the feeling surface.
And the thoughts. Her mind cleared enough for thoughts to start flowing through and she did not bother trying to put them into any kind of order. With Niles holding her hand, she felt safe and content enough to just let them come.
Considering how relieved and happy she now felt, she was vaguely surprised when her thoughts chose to take her to the moment when she had been at her most wretched. The moment she pulled away from the most magical kiss she had ever experienced to say there could never be any more.
Last night. With Niles holding her hand, Daphne had the strength to revisit last night, when she had cried longer and harder than ever before in her life, breaking the record she had set just days earlier when she had been told of Niles' marriage to Mel.
The crying had begun even before the kiss had ended, her own tears choking her as she pushed him away. Part of her wanted him not to let her go but she saw - she knew -- that he loved her enough to agree to whatever he thought would cause her the least amount of pain. Even at the cost of his own heart.
Daphne had fled the balcony, ripped apart by the agony one can only feel when one's soul is left behind. She had pushed past her family and into her room, first hoping Donny would be awake to reassure her, then grateful beyond measure to find him fast asleep. He was a heavy sleeper and once the quiet snores started, Daphne knew nothing would wake him.
Curling up in the armchair, she tried to get the sobbing under control as she gazed at her fiancé. Why did Donny have to be so sweet and wonderful? Why couldn't he be more like the men her mother predicted Daphne would marry, someone she could leave in a heartbeat, as Niles had promised to leave Mel.
It was different, Daphne tried to tell herself. Mel had no heart to be broken. Not like Donny.
Yet, as much as she loved Donny, and as much as she needed comforting, she couldn't make herself get into the bed. Part of it was feelings of guilt and betrayal. The other part, the larger part, the part she vainly tried to shut out, was the one that knew that the face and form in her bed were not those of the man she wanted to curl up against for love and reassurance. For life.
Daphne cried even harder. Here she was, regretting that she loved Donny because she wanted with all her heart to leave him for someone else. Dr. Niles Crane. Her employer's brother. The married man. The love of her life.
'Enough! How can you know that?' she asked herself angrily. "You can't possibly know that."
'How can you doubt it?' another part of her responded, just as angrily.
'We haven't even been...'
'On a real date. We don't know how we'd be together. What if we have different tastes in silverware?' The voice inside was mocking. 'When have you ever needed cold hard facts for anything? Your whole life you've blindly obeyed visions, signs and hunches. You once walked Eddie to the dog park across town because a dream warned of a potential paw splinter if you took him to his regular place. How can you ignore this now?'
'If Niles Crane were the love of my life, why would I only know it now? Where were all my signs and visions over the past seven years?'
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'What is that supposed to mean?'
'It means that signs and visions came by the truckload and that you chose to ignore them, both subtle and blatant. Everyone knew he was in love with you. Only you knew you were also in love with him.'
'I didn't! I wasn't! I only started imagining I had feelings for him recently, after I became engaged to Donny.' Memories attacked her. Memories of moments she had spent with Niles Crane over the years, of the things he had done of the way he had looked at her... of the way they made her feel. 'I didn't know about... I mean, I wasn't..."
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'Shut up!' Daphne's body heaved with sobs so deep and desperate that she was afraid she would wake Donny. Holding her hand tightly to her mouth for fear she would scream, Daphne staggered outside, into the garden then beyond, out of the lights, into the trees, towards the lake. The voices inside were relentless. She tried to fend them off.
'I admit it, there were signs. But they all pointed away from him, not towards him. A red tie, indeed. And a dragon. Unless Dr. Crane's new calling is as a waiter at a Chinese restaurant, it's not him.'
'Those weren't the only signs, just the ones you felt safe enough to examine because they didn't leap out at you with the obvious.'
'Rubbish.'
'Then tell me, what are you doing here?'
'I was trying to get away from you but that hasn't worked. And I needed air.'
'Not listening is not the same as not hearing.'
'Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that?'
'Look.'
Daphne looked and quickly ducked behind a tree. There he was: Dr. Niles Crane. For a man who wiped down seats in perfectly respectable restaurants, he looked lost and out of place sitting on the ground by the lake, his arms around his knees and his hands clasped. He was staring up at the stars.
'Don't pretend you're surprised.'
'I couldn't know he was here.'
'You did. Do you realise you only ever lie to yourself about him?'
'I'm don't. I. . .' Daphne's heart was pulling, pulling, pulling her towards him. He looked so sad. And so heart-wrenchingly handsome. 'I haven't...' a sudden sob escaped before she had a chance to cover her mouth. Dr. Crane turned towards the sound, but not far enough in her direction. He didn't see her. After a moment he looked back at the sky.
This was the same Niles Crane whose terror of the outdoors was surpassed only by his terror of the outdoors at night. The Niles Crane Daphne knew would have fled in feral panic at hearing a sound coming from the dark woods. He had changed. This night had changed him. And Daphne knew she was looking, not at a braver man, but at a man who had ceased to care.
For the first time in her life, Daphne despised herself. He did not deserve this. He did not deserve to suffer because of her.
'Why not because of you?'
'Because I'm not meant to make him miserable. I'm meant...'
'...to make him happy.'
'I didn't say that.'
'You didn't finish it. Not listening is not...'
'Stop it!' The silent shriek echoed inside her head, repeating over and over until finally it exhausted itself into a low pleading moan.
'You love him.'
'I love him. I have been in love with him for years. Is that what you wanted to hear?'
'Yes. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Tonight stop lying about that.'
'Very well,' Daphne agreed tiredly. She felt better. Fatigued, but better. The air was fragrant with jasmine... or orange blossom. She gazed at the man staring up at the stars. Tomorrow she would marry Donny, as she had promised. Tonight...
"I love you," she whispered at the lonely figure on the beach.
Tears continued to fall, but now they fell quietly. Still in the safe dark shadow of the tree Daphne sank down to the ground, nestling against the trunk and wrapping her dress closely around her legs. Tomorrow was tomorrow. Tonight was the first and last night she would spend with Dr. Niles Crane. As she was meant to.
She stayed with him until daybreak. A few times he stood up as if to go somewhere, but he always ended up walking in a circle and sitting back down, as if there were nowhere for him to go. She herself never budged until the sun came up and threatened to reveal her to him. She would not allow herself to give him any more false hope. She loved him with all her heart but she was not free to offer it to him. She would not allow herself to punish Donny for their years of indecision.
As she said her silent good-bye, she found that she had no more tears left. She only prayed that she would manage to keep dry during her wedding.
'You are surprisingly silent,' she told the other part of herself as she walked back to the hotel.
'That's because I know something you don't.'
'Let me guess: Something I'm not listening to?'
'Yep,' the other part was smug. 'But you will hear it.'
And she did. Hours later and dressed for the wedding, she heard it in the voice of a four-year-old flower girl telling her that she was the saddest bride she'd ever seen.
And that was when everything became clear. Not easy, but clear. Herself and Niles aside, this was not what Donny deserved. He deserved to be married to someone who was certain and happy and who loved him the way Daphne could only love Niles. She had tried to deny that love to herself and to Niles without realising that she was also sacrificing Donny's chances. Going through with this wedding would save Donny the hurt of today and perhaps even the next few months but, no matter how hard Daphne tried, the hurt would come. Even if things didn't work out with Niles, she knew she could not let Donny marry someone whose only wedding wish was to be able to say 'I do' without bursting into tears.
There was no aside. If she wanted a chance to make someone truly happy, this was it. She could do it for herself and she could do it for Niles. Her heart soared. She was calling him Niles. If only in her mind, he was now and forever would be Niles.
"Excuse me," she'd told her bridesmaids as she rushed into the loo.
"Nerves." She heard her mother say knowingly.
"Well, what can you expect?" Daphne heard Roz's response. "This is a big day. It's going to change the rest of her life."
The rest of the conversation was lost as she landed outside the window and took off running. It certainly was. And she couldn't wait.
Daphne turned to look at Niles, sitting next to her still holding her hand as if it were as precious as life. Niles. She caressed the name as she said it, even to herself. Niles. Her Niles. He was looking at her too, smiling in response to her smile. Last night she could not think of him without wanting to weep. Today she could not look at him without wanting to sing.
"Niles." She mouthed the word silently at him. Dr. Crane was still in a very bad mood and she didn't want to attract his ire. Niles grinned.
"Daphne," he mouthed back. She giggled and tried to compose her face as Dr. Crane shot them a sharp look in the review mirror. Niles was much better at this than she was, his face the mask of sombre innocence.
"Shhhh, Niles." Unfortunately, 'shhhh' was not something someone could say without sound. Niles gave her the exact same glare they'd just received from his brother, joining in as Daphne collapsed into giggles.
"Oh, for god's sake. Can you two control yourselves back there?" Unfortunately, Daphne could not. Once again Niles seemed to be faring better and had at least stopped laughing. He was smiling at her, with a look tender and loving and wonderful. His eyes moved back and forth between her eyes and her mouth, as if there was nothing he would rather do than help muffle her laughter with a kiss. Daphne's face grew warm as she touched her fingers to her lips. There was nothing she would like better either. Soon.
"Civilization at last," Dr. Crane said as they finally entered Seattle. "Niles, we'll drop you off first, then we'll take Daphne home." Again, that look in the review mirror, as if daring them to object. Daphne was surprised that she hadn't thought about what would happen next. It seemed so odd, yet so normal, them going back to their homes. Both she and Niles were supposed to be heading off for their individual honeymoons then returning to sort out new living arrangements. Niles to move into Mel's enormous house, Daphne to Donny's luxurious condominium.
She glanced at Niles but he also looked as if he had been taken by surprise. Dr. Crane was still waiting for a response.
"It has been a long day," Daphne said, neutrally. "And I can't wait to get out of this dress."
A muscle in Niles' face jumped and Daphne realised there was something else she had not thought about yet. But she was thinking of it now and suddenly she did not know where to turn her eyes. Memories of Niles' kiss, his hands against her bare back, suddenly took on a life of their own as she imagined both his lips and hands sliding to different parts of her body.
"And it will also give me a chance to take care of unfinished business," Daphne added desperately. "Like make sure the wedding gifts get returned. Niles, is there anything you and Mel still need to sort out?"
Invoking Mel's name was a dirty trick but an effective one, serving as the icy shower Daphne needed to regain control of herself. Niles looked as though it had had a similar effect on him.
"Only our divorce," Niles said. And Daphne loved him for it. She squeezed his hand.
All too soon, Dr. Crane pulled over. They had reached the Montana.
"Here we are." He said. "Out Niles."
"Frasier, give the two a break."
For the first time, Dr. Crane's expression toned down just a smidge.
"Very well," he said. "Three minutes."
Niles was already out and on her side of the car, holding the door open. Hand in hand they rushed past the doorman and into the lobby.
The second they were alone Daphne threw herself at him, knocking him a step back and kissing him deeply. He kissed her back in that way which was finally becoming familiar, though no less marvellous, that put clouds in her brain, warm, slippery oil in her knees and wings on her feet. His hands crept over her back and shoulders, so warm that the rest of her felt cold and she trembled in his arms.
He tried to speak several times but Daphne would have none of it. Words were for telephone calls and they only had a precious three minutes. She just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. So she did. And he did it back. When they finally drew apart she was breathless and dizzy, loving that Niles' chest was also rising and falling unsteadily and that his eyes were hungry.
"You'd better go. You wouldn't want them to leave without you." His face was transparently hopeful. Again, Daphne felt that stirring inside, wanting more than anything not to be apart ever again, wanting to spend tonight and every night from now on in Niles' arms. But at the same time she knew she couldn't. For a million reasons. Including Donny. Including the fact that she and Niles still hadn't even been on a date yet. Including the fact that so much had already happened in the past twenty-four hours, she did not want to cram anything else in. There were some things that could be saved.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, kissing him, briefly this time. He embraced her and held her tightly.
"I love you, Daphne" he said.
"I love you, Niles."
With visible effort, he let her go. She knew exactly how he felt. He walked her back to the car and opened the door for her.
She paused to gaze at him once more before getting in and saw a look she had seen many, many times before, but only on his face and only when he looked at her. It was a look that spoke of everything he found beautiful about her and that told her his life was transformed by her mere presence in it. It was a look that carried every hope and wish and promise for a future together. It spoke holding hands by the fireplace, on long walks, at the altar, next to a child's pram, and through every one of life's small and momentous events. It was a look that caressed her eyes, her face, her shoulders and then slipped under her clothes with a loving and tender touch. It was a look that left her breathless with its passionate intensity.
Daphne stared out of the window as they drove away, held by the look. It was a look that spoke volumes and had done so for years.
She was finally listening.
