Backdraft

By Amy (amydekanter@yahoo.com)

Daphne was dressed in her bridal gown, trying to say something to a crowd of people. Not something. She was trying to apologise, but the words 'I'm sorry' never had a chance to form. Each time she tried, another face in the crowd became recognisable, but so distorted with disgust at the sight of Daphne that she had to turn away. So much anger. She was surrounded by so much anger. Donny's mother, his sisters, his friends, her own mother, countless sneering wedding guests, each pair of eyes more terrible than the last until Daphne had no where else to look.

Then they attacked. Not once but repeatedly Daphne was struck across the face, hard and furious. So bewildered and terrified was she by the sea of angry faces and raised hands that she barely felt the physical pain. As the crowd closed in on her from all angles, Daphne could no longer even tell who was hitting her and she covered herself with her arms to protect herself from the assault.

Then Donny appeared. Through the stinging palms that rained down on her, Daphne could see him, smiling at her, his arms open wide. Daphne tried to go to him but her legs would not move. 'I'm sor...' again, she could not finish. Donny's smile became cruel - something Daphne had never seen before - and he too struck a blow, one that nearly knocked her to her knees. Donny did not hit her with his hand; instead, a sheaf of legal papers exploded across her face and fell like leaves around her, the pile growing taller and taller until it reached her thighs, her waist, her chest, melting into her wedding gown leaving imprints of impersonal, legal terminology across the fabric, now hard and sharp and cold as sheet metal.

And just like that the crowd left her alone. They had not forgiven, simply forgotten. They weren't even looking at her anymore. They were smiling and clapping and looking at - Daphne looked too - Niles and Mel who stood a short distance off with their arms around each other. Mel's wedding dress was much grander than Daphne's, with a long veil that poured down her back and snaked possessively around Niles. Niles kissed his wife then hugged her, looking at Daphne from over Mel's shoulder. "I love you," his mouth formed the words but he was still holding his wife, still smiling happily in her arms.

"Don't you know better than to wear white to someone else's wedding?" Daphne's mother hissed. Daphne felt ashamed. She did know better. And she certainly knew better than to wear a bridal gown at someone else's wedding.

"A toast!" someone shouted, and Daphne raised a champagne glass. "To Niles and Mel!" Voices echoed around her. 'Niles and Mel. Niles and Mel. Niles and Mel' and the glass was no longer a glass, but a crystalline heart which dissolved like sand between her fingers.

Niles and Mel were running out the door to their three-week honeymoon. Niles looked at Daphne as he held the limousine door open for his wife. "I'll be back," he promised. "It's just for a few weeks."

A doorbell rang.

"Daphne, would you get that?" Daphne was annoyed. Here she was, nowhere near the apartment -- not to mention heartbroken at Niles' wedding -- and the eminent Dr. Frasier Crane still expected her to get the door. "Daphne!" A door appeared and she trudged towards it. It was the door to the Winnebago. Daphne pulled it open.

Niles stood there, dressed in a black suit and wearing a serious expression.

"That is not me," he told her. Daphne turned and saw the wedding limo, speeding off with two people in the back seat.

"I saw you," she said.

"That is not me," he said again. "This is me." He came towards her, enveloping her in the sweet scent of jasmine... or orange blossoms. "I love you." He was not wearing a suit anymore. He was wearing white trousers and a white shirt, the shirt rumpled and open except for a single button at the navel. Daphne reached for it, thinking how careless she'd been to have left that one fastened.

Her hands were on his bare chest and his were on her shoulders. She was wearing a bathrobe. Not hers, but his, the one she had borrowed one hot night two years ago. It was as loose and silky as she remembered, but now it was white; pure white like her wedding gown. His hands were under the robe. They moved slowly down her arms, pulling the robe open and sliding it off her body.

"For god's sake, Dr. Crane," she murmured right before she kissed him.

Daphne woke to a dark and silent apartment, disoriented by her dreams, alone on the sofa while her body still tingled from Niles' touch.

In many ways the dreams were real, or close enough to reality to leave her shaken but... Daphne's hand moved to her lips, trying to sort through images and memories. Had she really left Donny for Dr. Niles Crane? Had Niles really kissed her amidst fragrant flowers? Had he really promised to leave his wife for her only to tell her then that the promise would have to wait?

As the knot of confusing events and non-events took its time to unravel, she held tight to the one thing she knew for certain: She was in love with Niles Crane. Whatever other memory chose to reveal itself authentic or fraud, her heart was filled with that undeniable truth.

Daphne sat up. Someone had left a light on in the kitchen for her and by the light she could see a blanket tangled over her legs. It was the extra blanket from Mr. Crane's room.

Someone had also cleaned up. The floor was clear of the countless tear- soaked tissues she remembered throwing about but the box was still on the table in case she needed more.

Which meant someone knew.

She looked around for Niles but saw only Eddie, sitting on Mr. Crane's chair and staring at her.

"Watching over me, are you?" Eddie didn't answer. "Well, I'm fine now, thanks. I'm going to bed and I suggest you do the same."

As Eddie bounded off in direction of Mr. Crane's bedroom, Daphne wrapped the blanket around herself and headed back to her own. She took the phone with her, hoping it was still early enough to call Niles.

It was 4:52 in the morning. After only a moment of indecision, Daphne decided she'd wait until morning.

What she had told Eddie was true, she realised. She was fine. Fine enough to let Niles sleep, to wait until tomorrow before hearing his voice. Fine enough to sit on the bed and gaze at her first date dress hanging serenely on the door without bursting into tears. Even fine enough to feel silly for having made such a fuss and worrying Mr. Crane earlier.

Last night... that was not like her at all. It must have been the exhaustion, Daphne told herself. After all, she had not slept since the night before her wedding - no wonder she had been so emotional.

Daphne put on a nightie and slipped under the covers. It was now 4:48 and she still felt tired. Tired, but no longer hopeless. She watched the second hand on her clock make its long circle up to 4:59. It's today, she thought sleepily. Yesterday was over and now it was today. And today she had her first date to look forward to. Today she would see Niles.

The second hand was slowing down and Daphne's eyes closed before it could complete its journey. With luck she would return to where her dream had left off.

##

When she awoke again, it was nearly ten. It must have been a premonition that woke her because the telephone started ringing only seconds after she opened her eyes. It was Roz.

"Just calling to see how you're doing. I heard about your date being cancelled."

"You heard? From whom?"

"Actually I figured it out by myself. I went to the reception yesterday."

"You were there?" Suddenly Daphne was wide awake.

"Mel invited me and I accepted. I thought you could use a reliable spy."

"Thanks, Roz." One good thing that had come out of all this was that Daphne had learned what a great friend Roz was. "So... how was it?"

"As corny as Kansas in August and twice as uncomfortable. Do you want to hear this now or later?"

"Later," Daphne answered. She wanted to call Niles. "But I do want to hear about it."

"Well, I figured you might. I'm guessing that your date was just postponed one day and that's why I called. Why don't we go out and treat ourselves to whole top-to-toenails beauty shebang to get you ready for tonight? It will give me a chance to fill you in; I don't care about the changing times, there is still no better place than a salon for gossip."

"I'd like that," Daphne said, smiling.

"Good. Go on, call your Romeo and I'll make the appointment. Does four o'clock sound okay?"

Her Romeo wasn't at home. Daphne listened to his voice on the answering machine, smiling dreamily until a beep interrupted to remind her she was expected to leave a message.

"Niles..." She had forgotten how much she loved saying his name. "It's me..."

## Niles wished his brother lived on the ground floor. He wished he himself lived on the ground floor. He wished they lived walking distance from each other. The last thing he could cope with today was being in enclosed spaces; he had driven here with all windows down, his claustrophobia overriding paranoia of carjackers.

The lobby elevator doors opened. Again. But Niles could not make himself go in. He stared at the far wall of the elevator until the doors closed.

Even in open spaces he was finding it difficult to breathe. He was not hyperventilating, merely uncomfortable with the amount of air normal breaths drew in. It felt like the bare minimum, not enough to sustain him if he did anything to exert himself or confined himself to unventilated areas.

Only when the elevator was called up did Niles push the button to call it back down, a pathetic display of bravado similar to when he used to make faces to the backs of retreating school bullies. Except sometimes the bullies turned around. And sometimes the elevator he had just called stopped for someone on Frasier's floor.

Niles stared up at the numbers as they counted back down to ground zero. It could not be Daphne, could it? Where would she be going at this hour? It could be anyone on that floor, he told himself, not even necessarily Frasier or Dad. Thoughts tumbled around actively in his mind but his body was frozen and rooted to the spot.

By the time it reached the seventh floor, Niles decided that he was being ridiculous. By the time it reached the third floor he decided that most adult and responsible thing he could possibly do was take a brisk walk around the block and get his thoughts in order. And quickly.

Once the building had been briskly left, Niles remembered that he had already spent the better part of the night and this morning trying to get his thoughts in order. He had slept little, which was already an improvement on the last few nights, but his dreams had turned the same questions over and over in his mind. There truly was no rest for the wicked.

It was not Daphne who filled his thoughts as much as Mel. Mel who had informed him this morning that he was expected to join her at a benefit dinner on Saturday and a violin recital on Sunday. Mel who spoke coldly in private, while in public - at last night's wedding reception - was exceptionally and disconcertingly affectionate. Last night Mel had smiled, touched and caressed him more than the entire time they'd known each other. And Niles had hated every moment of it. He hated how obscene it felt to accept the attentions of someone other than the woman he loved. He hated how much it degraded Mel to give and demand public affection from someone who did not love her. He hated that Daphne, the miracle he had been so generously handed by heaven, had spent the evening crying alone because he could not give her one small thing both of them wanted more than anything - their first date, the validation Daphne needed to reassure her they belonged together.

Not more than anything, he reminded himself wearily for the millionth time. His deepest wish was reserved for his freedom. Freedom to offer Daphne more than one evening of dinner and dancing. Freedom to offer her his heart and the rest of his life.

"Hello, Eddie," Niles acknowledged his father's friend who was leashed up outside a bar. Eddie wagged the tip of his tail. Niles kept walking.

It was only half a block further that Niles realised there was something strange about seeing Eddie tied up alone outside anywhere. He probably should have gone back to check, but he decided he already had way too many things and people to take care off. And mess up with.

He was now back where he started, in the lobby of Frasier's building, staring at the elevator. Once again the elevator was on the nineteenth floor. And now coming down.

He was back where he started and nothing was different. In fact, everything was still as it had been since yesterday. He still longed for Daphne, he still pitied Mel and he still despised himself.

Why in hell had he talked Daphne out of running away to Canada, he wondered bitterly. All things considered, bears weren't the most disagreeable option.

The elevator reached the seventh floor. Niles held his ground. The third floor. The second. The first. Niles braced himself. The elevator doors opened and Daphne's brother Simon rushed out.

"Oh, hallo. Up to see my sis, eh? You're in luck, she's still keeping the bed warm. I on the other hand, am up to offer my unsparing services to your father and off to walk the dog."

Since the last sentence was shouted over Simon's shoulder after he left the building, Niles was saved from having to come up with an answer. Or questions. As the elevator carried him up to Daphne, Niles chose to spend several intrigued seconds wondering how Simon planned to walk any dog, considering the obvious absence of a canine companion.

Mercilessly deposited on the nineteenth floor and now standing at his brother's door, Niles resisted the urge to loosen his tie. Daphne already had enough reasons to be upset with him and he was about to deliver some more crushing news. The last thing she needed was a gentleman caller who looked like he had just returned from hunting mammoth.

Niles rang the doorbell. It may have felt too tight but it was a good tie, light blue silk he hoped Daphne would notice exactly matched the colour of his eyes. He was also wearing his blue blazer. "No woman can resist you in that," Daphne had told him once. As the door opened, he hoped she was right.

##

Once again surrounded by people there had been no kiss. And that was just the first of things there would be none of. Daphne stared at Niles. She could not believe what she was hearing. She thought she could put last night behind them and now, here was Niles himself dooming her to a string of last nights, of sitting home alone while he was out with a woman who still owned him - in more ways than one.

"But it's just until the divorce," Niles said.

Whenever that bloody was. It was not just that their date was being postponed again, it was that they - she and Niles and their entire relationship - were being shelved indefinitely. It was that Mel had dared to even make such a suggestion and that Niles gave no indication that he was unsatisfied, let alone opposed, to the idea. For what seemed like days all Daphne had wanted was to be with Niles. Now suddenly she could not bear to look at him.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a splitting headache." That was a lie. What she had was a great big vacuum inside, an image of herself clawing desperately at the sides of a black hole, of everything she grabbed coming loose in her hands.

"You know, if you look at it from Mel's point of view, it really does make a lot of sense."

Daphne froze. Niles' words hung suspended in the air. Slowly, she turned around.

"What did you say?" she asked. Too late, Niles seemed to realise his mistake.

"I said, 'Damn that Mel!'"

"No you didn't." It was almost worse that he knew he should have told his wife where to get off. "You should have, but you didn't. It sounded to me like you were taking her side."

"All right, all right. Can we just turn the clock back two minutes and pretend this conversation never happened?"

This conversation? Daphne felt like she was falling out of existence and he thought it was all due to a conversation?

"Why don't we just it back to ten minutes before my wedding and save everybody all this trouble?"

"What are you saying?"

"What do you think I'm saying?" And why should he care?

"It sounds like you're saying you're sorry you did this." Her? But of course. Why should he be sorry? So far she was the only one who had given up anything. Frayed hysteria threatened as Daphne lost one more thing to hold onto.

"Maybe that's what I'm saying."

Years ago Daphne had watched a film about fire fighters. Backdraft, it was called. A backdraft was when an enclosed fire burned quietly until somewhere or somehow it could get a fresh supply of air. Daphne would always remember the scenes where blue flames shrank back under the door, sucking in oxygen they needed to refuel... and explode.

"Now listen," Dr. Crane said, supplying the oxygen. "Before anyone says something they'll regret..."

And Daphne exploded.

"Butt out!" All control gone, Daphne tore into Dr. Crane, a convenient target only because he was there. Just the day before yesterday she had two men pledging eternal love. Now Donny never wanted to see her again and Niles meant to keep her hidden from polite society, only fitting her in between his conjugal visits. Did Dr. Crane really think there was anything anyone could say that would make things any worse? He was as bad as his brother was. As bad as all bloody psychiatrists.

"If you hadn't opened your big mouth we wouldn't be in this mess!" she shouted at him. "Donny wouldn't be suing me and everyone else in sight and I wouldn't be out two weeks salary for a dress I'm apparently never going to wear, and you..." she turned on Niles, "...wouldn't be kowtowing to that shrew of a wife of yours."

"This is all my fault?" Dr. Crane looked incredulous.

This time the oxygen fueled Niles' outrage. He descended upon his brother, accusing and blaming him the way Daphne knew he would never dare blame his wife. It sickened her. Only Mr. Crane had the sense to keep his yap shut. Daphne couldn't take it any more. She stormed off to her room, wanting only to put a wall between herself and the tempest of anger.

But even after she slammed the door shut she could still hear them, two noted professional psychiatrists in no mood to quietly work things out. She thought about putting on some very loud music to drown them out, but knew that would be childish. Not that she should even care.

She paced around her room, trying to walk off the... what? Was it anger, disappointment? Fear? What was making her shake so hard she could imagine her bones rattling? What was pressing down so hard on her chest every breath was a broken, asthmatic gasp?

The front door slammed and it was quiet. Quieter at any rate. Dr. Crane started speaking again, his voice still raised. But Daphne knew... sensed ... that Niles was gone. He was always gone.

She fell onto the bed. She was still shaking, but whatever had been present earlier, whatever had caused the explosion, had disappeared with Niles. The vacuum stopped pulling at her, she stopped falling and was now simply floating in blank limbo. The fire had burnt itself out and all she felt was... awful. Dr. Crane was still shouting outside - no doubt venting at his father - rightfully indignant at the way he had been treated.

Daphne wrapped her arms around herself to control the shaking. She could not let this happen. She knew that both she and Niles had only shouted at Dr. Crane because they could not bear shouting at each other.

Dr. Crane was right, they were all saying things they didn't mean, especially her. She had been so terrified of what she had been saying that she had welcomed using Dr. Crane as a scapegoat to change the subject. The one thing she really had wanted to shout at Niles - but couldn't - was that she loved him. That more than needing him strong, she needed him here.

Daphne stood up and went to the door. Dr. and Mr. Crane, she and Niles... they were family. She could not let this drive them apart. She found Dr. Crane alone in the kitchen.

"Hello, Dr. Crane."

"Daphne." His tone was cordial but cold.

"Making yourself a sandwich?"

"No, Dad did."

"Hope he didn't use the mayonnaise, I meant to throw it out."

"I've seen him eat worse." He did not look at her once.

"I'll say." Her voice trembled badly. She knew she was moments from bursting into tears. "Remember when he dropped his hot dog at the petting zoo?"

He did not bother answering. As if she had ceased to matter to him.

"Oh, Dr. Crane, I'm so sorry I said those things about you," Daphne started to cry. "I didn't mean them."

Instantly repentant, Dr. Crane held out his arms. "Oh, I know, Daphne. Come here." She rushed into them, sobbing with remorse for what she had done and relief that her friend was willing to forgive her.

"I guess this all finally came crashing down on me," Daphne admitted tearfully. She loved Niles so much. Whatever was happening between him and Mel, today he had come to see Daphne and she had driven him away.

"Yes, I know. It's perfectly understandable." Frasier hugged. "Listen, I know you can't go out on your date with Niles tonight, but what's to stop two friends from going out to dinner? My treat, you can even wear that new dress of yours."

Daphne was unspeakably moved by Dr. Crane's kind offer. Like with Roz, she was only now truly able to appreciate the marvellous people in her life. Still, she could not bring herself to accept the invitation. The thought of being with anyone but Niles tonight was too painful to contemplate.

Then her brother charged in like an inebriated rhinoceros and proposed an even more painful plan for the evening, forcing Daphne to reconsider. Dinner with Dr. Crane might be exactly what she needed, she thought. Anything that would take Niles out of her mind for a little while. Dr. Crane understood.

"Ready at eight?" he asked on his way out to work.

"Make it seven-thirty," she said.

##

Shortly after lunch, Roz dialed the Crane residence. Daphne answered.

"Hey, what time do you want me to pick you up?"

"Roz, I'd rather not go if that's all right." Daphne sounded extremely tired.

"But you promised."

"I know but Niles cancelled our date. Mel doesn't want us to be seen in public."

"Oh, I'm sorry Daphne. But come on; let's go anyway. Nothing says you need to look good just for him and I've been looking forward to this all day."

"I really don't..."

"Fine, forget it," Roz was annoyed. "That Mel's really something. She's got Niles breaking off dates with you and you breaking off dates with me."

There was a very long pause at the other end.

"Oh, Roz, I'm sorry," Daphne's voice was small. "You're right, I'm being horrible and selfish. Let's go out and do as we planned."

"Great. So, I'll pick you up at quarter to four?"

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

Roz snapped the cell phone shut and handed it back to Frasier. He smiled at her.

"Well," he said. "It would appear that the wheels have been set in motion."