And the insanity continues...
DISCLAIMER: The cheese is mine. Steal the cheese and you shall succumb unto to the wrath of the cheese gods (i.e.: cows). Oh yes, and for those lucky few who flame AND steal cheese, you will be forever plagued with evil purple leprechauns who chase you down and beat on you with moldy potatoes.
In the morning, we had to leave for Emyn Muil. We had spent a few extra days in Southern Mirkwood because of my injury, so we had to leave immediately.
We were all packed up and ready to go, when Gandalf asked curiously, "Where are Pippin and lady Veronica?" None of us had seen them, so we went to find them. I went straight to the cave with Gandalf, and there they were, still kissing.
"Did you two know that it's morning?"
"Morning? Really? We should go then, shouldn't we?" Asked Pippin absentmindedly.
"Well, that is what the rest of us are trying to do, if you two would kindly join us." Scolded Gandalf sternly.
"Sorry Gandalf." They replied meekly.
Finally, when we were on our way, Aragorn brought up the subject of cheese again, and our conversation lasted well into the day. Around two in the afternoon, we entered Emyn Muil. At first, it wasn't much different from Mirkwood, but later in the day it changed. The landscape got much more hilly and rocky. There were still lots and lots of trees, but it was much harder to travel through. We stopped to camp near an especially large rock that night, and when everyone else was asleep, I went to sit on it and look at the stars.
They were beautiful, and if I stared at them long enough, I could almost imagine that I was back in Mirkwood. I was lost in thought when I felt a gentle hand on my arm. After the Moriquendi incident, I knew immediately that the hand did not belong to Legolas. I looked over, and it was Aragorn.
"Are you alright, my lady?"
"Yes, Aragorn, I am fine. I was just thinking of Mirkwood, and how wonderful it would be to be there right now."
"I was thinking the same thing."
"I miss being able to stand out on my balcony and watch the elves play and run and talk. It is so lonely here."
"I kind of enjoy the solitude. It grows on you. I do miss Arwen so very much, though."
"I know how you feel. I have not truly been home for more than a hundred years. I don't miss it as much as one would think, though. Maybe this is my true home. Mirkwood. Legolas."
He looked at me thoughtfully. "I do not know, my lady. I suppose you will find out in due time."
"Yes, although you'd think a hundred years was enough time!" I got up and walked back to my blanket, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the ground. We continued along our path soon after I woke up the next morning, because we had lost so much time in Mirkwood.
"I wonder why cheese tastes so cheesy." Said Gimli as we were making our way through the mazes of trees and rocks.
"Yeah, really. You'd think it would taste like milk." Said Gandalf. "Does anyone know how cheese is made? I am a wizard, therefore I was never bothered with making cheese. I did eat a lot of it when I was a small child though."
"It's made of mold." I commented knowingly.
"No you retard! It's not made of mold, it's just moldy milk." That was Pippin.
"You would know, since you're around moldy milk so often, Pippin." I said.
"Actually, he is." Merry told me. He was obviously just trying to rescue his friend from total humiliation.
"Sure, so if cheese is moldy milk, what is yogurt?" I argued. Ha ha ha! That was a good comeback.
"Squishy cheese?" He was getting nervous now.
"Actually, Jane, Pippin and Merry are right. Cheese is made of moldy milk, except yogurt isn't squishy cheese. Yogurt is different." WHAT??? Legolas was telling me I was wrong?? Something was definitely not right here (and it wasn't me).
"LEGOLAS! You're supposed to be on my side!"
"Oh, but I am. They are just right."
"That was incredibly confusing."
"It was supposed to be."
"Yet another unfair thing that has to do with elves."
"Everything is unfair and confusing when it comes to elves, Jane. You should know that by now." That was Aragorn.
"Hey! Why is everyone against me today?"
"Oh, it's not just today." Addie was looking at me funny.
"I'm surprised you didn't notice it before." Jenny had the same look on her face as Addie.
"She's right. It sure took you long enough." So did Veronica. "Hee hee hee. 'took'. Hee hee hee! That reminds me of Pippin."
They were all acting so weird. I slowly backed up, trying to get away from them.
"Where do you think you're going?" Frodo was behind me. Why were they doing this? I turned to run the other way, and I ran right into Sam. I jerked around and began to run again, only to have Alenorin stop me. They were forming a circle. I was trapped.
"AAHHHHH!!!" I woke up in a cold sweat, screaming.
"Jane! What happened?" Legolas sounded worried. He put an arm around me, and I shivered, remembering how they all turned against me. "What's wrong?"
"It was horrible!" I buried my head in his chest, ignoring the pain that shot through my shoulder.
"What was horrible?"
"The cheese."
"What cheese?" He probably thought I was insane by now.
"The cheese in my dream."
"Well, I'll just have to ask Aragorn to abandon the conversation of cheese on our journey."
"That's not what was so bad."
"Then what WAS so bad?"
"The fact that you all ganged up on me and were going to hurt me. I don't know what you were going to do, but it was bad. You wouldn't let me get away."
He pulled me close to him and whispered, "Jane, you know I would never hurt you."
"I know you wouldn't, but it was such a horrible dream."
"It'll be alright." I fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke up, the group continued to ride toward Mordor.
"I wonder why cheese tastes so cheesy." Said Gimli as we were making our way through the mazes of trees and rocks.
"Yeah, really. You'd think it would taste like milk." Said Gandalf. "Does anyone know how cheese is made? I am a wizard, therefore I was never bothered with making cheese. I did eat a lot of it when I was a small child though."
"Oh no!" I stopped my horse and jumped off it, running in the opposite direction. Legolas looked confused, but then seemed to realize that this had something to do with cheese, jumped off his horse and ran after me.
"Jane! Wait for me!"
I didn't stop.
He caught up to me.
"What's wrong? Is this about cheese?"
"Yeah. That was so weird. When Gimli and Gandalf started talking, they said the EXACT same things that they had said in my dream. I didn't want to stay there any longer because after that you all started to close in on me. I didn't want to be trapped."
"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do to fix it."
"It's ok. I didn't expect you to be able to. After all, it's all the cheese's fault."
He laughed, and we walked back to the group.
"What was that all about?" Asked Aragorn.
"Nothing. Just no more conversations about cheese from now on, alright?"
"Can we talk about yogurt?" Asked Gandalf.
"Isn't that made of squishy cheese?" Pippin blurted out.
"NO!" I yelled as loud as I could.
"No we can't talk about yogurt, or no yogurt isn't made of squishy cheese?" Questioned Gimli.
"NEITHER. No talking about cheese or yogurt or any of it!"
Pippin and Gandalf walked away muttering, "She's so mean."
"Yeah, really. I mean, it's only cheese."
"STOP IT!" I screamed.
Legolas told them, "Jane had a bit of a traumatic experience involving cheese when she was young, and talking about anything remotely related to it upsets her."
"Really?" Asked Gimli. "What happened?"
"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE DWARF!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MENTION CHEESE AND I WILL HURT YOU SO BADLY THAT YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO WALK IF YOU TRY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!" I charged toward him, only stopping when Legolas put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. Gimli pretty much avoided me for the next few days. At least the cheese thing was over and done with.
Or so I thought.
Pippin and Gandalf were being really mean. They would walk around the camp and yell, "if only I had some CHEESE!" and, "Hey Jane, can we have toasted CHEESE for dinner?" and then run away laughing their heads off. Finally I completely lost it. I couldn't stand this torment anymore. I had to make them hate cheese for the rest of their lives. I knew exactly what I would do, but I couldn't do it alone.
"Oh Legolas!!" I shouted, walking into the woods that surrounded our camp.
"Yes?" Came the prompt answer, Legolas dropping down beside me from a treetop.
"Want to help me?" I asked with an evil grin on my face.
"That depends. What do I have to do?"
"For starters, go get Addie and Alenorin." He left and by the time he was back with them, my plan was completely formulated.
"What do we do?" Asked Addie.
"I need your magic."
Both Alenorin and Addie looked appalled. "What for??"
"To get back at Pippin and Gandalf, of course. Since the others have no magic, they can be left oblivious to the whole thing."
"How will you get back at them?"
"Elves have dream-related powers, right? Like visions and prophetic dreams? Well, I figure if our dreams can be influenced, we must be able to influence the dreams of others." They nodded. "Well, I just want to influence the dreams of Pippin, Gimli and Gandalf." They all nodded again.
"Since it won't hurt them, I suppose it is alright with me." Replied Legolas.
"Me too." Said Alenorin.
"Well.? Ok, I guess." Addie agreed.
"Good! Ok, then. Here's what we do."
LATER THAT NIGHT
"So, Gandalf, what do you want for dinner?" Pippin grinned evilly.
"How about some cheese, my dear hobbit?"
"Sounds perfect." They walked away laughing.
Then they saw it.
The cheese.
It was everywhere. All the trees. And the bushes. EVERYTHING was cheese.
"YUMMMY!!" The two of them ran to the cheese (of course they didn't have to run far since everything was cheese). Pippin took the first bite. Then Gandalf. Then Pippin.
"Ummm..Gandalf?? What's happening? I can't move my feet."
"HA HA HA! Your feet are cheese!" Exclaimed Gandalf, taking another large bite. His feet turned to cheese too and Pippin laughed at them. Slowly they both turned to cheese, until only their heads were normal.
"I wonder how to get back to normal??" Pippin looked incredibly confused.
"I don't think we can."
"NOOOOO!"
~~BOTH PIPPIN AND GANDALF WAKE UP~~
"I will never like cheese again!" Screamed Pippin.
"Ok then. More for me!" Gandalf danced in circles and screamed to the sky. "Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese!"
"AHH! THE CHEESE!!" Pippin covered his ears and rocked back and forth, screaming as loud as he could.
"Well, at least it worked on Pippin." I said. "He was the more annoying of the two anyway." Then I woke up.
"Hey, you're finally awake. How do you feel?" Legolas helped me sit up.
"Umm.?" Obviously, I was a little weirded out, because this was the third time he had said something like that to me, and I thought maybe I was having another one of my weird cheese dreams. Then I had an idea. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Three days."
"And how long have we been away from home?"
"It has been nine days so far, not counting today."
So it was all a dream. Everything after I got shot. Man, I had weird dreams! I decided not to tell Legolas about them because he would probably run away scared.
a/n: yes well the insanity shall end now, but if you actually liked the STORY and not just laughing at cheese (which is quite fun, mind you), then go to my other story, RETURNING THE RING, and read it, STARTING WITH CHAPTER 6-the two stories are different from then on. Hope you like it!
r/r so I know if I should write more like this, but keep in mind that flames will probably set my cardboard box on fire, and then I won't have a home. So please, if you must flame, at least go get a bag of marshmallows for me so I can toast them as my box burns down.
POLKADOTTED SOCKS!
DISCLAIMER: The cheese is mine. Steal the cheese and you shall succumb unto to the wrath of the cheese gods (i.e.: cows). Oh yes, and for those lucky few who flame AND steal cheese, you will be forever plagued with evil purple leprechauns who chase you down and beat on you with moldy potatoes.
In the morning, we had to leave for Emyn Muil. We had spent a few extra days in Southern Mirkwood because of my injury, so we had to leave immediately.
We were all packed up and ready to go, when Gandalf asked curiously, "Where are Pippin and lady Veronica?" None of us had seen them, so we went to find them. I went straight to the cave with Gandalf, and there they were, still kissing.
"Did you two know that it's morning?"
"Morning? Really? We should go then, shouldn't we?" Asked Pippin absentmindedly.
"Well, that is what the rest of us are trying to do, if you two would kindly join us." Scolded Gandalf sternly.
"Sorry Gandalf." They replied meekly.
Finally, when we were on our way, Aragorn brought up the subject of cheese again, and our conversation lasted well into the day. Around two in the afternoon, we entered Emyn Muil. At first, it wasn't much different from Mirkwood, but later in the day it changed. The landscape got much more hilly and rocky. There were still lots and lots of trees, but it was much harder to travel through. We stopped to camp near an especially large rock that night, and when everyone else was asleep, I went to sit on it and look at the stars.
They were beautiful, and if I stared at them long enough, I could almost imagine that I was back in Mirkwood. I was lost in thought when I felt a gentle hand on my arm. After the Moriquendi incident, I knew immediately that the hand did not belong to Legolas. I looked over, and it was Aragorn.
"Are you alright, my lady?"
"Yes, Aragorn, I am fine. I was just thinking of Mirkwood, and how wonderful it would be to be there right now."
"I was thinking the same thing."
"I miss being able to stand out on my balcony and watch the elves play and run and talk. It is so lonely here."
"I kind of enjoy the solitude. It grows on you. I do miss Arwen so very much, though."
"I know how you feel. I have not truly been home for more than a hundred years. I don't miss it as much as one would think, though. Maybe this is my true home. Mirkwood. Legolas."
He looked at me thoughtfully. "I do not know, my lady. I suppose you will find out in due time."
"Yes, although you'd think a hundred years was enough time!" I got up and walked back to my blanket, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the ground. We continued along our path soon after I woke up the next morning, because we had lost so much time in Mirkwood.
"I wonder why cheese tastes so cheesy." Said Gimli as we were making our way through the mazes of trees and rocks.
"Yeah, really. You'd think it would taste like milk." Said Gandalf. "Does anyone know how cheese is made? I am a wizard, therefore I was never bothered with making cheese. I did eat a lot of it when I was a small child though."
"It's made of mold." I commented knowingly.
"No you retard! It's not made of mold, it's just moldy milk." That was Pippin.
"You would know, since you're around moldy milk so often, Pippin." I said.
"Actually, he is." Merry told me. He was obviously just trying to rescue his friend from total humiliation.
"Sure, so if cheese is moldy milk, what is yogurt?" I argued. Ha ha ha! That was a good comeback.
"Squishy cheese?" He was getting nervous now.
"Actually, Jane, Pippin and Merry are right. Cheese is made of moldy milk, except yogurt isn't squishy cheese. Yogurt is different." WHAT??? Legolas was telling me I was wrong?? Something was definitely not right here (and it wasn't me).
"LEGOLAS! You're supposed to be on my side!"
"Oh, but I am. They are just right."
"That was incredibly confusing."
"It was supposed to be."
"Yet another unfair thing that has to do with elves."
"Everything is unfair and confusing when it comes to elves, Jane. You should know that by now." That was Aragorn.
"Hey! Why is everyone against me today?"
"Oh, it's not just today." Addie was looking at me funny.
"I'm surprised you didn't notice it before." Jenny had the same look on her face as Addie.
"She's right. It sure took you long enough." So did Veronica. "Hee hee hee. 'took'. Hee hee hee! That reminds me of Pippin."
They were all acting so weird. I slowly backed up, trying to get away from them.
"Where do you think you're going?" Frodo was behind me. Why were they doing this? I turned to run the other way, and I ran right into Sam. I jerked around and began to run again, only to have Alenorin stop me. They were forming a circle. I was trapped.
"AAHHHHH!!!" I woke up in a cold sweat, screaming.
"Jane! What happened?" Legolas sounded worried. He put an arm around me, and I shivered, remembering how they all turned against me. "What's wrong?"
"It was horrible!" I buried my head in his chest, ignoring the pain that shot through my shoulder.
"What was horrible?"
"The cheese."
"What cheese?" He probably thought I was insane by now.
"The cheese in my dream."
"Well, I'll just have to ask Aragorn to abandon the conversation of cheese on our journey."
"That's not what was so bad."
"Then what WAS so bad?"
"The fact that you all ganged up on me and were going to hurt me. I don't know what you were going to do, but it was bad. You wouldn't let me get away."
He pulled me close to him and whispered, "Jane, you know I would never hurt you."
"I know you wouldn't, but it was such a horrible dream."
"It'll be alright." I fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke up, the group continued to ride toward Mordor.
"I wonder why cheese tastes so cheesy." Said Gimli as we were making our way through the mazes of trees and rocks.
"Yeah, really. You'd think it would taste like milk." Said Gandalf. "Does anyone know how cheese is made? I am a wizard, therefore I was never bothered with making cheese. I did eat a lot of it when I was a small child though."
"Oh no!" I stopped my horse and jumped off it, running in the opposite direction. Legolas looked confused, but then seemed to realize that this had something to do with cheese, jumped off his horse and ran after me.
"Jane! Wait for me!"
I didn't stop.
He caught up to me.
"What's wrong? Is this about cheese?"
"Yeah. That was so weird. When Gimli and Gandalf started talking, they said the EXACT same things that they had said in my dream. I didn't want to stay there any longer because after that you all started to close in on me. I didn't want to be trapped."
"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do to fix it."
"It's ok. I didn't expect you to be able to. After all, it's all the cheese's fault."
He laughed, and we walked back to the group.
"What was that all about?" Asked Aragorn.
"Nothing. Just no more conversations about cheese from now on, alright?"
"Can we talk about yogurt?" Asked Gandalf.
"Isn't that made of squishy cheese?" Pippin blurted out.
"NO!" I yelled as loud as I could.
"No we can't talk about yogurt, or no yogurt isn't made of squishy cheese?" Questioned Gimli.
"NEITHER. No talking about cheese or yogurt or any of it!"
Pippin and Gandalf walked away muttering, "She's so mean."
"Yeah, really. I mean, it's only cheese."
"STOP IT!" I screamed.
Legolas told them, "Jane had a bit of a traumatic experience involving cheese when she was young, and talking about anything remotely related to it upsets her."
"Really?" Asked Gimli. "What happened?"
"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE DWARF!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MENTION CHEESE AND I WILL HURT YOU SO BADLY THAT YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO WALK IF YOU TRY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!" I charged toward him, only stopping when Legolas put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. Gimli pretty much avoided me for the next few days. At least the cheese thing was over and done with.
Or so I thought.
Pippin and Gandalf were being really mean. They would walk around the camp and yell, "if only I had some CHEESE!" and, "Hey Jane, can we have toasted CHEESE for dinner?" and then run away laughing their heads off. Finally I completely lost it. I couldn't stand this torment anymore. I had to make them hate cheese for the rest of their lives. I knew exactly what I would do, but I couldn't do it alone.
"Oh Legolas!!" I shouted, walking into the woods that surrounded our camp.
"Yes?" Came the prompt answer, Legolas dropping down beside me from a treetop.
"Want to help me?" I asked with an evil grin on my face.
"That depends. What do I have to do?"
"For starters, go get Addie and Alenorin." He left and by the time he was back with them, my plan was completely formulated.
"What do we do?" Asked Addie.
"I need your magic."
Both Alenorin and Addie looked appalled. "What for??"
"To get back at Pippin and Gandalf, of course. Since the others have no magic, they can be left oblivious to the whole thing."
"How will you get back at them?"
"Elves have dream-related powers, right? Like visions and prophetic dreams? Well, I figure if our dreams can be influenced, we must be able to influence the dreams of others." They nodded. "Well, I just want to influence the dreams of Pippin, Gimli and Gandalf." They all nodded again.
"Since it won't hurt them, I suppose it is alright with me." Replied Legolas.
"Me too." Said Alenorin.
"Well.? Ok, I guess." Addie agreed.
"Good! Ok, then. Here's what we do."
LATER THAT NIGHT
"So, Gandalf, what do you want for dinner?" Pippin grinned evilly.
"How about some cheese, my dear hobbit?"
"Sounds perfect." They walked away laughing.
Then they saw it.
The cheese.
It was everywhere. All the trees. And the bushes. EVERYTHING was cheese.
"YUMMMY!!" The two of them ran to the cheese (of course they didn't have to run far since everything was cheese). Pippin took the first bite. Then Gandalf. Then Pippin.
"Ummm..Gandalf?? What's happening? I can't move my feet."
"HA HA HA! Your feet are cheese!" Exclaimed Gandalf, taking another large bite. His feet turned to cheese too and Pippin laughed at them. Slowly they both turned to cheese, until only their heads were normal.
"I wonder how to get back to normal??" Pippin looked incredibly confused.
"I don't think we can."
"NOOOOO!"
~~BOTH PIPPIN AND GANDALF WAKE UP~~
"I will never like cheese again!" Screamed Pippin.
"Ok then. More for me!" Gandalf danced in circles and screamed to the sky. "Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese!"
"AHH! THE CHEESE!!" Pippin covered his ears and rocked back and forth, screaming as loud as he could.
"Well, at least it worked on Pippin." I said. "He was the more annoying of the two anyway." Then I woke up.
"Hey, you're finally awake. How do you feel?" Legolas helped me sit up.
"Umm.?" Obviously, I was a little weirded out, because this was the third time he had said something like that to me, and I thought maybe I was having another one of my weird cheese dreams. Then I had an idea. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Three days."
"And how long have we been away from home?"
"It has been nine days so far, not counting today."
So it was all a dream. Everything after I got shot. Man, I had weird dreams! I decided not to tell Legolas about them because he would probably run away scared.
a/n: yes well the insanity shall end now, but if you actually liked the STORY and not just laughing at cheese (which is quite fun, mind you), then go to my other story, RETURNING THE RING, and read it, STARTING WITH CHAPTER 6-the two stories are different from then on. Hope you like it!
r/r so I know if I should write more like this, but keep in mind that flames will probably set my cardboard box on fire, and then I won't have a home. So please, if you must flame, at least go get a bag of marshmallows for me so I can toast them as my box burns down.
POLKADOTTED SOCKS!
