Somewhere In Between

Part II

Authors: CCC and Robbie ( wooksrus@yahoo.com )

Spoilers: Up to and including the Season 8 finale "Lockdown."

Archive: Please ask first! Contact us as wooksrus@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Carter & Abby are the property of the big shots at NBC, Warner Brothers, Amblin Productions etc …

CCC's Author's Notes: The part was written by Robbie and me.  Again I must say a *huge* thanks to Robbie for beta'ing.

Robbie's Ramblings: Despite what she says, I really only helped a little with this part, mostly beta-ing, some re-wording, and a couple of paragraphs. 

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2 Years Earlier … Carter's POV

     I hear the door open, but I don't need to look up. Somehow I already know its Abby. I hear her open her locker, and then close it. I wonder how much longer we can be in the same room and not talk to each other. I can't take it anymore. I take a chance and decide to speak.

     "How much longer are we going to keep this up?" my tone is a little harsher than I intended.

     "Keep what up?" she snaps back.

     "This. This game where we pretend that nothing's happened between us. Why can't we deal with it? I kissed you. And you kissed me back" I can feel myself beginning to lose my temper. I take a breath and try to calm down. For a moment I can't read her, and then I see it. I've got her.

     She sits down at the table and for what seems like an eternity she just stares at me. Inside I'm screaming "say something" but I stay silent knowing she'll talk when she's ready.

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Abby's POV

     Knowing I can't pretend that nothing happened for another second, I try my best to answer. But I know that whatever I say right now, it's not going to be enough for him. I take a deep breath and I'm about to begin speaking when Kerry busts into the lounge.

     "You're not being paid to have a social hour! Carter, you have patients! And Abby, you have the nerve to come in late and then sit around and chat? Get to work!"

     Rolling my eyes, I stand up, get myself together, and head out of the lounge. I'm still not quite ready to face the day ahead of me.

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That night…

     Lighting up a cigarette I look out into the dark night sky, and reflect on long day I've had and how tired I am. Why is it that whenever you're in a really foul mood, something happens to bring you further down? Today of all days, I lost a patient. A girl not more than three came in after being hit by a car. One second she was laughing and chasing her ball at the edge of her yard, and the next, a car unexpectedly swerved into her yard and hit her head on. And to make matters worse, the woman driving was drunk and the entire accident could have be avoided completely.

     Thinking about that drunken woman acts as a subtle reminder of how out of control my life could get. Say tonight, I talk to Carter and things work out and we get together. I'm fine and I'm happy. But, what happens in thirty minutes, in a day, or in a week when we get into our first fight? I'm going to resort to alcohol and probably drink myself into an incoherent and disconnected state. What happens when I'm the one in that car robbing that little girl of her life at the tender age of three? Before I know what's going on, I have tears streaming down my face.

     I hear the door open then close. By the silence I know its Carter. Quickly I try to get myself together.

     "Abby?" I don't turn around, but still I know it's too late. He saw the tears.

     "Abby, what's wrong?" he asks gently. John Carter, always the caring one. I can't deal with this now. Why does he have to care so much? When I don't answer he says my name again causing me to snap.

     "What!?" and as I turn and look at him I notice my pain mirrored in his eyes. He doesn't say anything, and instead backs off. He turns to leave, but I stop him.

     "John wait!" he turns to look at me, waiting.

     "I'm sorry. I know we have to talk, but I'm just not ready. I have to deal with me first!"

     "Abby that's where you're wrong! I can help you; all you do is say the word. We can get through this together!"

     "No Carter! That's where you're wrong! I need to do this for myself. I need to prove I can make it on my own first!"

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     I remember my anger as I left the ER that night. Once again Carter had managed to break down the walls, walls I'd spent lifetimes building up around me. I knew going to the bar that night was going to come back and haunt me later. But I didn't care about later; I wanted his voice out of my head now.

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The next morning …

     I wake up in a strange bed that isn't mine. Images of drinks, a twirling leather bar-stool, a mysterious stranger by my side, and billowing sheets whirr about my tired and confused head. Am I dreaming?

     Before I know it, I'm out of there, propelled by some unknown overpowering force. I'm on the EL now, rocking back and forth and murmuring comforting words to myself like a madwoman. Maybe if I keep my arms secured around my body, it'll all go away and I'll be safe...

     What's happened to me?

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