Disclaimer: Do I have to say it again? I don't own Gundam Wing!

A/N: A big thank you to Raksha and Natea, who told me that they wanted more. This one is for you!

Warning: shounen ai, possible OOCness, Duo's POV

"text" = speech



Falling...



The sun was rising again. Any other day I would have found the raging colors beautiful, but now they were just… there. Another meaningless fact that I was barely even aware of, much less cared about. There was too much on my mind, too much pain, for me to bother with such details.


~ Flashback ~

"I want you to get out!"

Heero's words echoed through my head, over and over again. Ironic, how much deeper the look on his face cut me than the words themselves. I hadn't seen that cold anger since the war. That glare telling you to back off or die. But it wasn't the same, not quite. He seemed almost disgusted, as if he regretted ever meeting me.

"Heero, please…"

"Do I need to spell it out for you? I want you to leave, I want you out of my life!"

He said it so steely, without a hint of a doubt. Nothing to allow me to even hope that he didn't really mean it, that he was just upset, that he would take it back once he calmed down. There was only cold conviction.

I stumbled out of the apartment, too shocked to really feel the pain. I wandered for hours before I realized I was crying. That was when it hit me just what had happened. My beloved had told me that he wanted me gone. It went far past breaking up, coming from Heero it meant that he never wanted to lay eyes on me again. Not for any reason whatsoever.

That thought sent me to my knees. I just collapsed in the middle of the street, unable to move, unable to cry anymore. I hurt far beyond tears.

My best friend had cut me loose, my lover had kicked me out, the boy I loved more than anything had stabbed me through my heart - all in one sentence. Heero had been all that and more… and now he was gone.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of the people hovering around me, asking if I was alright. That small part of me wanted to scream at them, cuss them out for asking such a ridiculous question when I was obviously anything but fine. That part was ignored, pushed aside by a stronger urge to find somewhere safe to hole up and lick my wounds.

I got up, pushing people out of my way and taking a quick look around to see where I was. It took me nearly an hour to walk to Wufei's place.

~ End flashback ~


It was brighter outside now; full daylight. The colors had faded into a uniform blue, as void of nuances as a life without Heero would be. I couldn't help but ask myself why I came here. Did I expect Wufei to save me from this pain, heal this wound that will bleed me dry? He came through for me so many times during the war that I trusted him almost as much as I trusted Heero.


~ Flashback ~

He was surprised to see me, but ushered me inside as soon as he caught my expression. I'm not sure what my face told him, but it must have been bad, with the way he fussed.

I was shaking bad; either from the cold outside or from my shock the night before. I couldn't focus enough to make out what Wufei was saying until I heard Heero's name. That startled me into begging him not to call, not to tell anyone I was here. I'd taken a couple of days off; chief Une wouldn't miss me, and if any of my friends did, they also knew me well enough not to worry. Wufei didn't like it, but he agreed. He gave me the guestroom, and simply said that he was available when or if I wanted to talk.

Trust that one's honor to keep him from prying where I didn't want him to.

~ End flashback ~


I looked over at the bed, remembering how I'd collapsed there as soon as Wufei left me alone. I wanted to be mad at myself for being so weak, but I couldn't. It doesn't matter how many times you loose the ones you love, it doesn't numb the pain. If anything, it hurt more now than when the church burned. This time I was old enough to realize just how grave my loss really was. And I knew no one could ever replace Heero.


~ Flashback ~

It seemed like an eternity before night fell again. During the day I tried to keep my mind blank, wrapping the last residues of shock around me like a blanket. It helped me not to think. In the darkness, I felt like crying again. I almost did, but the tears wouldn't come. Instead I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling as memories of Heero swarmed through my head.

I remembered when we first met and I shot him. When I broke him out of the Alliance hospital and realized just how solid his dedication was. When we started working together, rooming together in various boarding schools and I saw how deep his conviction that he was nothing but a tool made for winning the war ran. When I caught glimpses of the boy he could have been if J and whoever raised him before that hadn't done their best to screw him up. When he told me that he didn't have a name until he was sent down to Earth.

I'd cried when he told me that. Not in front of him, of course, but after he fell asleep. For the life of me, I still can't understand how J could deny a child to have a name. It was a small tidbit of information, one of the few Heero ever shared, but it said so much about what his life must have been like. How could he see himself as a person when no one else had?

~ End flashback ~


I turned back to the window, thinking back on when the war ended. I wasn't sure if he'd allow himself to survive after he'd served his purpose and achieved peace, but he did. What he didn't do, was live. He seemed to draw even further into himself after that, burying his emotions so deep inside that I couldn't bring an expression to that beautiful face of his no matter what I did. I think that maybe he felt lost without J to give him orders. He made preserving the fragile peace his new mission and built his existence around it. Maybe the sudden freedom scared him. During the war, he could creep out of his shell once in a while and it would always be there when he wanted back inside. With J gone, there was no one but Heero himself to maintain the perfection that had been his only constant through the years. If he let that slip, he would be lost.

That was what happened after the Eve war; he got lost. After coming to the conclusion that he wasn't needed to kill anymore, that there was no place for the Perfect Soldier in a peaceful world, he had nothing left. There were no more missions for him to complete, no orders to carry out. I was pissed but not surprised when he disappeared. It took me a couple of weeks to find him. He hadn't gone farther than the Mediterranean.


~ Flashback ~

I stood a few yards away, just watching him. He was sitting on the beach, a soft breeze ruffling his hair, his golden skin glowing in the warm sunlight. His eyes were closed and I was sure he didn't know anyone else was there. He shattered that illusion by saying, "Hello, Duo."

I blushed at that, and barely managed to greet him back. Had he noticed when I first caught sight of him? I'd been watching him for a good ten minutes at least…

"Considering how good a hacker you are, you weren't hard to find," I said as I sat down beside him. Not too close, never invade his personal space unless you're sure he won't kill you for it.

"I promised Une she'd be able to find me. Just in case." He shrugged. "It doesn't really matter where I go anymore, does it?"

"It matters to me, Heero."

He turned to look at me for the first time. He smiled the sweetest little smile; it barely curved his lips and I could see he was unsure of its welcome, but his eyes… His eyes were so unguarded, so trusting. I'd never seen more than a hint of this vulnerable side of him before, and it almost brought me to tears to know he trusted me enough to show it now.

~ End flashback ~


I sighed as I rested my forehead against the cold glass. The road from that first moment of trust to the independent, self-assured boy Heero was today had been long and bumpy, but I was glad to be there for him. Even happier that he seemed to want me there. I'd stayed with him for a few days and then took him with me to the United States. Howard helped us find an apartment and I joined the Preventers as a stealth instructor. A month later, Heero was recruited by a computer software company.

After the first war, I hadn't dared to believe I'd be allowed to be Heero's friend anymore, but he gradually came out of his shell again. It took him a long time to come to terms with the idea that he was just as human as everyone else, was entitled to feel and think like any other person. He'd been told the opposite for so long that it took him weeks to even accept the fact that J might have been mistaken. We'd been living together for more than six months when I saw him smile for the first time. Not one of those little half-smiles that he could give me when I goofed around, but a true, full-blown smile.


~ Flashback ~

We were sitting on the couch, watching some old movie. Well, Heero was watching the movie, and I was watching him. I'd been doing that more and more lately. Thank God that Heero seemed…

"Why are you staring at me?"

…oblivious.

I blushed, silently cursing my pale skin. "I - I wasn't staring, I just…" The rest of what I meant to say slipped my mind as he turned to look at me. Those bewildered eyes met mine, searching for answers. He could have found them easily, had he not been too damn innocent to understand.

"I watch you," I said slowly, trying to gauge his reaction, "because you're so beautiful I can't look away, because I want to hold you so bad it hurts."

His eyes widened in surprise, then it was as if someone flipped a switch, and his face fell back into the Perfect Soldier expression that I dreaded. He didn't attack me though; just looked at me with cold, unfeeling eyes.

"If you don't want to tell me, fine, but don't lie to me, Duo."

I shook my head, for once at a complete loss of words. How could he think that? How could he think I would lie to him? I, who prided myself on never lying? And how the hell could he not know he was beautiful?

I did the only thing I could think of; I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. Just a light brush of lips against lips - I wasn't enough of an idiot to do more without Heero's permission - but it was obviously enough to convince him that I was being honest. He stared at me when I pulled back; his face and eyes unguarded again. There was longing there, a longing so strong it took me by surprise.

He leaned forward to kiss me. The contact was brief, and when he pulled back he seemed unsure that he'd done the right thing. I smiled reassuringly, and he smiled back… His cheeks were flushed, his eyes shining with happiness. He was so beautiful it took my breath away.

~ End flashback ~


I sighed at the memory. As precious as it was, it was also bittersweet. Heero didn't smile like that anymore.

Try as I might, I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, what came between us. We'd been happy, truly happy for a few wonderful months. It was the first time Heero ever felt that way, and he would tell me so late at night, when we lay cuddled together in our bed. He'd thank me for being his friend, for loving him, in a sweet, shy voice that no one but me ever heard from him. Then one night when I came back from work I found him curled up on the couch, looking like he'd cried himself to sleep. He didn't even stir as I carried him into the bedroom.

That was the night his happiness died. I never saw him smile after that, never heard him laugh, never heard him sigh in contentment. I tried to talk to him, but he assured me everything was fine and forced himself to smile. Weeks went by, and I would catch him staring out the window with a look of longing and sorrow on his face, but he still wouldn't talk to me.

These last few weeks, I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I knew that all I would see was sadness, and I couldn't take it. The breakup two nights ago had been a long time in coming, but that didn't make it any easier.

The sun had risen high now. Another hour or two and Wufei would knock lightly on my door and ask if I didn't want something to eat. He'd tell me that he'd make lunch for two and I was welcome to join him.

Shaking my head slightly, I decided to leave the room and take up the offer of a talk - and maybe a shoulder to cry on.

I found him in the living room, reading some old, worn Chinese book. He looked up at me immediately, worry plain on his face. I could tell he wanted to ask me what had happened, but he wouldn't say a thing until I broached the subject.

"Heero kicked me out," I said without preamble. I saw his eyes widen in surprise; obviously he hadn't seen that one coming.

"Why?" He sounded as bewildered as I felt. "Did you have a fight?"

I shrugged, tried to smile but failed. "I don't know why; he didn't give me a list of reasons. He accused me of a lot of things and finished it up by telling me to get out of his life."

Wufei's gaze sharpened. "So why are you here instead of straightening this mess out? You have a right to know his reasons."

"God, 'Fei, this isn't about your concept of right and wrong! I promised him when we first got together, before we even became lovers, that I wouldn't leave him until he asked me to, and he sure as hell did!"

"Were those your exact words?" The question cut through my beginning hysteria and distracted me enough to remain slightly rational.

"What does it matter? What does anything matter? He didn't just kick me out of the apartment, he cut me out of his life!"

"I've never seen him smile when you weren't with him," Wufei said calmly. I fell down into the couch and stared at him. "He could be interested, even amused with things, but he didn't smile unless you were there. Whether you saw it or not, he smiled for you, because of you. He wouldn't tell you to leave unless he had some kind of reason, no matter how reluctant he is to share it with you." His dark eyes grew cold. "But if you're just going to give up, I guess he's better off without you."

I was shocked. I hadn't known just how special Heero's smiles were. "I'm not giving up, there's nothing I can do! I promised -"

"Not to leave until he told you to," Wufei finished. "But you never said that you would stay away, did you?"

I smiled. "No, I didn't."

"Good. Then I suggest you hurry up; Yuy has a habit of disappearing when he's confused about things."


I took a cab from Wufei's back to the apartment; the place I hoped was still Heero's and mine. I was nearly bouncing in my seat with impatience and anxiety. Wufei had given me some hope, but I was far from certain that Heero would be prepared to let me stay even on the outskirts of his life. Soldier or not, he was nothing if not determined.

When I stepped out of the elevator and walked down the short corridor to our door, I felt a brief chill of doubt. Was I really doing the right thing? If Heero were still in the apartment, he would not take my coming here lightly. But what else could I do? To simply let him leave without a fight was not an option anymore. No, I decided, if Heero wanted me truly gone he would just have to explain why, and his reasons had better be damn good!

I knocked on the door and waited impatiently. There was no sound from inside and I quickly pulled out my keys, unlocked the door and entered.

The apartment was so still and silent that I was afraid to raise my voice to call Heero's name. I felt fear gather like a hard knot in the pit of my stomach. Maybe he was already gone? If he was, I knew he would have covered his tracks well this time.

I peeked into the bedroom; momentarily relieved to find it untouched before the realization that the bed hadn't been slept in hit me. After all, if Heero wanted to disappear, he wouldn't take much with him.

I was several steps into the living room when I saw him. My heart clenched painfully at the sight; he looked so desolate, so lonely and dejected. He was half on the floor, half on the couch, one arm tucked under his cheek like a pillow. Even in sleep his breathing was unsteady, most likely a result of the crying that had left such clear marks on his face. My eyes were pulled downward, absently noting that he was still in the clothes from the day before yesterday, finally coming to rest on his left hand. It clutched a photo frame to his chest, just above his heart.

The picture was turned against him, but I recognized the frame easily. I knew it held a photo of me.

"Heero," I whispered, crossing the room to kneel in front of him. All doubt was gone; whatever his reasons for kicking me out, it wasn't for lack of caring. Whatever I'd done could be fixed if he'd only tell me what the problem was.

I gently brushed his dark, unruly bangs out of his eyes, waiting for him to wake up. No matter what our relationship was, if woken abruptly Heero often slipped into full soldier mode. As close as I was, it wouldn't have been pretty.

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking at me sleepily before memory kicked in. He paled, and started to move away from me. He was about to say something, but I caught his head in my hands and leaned in to kiss him gently. Heero went still, making no move to answer the kiss, but he didn't push me away either. I pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, dark blue and clouded by emotion, and whisper, "I love you," before I captured his lips with mine again.


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A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review! The final chapter should be up in a few days... if I get enough motivation to post it.
Daughter of Night