Chris looked down at the sleeping Stephanie. She looked so peaceful lying
in bed next to him. Her hands were under her head, and her long brown hair
fell loosely on the white pillow. Her lips were turned up into a small
smile, and her breathing was hypnotically rhythmic.
Chris sometimes found it hard to believe that this is where they ended up. In each other's beds. It was almost surreal. They were supposed to be best friends, and now they were sleeping together. And they had been sleeping together for the past three months.
They weren't dating, at least that's what he thought. They never said they were together, never called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. They both didn't try to define exactly what they had going. It was far too complicated for simple words to describe.
One thing they did know, this wasn't about love. They didn't love each other. They went into this strange "arrangement" knowing that they didn't love each other. They both loved people who weren't around. And it was safe that way. The only thing they wanted from each other was comfort.
He guessed comfort came from them sleeping together. It was weird, sure, but it worked for them. He didn't know if she pictured Hunter when they were making love, but he figured she did. It wasn't about their emotions for each other, but their bottled up emotions for someone else.
They'd had this little "arrangement" going for about three months now. It was kind of awkward at first, but then it just didn't seem that bad anymore. Anyone on the outside would probably think they were dating, but they weren't, they were just sleeping together because their hearts were broken, and they needed each other.
Stephanie stirred and rolled onto her back. She opened her eyes, and looked up at Chris who was sitting against the headboard. She turned to look at the clock and saw it was the middle of the night. She turned back to Chris.
"What are you doing up?"
"Just thinking about things," he told her.
"Care to share?"
"How did we end up here Steph, it's just so...weird," he said, for lack of a better word.
"Chris, we both know why we're here," she told him, pulling him down so he was now lying next to her. She scooted over and laid her head on his shoulder, and then she took his arm and wrapped it around her waist.
"Yeah, but still, you'd think while missing other people that we wouldn't sleep with someone else."
"Well, it's just a matter of convenience really, we're both here, and we both needed something."
"That something being sex," he said, chuckling.
"No," she said, laughing as well, "I think we just needed to know there was someone out there who feels what we feel. We're like two ships in the night that don't know where we're heading, and we happened to crash into each other."
"You're so insightful," he said.
"I think it's the fatigue," she said, snuggling up against him. A few minutes later, they were both asleep.
Chris woke up in the same position, and slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb Stephanie. He pulled some pants on and went down to the kitchen. He was usually the first one up so he made the coffee most mornings. He grabbed a cup and went out onto his back porch.
It was still very early, and the sun was just rising from the horizon. Chris sat on the chair that he had set out on the porch, and watched as a new day began. His mind wandered again, and he was lost in his thoughts, which seemed to happen often.
He thought about Jessica this time. He wondered where she was. If she was gazing upon the same sunrise as he was, or if her day had already ended and she was asleep. She was always a restless sleeper, flailing around in bed so much that Chris had been kicked by her on a number of occasions. Stephanie slept in one position the entire night, and she hardly ever stirred.
He couldn't help but think of who Jessica was with right now. Was she alone? Or had she moved on and found someone else. Was she wearing someone else's wedding ring, was she someone else's wife? It was an unsettling thought, thinking about her being able to move on, while he remained stagnant, and missing her.
Well, if he was honest with himself, he wasn't really stagnant, he did have Stephanie. What exactly he had with Stephanie, he had yet to figure out. Whatever it was it was nice. It was nice to have someone again, after being alone.
A thought came to Chris's mind, and he couldn't shake it away. It was illogical and stupid, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. He didn't even know if he should, but it seemed like a good idea.
He heard the door open, and Stephanie came out onto the porch, coffee in hand. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Stephanie walked over to him, and sat herself down on his lap. He smiled down at her as she rested her head in the crook of his neck.
"Thinking again?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm always thinking."
"What about? Jessica?"
"You know me too well. I was just wondering what she was doing?"
"Oh. What do you think she's doing?"
"I have no idea. I'd like to think she was thinking of me, but that's unlikely. She's probably off happy with her husband or something."
"Don't say that," she said, lifting her head to look into his eyes.
"Why not? It's probably true," he said, sighing.
"You don't know that, don't say things you don't know. She probably is thinking of you. I bet she misses you."
"I wish."
"Chris, don't think yourself into a corner. She's out there, and I'm sure that she still thinks of you."
"But what if she's happy with someone else, and here I am pining away for her still, after all this time?"
"Then she's an idiot."
"What?" Chris said, perplexed.
"She's an idiot. Because she gave up a great guy like you, and she never came back. If she's happy out there, then she's stupid for leaving you."
"She didn't actually leave me, she thought I rejected her."
"Chris, she's the one that left and didn't come back. She's the one that didn't even give you a chance to say something to her. And Chris?"
"Yeah?"
"She's the one that cheated on you," she told him quietly.
Chris went blank for a moment. What she said was true, each and every word. Jessica was stupid for leaving, and not even giving him a chance to forgive her. It wasn't his fault, like he had believed for so long. And if she was out there, and happy, then she was stupid for leaving him behind.
"You're right...but I still love her."
"I know you do, I'm just saying that don't be so quick to blame yourself, when it's just as much her fault as it is yours."
"You're the best friend I've ever had, I hope you know that."
"I know. The same goes with you."
Chris leaned down and pressed his lips against Stephanie's. They pulled away, and Stephanie grabbed their coffee mugs. She set them down on the ground next to the chair and turned to Chris again. She leaned forward and gave him a proper kiss.
Chris pulled her closer to him, and she swung a leg over his and straddled him. Their kisses became deeper, and Chris's hands roamed all over her body. He broke the kiss and started kissing her neck, causing her to moan softly.
He lifted up her shirt, and ran his hands underneath it. He stood up with her legs wrapped around him. Still involved in the kissing and touching, he carried her inside and into the living room. They collapsed together onto the couch, and Chris mentally came to a decision, that thing he was thinking about earlier, well, he wanted it to come true.
Chris sometimes found it hard to believe that this is where they ended up. In each other's beds. It was almost surreal. They were supposed to be best friends, and now they were sleeping together. And they had been sleeping together for the past three months.
They weren't dating, at least that's what he thought. They never said they were together, never called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. They both didn't try to define exactly what they had going. It was far too complicated for simple words to describe.
One thing they did know, this wasn't about love. They didn't love each other. They went into this strange "arrangement" knowing that they didn't love each other. They both loved people who weren't around. And it was safe that way. The only thing they wanted from each other was comfort.
He guessed comfort came from them sleeping together. It was weird, sure, but it worked for them. He didn't know if she pictured Hunter when they were making love, but he figured she did. It wasn't about their emotions for each other, but their bottled up emotions for someone else.
They'd had this little "arrangement" going for about three months now. It was kind of awkward at first, but then it just didn't seem that bad anymore. Anyone on the outside would probably think they were dating, but they weren't, they were just sleeping together because their hearts were broken, and they needed each other.
Stephanie stirred and rolled onto her back. She opened her eyes, and looked up at Chris who was sitting against the headboard. She turned to look at the clock and saw it was the middle of the night. She turned back to Chris.
"What are you doing up?"
"Just thinking about things," he told her.
"Care to share?"
"How did we end up here Steph, it's just so...weird," he said, for lack of a better word.
"Chris, we both know why we're here," she told him, pulling him down so he was now lying next to her. She scooted over and laid her head on his shoulder, and then she took his arm and wrapped it around her waist.
"Yeah, but still, you'd think while missing other people that we wouldn't sleep with someone else."
"Well, it's just a matter of convenience really, we're both here, and we both needed something."
"That something being sex," he said, chuckling.
"No," she said, laughing as well, "I think we just needed to know there was someone out there who feels what we feel. We're like two ships in the night that don't know where we're heading, and we happened to crash into each other."
"You're so insightful," he said.
"I think it's the fatigue," she said, snuggling up against him. A few minutes later, they were both asleep.
Chris woke up in the same position, and slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb Stephanie. He pulled some pants on and went down to the kitchen. He was usually the first one up so he made the coffee most mornings. He grabbed a cup and went out onto his back porch.
It was still very early, and the sun was just rising from the horizon. Chris sat on the chair that he had set out on the porch, and watched as a new day began. His mind wandered again, and he was lost in his thoughts, which seemed to happen often.
He thought about Jessica this time. He wondered where she was. If she was gazing upon the same sunrise as he was, or if her day had already ended and she was asleep. She was always a restless sleeper, flailing around in bed so much that Chris had been kicked by her on a number of occasions. Stephanie slept in one position the entire night, and she hardly ever stirred.
He couldn't help but think of who Jessica was with right now. Was she alone? Or had she moved on and found someone else. Was she wearing someone else's wedding ring, was she someone else's wife? It was an unsettling thought, thinking about her being able to move on, while he remained stagnant, and missing her.
Well, if he was honest with himself, he wasn't really stagnant, he did have Stephanie. What exactly he had with Stephanie, he had yet to figure out. Whatever it was it was nice. It was nice to have someone again, after being alone.
A thought came to Chris's mind, and he couldn't shake it away. It was illogical and stupid, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. He didn't even know if he should, but it seemed like a good idea.
He heard the door open, and Stephanie came out onto the porch, coffee in hand. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Stephanie walked over to him, and sat herself down on his lap. He smiled down at her as she rested her head in the crook of his neck.
"Thinking again?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm always thinking."
"What about? Jessica?"
"You know me too well. I was just wondering what she was doing?"
"Oh. What do you think she's doing?"
"I have no idea. I'd like to think she was thinking of me, but that's unlikely. She's probably off happy with her husband or something."
"Don't say that," she said, lifting her head to look into his eyes.
"Why not? It's probably true," he said, sighing.
"You don't know that, don't say things you don't know. She probably is thinking of you. I bet she misses you."
"I wish."
"Chris, don't think yourself into a corner. She's out there, and I'm sure that she still thinks of you."
"But what if she's happy with someone else, and here I am pining away for her still, after all this time?"
"Then she's an idiot."
"What?" Chris said, perplexed.
"She's an idiot. Because she gave up a great guy like you, and she never came back. If she's happy out there, then she's stupid for leaving you."
"She didn't actually leave me, she thought I rejected her."
"Chris, she's the one that left and didn't come back. She's the one that didn't even give you a chance to say something to her. And Chris?"
"Yeah?"
"She's the one that cheated on you," she told him quietly.
Chris went blank for a moment. What she said was true, each and every word. Jessica was stupid for leaving, and not even giving him a chance to forgive her. It wasn't his fault, like he had believed for so long. And if she was out there, and happy, then she was stupid for leaving him behind.
"You're right...but I still love her."
"I know you do, I'm just saying that don't be so quick to blame yourself, when it's just as much her fault as it is yours."
"You're the best friend I've ever had, I hope you know that."
"I know. The same goes with you."
Chris leaned down and pressed his lips against Stephanie's. They pulled away, and Stephanie grabbed their coffee mugs. She set them down on the ground next to the chair and turned to Chris again. She leaned forward and gave him a proper kiss.
Chris pulled her closer to him, and she swung a leg over his and straddled him. Their kisses became deeper, and Chris's hands roamed all over her body. He broke the kiss and started kissing her neck, causing her to moan softly.
He lifted up her shirt, and ran his hands underneath it. He stood up with her legs wrapped around him. Still involved in the kissing and touching, he carried her inside and into the living room. They collapsed together onto the couch, and Chris mentally came to a decision, that thing he was thinking about earlier, well, he wanted it to come true.
