I Was So Blind To Let You Go

Summary: A much darker and dramatic chapter of our story, the funny parts here are more on Draco and only involves a handkerchief. Oh well. That's romance! Anyway, here it is! Hope you like! Oh yeah, this is actually the 5th chapter… The 4th was supposed to be them and their musings, but I decided not to put it… maybe when I repost or something…

-_ Astronomy Tower _-

"Yeah, Hermione's to wonder why I was glowing today!"

"Really? What did you say?"

"I said I was just happy…"

"…Really?"

"Yeah. And in love."

Draco smiled and held Harry in a tight embrace. Harry chuckled as Draco gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

For the first time in the seventeen years Draco had lived, he was happy. Not just 'content happy' or 'evil happy' but just plain happy. It was the first time in his life that somebody loved him and needed him like he does for the other. And he had Harry to thank for that.

Never had he pictured himself with the raven-haired boy ever in his life. He never thought it possible, so he avoided the thoughts as much as possible. But now, look at them. They're together. Draco of 5th year would never believe this to happen.

'Now I can die happy.' Draco said to himself, sighing as he cradled Harry in his arms.

'Well, this comes close to screwing him…'

'What?! You're still thinking that?! I cannot believe you.'

'Oh, get a grip on yourself Drakie! You haven't done anything with him, right?'

'So?'

'Our bet. But don't mind it. You don't really have to do it, ya knows…'

"So what if I don't do it with him? I'm very comfy and content like this, you know!"

Harry stared at Draco and asked, "What?"

The Slytherin mentally kicked himself. He'd said his thoughts aloud! Well, it wasn't his fault! That damned Dicky had to bring up the bet! And it was a bet he made with himself in the form of a horny rabbit named Dicky! Some things are just not worth your time…

Right now, he was thinking of how he was going to explain this to Harry.

"Uhm… nothing…?" Draco said, suddenly looking away from Harry.

The Gryffindor smiled at him and kissed him. This time, it was so heated that Draco could've sworn Harry was in heat! Little did he know that indeed, Harry was!

What Harry said after he pulled away from Draco came as a brick wall to the blonde.

"You know, if you wanted to… do it… that bad, you could've told me."

Harry said it in a almost chuckling voice and Draco couldn't believe what he heard. He stared questioningly at Harry then, slowly, he said, "You mean… it's okay with you if… we… you know?"

Harry had to laugh at Draco. He was blushing again and couldn't even say the 's' word.

"Yeah. You know about the teen hormone problems in this school…"

"But you're… I mean you've never…" Draco's broken sentences were really proving comical to Harry so he laughed himself. It was quite funny…

"Yes, I've never had sex before. But I kind of thought that maybe my first would go to you… or something like that."

Draco swallowed hard the bile that was forming in the middle of his throat then. He'd had many firsts before but this one meant so much more than all of his firsts combined. Hell, this one was worth more than all the experience he had! It was his first actually caring about sex with someone. Before, it was just something he did. This one, he wanted to be special. He didn't want Harry to ever regret doing… you know.

What came next was a blur for them. Harry was extremely surprised with Draco. He always thought that his first was going to be gentle, but not this gentle! It was so weird… unlike what people tell him. It was good, yes (very good, at that! That's Draco there!), but at the same time, it was almost… therapeutical to him! It was like every wrong thing in his life suddenly didn't matter.

Draco, on the other hand, was experiencing both fear and of course, love. The things he did to Harry made both of them feel good. He was especially pleased with himself that he'd been very careful and gentle that both of them actually laughed half way thru the whole thing! This was the very first time he enjoyed sex. Hell, this isn't even called sex in his dictionary! A new word actually made it there just to describe this thing they're doing. It was love making. This isn't sex.

'This *cannot* be sex!'

Soon, they found themselves a tangle of limbs. Draco lay on top of Harry, who held him close and was playing with his now messy hair.

Draco turned to look at the boy beneathe him and said, for the first time in his life, the sacred three words.

"…I love you."

A single tear fell from Draco's eye and unexpectedly, it fell right beside Harry's eye which also had a tear streaming down his face.

"I love you too, Draco."

That night, Harry gave his virginity, and was happy and Draco fell asleep hearing the soft beating of someone else's heart.

It seemed like the world was a whole lot a better place then.

-

The next day however, wasn't as good as last night. Draco was trembling in anxiety. Now, he wasn't entirely sure if he should be with Harry. Why it came to him, he didn't know.

Suddenly, Draco felt like he wasn't worth all this. Harry's first and everything else. He didn't deserve to feel so happy.

He was feeling nauseated with himself. How can he do this to Harry? Didn't he even think about this before this "mistake" happened?

'But it feels so far from a mistake!'

Draco was torn. He couldn't tell if this was right or wrong. All he knew was that Harry deserved someone better. And he might just find him on the Valentines Ball. Someone who'd make him happy.

And not as crazy as him, 'The Boy Who Had a Talking Rabbit In His Head'

True, maybe Harry said he's happy with him. But somewhere in the corners of Draco's mind, he knows he couldn't make Harry happy. He's a Slytherin! He had raging lust problems that he needed to sate! Harry would never understand…

'But I'm content with *just him*!'

Draco didn't know what to think now. He was so confused. Again, after 24 hours of making the right decisions, Draco made a turn for the worst.

He dressed up and after making sure Harry was covered and comfy and after placing protective charms around the room, he left.

-

Two hours after Draco woke up which was six in the morning…

Draco had already washed up and was now walking outside in the grounds. Too confused to do anything. Why did this have to happen now? For the first time in his life, he felt the best feelings and sensations life can offer, and here he was regretting to ever having it. Plus, he was talking to Dicky. AGAIN.

He must be twisted. He had to be!

'What is wrong with me?!'

'Oi there, big man. What made you scat like a bunny back there?'

Draco couldn't cook up an answer. He fell back on the ground and started crying like there's no tomorrow.

'I… I don't know!!!' Draco thought. He grabbed his handkerchief from his pocket and started biting on it and writhed on the grass.

This hurt much more than he'd wanted it to be.

-

The morning was hell. No, actually, it felt like hell had frozen over and Lucifer's turned over a new life and said that "Hey, I'll make hell cold and I'll be Ice King, ha-ha-ha."

Draco was silently eating his meal. He didn't even notice the annoying fans of his that took pictures of him while eating. His housemates started looking at him, concerned. Their leader was in the slumps…

That was bad.

Draco felt someone tug on his robe. He turned and after a flash of light (which was a camera, by the way), Blaise came into view.

"You alright, Draco?" said Blaise.

Draco didn't respond.

Then, Pansy suddenly sat on his lap and kissed him just right beside his lips and said, "Dwaco honey, what's wrong?"

Draco still didn't respond.

Pansy's hand started roaming down to 'the place down there' when Draco caught her hand and spoke, to his housemate's relief. He actually heard sighs and 'phew's from them.

"Pans, come with me for a moment."

The Slytherin blonde stood up, taking Pansy by the arm and led her to an empty classroom for his morning dose of sex.

All the while, a pair of tearing jade eyes followed them.

-

Harry walked in the Great Hall, happy to find that Draco wasn't there. He walked over to their table and noiselessly started eating, not even greeting his housemates. Not one word or nod.

Hermione looked over to Harry and asked, "Harry, is there something wrong?"

Seeing that the other boy wasn't about to respond, Ron swallowed the piece of beef jerky and said, "Came up late in the dormitory this morning. He said he didn't want to talk to anyone." There was concern in Ron's voice, but he didn't question Harry after that. He knew something's up and after forcing Harry on telling him, it proved quite useless.

Hermione's eyes grew wide when she whispered to Harry, "You weren't… raped were you?"

Harry was growing impatient with Hermione. He knew he was going to snap then, but Hermione's face looked quite funny that he just had to let this one pass. He drank some juice, cleared his throat and in a pleading look, said, "Mione, I'm not ready to talk about it… I'll tell you later…"

Harry was about to turn to his food when he saw Draco and Pansy leave the Great Hall together. He knew he was going to break down then and there so he held on to Hermione's wrist and squeezed hard. The head girl quickly turned to her friend.

"Harry?!"

She was caught unprepared when the boy held her in an embrace and started crying.

Seamus turned to Harry and Hermione. "What's wrong with…"

Then a gasp was heard from Lavender and Parvati. The latter exclaimed, "Merlin! Did he break up with someone? Who did it?!"

Practically the whole Great Hall heard her and soon, there were low mumblings of "I'm gonna kill the sonofabiatch who did that…" "Poor guy!" "Oh no! My Harry's hurt!"

Ron moved closer to Harry and patted his back. He stared at Hermione for a moment and sighed.

-

"Class dismissed." Said a tired Professor Flitwick. Charms class ended and it was Potions next, much to Harry's dismay. And if that wasn't bad enough, it wasn't with Hufflepuffs.

The Gryffindor trio trudged to the dungeons. They were a few meters away when Draco jogged from the Potions classroom and met with the waiting Ravenclaw girl just outside the classroom. Harry almost broke his reserve and stop then and three, but he knew better. He wanted to show that he was indifferent with Draco.

He wanted to show that he wasn't hurt.

What caused him so much pain? It was that morning, when he woke up, he was alone. He never thought Draco would do that, but based on that bastard Draco's background, that was what he did after one night stands.

And so does the whole student population.

That really tore Harry's heart apart. He thought for a moment there that Draco was really serious. He really thought he was! But then, he just had to find out the hard way that Draco was nothing but a pathetic piece of muck that wasn't worth anyone's time. And the even more painful thing was that he gave his virginity to this worthless piece of muck.

And he liked it… at least, when it was happening.

It was so unlike what Draco really was. The gentle touch, the careful handling. He felt so fragile, but protected in his arms. Now here he was, completely shattered and broken.

And the guy was going to do it with someone not long after their encounter.

Harry felt his heart beat race when Draco stopped and turned to him. They locked gazes for a moment and Harry thought he saw the smallest tinge of pain in those beautiful silver blue pools, but he quickly looked away. He knew he was going to break if he stared longer.

He just walked away.

-

'This is bad.'

That was the last thing Draco though before he slipped into a broom closet with the Ravenclaw girl and started getting it on. Weird. This was the second time he was having sex that day, and yet he felt nothing.

Dicky heard Draco's thoughts and said, 'Maybe it's because she uses way too much saliva.'

'Bah, shuddup!'

'My, my. Something's sticking up our ass!'

'Actually, there's none right now.'

'Oh. I see. Well, thank you for telling me hat valuable piece of information.'

'Shut it, Dicky.'

 The sex was so… empty. And incomplete. Since Harry, everyone seemed so defective. He wanted something else…

And that something else just walked away from him.

'It's better this way. It's better to hurt him before it goes any deeper than it already is. At least he'll be able to recover by Valentines Ball…'

His heart hurt even more than it did already.

Draco finished the dazed girl up and left her there without even a last glance or a spoken word.

He doubted he had a heart when he entered the potions classroom. His walking could've blown what was left of it away.

(AN: Couldn't help!!!)

-

Finally classes were over.

The Gryffindor walked round the halls for a while. He wasn't aware of the stares he was getting from his "Fans" (he didn't even know he had fans!). A tear was threatening to fall from his eyes when a familiar face smiled at him and started running towards him.

Ginny quickly reached Harry's side and said, "Hello, there! Ron said you were kind of lonely, so I went around the castle to look for you."

After years and years of being Ron's sister, Ginny had grown into a beautiful young lady. She had the same red hair, but some other parts of hers developed to their fullest, if you know what I mean.

Harry admired Ginny. Even if just a little. She was truly beautiful and that had very solid proofs.

"Really? Thanks. I'm feeling a bit better now." He said. Next thing he knew, he found himself walking with Ginny, deep in a conversation. For the whole day, he was starting to feel better than that morning. He decided that sulking won't do him any good and that dwelling on it will make the hurting last longer, so he just lost himself with talking with someone.

They were to turn around the corner, when Ginny bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going Malfoy!" Ginny said heatedly.

Draco looked at her blankly. It seemed like Ginny had mistaken it as an insulting look when she glared at Draco even more.

The Slytherin's gaze lingered on Harry very quickly, then his lips started to tremble. Then he looked down on the floor and covered his face from their stare and he quickly pushed away from them, disappearing at the next corner.

Ginny snorted and said, "What was his problem? Hmph, well, where were we? Ah, yeah…"

Harry didn't seem to care in the outside, but inside, he felt like his heart was patched up only to tart melting again. That look Draco had… He couldn't help but feel like there was something more there than plain indifference…

-

That night, Draco lay on his bed. Dicky didn't speak to him aster the Ravenclaw girl thing, much less Harry. Sleeping seemed so impossible with a broken heart. This was so new to him.

All he can do now was cry, painfully playing in his mind the 24 hours he and Harry spent together as together. He regretted letting Harry go, though it seemed like the most sensible thing to do. He wouldn't forgive himself if he hurt Harry. So to not do that, he had to hurt Harry now and never again. It'll be the first and last and he'll have to live without him.

'Argh! Merlin, when will this end?!?'

Draco got his handkerchief again and started to bite on it.

'But… what if… What if I'm wrong? What if I can't live without Harry?'

Somewhere in the train of thought and biting, Draco fell into a deep sleep.

-

Thursday

Again, Draco found himself in the Great Hall.

'What the fuck am I doing here anyway?!'

He was viciously attacking his food, which scared the rest of the Slytherin House. Looks like he isn't any better than yesterday. Blaise was about to talk to Draco and ask what was wrong when the flock of owl started entering the Great Hall. Draco paid no attention to them and continued eating.

His peace was broken when a few hundred birds came swooping down on him, dropping a hundred and more letters over him, rendering him stunned. He was in no mood for this. Actually, he was in no mood for anything!

Transfiguring his spoon into a bag, he started grabbing the letter and putting them into the bag.

On the other side of the room, Harry had the same problem.

"Here, use this." Hermione said, handing Harry a transfigured spoon into a bag.

Ron started stuffing the bag as he said, "Let me help."

The two had been extra careful with Harry. The thing that was troubling the boy was still there and he still wasn't ready to talk about it.

Harry thank them both, almost wishing that one of the letters were from a certain blonde Slytherin…

-

***Warning***

This part will be more comical. Thank you. -_-;;

-

Thursday after dinner…

Draco was walking around the hall again. The first thing that entered his mind that morning was what a stupid decision it was to let Harry go and the unbearable Harry and Ginny sight he saw the night before.

'Can you *believe* that, Dicky?! He was with Virginia Weasley! Weasley!'

'Calm down there, Dragon! You don't want to ruin your looks while your fans are tailing right behind you…'

'I don't care!'

'Well, tell that to them! They're the ones taking pictures of your ass!'

Draco growled and sharply turned to the stalking group of guys and girls. They froze on their spot and quickly ran away.

'That's that.'

'Eeeeyep.'

Draco stopped by the stone gargoyle before the Headmaster's office. He ddn't know why he ended up there. Maybe because it was the quietest spot in Hogwarts that time.

'Dicky, you're not helping!'

'Well, you know, maybe instead of planning to push Harry away, why not just give in and pull him back?!'

'That is EXACTLY what I want to happen, but I'm fresh out of ideas!'

'…………Say, have you read through that bag of goodies you got this morning?'

'No. Not yet… HEY! Stop bringing up stuff and help me think here!'

'Hey, you might as well take a little break. Maybe you'll get ideas after some rest!'

Draco thought about it and muttered, "Accio, bag", concentrating on his bag of letters. Soon, the bag was beside him and he reached inside, grabbing  a letter or three. He opened the first and thought, 'Dear Salazar! Some love sick puppies they are! Look at this, Dicky! 'I am madly in love with you, Draco Malfoy, and if you love me back, come with me to the Valentines Ball! Love and kisses, Susan Bones!' This is sickening!'

'Aww, come on! I think it's sweet! Open the next one!'

Draco tore open the envelope and found that this was from the Ravenclaw girl he screwed yesterday.

''My dear Draco, I enjoyed yesterday. Why don't you escort me to the Valentines Ball and maybe we can have some fun after? Say, with a candle and a whip? What do you think?' Hmmm, tempting, but hell! She slobbers like a dog in heat!'

'Ngyahaha! You can say that again!'

'Hmmm, tempting, but hell! She-'

'Oioioi! Next please!'

The next letter came from a Muggle born 5th year.

'A muggle born! I have to see this! 'Draco Malfoy, I'll swim every ocean for you, Everything you ask I'll do, Every sweet song I'll sing, Please take me as your fling!' That was… Pathetic!

'Drackie…'

'That was the most pathetic Valentine I've ever had!'

'Uhm… Drakie…'

'Take her as a fling?! Is she kidding?! She's a mudblood and her poetry sucks!'

'DRACO!!!!!!!'

Draco almost jumped when Dicky shouted his name, almost ear piercingly.

'Dammit, what is it?!'

'*ahem* I have an idea.'

'And what is that idea of yours that made you scream my name like a girl?'

'Oi, watch your innuendo! Anyway, why don't you…'

Dicky told Draco of his "brilliant plan" and when he was done…

'Dicky! That's perfect! How can you be so brilliant?!'

'Well, I do reside in your mind…'

'Yeah! You do! But… how am I going to tell-,'

Before Draco could finish, the stone gargoyle moved and…

…Out came Dumbledore!

The Headmaster looked down at Draco, who was sitting by himself by the gargoyle and was clutching the bag like a pillow.

"Young Mr. Malfoy, is there anything I can do for you?"

The headmaster's eyes twinkled as he grinned.

'That old man is freaky… I bet he knows what I'll be asking from him…'

'I didn't know lemon drops did you good in the brain…'

'…it doesn't…'

Draco stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants. He grabbed his bag and he politely spoke to the Headmaster.

"I would like to ask for your help, sir." Draco said.

The headmaster clapped his hands together and said, "Why don't we go up my office and talk about it? I'm sure this is a… surprise?"

Draco nearly paled. The Headmaster did know everything!

"Of course, sir." He said before the two of them disappeared into the Headmaster's office.

'Just you wait, Harry Potter!'