Disclaimer: I do not own HYD or any of its characters, but if I could I would be one happy lady. (^_^)

****Warning the next few chapters after this will include a whole lot of violence and foul language. Also there will be a few pathetic attempts at throwing in some Cantonese phrases. I was in a very angsty place at the time and quite distracted by writers' bliock when I wrote these. Since I realized some of my chapters are awkwardly cut up I've consolidated them making longer chapters. Whew. only a few more left to go. I knew I could cut this down to less than 30.

Chapter 22: The beginning of an end

I tightly grasped Haru's hand as we were led in procession down the hall to the ballroom. Upon entering Shigeru's massive mansion, a pair of servants scurried over taking our coats. Another held out a tray filled with masks.

"Masks?"

"Tsukushi!" Shigeru screamed running towards me. She grasped my hands. Her eyes widened. "You look absolutely stunning!"

"You look lovely, Tsukushi. You and Shigeru will be the center of everyone's attention tonight." Fujio walked up and placed a hand on Shigeru's shoulder. She glanced up at the young man beside her and tilted her head away blushing.

"Oh you didn't pick out your masks yet?" Shigeru asked rifling through the pile. Her fingers dug through the mess until finally they stopped at one. "This is perfect!" She picked up a white mask splattered in iridescent glitter with long flowing strings on the sides and placed it against my face covering my eyes. "With that dress you look like an angel."

Feeling a little foolish I asked, "Why do we need masks?" I glanced over towards a large mirror and admired Shigeru's taste. I did look like an angel. The mask accentuated the crystal beads embroidered into the bodice that glimmered under the lights giving off a glow to my figure.

She picked up a turquoise mask covered in feathers that matched the color of her gown and pulled it over her eyes. "You didn't know? I thought it would be an added air of mystery to tonight's festivities. That's why I thought of making this into a masquerade ball," she whispered in a low voice. She picked up a plain dark midnight blue mask from the set of male choices and placed it over Fujio's face. "Hmmm.I think this one suits you. Tsukushi, why don't you pick one out for Haru?""

I surveyed the myriad of colors laid out in front of me fingering which one to choose. At first I picked up a hot pink one and held it up to his face. I couldn't help but laugh at the look of horror in his face and that pleading look to not humiliate him. Feeling merciful, I picked up a dark crimson mask and placed it over his eyes. The color suited the red chunky streaks through his jet black hair.

"Good choice," he smiled relieved that I didn't make him wear the pink one.

"How are we supposed to recognize people in these masks?" I inquired adjusting the mask on my face.

"That's the whole point of tonight. Tonight you can be whoever you want to be!" Shigeru mischievously giggled. "I'm sorry, but I have to attend to my other guests. I'll see you later." Shigeru placed her arm around Fujio's and pulled him along to greet some other guests.

"I didn't know Fujio asked Shigeru to be his date?" I whispered to Haru.

"Uuumm. It was kind of the other way around. Fujio was completely caught off guard when she asked him, but you know him. He's so weak when it comes to saying no." he shrugged his shoulders in indifference. "May I escort you into the ballroom, madam?" He bowed down low and put out a hand.

I straightened myself and placed my hand in his. "Of course, kind sir." I smiled playing along with him.

We strolled through the large double doors, and I couldn't help but feel taken aback by the grandeur of the ballroom. The room was filled with beautiful women and handsome men mingling through the crowds. The overwhelming feeling of being out of place took over and I stood firmly planted on the spot. Haru nudged me forward. I gripped onto his arm and walked down the long winding staircase feeling like Cinderella finally arriving at the ball. There were a few stares from the audience below us, but Haru held onto me tightly guiding me on each step.

Slowly the band began to play and a slow melancholy song and Haru spun me out onto the dance floor only to pull me back tightly into his arms. As we swayed to the music, I rested my head on his shoulder savoring every moment with him thinking it might be our last. Even surrounded by hundreds of people I felt like we were the only two people there.

"Excuse me. May I cut in?" a masked figure asked tapping on Haru's shoulder while still dancing with his partner.

I looked up at the couple beside us and smiled. "You look beautiful Hana," I admired her long blood red gown that fell delicately to the ground around her tiny feet. Her long locks were curled and fell carelessly down her bare back.

"Thank you," Hana sweetly replied taking her brother's hand. "Sorry, but I would like to borrow my brother for this dance," she laughed. She took Haru's hand and soon they disappeared through the crowd of dancers.

I took Susumu's hand and we continued drifting to the music. "So how are things going?" I asked teasing my little brother over his big chance to be with his dream girl.

"She's even more amazing than I imagined," he sighed. "At first I thought she didn't even know I existed, but out of nowhere she started talking to me this week. I was hoping to tell her how I felt tonight."

My mind wandered as Susumu continued talking my ear off about how wonderful Hana was. I began to feel guilty knowing that after tonight he would probably never see her again. There would never be another chance for them. After tonight it wouldn't be likely they would ever return to Japan with Haru and Hana's connections here.

I interrupted Susumu in mid sentence. "If you really like her you should tell her now. Just tell her what's in your heart. It's better to say things now than to regret losing the chance to say them."

"Mmhm." Susumu nodded his head in agreement. "I'll just have to wait for the right time tonight."

At that moment Haru and Hana returned and we switched back partners. As I continued dancing with Haru I noticed a sudden change in Haru's demeanor. He was extremely tense and seemed to be always wary of his surroundings. Hana's face also appeared to be very solemn. "Is anything wrong?" I asked.

"It's nothing," he smiled easing up a little.

For the next few hours, we remained lost in our own world dancing. It was only when the band took a brief intermission did I realize how quickly the night had passed. I wandered around the room trying to pick out any familiar eyes through the masks. Haru quickly spotted Jin from across the room and excused himself to talk to him while I looked around for Yuki who oddly enough wasn't with him. Feeling frustrated at all the disguised drunken faces I gave up and decided to get some fresh air out on the terrace. I looked out at the enormous moon above that sent glimmering beams of light out onto the gardens. I tore the mask off my face taking in a deep breath of fresh air after wearing the stuffy mask for so long.

"Tsukushi," a muffled voice called out from behind me.

I turned around and to my surprise I found Yuki standing in front of me with a very distraught look on her face. Her red, swollen eyes were enough for me to know that she was troubled by something. "What happened?" I asked opening my arms up to hug her quivering body.

"I knew I couldn't trust him," she choked out. "I thought I would be fine seeing him with someone else. He promised me that she would mean nothing to him, but it was all lies. I just wanted to talk to him in private and I thought I had the perfect chance for us to secretly meet when I saw him coming out of one of the rooms. He tried to stop me from opening the door, but I insisted we go into the bedroom to be alone. I'm such a fool. She was still inside getting dressed."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to her trying to calm her down.

Suddenly an oblivious Kazuya wandered out onto the terrace. "Tsukushi! I was hoping to see you tonight." He ran towards me, but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks finally noticing Yuk in my arms. "Oh sorry. I didn't meant o interrupt anything." He began to turn around, but bumped into Jin and Haru.

"I was looking all over for you Yuki."

Yuki lifted her head and apologetically smiled at Jin. "I'm sorry to make you worry about me. I just saw something that I shouldn't have. If you don't mind could you just please take me home."

Jin being able to talk his way through any unexpected turn of events quickly made excuses for not being able to leave yet. I wanted more than anything to be able to stay with Yuki tonight, but I knew it wasn't possible. I turned to Kazuya and a brilliant idea shot into my mind.

"Kazuya. Could you do me a favor?"

His eyes lit up in anticipation of what I was going to ask him. Kazuya loved it more than anything else to be the hero in the situation, especially when it was something I asked him to do.

"Can you escort Yuki home. I can't leave yet and I want to make sure she gets home safe. I'm sorry I can't stay with you tonight Yuki, but I have to stay and wait for Susumu" I lied. "Get home and go to bed. Tomorrow will be better I promise. Bye."

"Bye," She weakly replied dulled to my words.

Kazuya ran forward and put an arm around Yuki's shoulder pulling her away from me. Like a frail appear doll she allowed Kazuya to lead her away. It saddened me more than anything that this would be my last memory of Yuki. By tomorrow I would be gone and it would just be another crushing loss to my best friend. How I wished I could really say goodbye to her.

Finally it was just Jin, Haru and I left on that cold lonely terrace.

"It was a good thing Kazuya could take Yuki home," Jin sighed in relief. "I really feel bad that I couldn't."

"It's fine," I answered. "You have more important things to worry about tonight."

"It's almost time. We need to make our exit from the party very soon. You remember the plan right?"

"Mhmm," I nodded.

"I'll go tell Fujio. Jin, you get Hana."

"Okay. Here you'll need this." Jin handed Haru a bottle of champagne.

Haru shook the bottle violently and pointed it towards Jin popping open the cork. I watched in amusement as a thick stream of foamy champagne gushed forth splattering all over Jin.

"Thanks," Jin laughed wiping off the excess foam from his face with a handkerchief. "Hmmm.Time to play the drunken fool now." Jin slowed his steps and staggered back into the party bumping against people. He ripped off the mask covering his face making sure everyone in the room saw him.

I watched in awe as Jin pulled off his superb acting job. He sidled up to Hana who seemed immersed in conversation with Susumu. She feigned worry over Jin who almost collapsed on top of her. She grabbed his arm and from what I could see she made up some excuse to leave for a while to take care of her drunken friend. As they left behind Susumu, Hana helped Jin walk out of the ballroom. Sneakily Jin looked up for a moment towards Haru and I and winked. Mission accomplished.

"He's such a show off," Haru sighed. "I've got to get Fujio. You wait here and I'll come and get you later. It might take awhile to pry him away from Shigeru."

Haru ducked back into the party leaving me to enjoy the quiet solitude of the terrace once again. I pressed my body against the railing enjoying the gentle breeze on my face. The snow had stopped briefly for now leaving the lawns dusted with a fine white powder. I shivered in the cold pondering over heading back inside to look for Haru, but a pair of arms hugged me from behind.

"Couldn't leave me alone, huh?" I joked. However, something didn't exactly feel right. I turned around expecting to see Haru, but to my surprise it wasn't him. I gasped in surprise. "Hanazawa Rui!" I pushed his arms away watching them fall dead to his sides in defeat.

'Rui!" a woman's voice called out from inside the ballroom.

I watched him curiously as he slunk back into the shadows away from any prying eyes. He slid onto the ground and leaned back against the wall n his usual lethargic manner. He let out a deep heavy sigh and rested his face against his knees.

"Shouldn't you go back in? It sounds like Shizuka is looking for you."

I remained completely still facing out towards the eerily calming scenery. We remained at a standstill. I was too stubborn to leave and as for him, who knows what went on in the deep recesses of his abysmal mind.

"Everything looks perfect on the outside doesn't it," he curtly stated. "I've loved Shizuka for as long as I can remember. We have a history together that could speak volumes. Do you know how long I waited for the day she would return my love? Then the day finally came. Now we're engaged. It's the perfect story, huh? Childhood love being fulfilled. What else could make for a more perfect fairytale ending? " He closed his eye and massaged the temples of his forehead. "It's all shit."

I turned around and bent down beside him. "Why are you telling me this?"

He averted his gaze from mine and continued to talk as if I wasn't there anymore. "You probably have no idea how bad things are in this economy. Shizuka and I are getting married to salvage what is left of our families' corporations. We're being pushed into this. I refused at first, but then she asked me to do this for her. She always will love me in some way, and we have a certain comfort with one another. It's all too convenient. I would do anything for her except one thing." He stood up from the ground and placed his mask back over his eyes. As quietly as he entered my life he disappeared once again.

I ran forward grabbing onto his arm needing to know the answer. "What is that one thing?"

"Love her." Before he walked away he pulled out something from the inside pocket of his jacket. And placed it in my hand. "Merry Christmas," he muttered. And like that he disappeared through the crowd of partygoers.

I stared down at the small package in my hand and ripped off thin ribbon. From the small package something fell to the ground. It was a toy. The doll was quite cute with the little boy dressed in tuxedo lowering his head blushing extending a single daisy in one hand. As I reached own to pick it up I must have accidentally pushed the tiny button over the boy's heart. Suddenly I heard Rui's familiar voice coming from the figurine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close

"You don't love me, but my love for you will remain in darkness. I will wait an eternity for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I clutched the doll to my chest silently crying. Of all the things in this world, he could break me so easily. Every time when I least expected it he would do something like that. Alone I knelt on the ground trembling shaken by Hanazawa Rui's words.

"Tsu.ku.shi" a slurred voice interrupted my solitude.

I looked up and found a very drunken Soujiro stumbling forward almost collapsing on top of me.

"What do you want?!" I screamed shrilly at him pushing his heavy body away. I raised my hand slapping him across the face trying to knock some sense into him.

He raised his face to mine. His eyes brimmed with tears. "I fucked up."

"Soujiro!" Akira and Doumyouji yelled running towards us.

Soujiro lurched forward, but I ducked away before he could pin me down. His body began convulsing. He violently began vomiting over the railing. "I'm so sorry Yuki. Nothing happened. I swear to god, nothing fucking happened!"

"Come one man." Akira wiped Soujiro's mouth and pulled him to stand upright. He sighed to himself in exasperation knowing he would have to ditch his date and take care of Soujiro. "Sorry about that Tsukushi. He's been like this all night."

"I'm tired of seeing such a pathetic waste of a human being. Did you know how much Yuki cared about you?! And what do you do? You throw it all away for a one night stand with some strange girl you just met! She'll never take you back! You can be a real bastard!"

Doumyouji pulled me back before I could pounce on him. "It's not what you think."

"Tsukushi. It was all a big misunderstanding. Yuki did see that girl half naked, but the thing is nothing happened. That girl practically threw herself at him, but he rejected her. Yuki just happened to arrive at the wrong time." Akira shook Soujiro out of his stupor.

"You've got to believe me, Tsukushi," Soujiro slurred grabbing onto my arms.

A sense of relief washed over me. "I believe you." I could see the sincerity in Akira's explanation. I heard the seriousness in his tone.

"I'm going to try to sober him up."

Soujiro grabbed onto Akira for support as they stumbled away.

"Falling in love can really change a person," Doumyouji admitted. "I never would have guessed in a million years that Nishikado Soujiro would lose it over a girl."

"Well, love makes you do stupid things."

"Yeah, I guess." He dug into his pocket and slipped out a tiny jewelry box. "Here. I didn't have time to pick you out something, so I chose this since I knew you liked it."

I took the box from him and carefully opened it. "I don't know what to say. I can't accept this."

"Just take it will you!" he gruffly commanded. He picked up the saturn necklace from so long ago and clasped it around my neck. "You are the love of my life, and I lost you by my own stupidity. I want you to keep it. It'll remind you that I will always be there for you." He lurched forward hugging me in his arms and lowered his head kissing me passionately making my entire body go weak. Before I could protest he released me and strutted back into the ballroom heading in the direction of where Akira and Soujiro had left.

My head was spinning in confusion. What was that? My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. I stumbled towards the railing for support trying to catch my breath.

From behind me Haru grabbed onto my arm. "Tsukushi it's time."

I turned to face Haru feeling knowing my heart had betrayed him. I quickly gathered my composure and managed a faint smile. "I'm ready."

Haru put his arm over my shoulder and ripped off his mask. I guided him through the crowd as he stumbled into people as Jin had done earlier making sure everyone in the room saw him enter the bedroom drunk with me. When I turned the doorknob and pushed open the door, I found Hana, Jin and Fujio waiting. Haru let go of me and he went to discuss some matters with the others. I just wandered over to a seat by the window and quietly observed them at work.

Hana yanked out a briefcase from under the bed. She threw it onto the bed with a thump and unlatched the locks. The blood drained form my face.

"Catch!" she yelled as she picked up the handguns like they were toys and tossed them to Haru, Jin and Fujio.

I was petrified as Jin twirled his around in his hand stopping it briefly to point at some invisible object. "It's been a long time since I've held one of these," he laughed. "Just like riding a bike though." He walked over to the open briefcase and picked up a few cartridges tucking them into his jacket. He loaded one of the cartridges into his silver polished gun and firmly tugged back the barrel locking it. He jokingly pointed the barrel towards Haru's head. "When was the last time you had one of these pointed at your head." He yanked the gun back making the sound of bullets being fired.

"Stop playing around you idiot. You always get gun happy every time!" Fujio yelled pushing away his gun away. Fujio locked and loaded his gun and tucked it away. 'I don't even know why we trust you with one."

"Well it's because I've got the best precision behind Haru here."

Hana pulled out a slightly smaller gun and ripped open the side of her gown's slit. She strapped the firearm to her thigh and pulled the dress back over to conceal it.

Haru silently mulled in the corner reassembling his gun after dismantling it to inspect it. His sullen face was enough to reveal the turmoil he was feeling.

After a long period of silence he walked over and grabbed my arm pulling me out onto the balcony closing the door behind him.

"This is the part where we go and you stay behind, but the only change in this story is I won't be coming back for you."

"What?! What are you saying?" My mind went blank. "You're leaving me."

"I can't do this. I'm not the person I used to be." He held the gun up in his trembling hands. "Shit! My nerves are shot. They're gonna come after us."

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"You were never mine."

He knew all along.

"You know I do love you, though."

"I know. You don't mean it, but thanks for saying it anyway. I was never meant to be the one. I always knew your heart was not entirely with me, and I don't regret loving you. We just gave each other the solace we were craving for so long."

My heart was breaking having him tell me the truth that I denied for so long. In a way, I did love Haru, but it would never compare to my feelings for Doumyouji or Rui. I loved Haru in a protective manner wanting to comfort him and take care of him. Perhaps if I had met him first I would have chosen him, but fate dictates the timelines of life and we are meet people at the right time for the right reason. It was my curse to fall in love with three different men each in radically contrary ways.

"Are you ready to let go?" he smiled.

"Mmhmm."

We walked hand in hand back into the bedroom with a dazed Fujio calmly sitting in a chair. Jin busied himself nursing a glass of brandy from the bar. Haru let go of my hand for the last time and took center place in the room.

"Where'd Hana go?"

"Oh, she'll be right back. She went off somewhere."

"It's over."

"WHAT?!" Jin and Fujio yelled at the same time.

"We're dead. Did you even think about what this would mean for the rest of us?" Jin threw the glass with enough force shattering it against the wall barely missing Haru's head. "Stop being so silent Fujio! Say something, dammit!"

The air had become extremely tense. The silent pounding of the ballroom music beat against the walls causing them to reverberate.

Fujio slowly stood up and stared blankly out the window. "I'm out. I didn't want to do this in the first place." His blasé attitude was nothing more or nothing less than expected.

"I don't care what you think. I'm the leader and I'm telling you it's over. Fujio, go get Hana and I'll take care of him. Tsukushi, you should go."

I grimly followed Fujio out of the room. Slowly I closed the door thinking to myself it would be the last time I would see him.

"I wish I were dead sometimes."

"Fujio?"

"Hmm.Sorry, I was just thinking out loud. He's leaving you behind, huh? You don't need to answer. I had a feeling he would do this. He's always been fickle since we were little kids." He bent down and gently kissed me on the cheek. "Perhaps one day our fates will cross again." He dug his hands in his pockets and walked down the hall disappearing around a corner.

I was shaken feeling completely lost. What do I do now? Not wanting to think anymore about such things I dragged my feet down the hall not knowing where to go. The lights went out. I was trapped in complete darkness.

BANG!

My heart stopped. I felt myself running back towards the door stumbling through the hallway. I stopped in horror as I looked down feeling something wet on the ground. Blood seeped out from the door and into the hallway.

"Tsukushi!" Fujio screamed running towards me.

"FUJIO!"

It was too late. One of the shadowy figures from behind him fired. The bullets pierced through the air. Petrified I watched as his blood splattered against the walls. He fell a few feet in front of me. He raised his head in anguish.

"RUN!"

I was paralyzed. A hand grabbed me from behind and forced a cloth over my mouth. I struggled trying to hold my breath, but the need for oxygen was too great a force. As I slipped in and out of moments of consciousness I could hear my attacker's voice, "No one can save you now."

Then the world went black.

***A/N: The poem is taken from Pablo Neruda's Sonnet 17 I think.