As he shut the door to her dormitory behind him he saw the rest of the Marauders outside, waiting for him. Obviously they had heard everything.

"We're sorry, James", Sirius said and put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You really love her?", Peter asked, as if it was a little too hard for him to understand.

James went to an arm chair and sat down. The others clearly saw the red mark on his cheek were Lily's hand had hit him.

"Yes, Peter", he said. "I love her. I can't describe it. Have you ever loved anybody so much that it makes you cry? Have you ever wanted anyone so much that it keeps you up all night, tossing in your bed, dreaming about her? That's what this feels like. You all know her as well as I do, you know how great she is. She's wonderful."

Remus, Sirius and Peter all looked at him, not knowing what to say. They had never seen James this way before, he was never sad or worried, only happy, fun and rule-breaking. It made them feel a little uneasy, yet they wanted nothing more than to help him, so that he could be his own self again.

"Is there anything we can do?", Sirius asked carefully. James shook his head and rose.

"I don't think so, guys. I'll just go off to bed now, if you don't mind. I don't feel like being alive right now."

"Okay", the murmured and watched him enter the dormitory.

He removed his clothes and lay down in his four-poster bed. Immediately, as if it was a part of his second nature, he took out a paper and a quill and started to write a new poem for Lily. It took him a few minutes before he realised that she wouldn't read it, and he made it disappear in a tiny cloud of blue smoke with his wand.

He closed his eyes and saw her face. Her eyes were glittering, not with joy as they used to, but with tears. He wanted to comfort her, take her in his arms again, kiss away her tears and make her feel better.

"I am so sorry, Lily", he said. "Please, forgive me."

He didn't hear when the others came to bed. They said "Good night" to him, but got no answer, and then they assumed he was sleeping.

But James wouldn't sleep that night.

"Remember, class, don't make any hasty moves around a unicorn. It is a very shy animal and prefers the gentle touch of a woman, so be careful."

Usually Care of Magical Creatures was one of James' favourite subjects, and the five unicorns in front of him and the rest of the Gryffindor students were truly a sight to behold. He watched Lily approach one with her hands outstretched. The unicorn sniffed her palms a little before it let her pet it.

She hadn't even looked a James for five days, and this was the last class for the day. She had treated him like air, and he didn't dare to talk to her. She had ignored the rest of the Marauders too, assuming them to have been a part of James' plan. They all missed her greatly, and James knew he would have given anything to make her turn to him and give him one of her pretty smiles.

"Thank you, class", the professor said afterwards. "That would be all for today, remember your homework."

The unicorns were led into the Forbidden Forest again and Lily walked back to the castle slowly. The Marauders were right behind her. Suddenly she stumbled upon root of a big tree and dropped her books. She bent down and James, who saw his chance, ran up to her and helped her. She didn't see who it was, and said:

"Thank you."

When she looked up and saw James' face he once again looked into her eyes. They weren't empty anymore, they contained another feeling. Sadness.... Deep sadness.

Without a word she rose and walked away from him and the others.

"I can't stand this anymore", Remus said. "We have to get her back."

"I don't think she wants that, Moony", Peter said. "She really seems to hate us."

"And how I wish she didn't", James said.

They ate dinner in the Great Hall, sitting in their usual places, but Lily wasn't there. She was nowhere in the Hall.

"She wasn't hungry", Sirius said. "And who could blame her?"

In her dormitory, Lily was sitting on her bed with every love letter from James in her hands. The roses were also there. She wanted to get rid of those, their scent reminded her of Chris, James and their lies. She had tried to burn the roses, but James had put a special enchantment on them, they would never die. They would always be fresh, luminous and deep red, just as she thought Chris' love for her would be. She had thought about burning the letters too. She had thrown one into the fire in the common room, but she had changed her mind at once and dragged it out of the flames, burning her hand slightly.

Why couldn't she burn the letters? Why?

She thought about James. He had hurt her, lied to her, gone behind her back, impersonated her boyfriend... and she missed him so much. That was the strange truth; she missed him. His smile that said "I'm up to no good", his eyes, his untidy black hair, the sound of his voice. She missed everyone of the Marauders and wanted nothing more than to be with them right now. The way James had looked at her when he picked up her books had told her that he missed her too. She had wanted to walk with him, to make everything like it was before. But she couldn't.

"I love you, Lily", James had said. The words were ringing in her ears, she couldn't forget them, nor the feeling of his arms around her. Chris' arms had been rough, the either held her too tight or too loose and moved around all the time, as if they were trying to decide where to stop. But James... His arms were strong, yet so gentle. They had made her feel safe, like he was a rock she could hold on to when the wind blew hard on her.

"Snap out of it, Evans", she told herself. "He's a jerk, don't think about him."

But the letters.... He had meant every word of it. She knew he couldn't lie about that. It was James that had made her feel so... happy. Happier than she'd ever been in her entire life. And, finally, she had to confess it to herself: she wanted more of it.

She wanted James. She loved James.