Ties Together

Session 6~Bruises

Lucky Star

Spike didn't know how much he had to drink. After turning the slime ball in Spike retreated to the same bar and drank what was left. He left enough money to pay for a tenth of what he had drank and he really didn't care. It hurt to think about what he had just learned. His brain refused to process the knowledge he had just acquired. He sat now on the yellow couch with another can of beer. He didn't turn on the lights, wanting to be left alone in his darkness. He had found a note on the table from Jet saying that Ed and he had gone to get a bounty. He didn't know where the woman was. He really didn't care. He enjoyed the emptiness of the silence. He could just sit and get drunk and try to not think.

He heard feet walk across the cold steel floor. Just by listening to them Spike could tell they were Faye's. They barely made a sound; she was graceful and sly. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She stepped into the room flipping on the light. Spike pulled back dropping the empty can of beer to cover his eyes. He had forgotten what light felt like. He kept his gaze down, not wanting to look at any part of her.

"When did you get back Spike? Jet and I have almost decided to go look for your ass," she smiled hoping for him to come up with some cocky reply so they could battle it out. She remembered his words; 'I miss the old Faye' and she did too. She missed her confidence, her passion for life. She would try to be that Faye, the one everyone missed. She refused to live in fear, Spike had said he would protect her. She looked at him. He just sat there, his face remaining expressionless. She took a step closer, "How drunk are you?"

She leaned in, asking again, "Hello? Anyone home?" she knocked on his head her fingers tangling in his hair.

"Why didn't you tell me," he whispered to her ignoring her question.

He waited a moment before asking again, this time louder.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

She still looked confused and so he asked again, this time losing control.

"Why didn't YOU tell ME!" He slammed his fist on the little coffee table causing the room to shake.

She took a step away from him; she had never seen him this angry.

"Spike I don't know what the hell your talking about."

"You never told me that you owed money to the Red Dragons! What you didn't feel like that was an important detail? Oh and you forgot to mention you were Vicious's slut too!" He stood up, using his height as an advantage against her. He was only six inches taller but he towered over her, trying to intimidate her.

She moved back, she didn't understand what happened.

"You probably weren't only his slut but the whole syndicate's slut. Hell, I probably slept with you a couple of times too," his words slurred a little and he saw her face crack, turning from concerned to hurt. He turned away, wiping away the tears that the memories of Julia brought. He looked back at her; his gaze was accusing her.

Maybe if he wasn't so drunk he would have known to stop instead of keep going. Maybe if he wasn't so drunk he would have blocked Faye's hand as she slapped him.

"That is none of your business Spike. My life is my life," she fought tears knowing she couldn't let him win like this. He was drunk right now; he didn't know what he was doing. She turned to walk to her room but Spike grabbed her arm and squeezed hard. He turned her around and held both her arms tightly. There were five little fingers on his face.

"I don't even believe it, I can't. It doesn't make any sense. Why would Vicious want someone like you when he had Julia? He would never choose a slut like you over her." It wasn't like he was asking her, more like he was reassuring himself. She ignored him, knowing that becoming involved would only cause more hurt.

She struggled trying to escape his tight grip. She didn't allow herself to cry, not now.

"Let me go Spike. You're hurting me," she pulled back but his grip only became stronger cutting off circulation. He pulled her in closer, his mouth only a few inches away from hers. Her love for alcohol disappeared, as she smelled Vodka and hard liquor on his breath.

"Vicious loved Julia, he wouldn't cheat on her with some trash like you. Even if you wanted it."

She found it hard to breathe; she had never imagined this. What had she done to deserve this? She couldn't handle it, not in a rational way at least. She looked him in the eyes banishing the tears which threatened to overflow. Her fears quickly vanished as she stood on her tiptoes to intimidate Spike.

"You want to know the truth Spike? Julia knew about Vicious and me and she was jealous so she found someone else too. She used the guy to make Vicious jealous but it never worked, she even had the guy convinced that they were in love." She moved right up to his mouth and whispered the last few word into his ear.

He shoved her back and she fell hitting the corner of the doorframe hard. She closed her eyes, everything hurt again. All the pain returning as she slid to the floor.

"Julia would never do that. She loved me, she would never lie to me like that. Never."

She looked up trying to find her fleeting confidence, "It's true Spike. I don't care if you believe me or not. But it is. She never loved you. You were just a way to get back at Vicious. Julia was the real slut Spike."
He clasped her by the shoulders and pulled her up and looked her right in the eye, "Julia wasn't a slut like you. Anything I began to feel for you Faye is dead. You are dead to me. I don't care what you say or what you do, I just want you gone, even dead," his voice was dead just like her to him.

He pushed her away and went to his room. She waited for the door to slam before she let out a sob. Everything hurt. Everything. She made her way to her room and closed the door. She sat on the floor in front of her bed and pulled her knees close.

She hated the bruises that covered her body, she hated the way she felt. She hated the fact that she still loved him. She hated that she still wanted him with her, she still wanted to be in his arms. But most of all she hated herself.

~

I can't stop thinking about cutting myself up
Visual bruises can be covered with make-up
But down to the core I'm all bruises
My little whore gives this excuses

~How can this be rationalized?
Your brain has programmed all of those lies
What do you tell yourself about our situation?
How can you look at yourself without having some sort of revelation?

~How do you live with yourself?
How could you possibly hurt someone like myself?
The saddest part though, is I would take you back

~You've turned me into some spineless hypochondriac
Now I tend to every last emotion
I'm just so caught up in this

~I cannot grasp its hazed proportions
Alright now I'll be fair
I'll just pull you by your hair
I'll just kick you from time to time

~And then I'll love you in the meantime
It will be just like before

~I'll be your girl,
you'll be my whore

~I'm not an angry child
I don't run hot nor mild

But for some reason when it comes to you
I smile at the thought of hitting you

~I smile at the thought of watching you die

I strive off the image of making you cry
I feed off the feeling of having you need
I lick the illusion of watching you bleed

~

The door opened a bit leaking in light. It hurt Faye who still sat on the floor in the same position.

He stood at the door for a moment. Half of him told him to leave the other half to stay. When the effects of the alcohol had begun to fade he realized the mistake he had made. He didn't remember his words but he remembered the bruises. He had prayed that he would never turn into a monster like that. He knew he hurt her, all those promises he had made were now broken. He wasn't the man he had believed himself to be. He looked at her, she sat there on the floor just like before. Except now the bruises were from him. He couldn't of words and he didn't want to move closer, he didn't want to see the bruises he had left.

"What is it about her Spike? What don't I see?" she spoke first, breaking the silence.

He shut the door, now only the moon watched them.

"I was always to jealous of her, how smooth her skin was. Not a single mark. I never understood why. She was the one who wasn't faithful, I was always there but I was always the one with the bruises. Always." Her head still resting on her knees and the tears glistening in the dim light.

"Faye, I didn't mean it. All of it, I don't know what happened. I've never done anything like that before. I promise I won't ever do it again. Never."

"She had his heart. You're right. He did love her. No matter how much I loved him, he was always hers. I tried so many times to get him to leave her. But he loved her. I was just some fling on the side. Some one who really didn't matter. I was just there. He would always love her. Just like you. You have the same look he does when her name is brought up. I could give you the universe Spike, and your eyes would still cry for her. His did too. I could see it. When he was with me, I wasn't me, I was some cheap excuse for her. Is that what I was to you Spike? When you held me, did you see her too?"

"Faye," before he could continue she interrupted him.

"Did you even try Spike? Or was I just some canvas, a portrait of Julia you were waiting to paint?" She brought herself to her feet and looked into his eyes, looking for the portrait of Julia he held on to.

"It was never like that Faye. It was you I kissed, not Julia."

She turned away. She didn't see Julia in his eyes, she saw herself. She slowly walked to him. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "I wish I could believe you Spike but I could give you the universe and your eyes would still cry for her. I can't give you the universe Spike, all I could give was my heart. But it's too bruised to be handled so just go cuz your dead to me too." She pushed him back, away from her. She had forced the words as the bile raised in her stomach. She hated this feeling. The feeling of her heart breaking.

"Faye, you don't mean it."

She looked up letting go. She didn't care anymore. "You're right Spike. Doesn't matter how much you hate me, I still love you." She turned around to lie in her bed and forget this day but his voice stopped her.

"It's been you that I've been dreaming about. Only you." He pulled her back, unsure of what was happening and kissed her. It was gentle, an apology kiss. She pulled away, breaking the kiss. She stood in his embrace for a moment and searched his eyes afraid she would see blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She didn't all she saw was a tired woman with purple hair and green eyes. She leaned in again and slowly the kisses grew passionate. Slowly the floor was strewn with the clothing that got in the way. Both had been dying for the touch of another human. Both needed a sign that they were still alive, and in each other's arms they found it.

~

He didn't know about Faye. This weird thing they had. Sometimes he hated her, and times like these he almost loved her. There was a part of him that was disgusted with her. Maybe not her, but the sequence of events that led her to him. It was like he was stuck in some cheap suspense action film where the leading lady kept being recast. Now it was Faye. Maybe it wasn't her that he was disgusted with but rather himself for being attracted to Faye, for wanting her, needing her. He did hate himself for finding another women, Julia was supposed to be his last.

He didn't know if he loved her. The words had slipped off her tongue so easily it scared him. Julia loved him like that, without a second thought. No matter how much they denied their passion, it grew. Just like with Faye.

She was a canvas, at times he did paint Julia, dreamed of her touch. But overall it was Faye. He didn't know how he had learned to paint her but she was beautiful. He didn't say anything, though, he didn't know what she wanted to hear. They both simply found comfort in each other's arms. Faye understood that words only complicated things. They simply took pleasure from each other's company.

She was sleeping now. He could see the formation of bruises he had left. Even they added to her beauty. In all their bickering and arguing he had never been able to see her beauty. She could be as beautiful as Julia sometimes. But only if Faye tried. Julia never needed to try. She looked beautiful all the time. It seemed impossible but it was true. Even in the morning, without makeup, wearing one of his yellow shirts she was beautiful. That was when she looked the most beautiful. He wondered how Faye looked in the morning. He wondered whether he should stay. He wondered if the feeling he felt had names or were just experienced. He wondered whether it was love or like. He wondered how he should act when they leave the confines of the bedroom. His mind spun with questions.

He looked down at her, she slept so peacefully. He closed his eyes taking in her beauty. She looked sluty in the yellow tank and hot pants but now, in his arms covered by only a thin blanket, she radiated beauty. He didn't know what else to call it but beauty. Her purple hair framed her face and her lips parted in a small smile. He almost forgot of her past. Of their tie together.

It still hurt to think that she belonged to Vicious once. But that was over now, she didn't love him anymore. She wasn't sure if she ever loved him. She knew she didn't love him anymore. In the beginning he was just someone who looked out for her, in a sense, though he didn't keep her very safe from himself. He knew Vicious could be cruel but he never imagined him to be one to hit women. He stopped and traced the bruise that formed on Faye's back. He had given that bruise and Vicious the cut. Each one leaving a mark for her to remember. Vicious's was permanent. His would fade over time.

He memorized her body, every scratch and bruise. He wondered if they had been given by him. There was a small scar above her left breast and an accompanying scar above her left shoulder. She said she was shot, she got caught up in one of Vicious's games. The bullet hit her heart, almost piercing her lung, and went out the other end. She said there was a small hole in heart. "The part of my heart that belonged to Vicious is the part that's missing now." Her words were simple. A fairytale anyone could believe. She said the hole didn't affect her normally, just that her heart rate was less controlled than others. Sometimes she had to be careful, not to expose herself to low temperatures or other dangerous situations. She said she didn't care. If she was supposed to die she would. That night when Vicious sent men after her she wasn't supposed to die. She was supposed to live so she could meet him.

He knew Vicious had sent men after her. When she left him he had sent men to kill her. They thought she had died. They had left her there to bleed to death in the alley but someone saved her. The doctors told her the scar and the hole could be fixed but without a penny to her name she was out of luck. He hated doctors.

She said she tried to stay in the slums and out of trouble but it just followed her. Her debts were the main reason she couldn't disappear. And then him. She didn't want to admit it but he knew Vicious had come after her because he thought it was Julia all over again. Faye was a low class replacement for Julia. For him and Vicious.

He didn't know what to do in that moment as disgust filled him. He knew he couldn't just leave. So he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

~Song credit to: Majandra Delfino, "Bruises" (I know it's a little dark but it works…)
~Song credit to: Michelle Branch, "I'll Always be Right There" (Part 5)

Thanks to Cowgirl113 for reviewing before I edited, I just had to fix and add somethings. Thanks again to all my readers (u guys are my heroes!)

Please be kind and rewind no I mean review!