Ties Together
Session 7~Cold Cold Heart
Lucky Star
She awoke concealed in a blanket of warmth. She had never felt so good. She moved a little and each muscle in her body ached. She glanced up and realized the pain was worth it. Spike was with her, her not some excuse for Julia. At least that was what he told her the night before. She closed her eyes again.
She prayed that Spike didn't just sleep with her because he was so drunk. She didn't want just sex. She pulled closer to Spike; she knew that couldn't have just been sex. She could tell stuff like that, she knew when there were feelings involved and when it was just sex. That wasn't just sex. She prayed it wasn't just sex. She had enough relationships with just sex, she needed something real now. She needed something that she could hold on to when she came close to hitting rock bottom, something to bring her back up after the crash.
It felt good to be in Spike's arms but she didn't want to wake up with Spike telling her that what happened was a mistake. She released herself from Spike's arms looking for her bath robe. Damn, she meant to wash it, she looked around and found a towel and wrapped herself in that. She needed a shower to clear her mind. She would even get some hot water.
She opened the door and entered the doorway. The usually chilling steel floor felt good beneath her burning toes. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes; she knew the ship well enough to make it to the bathroom without killing herself. She didn't expect what happened next.
"Faye-Faye! Ed-person has been looking for you for a very very very long time! Ed-person misses painting Faye-Faye's nails! Can Ed-person paint Faye-Faye's nails?" The little girl paused and looked around and then asked another question, "Where has Faye-Faye been? Jet-person has been looking every where for you and Spike-person. Does Faye-Faye know where Spike-person is?" Her head began to hurt after hearing all those question. She sighed, trying to figure out when Jet and Ed had come back? She didn't need this right now.
"Faye-Faye has been here the whole time and she doesn't know where Spike-person is." She answered the two questions she remembered and began to try to pry the hacker off her leg as she continued to the bathroom. As she approached the kitchen she could smell bell peppers and beef. Her stomach growled as she remembered not eating anything the day before. She was planning on getting something but she found Spike instead. Her back began to hurt again.
"I'm glad you're awake Faye. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes," Jet said as he peaked out of the kitchen, "have you seen Spike anywhere? He's not in his room or the couch. Plus his ship is still her…" Jet didn't need to finish his sentence; he had pieced together Spike's location by simply watching Faye's face turn ten shades of red. "Never mind," he quickly said.
She quickened her pace. The last thing she wanted was to go through last night's affairs with Jet.
~
He groaned as he turned over. He had gone to sleep in an awkward position last night. He felt pretty comfortable now though. He didn't remember his mattress being so soft. He didn't remember his room smelling so good either. He lifted his poofy head and looked at his surroundings. This wasn't his room, it was Faye's.
He sat up, unsure of what to do. He could hear the shower, damn her. She got up first, now he was left with trying to figure out what to do.
'Ok Spike, this isn't brain surgery. It's simple. Get out of Faye's room and into yours. Put on some clothes and go about your day.' He stood up and looked around. His clothes mixed in with Faye's on the floor.
He put on his shirt and pants and stepped into the hallway. 'So far so good.' He continued down the hall and reached for his door knob but something attached itself to Spike's leg first. He screamed. The thing from the fridge had returned and this time it was after him! He quickly glanced down and saw a blob of orange hair. He leaned against the door, and took a deep breath. It wasn't the dinner from hell, it was Ed. When did Ed and Jet get back!?
"Why was Spike-person in Faye-Faye's room? What was Spike-person doing?"
He sighed; he was not in the mood to explain the birds and the bees to Ed, especially since he wasn't sure if Ed was a bird or a bee.
"Spike-person had to get something." He hated calling himself Spike-person but it was the only way to get rid of Ed.
"Ok, Ed will go tell Jet-person. Jet-person has been looking for Spike for a long long long long long time."
Spike froze; he couldn't have Jet know what happened between him and Faye. Not until he figured out exactly what had happened between the two of them.
"Wait Ed. Does Ed want some candy?" He smiled as the little girl nodded her head crazily, "Good. Spike-person will give Ed lots of candy she doesn't tell Jet where Spike was. Ed smiled and bounced down the hallway. He ran his hand through his hair, another disaster avoided.
He opened the door to his room and sat on the bed. He didn't know what to do now.
~
"Mmmm…Jet what's cooking. Please say
anything but bell peppers and beef," Spike walked into the kitchen and stood
next to Jet. He glanced up at his face
and didn't see a happy expression.
"Spike, I have something to say and I'm only going to say it once. I don't know what is going on in this ship but I sure as hell know Faye isn't ready to go out anywhere and that means that the bruises on her back were from you. It's none of my business what is going on between you and Faye but if I see anymore bruises Spike, you're going to have to find a new place to sleep." His voice had remained calm throughout his speech and now he turned to put the pan of bell peppers and beef onto the table acting like what he had just said was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Jet, you're serious, are you?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Jet thought Spike was with Faye. Even worse than that he thought Spike was some kind of woman abuser. This whole thing was totally thrown out of proportion. None of this was supposed to happen.
"Spike that is something I'm not going to tolerate on my ship."
"Don't worry; nothing is going on between me and her."
"It's none of my business."
Spike walked out of the room. He had
just lost his appetite. He went to his
room and sat down again. Yet again he
didn't know what to do.
~
He released a breath of air and swiftly kicked into air. 'Like water,' he told himself but he couldn't concentrate.
He had fallen asleep after "breakfast" and got up feeling even worse than before. He needed to clear his mind and training did that. But not this time, this time it only got worse. Each moment his thoughts kept returning to his dream, his nightmare. He kicked into the air and stopped holding his head in his hands. He kept seeing flashes of it, of Julia, even Faye. He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor allowing the images of the nightmare to unite into a hallucination…
~
"Spike, I've missed you," she leaned in and kissed his neck as she pushed him into the wall. He felt like he was in heaven. Having her in his arms was his heaven. He moaned as she pushed him further into the wall. Heaven.
They stood in the dark hallway of some unknown meeting place. He didn't know how they had found each other or even how he had arrived there. All he knew was if he died he would die happy in her arms. He looked at her; even in the dimly lit scene she looked angelic. It was like a glow emitted from her. She was an angel, his angel.
"I've missed you too. I dreamed of you every night. I dreamed of your lips, of your embrace, of your body, of your eyes. All I dream of is you. Why didn't you come back?" She smiled her devilish grin.
"I did come back, I'm here aren't I?" Now he smiled and pulled her closer wishing to fuse their bodies together. He leaned in and kissed her luscious lips. He had missed her so much it was beyond human comprehension.
"I love you so much Julia. More than the moon loves the sun. I'd do anything for you Julia. Anything." She laughed a little almost as though she was taunting him. "Just tell me your love me too Julia. That's all I need."
She leaned into his neck and whispered into his ear, "Come with me Spike." Her breath sent shivers down his spine but it still felt good. He took her hand and let her lead. He would follow her into hell if she asked.
They walked into a large hall. It was the church he had fought Vicious in. The church in which he had died. It was ironic to think that he had once dreamed of marrying Julia in this church. This church didn't hold their future but rather their demise.
"Julia, just tell me that you love me," he pulled her arm and turned her so she was facing him. He leaned in again to lay a kiss on her lips but she pulled away, all the time smiling.
She dropped his hand and walked down the aisle to a man at the other end. Even at this distance he could see the gray hair and colorless eyes laughing at him. Julia stood next to him, her arm snaked around his. This wasn't right; this wasn't how it was supposed to end. He pulled out his gun and aimed, unsure of who his victim was. He fired. They stood their together for a moment, at the altar, but slowly Julia fell to the floor.
He felt the hot tears run down his cheeks as he ran to the front of the church. He didn't mean to shoot her, he loved her. He bent down and went to hold the women on the floor in his arms.
He pulled away for a moment. It wasn't Julia. It was Faye. The other man extended his arm and helped her up and then the two walked out together, hand in hand. Spike stood alone in the large cathedral staring at the disappearing image of Faye and Vicious.
~
He leaned his head back till it made contact with the wall. What did the dream mean? He hated this feeling of not knowing what to do. He didn't know where to go from where he was. He felt something for Faye but the dream made it feel all wrong. Did it mean Faye belonged with Vicious? Did it mean that Julia was dead and it was time to move on? He closed his eyes and remembered the gun in his hands and how easily he had pulled the trigger. Did it mean that Julia belonged with Vicious? That Faye and Julia belonged to him? No, Julia belonged to him. He knew that. All this came from what Faye had said; all the doubt that built within him was because of her. The one thing he knew was Julia and no one could change that.
He stood up and looked around the room. The only question he really had to decide was whether Faye was his or someone else's. He remembered their innocent kisses. She didn't feel like someone else's, she felt like his. But then why did she go with Vicious in his dream? He punched the wall and instantly remembered how much metal hurt the hands. This was getting too complicated. It wasn't like with Julia, it was easy with Julia.
Spike began to swing his fists and kick his legs as swiftly as water. He had finally found an answer to his question.
~
She walked into her room after dinner. She had walked around the ship a little trying to find Spike but he was no where, his ship was still in the docks too. She sighed and flipped on the lights. There Spike sat on her bed his shoulders slumped and his head down. She knew something was wrong.
"Spike, are you alright?" She said after noticing his fist was covered in bruises.
"Faye," she could feel his voice quiver. Whatever Spike would say she knew would hurt like a knife.
"What happened was a mistake. I can't do it. You belong with him, he had you first."
He got up trying to make a swift exit without having to argue with Faye but he wasn't fast enough.
"Belong with him?" She repeated his words first trying to comprehend and then trying to choke them down, "Belong with who, Spike? Huh? Vicious? You can't be serious. I told you I don't love him." Spike had stopped and now stood in the middle of the room. She waited for a response and finally got one.
"Faye. I don't know. It just doesn't feel right. You shouldn't be with me," his eyes were still cast down and his hands in his pockets.
She moved closer to him so she could look in his eyes. "For god's sake Spike, he raped me. How could I love a monster like that? Don't you think I deserve better?" She stopped for a moment and tried to take a breath of air. She felt like she couldn't breathe because all of a sudden it made sense. She looked at him and remembered the picture by his bed. Julia.
"Dammit Spike. Don't give some shitty excuse for not wanting to be with me because of Vicious. You're still stuck on Julia. I should have known. You probably thought that you could get past it. Thought you could live with the fact that I'm not as perfect as Julia but you couldn't. I wasn't good enough to be her. I told you Spike. I'm not Julia. I never will be and you said that was all right. Why didn't I see it before? You avoided me all day, it makes sense. You thought I could be some excuse for Julia but I wasn't enough. And now every time you look at me I make you feel sick. Is that it Spike?" She pushed him back and then stepped away from him not wanting to be anywhere near him. She felt so wronged, so hurt she couldn't explain.
"Faye, it's not like that. I swear."
"Just go Spike, just leave me alone. I don't need this right now."
He walked out of the room without looking back. He knew he might not have been able to leave if he saw Faye crying. He knew he wouldn't be able to stand making her hurt even more.
~
~I've tried so hard my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme
~A memory from your lonesome past
Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart
~Another love before my time
Made your heart sad an' blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do
~In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart
~There was a time when I believed
That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled
To a memory
~The more I learn to care for you
The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart
~
He sat in his room and a few hours later he heard Faye's ship leave the Bebop. It was the first time she left the ship and it probably was to go get drunk or something. He punched the wall and didn't care how much it hurt; he just wanted to stop the feeling that what had just happened was all wrong. That Faye really did belong with him. That he might love her.
*yay, an update! I hope you guys like! Sorry for the really long wait, it's getting harder and harder to get ideas plus find time to type up the story! I hope I can update soon. Thanks for reviewing!
~song credit: Norah Jones
Please be kind and rewind, no I mean review!
