Chapter 5-

"So where are we now, Remus?" Sirius asked Remus as he tightened the gag around Gilderoy's mouth.

"I told you, I lost the map." Remus said, a bit irked. "You'd think we were still in the Field of Forgetfulness."

"I'm so sick of all these stupid names." Sirius said, ignoring the purplish tone Gilderoy's face was turning. "Why can't there be a 'Boulder of Booze' or a 'Pillar of Prostitution'?"

Remus decided to ignore that.

"You still have the ring, don't you?" Sirius asked, knowing the response he would get. As was his wont, Remus's heart leapt up to his throat. He checked his pockets, finally finding the small black box. This was Sirius's favorite form of entertainment.

"So, when are you actually gonna pop the question?" Sirius asked, using a cliché that I hate, but Sirius is a jerk and doesn't do anything I tell him to.

"When the time is right." Remus said, not taking his eyes off the ring, as if afraid that it would disappear at any moment.

"Well, you better do it soon." Sirius said, once again ignoring the unnatural shade Gilderoy was turning. "If you want my opinion- Gilderoy, hold still- Annie spends way too much time with Snape."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"He's a greasy old git." Sirius said. "And he hates us. And he seems to enjoy Annie's company. Gilderoy, hold still!" He slapped Gilderoy in the face.

"I don't think that's a natural color, Sirius." Remus said, noting the blue shade of Gilderoy's head and the unnatural bulging of his eyes.

"Oh," Sirius said, sarcastically, "So now we're a doctor, are we?"

~*~

Severus was still recovering from Andromeda's question about the Child-Catcher guy from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Severus asked, confused for maybe the third time in his life.

"I was just wondering." Andromeda said, shrugging. "There's a striking resemblance, you have to admit-..."

"I need you to be serious for just a second." Severus said, a bit annoyed.

"I was serious." Andromeda said, "But, ok. What's so important?"

"Do you remember way back when we were classmates?" Severus asked, kind of tiptoeing around the subject.

Andromeda nodded.

"Remember that one time," Severus continued, "When we-..."

Suddenly, there was an enormous blast.

"BBBBLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMKKKKKKK!"

Andromeda and Severus jumped up from their seats, and Sirius came running up to them, laughing hysterically.

"Gilderoy- hahaha- Gilderoy's head- heehee- it- hahahaha-..." Sirius laughed.

"Out with it already!" Severus growled.

"Gilderoy's head- hahahaha- exploded!" Sirius said, slapping his knee.

"It did not." Andromeda said, unconvinced.

"No, I'm serious!" Sirius said, trying to control himself. "I tied the gag too tight, and it exploded!"

Remus came running over.

"What is he telling you?" Remus asked.

"That Gilderoy's head exploded." Andromeda replied.

"Oh." Remus said. "Well, it did."

~*~

"How did you pull that one off?" Andromeda asked, crossing her arms, as she stared looking at the headless Gilderoy that was stumbling around, looking for his head.

"Sirius tied the gag too tight." Remus explained.

"It's not like it was a big loss." Sirius said, defensively. "It's not like there was anything in there."

"How long should it take to get it to grow back?" Andromeda asked Severus, who looked like it was he was in Candy Land.

"You mean we have to fix it?" Severus whined. Andromeda nodded gravely.

"Fine." Severus said, pulling out his wand and rolling up his sleeves. "Headulus Backus!"

And with a wave of his wand, and a flash of smoke, Gilderoy's head popped back on the body.

"I like cheese!" Gilderoy exclaimed.

"Wonderful." Severus said, skulking off.

"Where did Ramar go?" Andromeda asked, glancing around.

~*~

Ramar was strolling down the beach aimlessly, searching for a way off it. Ooh, look, there's a pointy stick. No, that's just a normal stick. Boring. Sand, sand, more sand, dead body, sand, sand, sand. Wait a second. Sand?

Ramar strolled back to the dead body looking shape. It indeed was a person, slumped up against the rocks. Ramar put her finger to the body's neck. No pulse. She flipped the body over. He looked vaguely familiar. He had a pasty, white face, and dark black hair. The only color to his face was a graying goatee.

"Oh, shit." Ramar whisper, suddenly realizing who it was. "It can't be..."

She hurriedly rolled up the man's sleeve, hoping not to find what she thought was there. But her fears were soon confirmed when she saw, on the pale and dead skin of the arm, a black and clear Dark Mark.

"What kind of mock mission is this?"

~*~

Dumbledore sat in his office, his chin resting in his arched fingers. Suddenly, the door burst open, and Minerva McGonagall burst in, a worried look on her face.

"Albus," she said urgently, "We have a problem."

~*~

So there you have it. I quickly finished it in fear that people might come back to sit outside my door with that horrid spoon. Anyway, for those who have brought it up, I have no idea why the legend 'knee-high grass' is so amusing. There was no hidden meaning, you're just mad. Knee-high grass, knee-high grass, knee-high grass!!! Anyway, as Gilderoy's head thickens, so does the plot.