Disclaimer: ………Trust me, I don't own it.

Archangel_666: Don't think that I like killing off the characters!  Because you can rest assured that I really don't.  (Sometimes I cry when I kill off a character…you should actually see me when I write this story!  It's almost pathetic!) Anyways.  This is the last death chapter for a very long time!  Promise!  Oh, and about the thong…I don't have an explanation.  Ravyn Crescent does, if you haven't already read her story.  The best I can give you is that because of all Garland's abusing, he knocked a little something loose up there and thus…screwed Kuja up for life!  ^_^  Oh, and I'm sorry, I can't bring Vivi back to life in a freakish way.   I just finished writing the entire story, and to do that I would have to change things around.  Not fun.

Kingpin: I agree with how boring Tolkein's books can be.  But, you have to admit…the movies are drop dead awesome!!

Dragon knight Fratly: Yeah, that would be an easy one to explain to Square.  "Um, could you possibly give me full ownership of Squall?  Pretty please?"  Hehehe, I don't think it would work.  But it would be neat!  ^_^

A/N: Our homepage is up and running!  The link on our profile now works!  So go and check it out!  (We're uploading pictures and everything!) Be sure to sign our guestbook!

Last Resorts

This isn't fair.  I shouldn't have waited so long.  It's not like I wasn't thinking.  That's all I've done for the last twenty-five years.

As the people and world around me change, I remain.  Little boys I used to see running through the streets, are now courting women.  Everything changes.  Lives slip through my fingers just like sand.

I have always been prepared to die before my child.  That's the way of things.  Parents shouldn't have to watch their children die!  Yet, it's happened.  Amy is dead.  Zak is dead.  My grandchildren, Emma and Alex have married and have their own families.

Almost eighty years ago, I was worried about how many deaths I would have to witness.  How many friends I would have to see buried.  Now, I have seen more than I had ever imagined.

There is nothing left on Gaia for me.  No happiness, nothing.

            My own grandchildren avoid me.  Along with everyone else, they consider me a 'freak'.  People act in strange ways, they feel threatened by anything different from themselves.  Meaning, somehow, they feel threatened by me.

After Dagger's death, I was forced to either relinquish the crown, or to let rebels take the castle.  What was I supposed to say?  I gave up my place on the throne, passing the crown on to Amy and Zak.  I was forced out the castle, exiled by my own people.  Amy fought for me, but she didn't win, so I backed out of the race gracefully.

For a long time, I went back to Lindblum and stayed in the hotel there, but too many memories were left in those streets.  So, I ran further.

While Amy wasn't able to keep me in Alexandria, she was able to supply me with transportation.  The Red Rose belonged to me.

Not sure of where to go, I wandered the world.  Did some research at Daguerreo, but I stayed nowhere very long.

It was just days ago that I received a transmission saying that Amy had died.  However, the Alexandrians refused to let me be present for her funeral.  So, I because I couldn't attend as Zidane, I disguised myself.  Nothing could keep me from seeing my beloved daughter one last time.

It was the most horrible experience I'd been through.  Far worse than even Dagger's funeral, because I was supposed to die long before Amy.

As quickly as I came, I left.  Not conversing with anyone.  Again, I migrated, hoping to find a place to live in, where hopefully, I would be alone.

What's the point of making friends anymore?  It just means that I will have to watch them die.

The first place that came to my mind was the Desert Palace.  Isolated, hidden…it was everything I wanted.  I traveled there quickly and have remained for almost a year.  Here, I can think without being disturbed.  Here, no one can tell me what to do.

Zidane sat in one of the many abandoned rooms in the Palace.  This one in particular was his favorite.  It was obviously Kuja's old study.

For hours, Zidane would sit in the office chair and think for long periods of time about his condition.  However, nothing seemed to come, except for one possibility.

Suicide.

The idea had come to him many times before, but he never attempted it.  There was always someone he was living for, up until now.

Solemnly, he eyed the dagger that lay on the desk in front of him.  It never worked before, why would it work now?  Nevertheless, he continued to study the knife with interest and possibility. 

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the dagger and placed its blade on his chest cavity.  Eyes closed, he prepared himself for what was coming.

Don't do it Zidane!  His eyes opened and his heart skipped a beat.  It couldn't be Amy…Mikoto? 

Mikoto?  Is that you?

How dare you attempt suicide!  That isn't like you Zidane! His sister scolded him.

Mikoto!  You're still alive?  H-How did you know…?

We are connected.  We always have been.  I can tell when you are in danger. 

Remembering his composure, Zidane straightened up.  What does it matter to you what I do with my body?  Mikoto, I want to die!

I know.  I've heard your thoughts for the past ninety years.

Then what does it matter to you?

Because that knife you are holding won't give you so much as a scratch!

Hesitantly, he put the knife back on the desk.  Alright then, what do you suppose I should do?

There was a pause as the girl Genome thought.  Look, I don't know exactly what you are going through.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to help!

So you have no suggestions?

If you come to the Black Mage Village we can think of something together!

No!  I've had enough with just thinking!  That's what I've done for the past decade!  Look where it's gotten me!  He fumed.  This conversation was steadily getting on his nerves.

Quickly he picked the dagger back up from the table, and despite Mikoto's pleading, he proceeded to drive into his chest.

No!  Zidane, are you listening to me?!  It won't work!

With all his strength, he stabbed himself.  His scream reverberated off of the Palace walls.  Not a scream of pain, but of anguish.  Deep down, he knew that Mikoto was right.  It wouldn't do anything to him.

Please, when I open my eyes let me be dead.  Let me be somewhere, anywhere but the study!  Knowing it was a false hope, he opened his eyes.  There he was, the same place he had been minutes before.

The dagger protruded grotesquely from his chest.  Without bothering to remove the weapon, Zidane remained sitting on the floor, crying out in exasperation and rage.

You should've listened to me, Mikoto's voice filled his brain.

Angrily, he tore the dagger from him and watched the wound close up.  You weren't helping with answers, he countered.

Because I don't have them.

Well, neither do I!  If you don't know what's going on, then who does?

Garland.

Psh, Garland is dead.  Besides, he's the last person I would rely on for help.

You are still completely oblivious, she sighed.  Zidane could hear the sadness in her voice.  Fine, carry on then.  I won't stop you. 

Feeling bad for blowing up at her, he tried to get her attention again.  Mikoto?  I-I'm sorry, Mikoto?  But either out of sadness or frustration, she didn't answer him.

Zidane mentally slapped himself.  It had been years since he had talked to someone.  Now he had blown it.

It doesn't matter, I still have a few more cards up my sleeve, he told himself.  The dagger might not have worked, but there were other ways he could try to end his life.

Zidane pulled himself out of his slump and stomped down the hallway.  Sulkily, he stepped onto a warp pad and teleported himself into the kitchen.

The pantry was full of food because he hardly ever ate.  Pushing aside all of the instant food, he finally pulled out a giant bottle of un-distilled alcohol.  If I can't hurt the outside of my body, then I'll hurt the inside. 

~ ~

"I can't believe he would try something as drastic as suicide," Mikoto fumed as she paced the length of her hut, shaking her head in disappointment.  "I can't believe I'm going to do this," casually she walked to her door and stepped into the sunshine.

Discreetly, she scanned the village until she finally saw who she was looking for.  "Good morning Mr. 165," she smiled at a working Black Mage.

"G'morning Mikoto," he answered looking up from his work.  "What can I do for you?"

"I heard that you have a gold chocobo trained…"

"That we do!" the mage smiled.

"Do you think you could let me borrow it for awhile?  I could pay you."

"No money necessary," he shook his head, "I couldn't take money from a friend.  Follow me."

Smiling, she followed him to the chocobo shack.  When he got to the door, he pulled a ring of keys off of his belt and unlocked it.  With his arm, he gestured for Mikoto to go first.

The shack had chocobos of several colors, and smelled strongly of hay.  Mr. 165 led her to a particular stable inhabited by a gold one.

"She's yours for however long you need him."

Giggling, the Genome stroked the giant bird's neck.  "What's his name?"

"Her name is Hoshi."

Mikoto nodded, then with the help of her Black Mage friend, got on the chocobo's back.  She grabbed onto its reins then looked back at Mr. 165.  "I don't know when I'll be back…"

"Then, until we meet again," he bowed slightly and watched the chocobo trot out of the stable.  When it reached the middle of the village, the creature spread its magnificent wings and started flying south.

Mikoto steered the chocobo in the right direction, then let it do the rest.  She closed her eyes and wrapped her thin arms around Hoshi's neck, suddenly feeling sick.

When she opened her eyes again, she noticed they were already passing over the Forgotten Continent.

Again, she grasped the reins and sat up straight.  "Whoa!" she pulled them back making the chocobo stop in midair.  Slowly, they drifted down and touched the ground.

Mikoto knew they were close.  All she had to do was remember what sinkhole the Palace was located in.  Wearily, she lead Hoshi through the desert, stopping in front of each sinkhole, trying to decide if it was the right one.

Finally, after thinking for about ten minutes, she slid off of the chocobo's back, and hesitantly stepped into one.  The sand closed in all around her, but something happened she didn't expect.  She fell right through, landing on her feet in the middle of a vast hallway.  "Phew, made it."

"Zidane?" she called.  No answer.  She cupped her hands around her mouth and tried again, "Zidane?!" Still, there was no response.

Oh God, her eyes widened and she started running through the abandoned halls.  Every once in a while, she would try calling him again, but all she heard was her own echo.

These surroundings were so alien to her; she had no idea where she was going.  Nevertheless she continued to sprint through the strange Palace.

As she rounded a corner, she noticed something.  The faint scent of alcohol hung in the air.  She rolled her eyes and followed it, hoping to find the source.  She slowed her run down to a walk, and followed a narrow hallway.  At the end was a door and she was sure that's where the smell came from.

When she got there, she stood in front of it, afraid of what she might find inside.   Slowly, she pushed open the door.

"Zid-" she stopped short, and the last part of his name was substituted with a gasp.

The smell of alcohol was overwhelming, and it was now mixed with the smell of vomit.  Broken shot glasses littered the floor, and a bottle of liquor had been spilled everywhere.  In the middle of it all lay Zidane, passed out cold.

Mikoto plugged her nose and ran to his side.  Anxiously, she sat him upright, but he wasn't waking up.  Her eyes glistened with tears.  "Do you love them that much?" she cried, looking at his pitiful state.

Slowly, his eyelids lifted and he looked up at her.  He opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead of words, vomit poured out.  Mikoto looked with disgust at her now ruined shirt.

She bolted out of her sitting position and grabbed a bowl for him to use.

"I thought it…work," he said lifting his head to look at her again.

"Clever as it may be, it wouldn't work.  Your body is rejecting the liquor.  You wont have anything but a hangover by the time you wake up tomorrow," she replied sadly.

As Zidane hunched over the bowl, Mikoto proceeded to clean up.  "Your best bet is to talk to Garland," she repeated.

"Hey wait," Zidane looked at her, "You haven't aged either.  How about the other Genomes?"

"They are vessels remember?  They can't die until they receive a soul."

"But we have souls!  Why can't we die?"

Placing a shard of glass in the trash, she answered, "I don't know.  But I'm sure Garland does."

She waited until after he vomited for him to answer.  "I already told you, he's dead!  Kuja killed him!  Gone!  Dead!"

"Would you listen?" she yelled impatiently. Zidane stared at her shocked and nodded.  "Don't you remember Memoria?"

Zidane nodded again, and threw up some more of the alcohol.  Trying not to look at him, Mikoto continued.  "Do you remember who guided you through it?"

"Garland?"

Mikoto smiled.  "Yes.  My theory is that his spirit lives on in Memoria, and you can still ask him."

Sounds really far fetched, but it's worth a try. 

~ ~

Icky!  Poor Ziddy-widdy!  It isn't fun throwing up.  ;_; Don't hate me because I am a "horrible, horrible person," (I've heard that a million times a day from Noelle) ^_^ Please review because I need some pick-me-ups.  Don't be thinking that I like doing this to him (or Kuja for that matter).  But it must be done!

BreeAnne: So how are we going to try and have him kill himself in the next chapter?

Anna: ::ponders:: Hmmm, I don't know.  Just kidding!  There shouldn't be many more chapters like this one!
Noelle: You are such a horrible person! (Can I have some Reece's Pieces?)

Anna: No!  Mine!  ::Covers bag with her life:: Review!