Friday 7PM
Harm was sitting on his couch, arms resting on his knees, nursing a beer. It had been three days since Mac's funeral, five horrible days of replaying her last breath while he cradled her in his arms.
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all
Flashback… Monday 1AM
Dripping wet from the rain, Harm raised his hand and knocked softly on the door. As he did so, the door slowly opened, revealing Mac's apartment torn to pieces. Her glass coffee table lay in shattered beads all over the hardwood floor of the living room. The brand new TV was gone as was the DVD player and her stereo. He turned and saw the antique end table she kept by the door for their keys and mail broken and resting by the overturned couch. He walked around, careful not to touch anything, his temper slowly rising. Her bedroom was in worse shape but he dared not to look. Memories came to him and he returned to the living room. He was about to call Mac on her cell phone when he heard a soft moaning coming from by the windows. Cautiously he walked over and saw her lying in her own blood, her lip already swelling and her eyes starting to bruise. Forgetting about the glass on the floor he knelt down, brushing her hair out of her eyes.
"Sarah? Sarah? Can you hear me?"
She turned her head slowly and forced her eyes open. "Harm? Is that you?"
Tears burned his eyes. "It's me. Are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance?" His eyes averted the blood that was pooling underneath her head.
"No. Just hold me…" she tried to take a deep breath and ended up coughing up blood instead. "…not gonna make it…love you…so…much…Harm…"
"You're not going to die. Understand me?!? You'll be fine."
She gasped for air. "Can't…breathe…hurts…"
He didn't move, fearing he would cause her more pain. Her eyes fluttered closed and she lapsed into unconscious. Noticing the change in her, Harm was calling the police on his cell phone; relaying her address and the state of the apartment to the operator. He hung up and started to wake Mac up.
"Mac, wake up. Open you eyes. Please…"
"So cold…cold…" she said, her eyes still closed. Harm slowly and carefully moved to cover her with his uniform cover.
"Mac, please wake up…" he pleaded.
"…love…you…flyboy…" and he heard her last breath.
"Mac? Mac! Oh no…nonononononononono….." he pulled her body to him, not caring that her blood was staining his uniform. He held her limp body close to him, silent tears falling down his cheeks. "Please don't leave me…please…I can't survive without you…"
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss
Friday 10 PM
Harm had not moved; he was still staring into space, bits and pieces of Mac floating in and out of his mind. He couldn't take the solace of his apartment anymore. Taking his car key, he left to go to the one place where he can think.
Flashback…Mac's funeral…Wednesday
Harm remained expressionless for most of the day. He didn't flinch when the 21-gun salute started or when the missing man formation flew overhead. He didn't cry when Harriet said her eulogy. Didn't speak, just nodded and shook hands at the church. He stood proud at the graveyard, his mom, Frank and Sergi standing behind him. The JAG staff next to him, Mac's Uncle Matt (and his guard) at the end. When the Admiral and he had folded her flag, he did it proudly. But when Uncle Matt told Harm to take the flag, his stone face faded.
"She would have wanted you to have this. But remember one thing: Mac would never have wanted you to sit idly by and wait for death. She would want you to live…don't forget her but don't over-mourn her…" he trailed off and the guard took him away to a waiting van that would drive back to Leavenworth.
Harm didn't speak.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Friday 10:15 PM
Harm parked his car and walked to Mac's gravesite. Craving the silence and solace the cemetery provided, he was surprised to find someone had beat him to his now favorite spot.
"Webb? I though you were in Afghanistan with Gunny…"
"I was able to sneak away for a few days. Listen Harm, I'm sorry. I know you are sick of the sympathy and all that but I had to say it. I know it hurts. It hurts so much you want to die but think about this: Mac is free. When my dad died someone told me that. Though I didn't believe it at the time, I do now. I have one more thing to say before I go - - When someone dies a cloud turns into an angel and flies up to tell God to plant another flower in the Earth. A bird gives the message back to the world and sings a silent prayer to make the rain cry. People disappear but they never really go away. Their spirit helps to put the sun to bed, wake up the grass and spin the Earth in dizzying circles. Sometimes you can see them dancing in the clouds during the daytime when they are supposed to be sleeping. They paint the rainbows and also the sunsets, and make the waves splash and tug at the tides. They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes and... When they sing wind songs they whisper to us "don't miss me too much, you see, the view up here is great and I'm doing just fine." Take care Rabb," he said then turned around and disappeared into the night.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift your head up and share with me
God wanted me now, he set me free.
Author's note: While I am not overly religious, I think this chapter makes it seem so. I apologize if this offends anyone – it wasn't intentional. Please review and thanks for reading!
