Chapter 6


Kouga ran blindly.

With his thoughts too frenzied to focus on any particular direction, his body took over. Limbs moved routinely over rough terrain, guided by some instinctual compass that functioned without his awareness. It bore him across the land as he wrestled with his own soul, a carrier to a vast inner struggle that ultimately brought him to his knees, some time around midnight.

He came crashing down in the - shale, was it? Kouga looked exhaustedly up through heavy bangs at slated debris of an eroding mountainside. Hn. Shale…

No one was around, and so he lay there - his heart pounding so thunderously in his head, that it had finally succeeded in drowning out the rest of the noise. And despite his body's recent collapse, he felt a tad saner for it.

He'd never run himself so close to death before. Like a damn horse. He would have given himself a mental beating for being so careless, but he was already inoculated to that form of self-punishment. After all, he'd been doing it nonstop since he left that valley.

And her…

Kouga grimaced, and turned his full attention to his location, nearly choking when he recognized the smell. Quick to follow were the intense feelings of loss associated with it. His eyes scanned the landscape morbidly until they found the cubbyhole that housed the graves of his family, at which point he glared down at his legs in bitter amusement.

Oh, you would bring me here…

Having not the strength to get up and walk, Kouga crawled on his elbows and knees over to the unmarked earth and knelt respectfully on its perimeter. It still stung at his pride like an old wound that they'd never been given a proper burial. But at the time they'd had too many enemies. Too many who would jump to desecrate the Wolf Lord's grave, and so Kouga - small though he was - had hid them in this place. This rock canyon, which was wetted down with such a heavy smell of damp clay that it masked the scent of their remains almost entirely.

He absently swept his hand over the dirt, and bowed his head in shame. The self-deprecating words fell like lead weights from his quivering lips. "One would think…that I would be better equipped for this role of leader…" his throat constricted, his eyes stung, "…having been raised by such perfect examples of it. Mother. Father…"

He swallowed. Hard. And it all came tumbling out. "Our people are endangered, I'm losing territories to other clans, the woman I love rejected me for another, and now…" his fingers crunched through the top layer of soil, and his voice cracked, "instead of destroying the devilspawn who is responsible for it all, I spared her life…"

His brow knotted, and he looked in tormented bafflement at the grave of his long dead brother, the ache in his chest almost more than he could bear. "Even the Wolf would not kill her…!"

A soft howl of wind blew through the canyon and washed over him. It was unexpectedly warm. Almost caressing. Reminiscent of the encompassing embrace of his proud matriarch. Perhaps that was why the tension in his shoulders lessened right then. Perhaps that was why he was suddenly comfortable enough to analyze the 'moment' he'd had with his nemesis. Out loud.

"It was…compassion," he stammered incredulously. "I saw it in her eyes. And regret. She regretted it." No, he hadn't imagined that last expression on her face. He was sure of it. "And I was already so close… It drew me in…" He stopped. That was the part that scared him the most. That threatened his sanity on so many levels. It was something he'd sooner forget than take the time to understand.

"I almost kissed her."

The wind died down, and with it went the illusion of comfort. Kouga shivered at the cold chills that pricked his skin, his sense of self worth almost as low as it had been the day he'd pulled out of his transformation to see his brother dead - by his claws. It left him humble enough to hear the voice that only emerged when he was in such desperate need of counseling. And whether it was just a part of his subconscious, or truly his father's voice, he'd never been sure. But he preferred to think the latter.

Get up.

Deep. Baritone. Commanding. "And do what?" he asked miserably.

Get up, and lead our people.

It's what he'd been trying to do, hadn't it? "But my heart is a traitorous heart-"

Wrong. Your heart doled out mercy when justice no longer applied.

Kouga blinked. "Mercy…" Could it have been so simple? It sounded so much gentler on his ears, so much lighter on his conscience. He may have even bought into the notion, except that, "But my fallen comrades-"

Killed by a person who no longer exists, Kouga. Let it go…

"But I made an oath-"

Let it go.

He wrestled with the directive, but after a long night of trying to deny it, he finally admitted what his subconscious had been trying to tell him all along. He couldn't kill Kagura.

"So what now…?" he asked the air, hoping against hope that coming to terms with such a blasphemous concept might remove her completely from his thoughts.

Ironic, it was, that the words of none other than Kagura herself rang back to him. Something she'd snapped at him during their skirmish in her valley.

Don't you have a tribe you're supposed to be taking care of, wolf boy?

His ears twitched at the memory of her voice, and he growled inwardly. She'd said it so flippantly, as though it were as easy as caring for a garden. She didn't comprehend the implications of maintaining territories, of keeping the peace, of polygamy… Ugh… The thought of plural marriage still twisted his innards, and he looked woefully at the graves of his parents, recalling their special companionship. He'd been young, but he'd seen it. The secret smiles, and stolen glances. Enjoying intimacies that were far too special to share with others…

"I wanted that," he uttered, contemplating how he'd always envisioned himself in a similar circumstance. With a similar passion and devotion to his one and only female. "I want it still…"

He was answered with silence, and quickly conceded that what he wanted didn't hold a flame to what he needed to do. The pack leader couldn't let his tribe die out. He'd worked too hard to get them where they were. And Kouga loved his people. He loved the dream of what they could yet become. With a respectful nod to his deceased loved ones, he rose on shaky feet and felt out the direction of his Mountain.

His sole purpose, from here on out, would be to strengthen and proliferate his living tribe. Kouga just prayed that he'd be able to fixate on that cause as fiercely as he had on the Wind User…

* * *

A FEW DAYS LATER

"Ugh! Why do I keep getting paired with the ugly ones?" shouted Ginta, his face twisting in revulsion at the last assigned bride.

Kouga rubbed his temples, resisting a strong urge to smack his comrade for making an already-complicated situation worse. "Idiot. You are my right arm, and thus are being assigned the females of higher status. This set up MUST have structure. It must have order, or it'll backfire completely."

Hakkaku frowned at the black-inked parchments splayed out between them, his eyes scanning the lists. "I still don't understand why we can't just choose the ones we like-"

That time he couldn't stop himself. Kouga's arm, on a volition of its own, snaked out and bopped his buddy on the noggin. Hakkaku yelped, and nursed the growing lump on his head. Kouga grabbed the parchments in his fist and shook them in his comrades' faces.

"Do you know how long I've worked over these lists!?" he shouted, having been pouring over them for the past three days, meticulously separating and assigning matches by status, age, personality types… "This isn't about being coddled by multiple females. You have NO idea how thin the balance is between strengthening our tribe, and watching it collapse inward from jealousy and hate. If this set up isn't done right, then it could result in back-stabbing! KIN-slaying! INFANTICIDE!"

"Aiyee! Alright, Alright!" Ginta whined, having clamped his hands over his ears. "I get it!"

"You DON'T get it!" Kouga barked. "Increasing your posterity is an assignment! Not a privilege! You are to spend equal amounts of time with each female, regardless your attraction to her. Avoid gossip. Avoid contention. And above all, avoid favorites, or YOU might be the one they find in the morning with a slit throat. Or are you so quick to forget how hot-tempered our women are?"

"Sir…?" A timid voice sounded behind him.

"WHAT!?" Kouga snarled over his shoulder.

Hands clasped in front, with his head meekly bowed was Poruka - one of four surviving males from the south. He was still young, but old enough to breed. The lad was tall. Strong for his age, with hair as black and thick as Kouga's own. But his demeanor was far from confident, or cocky. "C-can I speak with you a moment, Kouga sir?" he stammered out nervously.

Kouga reigned in his temperament, reserving his dynamic outbursts for only his closest of friends. He inhaled deeply, and tried to blow out the tension. "What do you want, Poruka?"

Poruka eyed Ginta and Hakkaku uneasily. "Alone, if you don't mind."

Sick of their complaining as it was, Kouga made eye contact with his two pals, and jerked his chin towards the exit. Just as eager to leave, they hopped up without question and trotted out. Emotionally drained, Kouga motioned for the other to sit down on the mat in front of him.

But instead, Poruka stood, anxiously shifting weight from one foot to the other.

"Sit."

"Hai. Sorry." The youth plunked down on his designated spot.

"Yes?" Kouga asked wearily.

"Sir, it's a-about the-" his chestnut eyes caught the parchments laid out on the floor, his face paling considerably when he saw the one with his name on top, "the p-p-polygamy sir."

Kouga schooled his face to remain calm, but inwardly he wanted to scream. He quirked his brow for the boy to continue, and watched with growing irritation as the kid's cheeks flushed red.

"I…I…" he swallowed, an uncharacteristic resolution hardening his face. "I can't do it."

Kouga dropped his head in his hands, and counted to three before he spoke. "You understand all the implications, don't you," he stated more than asked.

"Yes."

Kouga found himself relieved that at least SOMEONE besides himself knew it wouldn't be easy. But his relief was washed out by frustration at Poruka's refusal to participate. "Look. I know it'll be complicated, but it's our duty, my friend. We must strengthen our tribe, or it will die out."

Poruka hung his head. "I know. And I'm sorry. But you don't understand," he said and then locked stares with Kouga in desperation. "I can't do it."

Kouga slowly straightened, hearing something unfamiliar in Poruka's voice. Something that hinted at a problem much greater. His eyes flung wide. "Are…are you," his glance flicked down to the lad's crotch in pained disbelief, "impotent?"

Poruka's face scrunched, and then opened dramatically when the word registered. "No! Gods, Kouga. No, I'm not." A nervous chuckle, and then more seriously, "The thing is," his flush darkened, "I'm in love."

Kouga felt his shoulders relax, recalling the young, cute female that always seemed to be hanging on Poruka's arm. "Oh, that…" He batted at the air in front of him. "She's been assigned to you. Don't worry. I wasn't about to separate already-established couples-"

"She's the only one I can be with, Kouga."

Kouga frowned. "No. You'll have eleven others-"

"But that's what I'm trying to tell you. I can't! To love someone like I love her… You don't know what it's like…" he said suddenly, his hands balling into fists.

Kouga leaned back, his pride instantly wounded, both by the accusation, and the still-raw emotional wound from being rejected by Kagome. "You're wrong," he began, but was quickly snuffed out by the lad's uncharacteristic determination.

"She's beyond beautiful to me. I'm drawn to her heart. Her soul. Her passion for life…"

Kouga nodded, unable to stop himself from comparing his sentiments for Kagome to this boy's feelings for his own female. He went down the mental checklist. Beautiful. Check. Drawn to her heart, soul… Check Check.

Poruka's held his hands pleadingly up between them. "She's all I can think about!"

Kouga considered the last words with slight discomfort. Okay. He hadn't thought about Kagome all the time, but that was to be expected. Hell. With his oath of revenge and Naraku's presence in the land, it was only natural that he focused more on that vixen Kagura, than his woman…

Agh… Kagura… Dammit. He'd been doing so well, too. Had gone maybe a half hour without thinking about her. But just saying her name internally triggered that last moment they'd had, and he found himself reliving it AGAIN; her fiery eyes expressing things he hadn't thought her capable of, the smooth warmth of her skin when their faces touched, the way she had shuddered when he got too close...

He hissed a quiet reprimand at his body as his heartbeat sped up and his gut tightened. It took him a moment to catch up with what the boy was saying.

"…and so I don't want anyone else. My BODY doesn't want anyone else."

Kouga shook himself, and forced his focus on those last words. They were absurd. "Nonsense," he said roughly. "A good imagination and lots of friction is all you'd need to-"

Poruka's face contorted as though he'd just bit into a lemon. "You're wrong… Even thinking about trying to force myself to couple with another is enough to shrivel me up for-"

"ENOUGH!" Kouga jumped to his feet. "There's no place now for your monogamous affections, Poruka. Your tribe existed before you were even born, and they'll be here when you die. Every decision you make affects them," he snapped. "So man-up, boy! We're all sacrificing here, including me."

Poruka's lips set in a thin line, and he looked ill. "Even you, huh?" he looked around the empty lair demonstrably, as though pointing out that Kouga had no one to sacrifice. "Well, don't be surprised when none of my wives produce, save the one I love."

Flustered beyond composure, Kouga flung his finger towards the exit of his lair. "Go!"

Poruka left briskly, and Kouga rubbed his brow with his thumb and forefinger. That last outburst had reminded him of his father. Man, how he wished for the simple days when his only self-imposed responsibility was to bully other youkai off the mountain with his gang. It's not like he was implementing this practice because he wanted to-

Snickering caught his attention, and he turned to see two familiar black-haired kidlets peeking at him from around the entrance to his lair. The tension lessened in his shoulders as he took in their mischievous and anxious expressions. Hn, he thought amusedly. Little rascals have perfect timing. I could use a light-hearted distraction right about now.

"I see you, Bink. Bonk," he bellowed out to the twins, smirking devilishly. "Do you know what the penalty is for spying on the wolf prince?"

One brought his fist down on the other's head, and they both ended up sprawling on the floor. "Bonk, you rabbit terd! He heard your laughing!"

"No! He smelled your fart!"

"That was YOU!"

Repressing a smile, Kouga placed his hands on his hips and walked over to the squabbling youths. They quieted up immediately, though the grins still split their faces. He stared down at them in mock intimidation, and patted his belly.

"So they sent me two runts for breakfast, eh? Good. I was getting hungry."

Bonk squealed laughter, and tried to make a run for it. Bink ducked beneath Kouga's legs and passed him on the other side, but within moments Kouga had them both suspended upside down with their heels firmly grasped in his hands.

"So! Which one shall I eat first?"

Both boys were beside themselves with giggles, their faces reddening. "We're not BREAKFAST!"

Kouga frowned at them. "No?"

"NO! DOOFUS!"

"Then why else would you be here?"

They both answered in unison. "We heard that you're going to be our FA-THER!"

Kouga's smile froze. They were the kids of the matriarch of the old Northern clan - their father one of those killed by Kagura. In order to maintain a structure, Kouga had had indeed assigned himself the wives of the lost tribe leaders, but wasn't too comfortable that word had gotten out already. "You heard about that, eh?"

"HAI!"

"Well," his reservations quickly faded in the light of their bright, hopeful faces. "Do you think you could handle having me as a dad?"

They both nodded enthusiastically "You're our-" Bonk started, only to be interrupted by Bink.

"OUR FAVORITE!"

"Yeah! We like you the most!"

Kouga laughed, coming to the conclusion that plural marriages might not be so bad after all if he was going to be the patriarch over such cool kids. He set them down, and lowered himself until he was eye level with the twins. "You'll have to help me lead the tribe, then, boys. And it's not easy."

They both stuck out their chests. "We're strong!"

"Oh?" he managed, trying to stifle a guffaw.

With no more warning than a glint in their eyes, the two tackled him. He umphed as one got him in a headlock while the other dove at his ribs. Kouga coughed surprise as they wrestled him to the ground. He didn't realize how badly he needed to laugh until he caught the sound of his own hearty chuckling echoing with their lilting hee haws throughout the lair.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one who noticed it, either. An attractive female materialized in the entrance soon after, with her layered, onyx hair, and lavender eyes. One hand was settled firmly on her hip, while the other wagged a finger at her sons.

"THERE you two are! Didn't I tell you to not bother the prince?"

"It was Bonk's idea, mum!"

"It was Bink's!"

Still laughing, Kouga sat up, with a kid tucked securely under each arm. "You two snuck out without your mom's permission, eh?"

They sobered up somewhat. "Well…"

He dug his fingers into their ribs. "EH?"

"GAH! HA! STOP!"

"QUIT IT, KOUGA! QUIT IT!"

"You both squeal like pigs," he laughed, and set them on their feet. All hops and giggles, they bounded over to their mother, and darted past her.

She half-turned and called out after them, "No more playing until you finish tanning those pelts, boys!" The twins' happy noises faded as they went on their merry way, leaving Kouga alone with the stunning female.

"They really like you," she commented, walking towards him with her hands clasped behind her back. "I hope they didn't cause too much trouble."

He shook his head. "I needed that break. There are times when I'd rather spend all day in the nursery than five minutes up here." His good nature quickly lessened, however, when he saw the look in her eyes.

He knew that look. And with her being quite possibly the most beautiful female of the entire clan, he should have liked that look. But oddly enough, the blood in his body rushed everywhere except where it was supposed to. Red-faced, and feeling increasingly awkward, he took a step back.

Without inhibition, she closed the distance between them, and Kouga soon found himself with both her arms wrapped around his neck. "So when is the ceremony, love?" she breathed, with a hint of naughty mischief in her eyes.

A sense of wrongness filled him right then. Inexplicable, but definitely there. "Um, ah..t-tom…"

She pulled his head down and bit his ear. Kouga went completely rigid.

"Tomorrow?"

He swallowed. "Mm."

She pulled back, and just as Kouga hoped she would end the embrace, the randy female lifted her chin up and kissed him. Kouga startled, but forced himself to stay put, even though every fiber in his body wanted to run away. It was ridiculous. She was gorgeous on every level, and would legally belong to him by tomorrow night. Why not let himself enjoy a little intimacy?

So he placed his hands dutifully on her waist, and forced himself to go through the mechanics of the lip lock. She moaned against his mouth, so he must have been doing something right. But the excitement failed to pass on to him, and with rising anxiety, he realized that kissing one of his brides-to-be was just about as arousing as kissing a rock.

Suddenly Poruka's words about not being 'able' to couple with anyone besides his love didn't sound so far fetched anymore. Swearing internally, Kouga immediately conjured up memories of Kagome's face. Her charisma. Those cute, human legs…

And redoubled his efforts. He brought his arms full circle around her, tilted her back, inhaled her scent as it rapidly changed. But to his horror…

Nothing.

Shit!

Fighting a losing battle, Kouga quickly uttered the best excuse he could come up with - one he would have probably used even if he'd been attracted to her. "After the ceremony, we can finish this," he purred against her lips in his best seductive voice. "Do it the right way…"

Heavy-lidded, she pulled back enough to lock stares with him, and smiled genuinely. "So honorable," she whispered, and traced a finger across his jaw, tapping it on his chin. "Well, in that case you'd better make me your first, Kouga. I'll make it worth your while," she said, and with a black-lashed wink, the female sauntered out of his lair with a deliberate hip sway that should have made his palms sweat and his gut tingle.

But all it did was repulse him. Kouga waited until she'd left, and then spun his back to the entrance and glared down at the god-given package between his legs in horrified bewilderment. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he hissed in a strangled whisper. "She's beautiful!"

No answer. Obviously.

"How am I going to go through with this if you're not going to cooperate, eh!? And since when did thoughts of Kagome fail to move you?" He began to pace, realizing that perhaps maintaining territories might be the least of his problems.

It was ridiculous. Sure, he was monogamous by nature, but there was no one in his life right now who had a monopoly on his affections. The feelings of 'wrongness' he got around the females of his tribe made no sense. Just like it made no sense that the only person who did manage to quicken his heartbeat was Kagura, and…

Oh… He suddenly felt sick. Oh no… Kouga stopped, mid-pace and swayed. That can't be it… That's NOT it…

"Hey Kouga. You alright?" It was Ginta's voice. "You look kinda pale…"

"I'm…I'm fine," he managed, trying in vain to straighten his spine as he looked at his comrade in the entryway. "Wha…what is it?"

"The tanuki have been seen, lingering at the base of the mountain."

"How many?" Kouga asked, suddenly very grateful for such a worthy distraction.

"Few dozen…"

"Hm…" Okay. Focus, Kouga, focus. "It's…not in their nature to mobilize like that."

"No. It's not."

He gripped the new dilemma with a frightening tenacity. If he was lucky, the mischievous raccoon demons might even cross enough lines to justify a skirmish. And he could use a good fight right now. He really could.

"Let's go," he said, making for the exit.

"Should I go get some help?"

"No," he snapped, brushing past Ginta. "This is my deal. If it comes to punches, then I want to be the one who gets to throw them."

* * *

"There," uttered the elderly flea youkai as she finished perusing the angry, biting letter. "That oughtta do it."

Shyouga put the finishing touches on the parchment by hopping her already ink-soaked feet in the black liquid, and shuffling out a forged signature.

"KA-GU-RA."

A bat squeaked nearby, and she looked up to the massive, leather-winged rodent that was suspended upside down from a cleft in the rock overhang.

"Alright, beast!" she called out, and it dislodged and flapped itself down to where she was on the ground. Myouga's estranged fiancé quickly rolled the parchment with her body, and let the bat clasp it in its sharp talons.

"Head north," she ordered, hopping on the creature's neck and burying herself in its hair. "I'll direct you from there."

Shyouga held on tight as her carrier took off, giggling childishly at her brilliant trickery. She'd arrived to the scene late, catching bits and pieces of the show down from the villagers' conversations, she deduced what had happened between the wolf prince, and the Wind User. And when Kagura came stumbling back into the village, disoriented and withdrawn, a tenacious idea formed in the flea's head. She couldn't stop herself from meddling. Perhaps one day, Kagura and Kouga would even thank her.

Actually, she counted on it.

* * *

Sulking, Kouga made his way back to his tribe with Ginta en tow.

"Heheheh. It's good to know they're still terrified of us," his comrade said. "That was EASY."

"Yeah," Kouga muttered tensely, his fists itching to knock down every tree that he passed.

"I mean, you barely opened your mouth before they turned tail and ran. With a reputation like that, who… " he paused. "What the…" he paused again. "Good Hell, look at the size of that thing!"

"Hn?" Kouga paused, and followed his buddy's gaze upwards. There, eclipsing the sun as it descended, was one of the largest, non-youkai cave bats he'd ever seen. Half his height, easily.

"It's coming towards us…" Ginta stammered curiously. "And it's not a specie indigenous to our territories. I wonder where it came from…"

"The South," Kouga answered, recognizing the breed from earlier in the week when he'd sought out Kagura. He squinted as it neared. "It's got something…"

"What?" Ginta asked, only to be answered as the massive, winged beast dropped its cargo neatly into Kouga's hands. Then, just as quickly as it came, the bat flew off in a direction that the wolf prince was all too familiar with.

Kouga looked down to the scroll in his hands. It stunk like guano.

Ginta peered over his shoulder. "A letter, is it?"

Without answering, Kouga opened it curiously, his first impression being that whoever wrote it had terrible handwriting.

~

KOUGA,

The moonless night is only a day away, but I suppose you know that. Just like you know that my villagers are now defenseless against the youkai threat because you destroyed their protection. Figures. Hypocrisy DOES suit your nature, after all, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Just remember, their blood will be on your cloak, wolf boy, and it's a stain that will never come out.

KAGURA

~

Kouga's hands trembled, and the parchment was quickly crumpled in a white-knuckled fist. "That bitch…"

Ginta eyed him warily. "Who was it from?"

"Hypocrite, indeed," Kouga seethed, not hearing nor caring what his buddy was saying. "Trying to guilt me into doing her job..." He faced South, and bent his knees to spring off.

Ginta blocked him. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"Ginta," he spared a quick glance to the patchy-haired youkai, "The territories are safe for now. Postpone the marriages until I get back."

"But, how long will you be gone?" he stammered, clearly flustered.

"Don't know. A few days."

"O…okay…"

"I trust you," he said, patting a strong hand on Ginta's shoulder. "I'll return as soon as I can."

His anxiousness already more than he could bear, Kouga broke free of his comrade's bewildered stare, and barreled through the foliage.

Anger was just one of many sentiments that coursed like fire through his veins upon receiving her insulting letter. But it was the only one he was going to let surface.

The rest could very well land him in an identity crisis.


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