Author's Note: This story has absolutely no plot what-so-ever. But that doesn't mean its a PWP for those of you who know what that is. I wrote it reflecting on some of my own thoughts, and its been a while since I've written anything so..it might not be my best work. As for disclaimers; unfortunately I don't own Squall, only his thoughts. I don't really know where this would fit in according two the events in the game..just somewhere before the final battle with Seifer. Small shounen-ai, depending on how you look at it.

Fate

What is fate?

Does it really exist?

If so...does anything ever go wrong?

One wonders after a while if everything in their lifetime happens the way it was meant to happen; each broken cup or plate, each stuttered word and step, each unsure thought and guilty twinge. Could anyone be able to stray off the path precisely set for them, only to wander upon another that was universally known to have to be tread upon by those feet? Could it possibly be that someone or something out in the far reaches of space, time and existance, knows the next step and and breath you make? How can it be that the ever so highly evolved human race know so much and so little at the same time? Why is it that I feel this unsatiable desire to learn every last fact about everything there is to know?

So many questions..and yet it still feels like I don't have enough time to find the answers to them all. But then again..I could go looking for the answers instead of sitting here dwelling on small..less important thoughts..like Seifer. Seifer...why is it that you plague my mind with your fiery blue-green eyes and sneering lips? Was it meant for us to never see hand in hand in friendship? Or maybe even more than that.. Then why does the thought cross my mind? I am sure it has undoubtably crossed yours. If the thought exists, then the chance of it happening should have existed once upon a time..and might still exist. Do I have any control over what happens to me? Probably not... I can't bare knowing I don't have a grip on my life. I can't make the steps on my own down that path..I have to be pushed along by someone I don't even know. Uuggh..it makes me quiver with ditaste.

Seifer, do you ever wonder what it would be like if we were friends? Or closer for that matter..Everyday we would sit side by side in class without our childish rivalry sparking between us every 5 seconds. At lunch we'd sit together, laughing, smiling, like normal people. But isn't rivalry normal too? Why is it that I detest it so much? Is it because I'd rather not have all this happen? Would it have happened anyway? Would it be me standing up there beside Ultimecia? No..No! At least we would be fighting side by side instead of against each other. I want to know what it's like to occasionally fall into your arms in an affectionate embrace. To smile at you and have you smile back. To touch you and not feel anger and contempt rising off of you like steam from boiling pot of water. Do you ever wish the same thing? Do you ever look at me longingly hoping that someday...we could look eachother in the eyes without an air of competativeness and tension encircling us both? Seifer..I don't want to lose the chance to balance things out between us..I wan't that day to come..when we'll be able to relax in each other's presenses. I want to be able to get close to you without you going away from me...

I want to feel a part of your love.

END

Author's Ending Note: So that was a tad bit more Shounen-ai than I thought! But hey! It was okay for me trying to make it completely NOT Shounen-ai...well anyway, tell me what you think! ^-^;;;