GAINAX and Evangelion are not owned by me. In fact, Anno Hideaki doesn't even know who I am.

So, Chapter 02 and the start of the real story. It probably won't be very long (the whole story, I mean) as the only reason I started writing it was because no matter how much I loved the movie, and even though it did give me a sort of sense of closure, I wanted more. So I did it myself.

This is where it gets difficult for me. Obviously the characters have never experienced the end of the world before, so I'm on my own here with nothing to guide me except my knowledge of Asuka and Shinji. I'm just hoping that they're still in character… it can sometimes be hard to tell when you're writing them.

Whatever. Hey, I'd love some reviews if you think it's worth the effort.

Take it easy,

RENEGADE

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ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD

02. Purgatory

The night was starry. And it was quiet, too… the only sound was the ocean, washing against the white sand of the shore. Lying on a desolate beach, there was a fourteen year old boy. For long moments, his mind did not acknowledge his surroundings. Mental pictures still rolled through his mind: thoughts, emotions, memories.

Regrets.

Hope.

Shinji Ikari finally remembered his name. And with that revelation, his mind thundered into the present.

I… am… myself.

Yes. It all came back to him. Everything that had happened in humanity's final hours. Everything he had lost. Now, however, the scope of past events was too difficult to comprehend, so he ignored them.

Testing his limits, he rolled his head to the side. His eyes ached… as if he had never used them before. But still… he picked out a figure standing on the red ocean of LCL.

Rei?

Shinji's eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. His mind, while active, was still not functioning properly, and his limbs refused to move at all for the moment. All he could do was stare as the rhythmic sound of the ocean pervaded his senses.

But… no. She was gone. If she was ever there in the first place.

Wearily, feeling more fatigued than he ever had in his life, Shinji hauled himself up into a sitting position. He sensed his surroundings without perceiving them. Every muscle in his body burned. Every movement was painful. Everything he touched hurt him. Every scent burned his nostrils. Everything he heard echoed in his ears. Everything he saw…

Asuka you're alive what look at me how you're back oh thank God no please Asuka go away hate joy anger rage pain despair love regret hope sadness

The waves lapped on the beach. The starlight illuminated two figures barely moving below.

Instrumentality had failed. Shinji had made it so. He had chosen pain over perfection. At the height of all his raw, conflicting emotions, his body feeling as though it was about to tear itself apart from within, spines of pain and horror lancing through his mind, a tortured soul unsure whether this was salvation or damnation, Shinji Ikari placed his hands around the neck of Asuka Langley Sohryu.

She looked just as she had done the last time Shinji had seen her. Comatose. She gazed blankly at the sky. She neither resisted nor reacted when Shinji squeezed tighter. Despair welled up within him. Misery threatened to overwhelm him. All the sacrifices. All the death and chaos. All the torture and agony… were meaningless. Asuka did not react. There was no pain in this world.

Shinji squeezed tighter and Asuka's closed lips separated under the pressure as her air supply and blood circulation began to reach dangerous levels.

He had chosen to return to a world of pain. But there was no pain. He had done something wrong. He had failed again. He was just as worthless as he had always expected. But more than that… Ayaname… his mother… Kaworu… everything they had said when he had merged with their minds in Instrumentality… were lies.

Lies! He had been betrayed again! By the ones he loved! He was hopeless and useless and worthless and miserable and of no value to anyone! Why did they have to abandon –

Suddenly, Asuka's arm reached up. Shinji froze, staring at her expressionless face. With a hand that was dry and shaky, she gently caressed his face. She kept it there, touching his cheek.

Shinji choked. His hands went limp instantly and he bent over Asuka as the tears finally, finally came. He sobbed and wept, the tears falling on Asuka's face. She didn't even blink but her hand fell back to her side.

Bowing his head, every emotion possible raged within him for dominance of Shinji.

Asuka Langley Sohryu stared blankly at the night sky. She felt… empty. Was this… her? Or was she still… gone? With everyone else, in Instrumentality? When she had been absorbed she had understood the truth about the Evas and NERV. She had been horrified to learn of her fate right up until the time that she no longer existed, her individuality swept away in the current of merging souls.

She had lost who she was. That was true horror. That was true pain.

But what now? Was this the next step towards perfection?

But then there was the opening. It had ended. Perfection had failed. She understood this. And when she realised that she understood, she knew that she was indeed… she. Not daring to resist her call, the separate parts that made up Asuka Langley Sohryu returned to her. Her form was hers once more.

And thus she had returned to this world of pain. A world where she recalled the horror of her childhood. The nightmare of her defeats. Her sense of worthlessness. The betrayal of her victory, right at the end of all things, against the mass-production Eva series. She remembered that Misato was dead… understanding she had learned from the merged soul of Lilith. She remembered that Kaji and Doctor Akagi were dead. She remembered the people she had known. The way she had lived. Shinji.

Not being able to change the past. That was pain. That was what she felt. And she knew she was back. Her brain acknowledged the sensation of something tickling her cheeks. Tears… falling on her. With that came the reawakening of her auditory sense. Crying. Nearby.

A tiny spark of her awoke in the corner of her being. A piece of Asuka's personality became available to her once more… suddenly she remembered her reaction to tears. These were weakness, and the spark reminded her that she did not accept weakness.

Another tear fell. Asuka gazed down with vacant eyes at the figure bending over her.

"How disgusting."

Her voice… the words… it awoke more information inside her. It was like opening a hundred doors… each door led to another. Instantly, the contents of Asuka's heart, mind and soul spilled into her consciousness, filling her being and making her whole again.

And it was the same with Shinji. As Asuka's voice and words became clear to him, they unlocked hidden rooms within him and thoughts, memories, everything that had made him who he was snapped back into place. The last vestiges of Instrumentality's vacuum were swept away by the onslaught of individuality that filled him. He gained back every last vestige of his self. The self that, only minutes before, he had lost. The knowledge of his individuality came rushing in on him, overruling all the other information that thundered through his tired brain.

Suddenly, the two gasping bodies on the beach had become Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu once again, not only in name… but in soul.

The tears dried on Shinji's stunned face. He sat back a little as Asuka began to move. His eyes were locked on her face. She blinked. Twice. Three times. Her eyes moved. Her lips parted. Her head twitched. Her whole body began to shift. Afraid, Shinji moved back more.

Asuka pulled herself up into a sitting position. Her eyes swiveled for a moment before resting on Shinji. She opened her mouth, moved her tongue, testing it. Taking a few deep breaths, sucking in oxygen, she tried to move a few limbs and winced as they creaked. She stared at Shinji, blinking a few times in bemusement.

"I feel sick."

Gaping, Shinji blinked in disbelief and terror. His breath came in quick gasps and in a relieved flood he finally released another torrent of tears. He did something he never would have had the courage to do in a past time. Shinji flung himself on Asuka, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her as tight as he could.

"A… A… Asuka… you're all right… thank God… I thought… I'd failed again…"

Asuka closed her eyes. Strangely, she felt almost serene. She did not automatically build up her usual walls of aggressiveness that blocked everyone out, forced them away.

No-one had done this before.

No male had ever dared to touch her before, though of course she had hugged Kaji. She had hugged her friends. She had held Shinji in a headlock. But this was different…

…for the first time she felt needed.

Yeah. She felt all right.

A soft smile crept over her tired features. She gently placed her arms around the weeping Shinji, sighing wearily as he gripped her fiercely, burying his face in her shoulder, for the first time truly unafraid of his feelings. And she was the same. Asuka stroked the back of Shinji's brown hair as he whimpered, afraid to let go of her.

She glanced down at the top of his head, frowned… and smirked. A thoughtful expression came over her face. "This feeling sucks."

Shinji pulled away and gazed at her, tear-rimmed eyes contrasting his smile. "Yes. It's you, isn't it. It's really you, Asuka." He started crying again.

"Idiot," Asuka murmured with a wan smile, and closed her eyes. Exhausted… she was utterly exhausted. She lay back against the sand and opened her eyes once more. Shinji crawled over and collapsed next to her, apparently feeling the same terrible fatigue.

Asuka didn't move. "I'm cold."

A short, choking laugh escaped Shinji's lips. "Yeah… me too."

Rolling her head to the side to look at Shinji, Asuka tried to glare at him in exasperation. Yes, Shinji was back to his old self as well. However, her lids were having difficulty staying up and she didn't have the energy for a retort. "So come here."

Wordlessly, Shinji shuffled over and nestled into her, placing an arm over her waist. Asuka turned slightly and dragged her resisting arm upwards, draping it over Shinji. They held one another close for the first time.

"Did I do the right thing, Asuka? When we came… back here?" Shinji whispered into her shoulder.

Asuka knew that Shinji was responsible for rejecting Lilith. All of humanity knew… at least, those coming back would know. And although she was terrified of death, she honestly preferred it to the non-existence that was Instrumentality and Third Impact. In answer to Shinji's question, she repeated a sentence that she knew had come from another merged soul, the one that was truly responsible.

Asuka smiled. "All is right with the world."

The closeness of their bodies warmed them sufficiently and the presence of the other comforted them. For the first time in a long time, the two of them felt as though they were needed, and that was how Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu spent the first night following Instrumentality.

*          *            *

They woke at the same time to the same sound: waves lapping rhythmically on the cool sand. It was dawn. The dawn of a new day…

"And a new world," murmured Shinji.

"What was that?" demanded Asuka. Shinji turned warily as Asuka stamped up beside him and started, as if noticing their surroundings for the first time. She dropped to the white sand, hugging her knees to her chest. Shinji stood beside her, arms hanging limply by his sides.

There were still a few stars in the cool blue of the failing night sky, but the horizon was glowing a deep red – the first sign of the coming dawn. Cutting an arc across the sky, stretching the limits of vision, was a blood rainbow, a reminder of events only just past. Dotted across their field of vision, some near and some further away, the crucified corpses of the destroyed mass-production Evangelions were protruding from the water of the red LCL sea.

But far on the horizon was the most disturbing sight of all. The remnants of the being known as Lilith. Her gigantic head, split down the middle, a ghostly smile on its dead lips and a vacant look in its staring eyes.

Gasping, Asuka stared. "That… that looks like…"

"I'm sorry, Rei," Shinji muttered, turning away.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, the soft hissing of the waves pervading the silence. Asuka's narrowed eyes flickered from side to side, taking in her bizarre surroundings. Shinji merely stood, head drooping, gazing despondently at the cold sand at his feet.

Glancing vaguely to his right, Shinji stopped as he glimpsed something. He squinted his eyes to see if he could get a better look at the object.

"What… what is all this?" Asuka murmured. There was no reply, so she turned. "Shinji?"

Her companion had moved a few steps away and was staring at a gnarled tree.

Reaching out with a shaking hand, Shinji carefully withdrew the object from its hanging position. Cradling it gently in his hand, he stared down at it.

Climbing to her feet, Asuka moved over, eyeing the boy curiously. "Shinji? What have you… oh." She slowed as she realised what it was. "That… was hers…"

Shinji didn't look up. A tide of misery threatened to overwhelm him but he forced it down. He spoke vacantly. "Misato's… not 'hers'. This was Misato's cross."

Asuka turned her gaze away in shame, guiltily remembering the hatred she had poured into the undeserving woman who had tried to be her mother. "Misato," she whispered in agreement.

The two of them stared blankly at the cross for a long moment. The waves lapped at the beach.

Shinji raised his head to look into Asuka's azure blue eyes. She quickly turned her head, cheeks burning. "I… I wish she…" The words dropped away.

Gazing sadly at the cross, which was slightly stained with red blood, Shinji gently closed his eyes. As Asuka silently watched on, he squeezed the pendant one last time and hung it around his own neck.

"It's… how she'd want it," Asuka said quietly.

"It's hers," Shinji said in a voice that was equally as soft. "I'm only holding it for her…"

"Until she comes back."

Shinji nodded, a look of mutual understanding passing between them. The boy spoke hesitantly. "All… all living creatures have the power to… come back to life. And the will to go on living."

Asuka smiled wanly. "She'll be back. You know her."

Shinji offered a small smile as well. "You're hurt," he said, catching Asuka off guard.

Surprised, she examined the bandages on her right arm. She hadn't even noticed them until now… she realised that the entire arm of her plug suit had been cut away. Poking the bandages curiously, she noted that nothing hurt when she did so and pulled hard at them until they slithered off her arm. Inspecting it, she found nothing wrong. Her flesh was smooth and clear as always. "I wonder how the bandages got there," she mused.

"Um… didn't you… you know… in Unit-02… get hit? By the… um… Lance?"

Asuka snorted. "There was a little more damage than could have been healed by a few bandages, Third Child. My arm split in half lengthways."

Shinji visibly winced. "You're so… casual about it."

The girl shrugged. "It's better than dying, huh?"

"I… guess. And your… um… eye?"

"Huh?" Surprised once again, Asuka raised a tentative hand to her left eye, which had been covered in a gauze pad since she had arrived. "Oh… my eye. I thought it popped." Ignoring Shinji's shudder, Asuka irritably ripped the pad off. "Well?" she demanded loudly, bringing her face in close to Shinji, who instinctively recoiled. "Is it still there?"

Opening one eye a crack, Shinji stammered, "Can't you tell if you can see out of it?"

Asuka stopped short. "Oh yeah," she admitted, and threw Shinji a wide smile. "Well, who cares how the bandages got there. I'm all right, and that's what matters. Ha! Asuka Langley Sohryu returns from the-"

"Don't say it," Shinji pleaded, cutting in. "Don't say it, Asuka."

Caught by surprise for the third time, Asuka relaxed, a look of understanding passing across her face. "All right, Shinji," she said quietly. "It's all right."

Shinji's shoulders sagged. "I just… I just couldn't…"

He stopped when he felt Asuka's hand on his shoulder and he looked up into her eyes. "I know," she said gently. "I understand."

Shinji nodded, relieved. He turned away from the red ocean and looked at the scene sprawled before him. Asuka did the same, gazing dispassionately over the remains of Tokyo-3.

"So… what do we do now?" Shinji asked her.

"Now?" Asuka frowned. "I guess we should… go home?"

"Or to NERV?" suggested Shinji. "They'd probably want to see us."

"No," replied Asuka firmly. "We're not going to NERV. Not yet. Besides, we don't even know if there'd be anyone there."

"Um… all right," Shinji said meekly. "Then let's… go home."

It seemed so surreal. There were actually people in Tokyo-3. Nowhere near enough to keep the city running, but there was a noticeable amount. The citizens wandered about bemusedly, wondering exactly what they were supposed to do now. Shinji and Asuka avoided their stares.

Asuka strode along, Shinji struggling to keep up with her quick pace. He noticed that her shoulders were hunched, though, and her head was bowed. She wasn't watching where she was going… "Asuka!"

Grabbing her arm, Shinji pulled Asuka to a halt inches before she slammed her head into the pole. The redhead glared at him angrily. He hurriedly released her arm. "I'm sorry… you were about to… hit the pole," he stammered.

She turned away. "Whatever," was all she said.

Staring after her, Shinji stood dumbly for a moment. They had experienced Hell together first hand, gone through Human Instrumentality, survived the 'end of the world' and still she… was like this to him?

Shinji Ikari retreated into his shell and shuffled after his female companion.

Home was not how they remembered it. Though he knew in his heart of hearts that it would have taken a hundred miracles for their apartment block to survive the nightmare explosion of Third Impact, a small part of Shinji had still held out a small hope.

Asuka sighed and dropped her gaze from the gigantic pile of rubble. Shinji turned away, unable to look at the home he had known for what was actually quite a small amount of time… possibly less than a year, but he wasn't really sure. His time in the Katsuragi household had held mixed feelings for him, some good and some bad.

But in this home… here, living with Misato and Asuka – and the irrepressible Pen-Pen – he had felt… happy. For the first time since he had lived with his mother. He felt at ease here.

Of course, Shinji reflected bitterly, as with most things in my life, nothing good lasts. Eventually the apartment had become a place of hiding for him. Hiding from Misato's tears over the dead Ryouji Kaji, hiding from Asuka's increasingly frequent fits of rage, hiding from a world that Shinji believed he didn't want to inhabit any more. His home had become an unhappy place for him, a place he didn't like going to anymore.

But now… seeing his home destroyed, Shinji could only recall the good times. And his heart ached to return to them. He just wanted to wake up in the morning to hear Asuka complaining to Pen-Pen (the only one who would listen) and to see a bleary-eyed Misato drink a beer for breakfast and transform her mood faster than the mind could comprehend. He wanted to hear Touji and Kensuke leer over his guardian when they came to pick him up for the walk to school. He wanted to daydream during his teacher's Second Impact lectures and return home to cook dinner for his roommates. And to go to bed happy knowing that tomorrow would be the same.

But he couldn't have that. Not anymore. He blinked sadly and sat down on a large chunk of masonry. To his surprise, Asuka sat beside him. Neither said anything.

"Will it ever be the same again?" Shinji asked eventually.

Asuka hung her head. She had been thinking the same. "No. The good times are over. You know that."

"I… I just hoped…"

"There is no hope, Ikari!" Asuka shouted, spinning to face him. To his shock, Shinji saw tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She pushed her face close to his and snarled, "Look at all this, idiot! Does it look like everything will be all right? It was Third Impact. For all we know, the whole world has been destroyed! Misato is dead, our home was destroyed, our friends have all gone…"

"Stop it!" screamed Shinji as tears of his own began to well up. "Don't say that! They'll come back!"

"They won't!" screamed Asuka, tears falling freely from her eyes too. "Can't you see? Can't you understand, Shinji? Look at what's happened! IDIOT!"

Her angry slap stung his cheek and he fell to the grass on his back. "How can you be so cold?!" he yelled, hurt.

"How can you be so naïve?!" Asuka cried back furiously, dropping onto the grass beside him and grabbing him by the shirt to pull him up for another slap. "How can you… how can you… have any… hope at all…"

Asuka released her hold and Shinji fell back. They stared at one another for a few moments, their eyes red and puffy. Broken, Asuka's face crumpled and she burst into tears, falling forwards onto Shinji, who started to cry as well. Asuka buried her face in Shinji's chest, sobbing hard and Shinji clutched her arms tight as he cried harder.

After a while, they both calmed a little.

Pulling herself up, Asuka supported herself on Shinji's chest. The two of them, cheeks wet, eyes red and heads drooping, stared at one another. Slowly, Asuka lowered herself, and gazing cautiously at Shinji the whole time she drew closer. She slid her arms around his neck and lay her head against his shoulder, eyes clenched shut.

Neither of them cared at the moment. They needed one another. Shinji wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly.

"We both… want things the way they once were," he said quietly, failing to keep his voice from shaking.

They cried silently together, hugging one another close, unwilling to let go.

Eventually, Asuka shifted. "You know…" she mumbled. "I never told you how good a cook you were."

Shinji laughed hoarsely. "I never thanked you for helping me with my homework all those times."

This time Asuka giggled. They lay silently together again, still clutching tightly onto one another, Asuka's forehead resting against the side of Shinji's chin.

"There… were a lot of things…" Asuka murmured sadly, "that… I should have said…"

"I… wanted to talk to you… a lot… but I was… afraid."

Asuka raised her head and smiled at him. "We have time. Lots of time. Probably not much else, at least for now. Come on, dummkopf. Let's forget this self-pitying and go see what the hell is going on with the world right now."

Offering her a half smile, Shinji nodded and casting one last glance at their ruined home, the two of them walked together back into the heart of the city…

…side by side.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:  With a flourish and a smug expression, I throw my pen down, lean back and idly wonder what the hell I'm going to do now. Chapter 02 is finished! I'm going to have to be careful where I'm going here… I think the romance is a little full on, perhaps arguably close to being out of character for Shinji and Asuka. However, I argue with myself that a) they both desperately need something to hold onto at this time and b) now that they pretty much know each other's feelings (from the series and movie) much of the tension between them would have vanished now that there are no Evas, Angels or soldiers to distract them. Right now, they only have each other. But I think that'll change soon. Comments? Suggestions? I love 'em and read 'em all. Regardless, thanks for reading.