For My Loved Ones by Spelljammer
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1 (I Don't Own The Characters)
Author's Note: Many thanks to the Goddess of Insanity, and the Dark One Shadowphyre
CHAPTER 8: Something For Breakfast
With the eidolon subdued and Harry's pain released a new day broke over Little Whinging. Harry spent the entire night buried inside of his godfather's embrace in his room. When the tears subsided, Sirius simply talked to Harry about various things including how it was NOT okay just to let someone abuse you for a long amount of time. It was really dangerous when it was accepted as the normal order of things. At around midnight both just fell asleep on the bed. Harry's feelings were raw and hard, making him numb all over. He really hated it when people seemed overly concerned about him. Of course he hated it when people didn't care about him either. Vernon Dursley, thank you for screwing with my head. Harry thought as he got up the next morning. Sirius bolted awake, a reflex from Azkaban.
"Gonna make us breakfast." Harry said with a little yawn. Sirius was pretty bleary eyed himself. As he scratched behind his neck and stretched he noticed the shabby condition of Harry's room. It was just a bed with some sheets and a tattered comforter. The room had a mental institution quality to it that disturbed Sirius. No posters of muggle actors or rock stars, no quidditch paraphernalia, no color, no life. "Eggs and toast with soda, quite tasty." Harry added as he simply walked to the bathroom to wash up for the morning. Sirius went over to the window and opened it up, smelling the light mist of rain fill the room. The off-white overcast morning did not help the atmosphere of the room even if the rain did smell nice. Once again he slept in his clothes like he did twenty million other times. He heard Harry shuffle down the stairs and then heard soft footsteps in the hall, Remus entered the room.
"How do you feel?" Remus asked as he walked very close behind Sirius.
"Have no fucking clue." Sirius always cursed when he was either tired or like last night in "attack mode". Remus knew this.
"How is he?"
"Quite possibly shut down."
"Like after the murder?"
"No, he's like me. Totally spent, has nothing more to give." Remus was puzzled for two seconds then remembered. Azkaban. Sirius has to deal with his own traumatic recovery from that place...and he was all alone before he found Remus again.
"What's next?"
"We ask the gods for better days."
"I've been there, mate." Remus then wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist while Sirius was still looking out the window. "He's yours now. The papers say Harold Potter-Black, even if they don't take effect until you're cleared." Remus knew Sirius was flying blind when dealing with Harry, but even if the notorious Padfoot was a trickster delinquent and now an escaped-con, Sirius was capable of great tenderness and sincerity. At least he did a long, long time ago.
"The Blacks...shit Moony. James and Lily would surely be grieving for Harry right now..."
"You underestimate yourself. You subdued the eidolon, and made Harry open up to us. And James entrusted Harry's life to you, last night I saw why."
"It's the wolf that prevented you from having custody of Harry right?" Sirius said as he grasped Remus' worn but slender hand.
"Yes." Was the only response.
"He's just as much yours now too, so I think we all could be the Blacks." There's a scary thought. Sirius said and thought as his heart slightly skipped when he realized what he just implied. They both stared at the overcast sky. Remus gently gathered Sirius' hair with his free hand.
I'm glad you're mine Sirius, mate. I'll help to redeem both you and Harry from the sins of our past. All the strength of this old wolf belongs to you both. Remus thought lovingly. This was a resolution to a new life and future.
"Maybe you should go check on Harry." Sirius knew Harry was probably on 'automatic' again. Sirius thought it would be a good idea not to leave Harry alone with his thoughts. "Try not to push..."
"I know...I'll be there without being overbearing." Remus then took Sirius' hair through his fingers and inhaled its scent deeply. The werewolf could sense the tension and weariness in his mate's body. "Are you going to be okay?" he whispered gently.
"Protecting a loved one gives one strength, it's primal. I never want Harry to be that hurt again and I simply can't imagine life without him now." Remus knew the unspoken version of this statement though. Oh, Padfoot, you wanted to say protecting your son gives you strength. Remus let go and went downstairs leaving Sirius in the rain kissed bedroom. In the kitchen, Harry had a skillet on the stove and the eggs out. The bread was out but there was no toaster so there couldn't be toast. Harry felt very melancholy and was simply going through the motions of life without feeling. His true self yelled at his friends, people who took care of him and all he could do was bark at them about his inability to stand up for himself. He broke the shell of the egg. Remus entered the kitchen.
"Harry."
"Yeah, Remus?" Harry said flatly.
"When you make scrambled eggs, it's best to put the yolks in the bowl."
"I'm making them sunny-side up."
"In the sink?" Harry looked down and noticed the egg yolk was emptied into the sink. Harry's face flushed with embarrassment as he threw the eggshells away.
"Here, I'll make us all something, just sit down." Harry washed his hands and sat down in the living room. Remus cleaned up the yolks in the sink and made a fresh breakfast for three consisting of hotcakes and French toast with powdered sugar. He dished them out and set the plates on the table before walking out into the living room. He hadn't expected to find Harry on the couch curled into a fetal position around a pillow, but he did. It wasn't that Harry was crying or anything, it's that he just laid there, nearly unmoving. Remus sat on the couch by Harry's feet and started to talk. It was meaningless at first, just a recantation of his first attempts at cooking, but it was enough to somewhat cheer Harry up.
"You know, we should get a muggle television. It's better than staring at a blank wall."
"I wouldn't know what to watch. I wasn't really allowed in front of our old telly. I just watched a little 'Keeping Up Appearances' now and then when I was little."
"Ah yes, Patricia Routledge always made me laugh. I think I was the show's biggest fan." This made Harry smile but then realized that the show ran in the early 90's right when Remus was alone. This led Harry to his next question.
"How did you handle Sirius, your best friend and loved one, being in prison with you alone without mum and dad?" Harry phrased this very delicately with the utmost respect for Remus' feelings and Remus knew this. The question was meant as way of asking how to heal and move on from such blunt emotional trauma that was like last night. Remus answered to his best ability as way to guide Harry.
"At first, I didn't handle it well at all. Werewolves are not solitary creatures by choice. Even though we are human, we also have the needs of the wolf, and the wolf side craves a pack, a family. During my years at Hogwarts, my pack was created. It was not the usual pack of just werewolves, but a pack of friends who would do anything for one another. The pack went on to be remembered as the Marauders. But, you already know this. After Hogwarts, we stayed in close contact and they always made sure that least one of them was there for me during the full moon. It wasn't the same because in Hogwarts, I did not have to face the prejudice that I did in the real world, but I still had my pack to call on. Then, the pack was enlarged with first Lily and then you joining it. As the son of a pack member, you are automatically a part of my pack and as such it is my responsibility to protect you. In one day, that all changed. My whole pack, my entire support structure disappeared. I believed that one member of my pack caused the deaths of three other members and orphaned the last member of my pack. I think, in all honesty, I could have handled it better," the werewolf confessed, training his eyes on the floor. It was scratched and scuffed and scarred from the years of abuse it had endured while the Dursleys were there. Much as Harry is scarred Remus realized "I ranted for awhile. Screamed. Threw things. Cried." He looked over at Harry as he added, "I think I even lost myself for awhile. The wolf in a more... manageable way, I suppose." Remus' story was interrupted by Harry's growling stomach.
"I must be hungrier than I thought." Harry said with a sad smile. Remus returned it with another melancholic smile.
"You should eat, so you can get stronger. It's not good to be malnourished for long." Harry's face turned red again. "Yes, I'm sure they did that to you too." Remus pulled Harry up and they walked into the dining room and sat down. Sirius bounded down the stairs in the same white shirt but just in his boxers this time. He was wet from the quick shower he took and was twirling Harry's wand. He put it on the coffee table then bounced over to the dining room.
"Whoa, Remus taught you how to make his sweet stacker breakfast!" Sirius pulled up a chair.
"No, I made it for us. Why are you like that?" Remus said with his face blushing slightly.
"It's my home too now! Besides, you've seen me more naked than this." Sirius caught himself too late as Harry had a questioning look.
"Showers. Hogwarts. Quidditch." Sirius grunted quickly.
"Oh, you were on the team Remus?" Harry asked as he started to pour the milk from the glass pitcher.
"Nah, he just showered with us." Sirius said without thinking. Another strange look. "The Marauders did everything together. We didn't want to leave Moony alone." Sirius then blushed red under Remus' calm but stern gaze mentally kicking himself for giving such a lame excuse.
"You poor man, being a werewolf must really take a lot out of you." Harry's eyes were filled a slight sadness. After hearing about his past Harry mentally commended Remus Lupin for not going absolutely insane for the past thirty, thirty-four odd years.
"I am dealing with it fine." Remus said slightly irritated at Sirius. If Harry didn't think he was wreck before, this just sealed it. Of course they were involved and that's why Remus saw him naked. In their little flat they lived in post-graduation Hogwarts, Sirius was always running around naked. As they devoured their breakfast Remus couldn't decide if that was because of Sirius' sheer lust or if he was too damn lazy. The three ate breakfast in peace.
Meanwhile at the Burrow breakfast was a dead silent affair. It wasn't that the Weasleys and Hermione didn't get along it's just this nagging "Where Do We Go From Here?" feeling pervaded the place. Even Fred and George were quiet. It was more of a guilt feeling. Here they are the happy family loved and stable while someone they cared for was nearly left to rot. Arthur was uneasy with this level of silence. It was if Harry was silently damning them for living a happy life. Hermione too felt bad and was grateful to her wonderful parents. Ron was stewing with himself for not pushing Harry to say how he really felt. After a breakfast of egg sandwiches an owl post arrived. Everyone, except Percy tackled the bird to find out if it was from Harry or not, where everyone else was in a dead pile on the floor, Percy took the letter.
"It's for me. Don't expect to hear from him until at least next week." He sighed as he went upstairs. Molly, the twins and Ron all got up from the floor as Arthur paid for the public owl post.
"I guess he's right." Molly sighed as she helped Ginny up off the floor. "It's not like Harry will just get better the next day."
"Think he's mad at us?" said Ginny quietly.
"Well his inner feelings had a lot to rant about, but I think that was only one side of the story." Molly said "And I want to get better for you." This statement unnerved this mother of seven. Did Harry really think he was a disgusting person? Why was he left with those awful people? Hermoine and Ron went into the living room to do some of their homework. Ginny and Molly did the dishes while Fred and George excused themselves to go into the village. Arthur spoke up.
"I could drop you boys off when I go to work, so get washed up." Arthur said as he went to his room.
"Thanks." They said in unison. If it was possible in this life to be miserable for feeling happiness and joy the people of the Burrow were doing just that. Arthur Weasley wanted to change that, and to simply let Harry know that he was loved. In his and Molly's room while no one was looking he wrote a letter and gave it to Errol. It was sent to Remus.
Greetings,
I wish to discuss Harry's well being privately with you next week over tea or something. Unlike my wife who has serious reservations about Harry's "arrangement" I believe you and Mr. Black are trustworthy people who Harry fiercely loves. I also wish to inform you that Molly was seriously looking into adopting Harry as our own. Although it would have made me very happy to do this since Ron and Harry are like brothers, I also sensed a strange dissonance between Harry and the rest of my family. He was very happy being here but he couldn't totally let go of the shadows of his heart like the eidolon said. Molly and Ron reacted with sincerity and love but as a father I could tell Harry feelings might have stemmed from the fact Harry wants a home of his own, not gleaning off the compassion and light of other people's houses. It is my belief that Harry will only overcome his enemies by unleashing the light of his heart rather than conquering them with curses. When I am with Ron and all my children I silently pray to the Lord and Lady that our world won't destroy the innocence and happiness in their lives. I hereby extend my humblest apologies for leaving Harry alone with the Dursleys with no one turn to and ask for his and your forgiveness. They are horrible people but I think this comes from fear of the magicks. So meet me at the Leaky Cauldron, Wednesday afternoon or write back so we can set up a more convenient time and place
Sincerely,
Arthur Weasley
Harry please believe in me, in all of us here. Arthur thought as he walked downstairs to his happy and safe family. At Privet Drive an interesting conversation was taking place.
"Black's Den is more appropriate than Potter's Den because you're the eldest, Snuff." Harry said as he put the milk away in the refrigerator. He and Remus were putting the breakfast dishes away while Sirius was kicking back on the couch, stomach full.
"Yeah, but we all came together for you. I think this house should reflect that." Sirius replied. "Or we can call it the Den of Wolves."
"No, as much as I am flattered." Remus replied as he wiped the table down. They couldn't let on that a werewolf was in the house...or Sirius Black for that matter.
"Marauder's Stronghold, because that's what we still are even if we lost people." Harry declared. There was a silence then Remus spoke
"I accept."
"I accept too. 4 Privet Drive will be Marauder's Stronghold...or Marauder's Hold." Sirius said quietly. It hurt a little but Harry was right, they still were a pack even with the separation and the losses. Harry put the dishes in the sink; he got the idea for the name after hearing that Remus would protect him too, so he just accepted him as family. Harry wondered if Remus was hurting over the fact that the pack all came together for his sake. Harry put the sticky, sugary plates in the sink and hoped that he would never be the cause of Sirius and Remus pain; after all they came here for his sake, like he was somebody important. As Harry grabbed another plate a shining, peaceful vision overcame Harry's sight.
// An elegant café, bathed in midmorning light.
White linen napkins, wineglasses of sparkling apple cider, Belgian Waffles on Wedgwood china.
Intimate atmosphere, immaculate surroundings, tables with white lilies in the vase.
Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy sharing a table by the ornate windows. Also bathed in light.
Both enjoying the company of each other, Draco's silver eyes filled with true happiness.
The happiness that comes from being with someone you love and trust. Draco says something to Snape.
Severus Snape gave Draco a small, but genuine laugh. //
Harry snapped back into the present reality. Watching Snape, someone he loathed laugh was jarring. Seeing both of them was harsh. They looked so happy, like the way Harry was with his family was now. Why did he get this vision? Is he going to see both his rival and least favorite teacher soon? Draco was like acid a mere week ago. Professor Snape was threatening him with Veritaserum too. The sheer happiness of his vision was disturbing. Draco looking happy, noble and pleasant with the sunlight shining through his platinum hair was...beautiful. Draco as a kind, beautiful human being was very disturbing to Harry. He hated Harry, so much so that Harry was starting to think Draco was only capable of hatred. He also didn't think Snape was capable of kindness or warmth even though he saved him on occasion. He put the dishes away and was lost in thought. Remus and Sirius didn't know he had experienced a vision and thought he was still depressed. The depression was still there but it was small. It gave way to total confusion. Harry went upstairs and laid down, staring at the ceiling.
Those two weren't so bad in that moment. Harry wished he was there in that moment too. Hold it, he was.
Draco, we could have been happy together. I'm sure of it. Why were you so arrogant at the robe shop? If you were as gentle as I just saw you...
Harry then cursed silently. If he was that kind at Madame Malkin's and on the train 4 years ago...
Harry would never have rejected his offer to be at his side.