Konpeitou : Ack! Sorry, this last part took me longer to put out. School again and whatnot. Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, and this may be the last chapter. And I'd like to state that I don't really hate Miyako (though they did make her English counterpart irritating at times). To Gothic Anime Gal : if you read the first and fourth chapters, you can see that it was Miyako's sister who had spiked the punch, while she had made it for them all. ^_^; I hope you all have enjoyed this so far and will tell me what you think of this part, too. Arigatou gozaimashita!
We compromised, instead. Ken bought us both lunch and we picked up some mochi ice-cream on our way to a park near the harbor. Both of us sat together on a pair of swings, staring at the water with the sun behind our backs, pushing ourselves back and forth a little with our feet in the sand. Well, I used one foot to move me, the other still hurt a bit from when I had been swinging really high and jumping off to see how far I could get; I decided to stop after my landings began to get painful. We sat there, moving rhythmically and staring alternately between the calm golden-touched waters and the shadows we cast on the uneven sand.
I took another sideways glance at my best friend, swinging gently beside me, and frowned. Even though some of his face was sometimes hidden by his hair from a little breeze, I could see how the very edge up his lips were pulled down slightly and the way his eyebrows angled together, and the small wrinkles between them that he always gets when he does that. Something was bothering him. I sighed and dragged my foot in the sand, slowing myself to a near-stop as I turned and faced him fully.
"What's wrong?" I asked finally, firmly. His eyes widened minutely and flicked over to me for a brief second, but in no other way showed his surprise – or anything else, for that matter. He just continued to swing and stare out at the water. I kept watching him, willing an answer from him.
"Nothing." Ken answered quietly, flatly. Oh yeah, he was hiding something. Ken, I know you well enough to know that no expression means something in and of itself. I felt slightly hurt that he'd deny it; weren't we friends, after all? Didn't he trust me enough to tell me? I thought we could tell each other everything…
"Liar." I accused, growling ever so slightly with the pain and anger I couldn't hide well enough. He snapped his head around to me at that, staring at me with visible surprise and a little hurt, stalling to a halt as another breeze tossed his hair and the sand beneath us. "You get these little lines, right here," I told him before he could protest, bringing my hand up to press a finger between my brows, "Whenever you're worried or thinking of something important. And you were frowning a little, too. So what's wrong, Ken?" He stared at me a moment longer before dropping his gaze to his knees, wrapping his arms around the chains and making himself move a little bit again. Back, forward, back, forward, back, forward, come on Ken, tell me! I waited for him to speak for at least another minute or two, watching him sway. Back, forward, back, forward, back, forward…
"I was just… thinking," Ken said finally, still not looking at me. He was frowning again, thinking, like he wasn't sure how to really tell me or something. "Thinking that it should be weird, you know?"
I blinked a couple times in confusion. "What should be weird, Ken?"
"Today. Yesterday. Everything." Ken sighed and leaned his head against one of the chains. "It's just, I don't know… You're my best friend, and we were making out like demons. I've honestly never kissed anyone as much or in the same way as I was kissing you. You're my best friend and we're both guys and it just seems like it should have been weird or something…" he sighed again, at a loss.
"But… it didn't feel weird?" I asked hesitantly, trying to guess what was bothering him about it all. I could understand what he meant, totally. Guys generally don't like other guys, especially if it's their best friend, and I've had a rather obvious reputation for liking girls – namely Hikari. It should feel wrong or strange or even uncomfortable or something. But it just… was.
Ken nodded slowly. "It didn't exactly feel right, but it didn't feel wrong either. Being fifteen with a hell of a lot of social problems, I'm not exactly very sure of myself. It just confuses me, makes me really wonder, you know? Makes me wonder what it is I want, why it didn't bother me."
Yeah, I could understand that too. I started swinging a little, looking forward again. "I don't know why, but it didn't make me feel weird either. I know what you mean. It's like, we should be feeling something but we're not, you know? I don't know what to think anymore. I keep going over old memories, analyzing my thoughts on people that I meet and see, trying to figure out how I feel. Before, I thought there was no girl for me besides Hikari-chan, but I could still appreciate the attractiveness of other girls too. Now, I think… I think that maybe I looked at some guys the same way too, judging and assessing attractiveness. I've never liked a guy before, and I was too focused on Hikari to stop and ask myself 'do I like guys?', it just seemed like a useless question." I stared up at the sky above me. I was honestly just thinking out-loud at this point. I'd never had a crisis of sexuality before, and I was very confused. Just what did I want, anyway? "I don't know now if I can just see the beauty of people, or if I like beautiful people. Hikari-chan is a beautiful girl and I thought I loved her; she was who I wanted since junior high. You're a beautiful guy and I didn't mind kissing you in the least. But maybe I didn't mind because you're my best friend and I already love you more than anyone, except Jun." I sighed and frowned in annoyance. "This is all very confusing."
Ken chuckled a little and we lapsed back into silence for several moments, lost in our own thoughts as we watched the rippling waters reflect a darkening orange, and our shadows growing across the uneven sand like they were trying to escape as the sun sank steadily lower behind our backs. The sky darkened to a slightly deeper shade of blue before shifting into pinks and oranges, with navy on the opposite horizon. It was calm and quiet, relaxing with just the two of us swinging together slowly in an empty park.
"I think," Ken said, as the sun finally touched the horizon and marking the beginning of true dusk, "I think that it wasn't weird, and it isn't weird, and I'm not going to worry about it anymore. We're still friends – still comfortable together – and that's all that really matters."
"Yeah." I agreed, wholeheartedly. I watched another ship pass beneath the bridge at the harbor before hopping off the swing and turning to face my best friend with a grin. "Let's go home now, na?" He just nodded and stood up, falling into step beside me as we walked back towards the street. The ground changed from shifting sand to lush grass to hard cement beneath our feet, and another thought occurred to me. "Na, Ken." I murmured, getting his attention, "What are we going to do now?"
"Go home?" he suggested mildly, quirking an eyebrow at me and grinning when I hit him on the shoulder lightly.
"Smartass," I growled teasingly, "I meant about Miyako and our prank."
"Nnng," Ken groaned, tossing his head so that the blue strands swished around his face and neck, and pouted pitifully, "Ask me in the morning."
I laughed and did as I was told, for the second time in one day; whoa, scary, hope it wouldn't become a trend. The rest of the walk was continued in comfortable silence together with a few random snippets of conversations here and there. It was nice, that comfortable feeling, and I knew that Ken was right; it hadn't really affected us in a drastic way, so why worry? I live on impulse anyway, thoughts and plans are overrated. Side by side, we walked together through the semi-crowed streets of Odaiba, best friends following their evening shadows towards home. As far as Motomiya Daisuke was concerned, life was very good.
終わりか
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Konpeitou : This is the last of what I have written for this story. I've debated leaving it at this, or possibly writing an epilogue/afterward type thing. Again, I don't know if I should leave well enough alone. I'll leave it up to you guys who read this to decide what you would like, as an outside opinion to the author. ^^
Kuja : You just don't trust your ending ideas T.T
Konpeitou : Wouldn't that be the fault of the muse, then? =.=
Kuja : …
Konpeitou : Anyway… Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this and review. A story on lives through readers, after all. Doumo arigatou gozaimashita.