Author's note: This is a crazy, extremely short, one-shot fic. But if I get reviews telling me to continue, I guess I might... :-)
Standard disclaimers apply.
Rated PG for some violence and language
"Ok, ok! I'm going!"
Link had been having fun torturing the chickens of Lon Lon Ranch (and then running like a madman before they killed him). Navi, the annoying fairy that she is, decided to bug him during this most inopportune moment, telling him to go to Death Mountain.
Link called Epona (who, by the way, almost ran over her own master) and climbed on.
"Wow, cool! The chickens can't even hurt me from up here! I defy thee, Chickens of Doom!!"
Epona rolled her eyes and started trotting in a random direction.
"Hey, hey Epona, I didn't say to goO-!!"
Link was cut off by Epona's sudden galloping. Apparently, she smelled some carrots coming from the opposite side of Hyrule. And boy, if you're ever in Epona's way, unlucky you. Nothing could stop her. Heck, not even a bomb or the Chickens of Doom could kill her. Link groaned as he hung on for dear life. He made a mental note to tell the Kokiris to avoid making carrot soup whenever possible. But no, this is what he got for saving their cut lil butts.
"There seems to be a mysterious cloud over Death Mountain Crater!"
"AARGGH!! Shut the up!! Is that the only thing you can say? Must I resort to drastic measures?"
"What, do you have a bazooka or sumtin? Nyah nyah!! You can't get rid of me! The Deku Tree stuck me on you!" Navi taunted with glee.
Link widened his eyes with startlement. That was the closest Navi ever got to showing some personality. Not a very nice personality, but a personality nevertheless.
"Deeeaaaatthh...Mountain."
Link sighed. He was cemented to a pint-sized broken-recorder of a fairy and a lunatic horse. What a lovely combination. At least he was pretty safe in Hyrule Field...
"AAAHH!!" Link screamed like a schoolgirl, falling off of Epona while having a semi-heart attack.
"OoGgaAaaBOOgaA!!!" (translation: "AARGH!") A random Poe had popped up out of nowhere.
"AAH!" Link squeaked.
"OOGAHAHA!!" The Poe screamed as it hurled its lantern at Link. Our poor Hero of Time took that hit squarely in the face. That damage + the damage taken from the Chickens of Doom = zero hearts.
"Crap! I'm dead! Ono..wait,...I summon thee, magical tiny fairy thing of the bottle! REVIVAL!!" Link came back from the dead, chopped up the bothersome Poe, and continued on his way to...
"Hm. Where was I going again?"
"There seems to be a mysteri..."
Navi was cut off by Link's explosion. It went something like this: Link takes off his hat. Link rummages through his stash of weapons (I'm assuming he keeps everything in there. It's the most respectable place I can think of...). Link pulls out his secret weapon, THE ULTIMATE MEGA-GIGANTIC PINK ERASER OF DOOM!!. Link wipes Navi off the face of the earth. Link puts THE ULTIMATE MEGA-GIGANTIC PINK ERASER OF DOOM!! back in his hat. Link puts his hat back on.
"Bwahahaha! I have finally gotten rid of you, you pesky vermin!"
(As you must deduct by now, this wasn't one of Link's good days. Usually, he could put up with a lot, including Navi's incessant nagging. But too bad for her this wasn't one of those days.)
Epona shook her head, kicked her master in the stomach for good measure, and ran away.
"BLEGH!! Come back here, you blasted mammal!!!"
Link slumped onto the ground.
"Jeez, I need a vacation." Link murmured.
Link began to daydream. Killing Phantom Ganon (boy, that was fun!), huge Stalfos, Skulltullas, freeing his people, that pretty farmgirl...
"Egh! Yuck! Why'd I just think that? Her name is Malon, and she's a cootie-giver for heaven's sake!"
This time traveling thing sure was brain-boggling. One minute, he's just a normal (ahem.) kid, next, he had strange thoughts and feelings. Link sighed. Enough rest. On to the fiery hell of Death Mountain Crater...