Chapter Title: Fear and Love
Author name: Wings of Seraphim
Author email: wingsseraphimyahoo.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Umm... a romantic Romance?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A story from Kitty's point of view continuing from the episode Under Lock and Key. Someone is taking everything away from Kitty. How will she stop this cunning new mutant? And will Kitty find the love she needs from Kurt, or will she find it in someone else?
DISCLAIMER: The X-Men are not mine, regrettfully. If you do feel the urge to spend money after reading this excellent fic. Either send it to Marvel(tm) or go by a book and don't just put in on your bookshelf make it look like you're smart. Read it and become smart! Also, the poems are mine give me credit if you use them.
Author notes: I was crying for poor Kitty as I was writing this. I felt so bad the way things turned out. Don't fret though, I'm going to write the next part lickety-split. On another note, I'm happy the way my poem turned out. It's a villanelle. They have the same a b a rhyme scheme throughout the five tercets (first five stanzas) and an a b a a quatrain at the end. It was crazy hard to write because the same two lines have to be repeated throughout the poem and there are only to ending rhymes. You should always review!!! It makes the authors feel great. You can give them inspiration and hope to finish their fanfic with just a half of a minute blurb on what you thought of their work.
F e a r a n d L o v e
What would life be like without fear and> love?
Without having fear of the unknown
How can one appreciate the things they love.
Of course it would be nice to be like a dove,
Without war and never being alone
Where the blue skies and clouds are always above.
Angst and fear are also what we all love.
Adrenaline rushes none have outgrown,
And the tears we shed and are not tired of
Fear and Love fit like a hand in a latex glove
When one appears to be all by its lonesome
The other appears before the devil can be spoken of
But is it a bad thing that they are not free of
Each other so that we appreciate our own.
When one seems endless, the other is right above.
What would life we like without fear and love?
That is what I hope I have shown.
Because we all need a little bit of
the love of fear, and the fear of love.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Ugghh... What is this place? This must be a dream. I remember becoming unconscious. Why am I unconscious? Ohh yeah, I passed out when I got to school. I forgot, Why did I pass out? I felt.. really scared... of what? I don' think I can remember. It all seems so long ago. It feels like it never actually happened. That's good because I don't ever want to feel what I felt ever again. I feel fine right now and want it to stay that way. Now all I have to do is wake up. Wait, what's that I hear over there. I think it's footsteps. It seems to be Jean. She must be trying to reach me with her telepathy.
"Kitty where are you? Kitty are you okay? I'm here to help you," the familiar and welcomed voice echos.
"Jean? Is that like, you? I totally feel fine. Can you help me wake up?" I call out to the misty image of jean holding her hand out.
"Kitty, just grab a hold of my hand and I can help you wake up." I reach out to grab a hold of her hand and she pulls me upwards. Now I'm swirling around in a white light where I can hear people's voices.
"Kitty, hold on. Jean's coming to get you," says a voice like Scott's.
"Don't ya even dare tryin' to skip out on us now," the distinctly Rogue's voice orders. I'm starting to feel better. I open my eyes and see a big group of people smile with relief. I sit myself up using my hands and wipe my eyes while yawning.
Then Kurt grabs me in a hug and says, "Keety! You're all right! Don't vurry I'll take you to zhe Institute right away." He begins to pick me up, but I don't feel I need to go home and rest.
"Kurt, wait. You don't need to do that. I'm like, totally fine," I tell Kurt and the others as I get up. I quickly brush off the dirt from the ground on my cloths and straighten my hair. Nobody believes me though. I guess I'll have to tell them what happened. "Really, I'm okay like, for sure. I just got really scared of... well... of something, and like, I don't even remember what it was. I'll totally be okay for school. It's not even important though because it seems like it happened a long time ago. I'm not sure how to explain it."
"That still doesn't explain what scared you, or why," Scott says, and adds in a hushed voice, "It could have been Mesmero trying to use one of us, you Kitty, again."
"And Kitty, trust me, you don't want that to happen to you like it did to me. I think it would be better to be safe than sorry," Jean says in a motherly sort of way while putting her hand on top of my head.
"I know vhat this must be about! You must be having a panic attack about your astrophysics test today, ya? I vould probably be shaking on the ground too if I had to even take that class. " Thanks so much Kurt. He's always there to lend a hand for me.
"You totally got me figured out Kurt. I guess I should be like, getting to class now," I quickly mutter out and quickly start walking across the campus to get to my locker. I look behind to reassure them that I'm fine and I can see that Jean saw right through my little white lie. But did it really matter. I don't think so. I would have never got to class if I (or Kurt) didn't do something. After a couple steps at a brisk pace I here a familiar sound.
BAMF
Kurt decided to drop by. Even though he still doesn't want the rest of the school to see his "freak" side and he uses his image inducer, he has finally admitted to everyone at the school that he is a mutant just like the rest of us at the Institute. I find it a relief to be able to use my powers for convenient things out in public. Like getting things out of my bag and such. I think Kurt enjoys this "freedom" too even if it means that he has to put up with the ridicule of being a mutant.
As he walks next to me, I take a hold of his hand and wrap my five-fingered hands around his three fingered-ones. I love holding hands with him when we are in public and he has his holograph on. No one else knows that I've got his three blue furry fingers wrapped around mine. I let out a big sigh and whisper a "Thank you" to him. There was no need for any other words. He knew what I meant.
"Your velcome, Keety. I just vanted you to know that I believe you. If you say it's nothing to vorry about, it must not be, ja," Kurt says with a hopeful grin on his face.
"Well it's not a big deal, but... I would still like to talk about it with someone," I reply and rest my head on his shoulder.
I don't think Kurt was expecting this. He was probably expecting me to just call him seilly and tell him to get lost and bother someone else. I was almost expecting me to say something like that, but I have been just to tired of keeping my shield up for him. I've been wanting to get close to Kurt for so long and am ashamed of the reasons that I have kept away from him. As much as I hate to say it the reason I never told Kurt how I feel about him is that I always had the chance to get someone that wasn't such a... such a... a freak. I just feel like throwing up whenever I hear myself think that! Now that no "normal" guy would ever go out with me I should be able to finally tell Kurt how I feel, but it still doesn't feel right. It is like I'm settling for Kurt, which I would be. Besides, I would be short changing Kurt. He is one of the lucky ones in a wonderful relationship with Amanda. I don't really feel I deserve him after the way I hid my true feelings from him.
"Umm... Keety? Hello? Ve are already at your locker," Kurt says waving his hand in front of my face, startling me from my thoughts.
"Sorry. Like, I was thinking of something..." I tell him while biting my lip to stop myself from blurting out everything I was thinking to him.
"I'm not so sure anymore that you are feeling okay. You have been acting nice to me!" Kurt laughs out. "But vhat I said to you when you were off in Keety Land still goes. If you have something to say, I have an ear to listen." Kurt shouts out as you runs off to his first class. He is so nice and care-free I think while sighing out loud. I have been such an idiot to let him get away, but... as long as he is happy.
I phase my books out of my locker and quickly start towards geometry to make up for my day-dreaming time in order to get there before the bell rings. As I'm running to get to class on time I notice the halls emptying fast. It's going to ring very soon! As I turn around the corner into the math wing, I bump into some jerk and all my stuff goes flying across the floor along with some of his stuff, and what happens next...
BRRING BRRING
God! I hate being late to math. I am going to so going to drill whoever did that to me. As I start to pick up all the scattered things on the floor that were mine and putting them into my bag, I yell at the person who bumped into me. "What were you doing running around a corner like that!?"
"I guess I could ask you the same question, pretty Kitty," the high school senior sneered.
Dammit! Why did I have to run into him now? It's going to take me forever to get to class now. "Ohh, hi Lance," I moan after picking up my last astray notebook.
"I'll just assume that attitude is because your late to class," Lance sneers. "I saw what happened to you out in the parking lot today. How are you feeling?"
"I'm totally fine. I like, had a panic attack. That's all," I reply . "So how are you and your gang doing. Hurt anyone recently?" I ask sarcastically trying to get him to leave. There's a gleam in his eyes that is really scaring the crap out of me. I just want to leave, but he keeps stepping in front of me every time I try to go around him.
And it seems that my last statement and my attempts to get away got Lance pretty angry. "Come on Kitty! Don't keep hiding from me behind your morals. I know you want me. You can't hide the desire in your eyes Kitty." Lance grabs me by the waste and pulls me close to him.
I can't believe he's doing this! "Eww! Like, this is totally gross! Get away from me!" I yell while trying to push him away. What the hell is going on? I can't move. What's going to happen to me. I think Lance is going to try and... no! NO! He wouldn't do that... I hope... and I realize that tears have started pouring over my cheeks. I try to stop to show him that I am not scared of him, but I can't. I feel like I'm watching this happen to me and have no control over what I can do. All I can do is cry.
He grabs me by the shoulders and takes me out the nearest door and into the parking lot. This can't really be happening, can it? No, this is the kind of thing that happens to other people. He drags me all the way because I've turned into a crying mess. I try to pull myself together, but... the shock of someone I thought I knew about to do something this horrible to me just shattered me. He pulls me into his jeep which conveniently enough has a top on it today and tosses me into the back seat. I've already shut my eyes so I don't have to look at that bastards face. Ohh my god! It's finally started! He's ripping my shirt off! NO! No, no, no, no... It's finally happening. I open my eyes as he stares at my almost naked chest. The primal lust could be seen raging in his eyes. There is nothing I want more in the world then to be able to use my powers right now, but I am to panicked to be able to do anything. We've trained to fight Magneto and to stand up to the ridicule of bigots, but I was never ready for this. None of use were ready for something like this.
Now he's starting to undo my pants. I am so afraid... so fucking afraid. I can't even control my body any more. I am just flailing my arms and legs like a child in a tantrum while he tries to pull my jeans off. When they get stuck and he can't get them off because of my bout of flailing, he lifts his hand into the air and slaps me hard right across my face. As a reflex I scream out, "Professor!!!" and Lance quickly covers my mouth with his hand. Even though he muffled my voice I just know that the professor heard me. I wouldn't be able to hear his thoughts over my own crying even if he did reply. Now he is starting to unbuckle his own pants. Shit... now I have to accept this, but I don't want my first time to be like this or with this asshole. I kind of wanted to be with... Kurt. That's how I'm going to get through this. I just have to keep my mind focused on how great it's going to be when I get to make love to Kurt.
I shut my eyes as tight as I can before he can get his pants all the way off. I brace myself for him to take me, but... he doesn't. Wait! What's that I hear? I open my eyes and see a strong, light-haired man wearing a trench-coat and gloves pull Lance out of the jeep. He is swearing incoherently at him and tosses him into the school, breaking part of the brick wall. Thank GOD!!! This man, my guardian angel, has saved me. He starts back towards the jeep and looks inside. I turn away and blush a little bit as he sees me in my pink underwear, but it doesn't matter. I'm safe. He picks me up in his arms to take me out of the jeep, and I can feel his rippling muscles underneath his jacket. I'm still too embarressed to look my savior in the face. He walk over to his own car and slides me gently into the leather seat in the back, and jumps around to the driver's side door. He starts the car in a hurry and drives off away from the school. I start breathing heavily and think to myself that my guardian angel is far from angelic. It seems as though I have gone from the frying pan into the fire, and for the third time today, I have a panic attack. This time, though, I pass out with the fear that I might not wake up again...
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