Chapter Title: Life's Pulse
Author name: Wings of Seraphim
Author email: wingsseraphimyahoo.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Umm... a romantic Romance?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A story from Kitty's point of view continuing from the episode Under Lock and Key. Someone is taking everything away from Kitty. How will she stop this cunning new mutant? And will Kitty find the love she needs from Kurt, or will she find it in someone else?
DISCLAIMER: The X-Men are not mine, regrettfully. If you do feel the urge to spend money after reading this excellent fic. Either send it to Marvel(tm) or go by a book and don't just put in on your bookshelf make it look like you're smart. Read it and become smart! Also, the poems are mine give me credit if you use them.
Author notes: I think you'll like the ending a little better than the last few chapters but then again, who knows? Make sure to tell me if you did or not by sending me a review.
S t r u g g l i n g t o W a k e
Lying tangled in the sweaty cotton sheets
As a moth in Miss Spider's web, it seems.
Why wake from the tranquility of night's dreams,
Only to wake to the chaotic way that life beats.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
I've been sitting here for what seems like a never-ending amount of time. All I can see is white. The brightness of everything is burning my eyes. I think I'm going crazy, yet I can't shrug the feeling of Dejavu. I stand up and... Wait a minute, I'm naked! I feel exposed and flush as my pink skin sticks out in contrast to the whiteness all around me, and is exposing every part of my body (most I don't want exposed, mind you). I quickly cover my naked body with my arms and crouch down into a sitting position. I don't know how I got naked, but I guess it doesn't matter since there is nobody around to see me. I still wish I had some cloths on though, because I feel really uncomfortable being naked right now. I scan the horizon, the sky, and the ground for signs of anything except the eternal bright white light that is surrounding me. Wait! I catch some pink and blue out of the bottom of my eye. I'm dressed in my cloths I wore to school today! How did that happen? Come to think of it, how did I lose my cloths in the first place?
And then for the first time since it happened I realize the gravity of what actually happened to me. I start to bawl on the white floor and swear over and over again at that bastard Lance. I can still feel his acid skin all over me. It feels like it's burning me up, and I can't get it off me! I start scratching up my skin with my nails trying to make it stop, but it won't! I scratch so hard I start to bleed. The warmth of the blood and the pain of the scratches I've engraved into my arms make the pain Lance has caused me die down a little bit. I can still fell the pain in the background, but it is more bearable.
But Lance didn't rape me... I remember now. He was about to violate me when that man, the one in the trench coat kicked the crap out of Lance, and then he... he took me away with him...
...ohh god...
This is bad! It's not a good thing when some stranger sporting a trench coat takes you away without anyone else knowing! Then I start to put the pieces together. Strong man taking a fifteen year old girl dressed only in her underwear away, he was wearing a trench coat and gloves, and the intense white light. Am... am I... am I dead...! This can't be happening. There aren't any sick perverted serial killers in Bayville... are there? Suddenly I'm out of breath and just need to run. The possibility of me being dead is too overwhelming. I begin running random directions. Everywhere I go it.. all looks the same. From all the crying and running around, I get light-headed and dizzy. I fall down where I stand. When I sit back up, the chance that I might be dea... hic! ...dead... I still can't grasp the idea of me dying. I wish Kurt were here to help me realize that I'm completely crazy. Crazy is a thousand times better than dead.
At the thought of Kurt, I feel a pang in my heart. If I truly am dead I won't be able to see my friends again. Rogue... my wonderful roommate... I'm going to miss her southern accent and hard-to-get personality. There's Scott and Jean, the coolest parental figures a teenager could ask for. I never got a chance to connect with some of the newer kids: Bobby, Amara, Jaime, Rahne, and the others. Bobby was always good for a laugh as long as it isn't me in the shower when he decides freezing the towels would be a good joke. Mr. McCoy, Ororo, the Professor... they've all been so helpful and caring. If it was anybody taking the place of my real parents, I'm glad it was them. Then there's Mr. Logan... He never let anybody in much, but I think he always had a soft spot for me. He would have given his life to save me if he could. I'm going to miss the way he always called me 'half-pint'...
NO! I have to stop thinking in the past-tense! I know this isn't heaven! I can't be dead yet; I haven't told Kurt how I feel about him yet. Besides, why would that stranger want to kill me. After all he saved me from Lance. I know what's going on now. I must be unconscious again. This is all a dream. I stand up and breath a little more normal now and let out a big sigh. So if this is a dream, I'm going to wake up any minute, I bet, and when I wake I can go back to the ins...ti...tute...
Wait...!!! When I wake up I'm probably going to be tied up to a chair in a smelly old apartment about to be raped by a weirdo who can have his way with me any way he likes. This is almost worse than death! I DON'T want to be raped. So... all I have to do is not wake up! I started pacing back and forth, murmuring to myself ways to stay in the dreamworld. A part of me knew this was just my way of trying to delay the inevitable, but the it was no use. My sanity was quickly fading and all I can do is watch myself struggle to stay in the dream.
"I know what I can do!" I hear myself say. "I have to stay well rested and happy here in this dreamworld and I won't need to wake up in reality! Now all I need is to be able to get to my room..." and before I could realize it I was standing in the middle of my room in the mansion. One second I was standing in the middle of the white nothingness and then in my room. The room didn't suddenly pop into existence, and it didn't fade in around me. It just seemed like the room had always been there and like the white world never existed except for in my mind. To make sure both sides of my mind hadn't gone crazy, I made to the window. It was amazing! The institute was all here, the fountain, the forest, the baseball field... Maybe everything that happened earlier was the dream and this is real. I have to tell this to Rogue. She'll never believe me though.
But Rogue is not in her bed. She's not in the bathroom either. I go downstairs to try and find her. She's not in the kitchen or rec room. As a matter of fact, nobody is in the kitchen or the rec room! I at least expected to find Kurt or Scott in the kitchen. Maybe they went out somewhere. I check the Library, everybody's rooms, and all the bathrooms I can think of. I can't find anybody!
"Hello?! Like, is anybody home?!" I scream so the entire Institute can hear me. The only reply I get is... silence... It's a strange kind of silence too. I look for the Professor in his study, but to no avail. I search the basement, the med-labs, and the hangar and can't find even one of them. The mansion is not supposed to feel this dead. This isn't right! The mansion even smells dead. I still must not be awake. The more I think about it the more surreal everything seems.
"So what though! We like can't wake up! Remember what's awaiting us in that cold world. I'm not going back out there."
This can't be right. I'm not really having an argument with myself... Am I? She can't keep us in here. Nothing is right about this place. Just think about it...
"NO! I won't think about it because if I do I might start to freak out. That might make me wake up!" I hear Her gasp in a panic. I try and tell Her that it's okay and we (yeah, like there's two of us) need to wake up anyway. I get more and more freaked out by the argument between myself and, well... myself. I can't seem to get control though! The other half seems to have blocked me out and seems oblivious to my struggles to get free. The part of me in control isn't using any logic at all. She's going to keep us in this dreamworld forever, and I'm helpless to help myself!
"Hmm? They must have gone out to like, do something... I hope they come back soon," and moments later I heard the big front door open and Rogue yelling out my name. I have finally figured out. Whenever she wishes for something to happen or really wants it to, it will, at least in this dreamworld anyway. She races to the front room to great everybody. Everyone walks in and goes to do the things that they might usually do. Ororo goes to water her plant, Kurt and Scott go for a bite to eat in the kitchen. Evan goes straight for a glass of milk. Jubilee and Bobby go... Wait a second! Evan goes into the kitchen for a glass of milk! What's Evan doing back. This place is so wrong. I need to get out of here, but how? I find myself sitting on the couch reading a book. I am not actually reading, but She is.
This person I've created within myself must be a defense mechanism to protect myself from somebody doing what Lance almost did. Now, if there was only someone to protect me from Her. I don't think that I will ever be able to overpower Her...
Dammit Lance! You've gone and fucked up my life. I swear I'm going phase through his chest and rip his heart if I see him again. No, when I see him again. Wait! Who's that outside? Even my insane alter ego notices the person out the window. I know who that is, but it can't be... for more reasons than one. He walks up the front steps and steps right through the front door. His gaze goes right to me, or rather to Her.
"Professor! You're walking! But I just saw you go to your study," I hear Her say.
"Yes, so I see you have created a nice little play world in your head Kitty. You gave us all a fright when Beast brought you home," the professor says.
"What! I don't know what you're talking about." I am a little confused myself, but am starting to piece the puzzle together.
"Kitty, don't you remember? After that unfortunate run in with Lance at school today, you reached out to me. Luckily Hank was nearby to go and save you. He was wearing an image inducer. He was off to meet... well, someone. Good thing too!"
That finally answers all the questions I had. "I don't believe you! You're probably not even the real Professor! He's upstairs and in a wheel chair!" I hear myself scream at what I know to be the real Professor. Damn! She's going to blow it! I guess the Professor can't read a mind while he is already inside of one.
"Now Kitty, I know you've had a rough day at school, and there is nothing I can say or do to make what happened to you today any easier. Right now on the outside though, You are on the verge of going into a coma. Your motives to stay unconscious are causing your body to go into shock and almost shut-down! I'm sorry to say that I can't just drag you out of here. That would cause permanent damage to your mind. You have to make yourself wake up. I hope, no, we are all hoping that you come to your senses and wake up. I know you will so I will be leaving now and awaiting your arrival back in the labs." The Professor started to walk out the door.
He's going to leave before I can tell him about the other personality. I have to tell him. I feel all my emotions boiling up, and then I start yelling for the professor to stay. "Wait!!! I have to tell you something before you go"! Wait a minute! That was out loud! I have control again.
"Ohh no you don't!" she yells as she takes control back.
That bitch! I mentally scream as loud as I can until it becomes audible again. "Professor! I have a second personality that's keeping me here and I can't stay in control!" I yell to the Professor in a hurry. He turns around looking confused. Then I feel the other half take control.
"Shut up! I know what's best for the both of us!" she yells at me. I try to get another message to the professor, but she's concentrating on keeping me from doing just that.
The Professor looks like he is beginning to understand what is happening. "Kitty, I know you are in there. I think this... other you came about to protect you from what you might awake to. Hmmm... I believe I have a solution to your dilemma.
The Professor closes his eyes and starts to concentrate really hard. After a few seconds, She tried to run off, but I was able to keep Her to at least stay still. A minute passed and the Professor awakes from his meditation. "Kitty I think there is someone coming," the Professor shouts as he turns towards the direction of the door.
The figure striding through the threshold was far too recognizable. His boots pounded the floor. His coat swished around his legs. The rhythm of his walk was practically hypnotic. When my eyes finally gaze upon his face, I feel my legs weaken, and gasp in shock. It was the man in the trench coat. I'm starting to doubt that this was a dreamworld anymore... but as soon as I see the look in the Professor's eyes I know that this is some kind of trick he's pulling.
"AAHHH!!! That's the man that kidnapped me and... and he's g... going to rape me!" She screams out.
"KITTY! I can't hold him for long!" the Professor screams back while acting to keep the man away with his mind. "His mentality is one of the strongest I've ever seen."
I suddenly think of a plan myself! Now would be the perfect time to take over and stay in charge of my body. I force out a thought to my other half. I have an idea.
"Yeah?! Well Hurry! What is it?" she screams back out loud.
I think I can take what's going to inevitably happen better than you can. If you let me take over, you wouldn't have to go through it. I think to Her.
"Okay, Okay, whatever! Just as long as I don't have to get touched by that monster!" She squeals in reply, and almost instantaneously I feel a huge presence lifted off my shoulders. I actually feel lighter! I stand up and get back in control of my body. The first thing I do is run over to the Professor. "I'm back, Professor! Thank you so, so much"!
"Your welcome, Kitty. I'm just glad that you are back to being yourself again. It should be easy enough to wake up. You've done it everyday of your life so far," the Professor jokes before disappearing into thin air with his friend, who is not a rapist.
Hmmm... I guess I just have to just want to wake up. It sort of seems kind of Wizard of Oz like in a way. I stand there thinking really hard with my eyes closed that I want to wake up, and what happens when I open my eyes? I'm looking into Mr. Logan's face in the med-labs. It worked!!! I turn and see the Professor in on the other side of the bed as Wolverine. And standing next to the Professor is... him! Even though I already know that he is a friend of the Professor, as soon as I see him I still gasp, "It's you"!
"Please don't be frightened, Kitty. Remember it's only me," and as he says it he takes off his watch and reveals his true self. The first thing I notice are the glowing white wings curled around his backside. It's Warren! The first thing I do is jump off the bed and wrap my arms around him. He truly is my guardian angel.
"Thank you... An... Angel, " I sob into his chest. "I don't... kn... know what I would have done if it weren't for you." I quickly regain my composure and go back to the bed to take a seat.
I notice Mr. McCoy walk over to the door, and as soon as he gets there he says in an overly loud volume, "I think you're well enough for a few visitors," and as he says it he opens the door and all of the other kids fall through the doorway into a big pile.
Through cheers of delight from the people on top and strained grunts from the ones smushed on bottom I hear the professor whisper in my ear, "I didn't tell them about what exactly transpired today. I am leaving that up to your discretion, Kitty."
The only response I give him is a strained smile. I'm too hungry to focus on anything right now. Everyone soon comes over all asking different questions about what happened at the same time, and I butt in, "Can we like, discuss this in the kitchen. I am like sooo totally starving"?
Kurt's response was the first one that entered my head. He yells out "Now dat's my kind of discussion!" and bamfs into the kitchen. Everyone soon heads towards the kitchen the traditional way, walking. Ororo hands me a change of cloths so I can get out of the hospital gowns. I go into the bathroom and change. When I come out the only other people left in the room are Logan and Warren. Logan was the first to come up to me.
"Hey half-pint," he growls out in his rustic voice, "You just say the word, and I'll track down the son of a bitch Alvers..."
"NO!" I scream back before I can hear anymore. "I know Lance is like a total jerk with no regard for human life, but... he truly does care for me at least, and I know that the real Lance wasn't the one after me today. It just couldn't be..." I trail off. I guess I am trying to convince myself just as much as I'm trying to convince Logan.
"Whatever you say... but next time I see him I'll be sure to give him a piece of my mind, so to say," he adds and then extends his claws. As Wolverine (he's not Logan when he has his claws out) leaves the room Warren walks up to me. He's got a great smile.
"I'm just sorry that I couldn't get to you any sooner." He sounds really concerned. How sweet!
"Don't worry about it. I got through it without much trouble. I'm only mad that Lance was the one to do it. I thought he at least cared a little bit for me at least. He was probably only like, deceiving me in order to get what he wanted. Besides, I still like, have my virginity and everything still. Oops!" I say as I blush. I always say inappropriate things when I start to babble. "Sorry, I don't mean to go on and on like this, really."
"It's quite alright Katherine, I enjoy the company all the same," he comforts to me while draping his wing over my back.
"Did you just call me Katherine?" I ask as we start to head to the kitchen. I catch a glance of the clock on the way out. It's already seven o'clock at night; no wonder I'm hungry! I was out for a long time.
"That is your name, isn't it?" he again replies.
"Yes it is, but like, nobody calls be Katherine. Everyone calls me Kitty," I inform him. He goes to say something again, but I interrupt, "No, no, no! It's all right... I kind of like it when you call me Katherine. It just seems... I don't know... right." He seems a little bit apprehensive around me. I wonder why? Ohh well, no use dwelling on it now. "It's going to take us like, forever to get to the kitchen. Let me show you a short cut," I shout out and grab his hand. I take a big breath and jump us right through the ceiling into the hallway leading to the kitchen. Warren seems to be a bit stunned by his first trip through the ceiling (I'm guessing, he could have been a trouble maker as a child), but I need to get some food into my stomach bad. I should have had more for breakfast than just half of an apple. I found my chair next to Kurt and took a seat. Ororo was making one of her African dishes. They are good and vegetarian!
"So Keety, everyone vants to know vhat happened to you," Kurt told me. I then look up and see everyone's eyes pointed at me. I don't really want to tell everyone what happened though. What to do? I probably should tell them, especially the other girls, but I don't want everyone to start treating me like I'm a fragile doll about to break. I guess I'll just start telling the story and see what I say.
"Well after Kurt like, walked me to my locker before first period..." I started out, explaining that I was just standing at my locker daydreaming until I was late and that I had to run to get there on time. "And when I turned around the corner, I crashed into Lance. It's kind of a blur what exactly he said to me. All I remember is him grabbing onto my shoulders... it hurt so much. I was too surprised that he was being so forceful to use my powers. I tried to get... away, but... he wasn't letting go. He then took me out to his jeep and... and... started to..." I couldn't go on! All that fear I was experiencing as it happened just washes right over me again.
"Ohhh my god! Is that what happened to you!" Jean gasps out. She gets out of her seat and puts her hand on my shoulder and comforts me. "You don't have to go on any further." Everyone was silent, all looking down, thinking of how horrible of an experience it must have been.
"But I do! He didn't actually get to do anything," I tell her and the rest of them. "He only got to get a peek at my underwear before Angel came," I shyly tell them. "Only, I didn't know it was him at the time. He had an image inducer on like yours Kurt. He threw Lance out of the car and picked me up to put him in his car. When he drove off with me you can imagine the fear I was having when I realized that some stranger in a trench coat is taking me away, and nobody knows I'm gone. I sort of passed out in a panic, and you guys know the rest. There was silence for a long time. Everyone was thinking how horribly scary it must be to be taken advantage of. The next emotion that swept over everybody, especially Kurt and Scott, was a seething anger towards Lance, but was quickly washed away with the joy that nothing terrible did happen to me. Good I didn't want to eat while the mood was heavy enough break Atlas' back. And speaking of eating...
"Food's ready children," Ororo shouts out. Seconds after everyone is grabbing for a plate full talking about normal things teenagers should be talking about. I scarfed down my portion pretty fast. For a long time we just did things that we normally did. Scott, Jean, Kurt, Rogue, and I watched a movie. It is pretty late and dark so I think that I'll go up to my room, but Kurt catches up with me and asks, "Vhere are you going, Keety"?
"I am going to go up to my room to like, study a little bit because I really do have an Astrophysics test tomorrow. I just need to like, go over a few things," I say to Kurt.
"Okay... Are you sure you juzt don't vant to talk?" he asks with a friendly smile across his face.
"That actually sounds like a much better idea. I'll totally ace it if I study or not," I boast. "Let's go to your room it's right here anyway," I suggest as we walk into the guys hallway. We go through the doorway and head straight for his bed. It seems we've been doing a lot more of this lately. He has been telling me all the things he and Amanda does. Usually his eyes light up when he talks about her. I of course get a little jealous, but as long as he's happy I can live with it.
As I sit down and wrap my legs up into a pretzel. Kurt goes up to a hook he placed on the ceiling so he can swing from his tail. He quickly gets bored of that and sits next to me. He then says, "Ve don't have to talk about vhat happened today, okay."
"Thanks for the kindness Kurt, but like, I need to let some things out of my head before I go crazy, again."
"Again? Vhat do you mean again?" he asks scratching his head.
"When Angel took me in his car and I passed out, I kind of like, sprouted a split personality, you know. She was very weird to. She wanted me to stay in my dreams forever..." I trail off. "Luckily the Professor was there to save me." Kurt didn't have a reply. The both of us just sit on his bed in silence. ... ... ...Kurt is the one to break the silence.
"Even though Angel did save you before anything actually happened, you still must feel violated since it was Lance, ja?
"Yeah... he is so stupid! I didn't have a crush on Lance because he's smart, or funny, or kind, or mature... the only reason I ever even liked him was because I thought he was cute, but now... I'll have to struggle to keep myself from throwing up next time I see his face," I tell Kurt. "I might have done it with him over time if only he had used just a little bit of charm and class, but he's too cool to ask to have sex. Noooo, he has to be the macho punk and take what he wants. He's such a bastard!" I scream out loud enough for the whole mansion to hear me. "Sorry," I mutter out, "but I feel so much better now. I've been babbling on and on forever... How was your day."
"Thank you for asking Keety," Kurt teases in his playful voice. "Acutally mien day didn't go too vell either. I think I failed an English paper, Ich wundere mich warum (I wonder why)? But dat iz not ze worst part. After school, 'Manda and I vere going to go to Gut Bomb for a few burgers. Right after she and I started to valk over there, Scott came running over to us. He told me dat you had passed out again and dat you were unconscious ze whole day. I started to run off to get in ze car with Scott, but Amanda stopped me. I tried to tell her that I had to leave because you were in trouble, but that only made her angrier. She's jealous of you.
"She's jealous of me?!" I squealed trying to stop myself from blushing. It wasn't working. I hope Kurt doesn't see it.
"She actually delivered an ulimatum! She said, 'I'm sick of watching her pine over you. It's either her or me.' Of course I left with Scott to come and see you. I think Amanda and I are through though... But she is the one who's losing the fuzzy one!" Kurt joked in his happy-go-lucky tone trying to cover up all the sadness he was feeling inside. "To think that she was jealous of you. The person who is always getting grossed out by me, the creepy blue fuzzball!" He started to joke.
I of course was a bit offended, but I couldn't say anything. I was using all my energy in order to try and stop the blood from rushing to my face. I couldn't do it though. I want so desperately to just agree with him and call him ugly like I usually do, but my voice isn't working. I can feel the blood boiling in the veins on my face. He's going to find out! My face was finally doing what my mind was too afraid to do. He finally sees my face, and I see his reaction. It's mostly confusion, but I can see a little bit of happiness in his yellow eyes.
"Keety? Vhy are you blushing?" he asks knowing full well what the answer is.
"Um... Like, I actually... well it's like this..." I stutter trying to figure out how am I going to tell him. Reacting to the first thought that flies through my brain, I pounce on blue elf and do what I've wanted to do for too long. I kiss him.