Disclaimer: Oh, by now you must know that I don't own them. The lyrics belong to Coldplay.
Notes: Major spoilers for OotP, so if you haven't finished it; please, for the love of God, don't read this.
Grey Sky Morning
By Bohemian Storm
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame we have to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one said it would be this hard
Two months after it had happened, the rain still fell, pelting the ground with sharp drops. Two months later, clouds still covered the sky at all times and the sun had yet to break though and shine down upon them. Thunder rolled ominously and lightening lit up the sky while the rain kept falling. It just kept falling and Remus knew that it would never stop. Not until his friend's death had been justified, avenged, whatever you wanted to say. The rain would keep falling until things were right in their world again.
The grey morning sky opened up and he was soaked almost immediately after stepping out of number twelve Grimmauld Place. Remus reached up and pulled the hood of his cloak over his already dripping hair, then set off down the street. He had no plans on where he was going, but he had taken to walking almost everywhere. There were no plans for the day, no secret missions for him to carry out, just an empty day that was in dire need of being filled. His empty days were always in desperate need of being filled because if he ever left them as they were – barren days with nothing to do but pace and remember – he always ended up fighting back tears during dinner, then lying to Molly that he was fine and retreating to his bedroom.
He wasn't fine. There was no possible way that he could be just fine, but what else was he supposed to say to her? Cry on her shoulder? Tell her that he missed Sirius more than he ever thought possible? Would he dare tell her that he was so angry at Sirius for getting himself killed now, when they had just found each other again after so long? How would she react when she found out that Remus was so angry at Sirius for dying?
But he was. He couldn't deny it anymore than he could deny that his friend was really gone forever. He wanted to pretend that he was a better person than that, but he wasn't. He was mad at Sirius for being so damned cocky to that Bellatrix woman and letting her get the upper hand. If he had just dodged a second sooner, if he hadn't made the comment to her . . .
. . . "Come on, you can do better than that!"
Why had he been so stupid? Was it because he had been cooped up for so long and this was his way of releasing all that pent up energy? Did he really think that he was invincible? Remus thought that might have been it. Sirius had survived twelve years in Azkaban, after all, why wouldn't he survive a silly duel with a Death Eater?
But he hadn't survived. He had gone through the archway, past the veil and he hadn't come back. Remus had known the second that Sirius had slipped into the darkness that it was the end and he had tried to convince Harry, but there was no consoling the boy.
With rain dripping down his neck, Remus turned down another empty street and stopped in his tracks when he saw the big black dog lying in the middle of the road. Its chin was resting happily on its paws, as if it had been waiting for Remus to turn toward him and find him sitting there, his tail thumping quietly against the street. Clear grey eyes stared up at him from underneath the dog's shaggy fur and the dog got up abruptly.
Remus took a startled step backward and stared at the dog again.
He looked like he was smiling; sitting in the middle of the street, rain water soaking his fur and his tail sweeping happily behind him. Those grey eyes were still waiting Remus inquisitively as if to ask, 'What're you doing, Moony? Can't even say hello?'
"Er . . ." Remus trailed off then stepped up to the dog and knelt on the street. "Hello there," he said softly.
The dog regarded him solemnly, the smile disappearing abruptly. He blinked, still staring at Remus, and then gently nuzzled Remus's hand with his nose.
Remus smiled. "You're certainly friendly, aren't you?"
The dog smiled back, then leapt forward suddenly and licked the side of Remus's face. A cheerful bark escaped, then he jumped away and chased his tail briefly in the middle of the street.
Remus laughed. "Now I know you're not Padfoot. He had more dignity than that."
The dog immediately stopped and sat back on his haunches again. His tail swept the street steadily, the swishing of it the only sound in the suddenly very quiet downpour.
Remus's smile faded. "You're not, are you?"
The dog cocked his head and seemed to raise an eyebrow. They stared at each other in the street like that for a long moment before the dog trotted over to him and sat down again. They remained face to face for a long moment, Remus's hand tentatively brushing over the dog's fur. Everything was exactly the same as his friend's animagus form; he had been identical to this dog, down to the very shade of his eye colour.
"It can't be you, can it?" Remus whispered, staring at the dog and willing him to answer. Just one more similarity would be enough to convince him at that point and he needed to know the truth.
The dog's head came forward and settled comfortably on Remus's shoulder. Tears filled the werewolf's eyes and his arms came up around the dog as he buried his face into his fur. Sirius had done that all the time during school when Remus had been upset about something. He had come to him as Padfoot and rested his chin on Remus's shoulder, offering Remus his fur to cry into.
"Oh, Padfoot," Remus whispered into the fur. "I need you to be here now more than ever. I can't deal with all this alone. Harry can't deal with this alone, he needs you more than I do."
The dog snorted against Remus's shoulder, but remained still.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye," Remus murmured, tears spilling down his face and onto the dog's fur. "You were gone before I'd even known what had happened and then Harry tried to go after you. I couldn't let that happen, you know, so I had to stop him. And after you died it was all about Harry and how he was feeling and . . . I couldn't help being angry, Padfoot, I'm sorry. I wanted to mourn and I wanted to cry, but no one would let me. I had to be the adult, I had to be there for Harry. Why wasn't anyone there for me?"
The dog breathed heavily and cuddled closer.
"I need you to be here," Remus murmured, his eyes swimming with tears. "I need your help now more than ever."
The dog wagged his tail.
"I just got you back. You're not allowed to leave yet."
The dog snorted again.
Remus sighed. "It's not fair. Why do all of my friends die?"
For somewhere down the street a door opened into the rain and a sharp whistle pierced the air. The dog stiffened, then licked Remus's face a final time and bounded away happily. He watched as the dog ran up the front steps and shook the water from his coat before scrambling into the house. The door shut behind him heavily.
Remus remained sitting in the street, staring at the place the dog had been only moments before. He couldn't force himself to stand up and face the world after that. He wanted to sit there in the rain and let it wash over him, wash him away.
Eventually he stood, his hands shaking and he turned away from the house the dog had run into. He walked back toward number twelve Grimmauld Place, his thoughts lost on a dog he had once known.
The sky around him grew darker and the rain continued to fall. Somewhere in the distance a dog howled mournfully and Remus wanted nothing more than to join him.
End