Chapter 3: Consequences
"What kind of deal did you make, Angel?"
"Maybe we shouldn't discuss this now. You did just wake up and all."
"Angel, a lot has gone down. I need to know."
Angel slid down the far wall, not looking at Cordelia. "I thought I was doing the right thing. He wasn't happy. He would never be happy, with the way things were."
"So you sold out to Wolfram & Hart to make him not exist?"
"He still exists. He just has no idea that any of us ever existed," he looked at her then, the pain evident in his ageless features. "He wanted a family he could belong to, so that's what I gave him. A nice, normal family. A life where he wouldn't feel like a freak."
"That's why he stood by Jasmine even though he knew the truth. That's why he destroyed her," Cordelia spoke up. "He knew I wasn't me-okay that makes about as much sense as any of this-and he didn't question it."
"I should have kept trying," Angel said more to himself than to Cordelia. "I should have-"
"Angel," Cordelia cut in softly. "He was too far gone. And you did try. We all tried."
They sat in silence for awhile.
Finally, Cordelia had to ask, "No one else has suspected? Even Wesley?"
Angel shook his head sadly. "They've all been so busy. Fred's in science heaven in the labs. Wesley's buried in the books, but that's nothing new. Lorne's been trying to track down Elvis. And Gunn . . . I haven't really seen much of Gunn."
Deciding it was best to change the subject, "So let's get back to my body being snatched. None of you thought anything was strange when I suddenly appeared? Didn't I act different?"
"Well, you always were a bit different," Angel couldn't help but crack.
"Oh, it's nice to see Mr. Broody has developed a sense of humor," she tried not to smile.
"You had amnesia and we weren't certain how much to tell you, so we left out bits about demons and vampires and non-normal stuff. When you found out, you didn't trust us so you turned to Connor."
"No warning bells?"
"We were just glad to have you back and didn't want to push."
"Alright, but I know I remembered, or whoever was me remembered. And you didn't wonder then why I was so attached to Connor?"
"You said you felt safer with him. With me you remembered everything I did and-"
"I said I couldn't be with you," she finished. "You believed that load of crap?"
"I did do a l-"
"Please don't start the poor me, I was an evil bad vampire, blah blah blah. I know you. I've seen Angelus in action. I dealt with all of that long before."
"You said you experienced the things I did. Knew what I was feeling."
"I did. I do know, but that doesn't change anything. Especially when I've had my own experiences as Cordelius."
"But it wasn't you in control."
"Any more than you are when Angelus is. Doesn't mean I still don't have to live with the consequences. Tell me when you look at me you don't see what she did as me?"
"I do but I know you."
"Exactly. So why do you think it would be any different with me?"
Angel shrugged.
"Moving on. It was only the sudden pregnancy that tipped you off?"
"You remember what happened the last time you were 'suddenly' pregnant?"
"Well, that's just plain obvious. Me having sex never leads to any good," she covered her mouth, remembering that Angel had seen her and Connor.
"Another thing we have in common," he smirked.
She had to laugh at that. "We both become evil, I just become pregnant as well-which you have to admit makes it even worse. At least when you become evil you get some fashion sense. Oh no. I should have known. No, wait, you're just wearing color, no leather."
"At least it's a dark color. I was wearing pale yellow when I was under Jasmine's control."
"God, are you serious?" she shuddered. "Well, she obviously didn't pick up anything from me because I would have so never let you run around in something like that. You're pale as death, light yellow tones are never a good choice with pale skin."
He repressed a smile. "So how are you feeling?"
"Like I just woke up from a coma to find someone else had been living my life for the better part of a year, but I think I'll manage," she replied. Then remembering something. "You mentioned Lilah in connection with the Wolfram & Hart deal. Didn't evil me kill her?"
"You seriously think death would stop her?"
"True." Cordelia looked around the room then at Angel. "How about giving me a tour, Mr. Angel?"
"What kind of deal did you make, Angel?"
"Maybe we shouldn't discuss this now. You did just wake up and all."
"Angel, a lot has gone down. I need to know."
Angel slid down the far wall, not looking at Cordelia. "I thought I was doing the right thing. He wasn't happy. He would never be happy, with the way things were."
"So you sold out to Wolfram & Hart to make him not exist?"
"He still exists. He just has no idea that any of us ever existed," he looked at her then, the pain evident in his ageless features. "He wanted a family he could belong to, so that's what I gave him. A nice, normal family. A life where he wouldn't feel like a freak."
"That's why he stood by Jasmine even though he knew the truth. That's why he destroyed her," Cordelia spoke up. "He knew I wasn't me-okay that makes about as much sense as any of this-and he didn't question it."
"I should have kept trying," Angel said more to himself than to Cordelia. "I should have-"
"Angel," Cordelia cut in softly. "He was too far gone. And you did try. We all tried."
They sat in silence for awhile.
Finally, Cordelia had to ask, "No one else has suspected? Even Wesley?"
Angel shook his head sadly. "They've all been so busy. Fred's in science heaven in the labs. Wesley's buried in the books, but that's nothing new. Lorne's been trying to track down Elvis. And Gunn . . . I haven't really seen much of Gunn."
Deciding it was best to change the subject, "So let's get back to my body being snatched. None of you thought anything was strange when I suddenly appeared? Didn't I act different?"
"Well, you always were a bit different," Angel couldn't help but crack.
"Oh, it's nice to see Mr. Broody has developed a sense of humor," she tried not to smile.
"You had amnesia and we weren't certain how much to tell you, so we left out bits about demons and vampires and non-normal stuff. When you found out, you didn't trust us so you turned to Connor."
"No warning bells?"
"We were just glad to have you back and didn't want to push."
"Alright, but I know I remembered, or whoever was me remembered. And you didn't wonder then why I was so attached to Connor?"
"You said you felt safer with him. With me you remembered everything I did and-"
"I said I couldn't be with you," she finished. "You believed that load of crap?"
"I did do a l-"
"Please don't start the poor me, I was an evil bad vampire, blah blah blah. I know you. I've seen Angelus in action. I dealt with all of that long before."
"You said you experienced the things I did. Knew what I was feeling."
"I did. I do know, but that doesn't change anything. Especially when I've had my own experiences as Cordelius."
"But it wasn't you in control."
"Any more than you are when Angelus is. Doesn't mean I still don't have to live with the consequences. Tell me when you look at me you don't see what she did as me?"
"I do but I know you."
"Exactly. So why do you think it would be any different with me?"
Angel shrugged.
"Moving on. It was only the sudden pregnancy that tipped you off?"
"You remember what happened the last time you were 'suddenly' pregnant?"
"Well, that's just plain obvious. Me having sex never leads to any good," she covered her mouth, remembering that Angel had seen her and Connor.
"Another thing we have in common," he smirked.
She had to laugh at that. "We both become evil, I just become pregnant as well-which you have to admit makes it even worse. At least when you become evil you get some fashion sense. Oh no. I should have known. No, wait, you're just wearing color, no leather."
"At least it's a dark color. I was wearing pale yellow when I was under Jasmine's control."
"God, are you serious?" she shuddered. "Well, she obviously didn't pick up anything from me because I would have so never let you run around in something like that. You're pale as death, light yellow tones are never a good choice with pale skin."
He repressed a smile. "So how are you feeling?"
"Like I just woke up from a coma to find someone else had been living my life for the better part of a year, but I think I'll manage," she replied. Then remembering something. "You mentioned Lilah in connection with the Wolfram & Hart deal. Didn't evil me kill her?"
"You seriously think death would stop her?"
"True." Cordelia looked around the room then at Angel. "How about giving me a tour, Mr. Angel?"