Written with my dear, fabulous Spire.
-
"Well, it's bloody obvious!" Ron hissed.
"What the hell are you on about?" Harry balked, completely and utterly surrounded by his friends.
"Come on Harry, we're your friends, you know you can tell us anything." Hermione smiled in a perfect 'we couldn't possibly be doing anything bad' way. Harry was suddenly very, very nervous.
"Tell you what?" And confused, we can't forget confused.
"About Malfoy." Seamus made a vague 'you know' gesture with his hand.
"Malfoy?" Harry asked blankly.
"And you." Dean supplied, backing up Seamus, as usual.
Harry just blinked.
"We know you're not as innocent as everyone thinks you are. We know you too well, you can't fool us." Fred, or was it George?, playfully punched him on the shoulder.
"What in the name of Merlin, are you all talking about?"
"Sex!" Ginny blurted out.
"With Malfoy?" Harry squeeked, then choked, then turned a light shade of verdant before finally breathing in again.
"For the love of God, we all know you two are shagging." Neville pipped up, to the amazement of the rest of the assembled. "What?"
"I'm not having sex with Malfoy! Why the hell would you all think up something like that?"
Ron kicked a stone pillar, cursed, and then started shouting.
"Well it's bloody OBVIOUS, innit? All the fighting, and bickering, and all that god-awful sexual tension. You've got to be sleeping together. There's no other excuse."
"We don't blame you… I mean, he is very, um, pretty. Very pretty, yet in a refined masculine way, alluring and -"
"Thank you George…" Hermione smiled.
"I'm not having sex with Draco." Harry denied, yet again. "But you obviously want to." Harry violently pointed his finger at George.
"No way, George's with me all the time and he's usually too tired after we -" Fred explained.
Ron choked, then shot his brothers a horrified look.
"You didn't - know?" Ginny seemed actually surprised.
"You told Ginny!?!"
"It was kind of hard not to after she walked in when we were -"
"No. Stop. I'm just - going to pretend we never had this little conversation, for the sake of my sanity, and go back to living my normal happy life. Where my brothers aren't having sex. With each other."
The twins rolled their eyes.
"Then I suppose you don't want to know about Bill and the -"
"No! Not, I don't!"
Throughout the intra-Weasley conversation Harry began to slowly inch his way towards the door. "Well, since we've got all this straightened out, I think I'm just going to go upstairs and work on my - charms homework."
"Oh no you don't, Mr. Boy Who Lived. You're staying right. here." Seamus grabbed him by the scruff of his robes.
"But - we've got that big test. And, homework's such a big part of our grade, and -" Harry shot a pleading look at Hermione, but was completely shot down by her 'not this time, Mr. Potter' face.
"Now you're just trying to change the subject." Seamus pointed out, insightfully.
"Have you all gone completely barking mad? This is Draco Malfoy we're talking about. He hates me! His father wants to kill me!" Harry reasoned.
"So it's one of those Romeo and Juliet my only love from my only hate kind of things." Hermione had this oddly dreamy look on her face, while the pureblood wizards looked confused. "Star-crossed lovers? Come on, it's romantic." At that, she and Ginny exchanged lovey girly glances as Seamus shook his head in his hands.
"No, it is not romantic. At all. It's disgusting. It's - it's - wrong! And unnatural!" Harry was practically shaking, he was so, well, there wasn't a word for it.
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much." From Neville, of all people, which, once again, won him a slew of confused glances. "…what?"
"Nothing." Harry sighed as he began to bang his head against a stone pillar. "I -thunk- Am -thunk- Not -thunk- Sleeping -thunk- With -thunk- Draco -thunk- Malfoy!"
"This is getting us absolutely nowhere." Dean sighed as Harry repeated this action multiple times.
"You know, he might not actually know what we're talking about." Hermione thought aloud.
"Thank you!" Harry exclaimed, joyfully.
"Draco could have used a memory charm…"
-thunk-
"You know, that's exactly the kind of thing someone like Malfoy would do." Seamus nodded to Hermione, much to Harry's dismay. He was encouraging the girl.
Dean then proceeded to come up with the worst possible idea. "Maybe we should talk to Draco about this…"
Harry paused from hitting his head against the pillar long enough to say, "Oh, please do. This conversation couldn't possibly get any worse. Let's drag Malfoy into it!"
"Drag me into what?" Malfoy.
Shit. Fan.
Never one to miss out on torturing Harry Potter, Malfoy joined right in on the conversation. Hermione gave him a saccharine sweet, understanding look.
"Why don't you have a seat -" Hermione conjured big squishy armchairs for everyone.
"No, no. Why don't you just - go away." Harry pleaded, on the very cusp of begging. "And - and forget anything you've heard."
"No. Seeing as you were all standing around talking about me, I think I have a right to know what you were saying, Potter." Malfoy sneered in an alarmingly attractive manner, and sat down next to Harry. Right next to Harry.
Wait, attractive?
"So, what were we talking about?"
"Well, first of all, I'm going to warn you that I may be forced to kill you by the end of this conversation." Ron added in an frightfully cheerful voice.
"No, Ron." Hermione responded. "No killing."
"Speak for yourself, Granger."
"By anyone. Even you, Malfoy." Hermione fixed him with a stern 'Miss Granger disapproves' look. Which Malfoy promptly ignored.
"To get back on target - what were we talking about?" Malfoy drawled.
"Sex!" Again, from Ginny, with even less tact.
"Filling Potter in on the basics, I see." Draco smirked.
"No, Malfoy." Neville sighed. "About you having sex with Harry." The crowd was too distracted by Draco falling off his chair to give Neville confused looks. He was grateful.
"What?" Draco sputtered, attempting to regain his dignity.
"Will the two of you knock it off? We all know - the whole school knows! Why can't the two of you just come out of the closet and admit it?" George growled, frustrated.
"Well, technically, Harry already came out of a closet…" Ginny gave him a supportive smile.
"It was a cupboard!" Harry was on the verge of tears, and was pulling his hair out in small clumps.
"Well, now that I've confirmed my suspicions that you are all raving lunatics, I'll just be on my way." Draco stood. "And, for the record, Potter and I are not having sex. Goodnight."
"Well, now that that's sorted out, understand if I don't ever want to speak to you all again." Harry followed Draco away from the group as swiftly as his awkward teenaged legs would carry him.
Once they had safely stormed into what Hermione was certain was an empty classroom, she turned back to the group, saying only one thing.
"So - do you think it worked?"
-
"Well, it's bloody obvious!" Ron hissed.
"What the hell are you on about?" Harry balked, completely and utterly surrounded by his friends.
"Come on Harry, we're your friends, you know you can tell us anything." Hermione smiled in a perfect 'we couldn't possibly be doing anything bad' way. Harry was suddenly very, very nervous.
"Tell you what?" And confused, we can't forget confused.
"About Malfoy." Seamus made a vague 'you know' gesture with his hand.
"Malfoy?" Harry asked blankly.
"And you." Dean supplied, backing up Seamus, as usual.
Harry just blinked.
"We know you're not as innocent as everyone thinks you are. We know you too well, you can't fool us." Fred, or was it George?, playfully punched him on the shoulder.
"What in the name of Merlin, are you all talking about?"
"Sex!" Ginny blurted out.
"With Malfoy?" Harry squeeked, then choked, then turned a light shade of verdant before finally breathing in again.
"For the love of God, we all know you two are shagging." Neville pipped up, to the amazement of the rest of the assembled. "What?"
"I'm not having sex with Malfoy! Why the hell would you all think up something like that?"
Ron kicked a stone pillar, cursed, and then started shouting.
"Well it's bloody OBVIOUS, innit? All the fighting, and bickering, and all that god-awful sexual tension. You've got to be sleeping together. There's no other excuse."
"We don't blame you… I mean, he is very, um, pretty. Very pretty, yet in a refined masculine way, alluring and -"
"Thank you George…" Hermione smiled.
"I'm not having sex with Draco." Harry denied, yet again. "But you obviously want to." Harry violently pointed his finger at George.
"No way, George's with me all the time and he's usually too tired after we -" Fred explained.
Ron choked, then shot his brothers a horrified look.
"You didn't - know?" Ginny seemed actually surprised.
"You told Ginny!?!"
"It was kind of hard not to after she walked in when we were -"
"No. Stop. I'm just - going to pretend we never had this little conversation, for the sake of my sanity, and go back to living my normal happy life. Where my brothers aren't having sex. With each other."
The twins rolled their eyes.
"Then I suppose you don't want to know about Bill and the -"
"No! Not, I don't!"
Throughout the intra-Weasley conversation Harry began to slowly inch his way towards the door. "Well, since we've got all this straightened out, I think I'm just going to go upstairs and work on my - charms homework."
"Oh no you don't, Mr. Boy Who Lived. You're staying right. here." Seamus grabbed him by the scruff of his robes.
"But - we've got that big test. And, homework's such a big part of our grade, and -" Harry shot a pleading look at Hermione, but was completely shot down by her 'not this time, Mr. Potter' face.
"Now you're just trying to change the subject." Seamus pointed out, insightfully.
"Have you all gone completely barking mad? This is Draco Malfoy we're talking about. He hates me! His father wants to kill me!" Harry reasoned.
"So it's one of those Romeo and Juliet my only love from my only hate kind of things." Hermione had this oddly dreamy look on her face, while the pureblood wizards looked confused. "Star-crossed lovers? Come on, it's romantic." At that, she and Ginny exchanged lovey girly glances as Seamus shook his head in his hands.
"No, it is not romantic. At all. It's disgusting. It's - it's - wrong! And unnatural!" Harry was practically shaking, he was so, well, there wasn't a word for it.
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much." From Neville, of all people, which, once again, won him a slew of confused glances. "…what?"
"Nothing." Harry sighed as he began to bang his head against a stone pillar. "I -thunk- Am -thunk- Not -thunk- Sleeping -thunk- With -thunk- Draco -thunk- Malfoy!"
"This is getting us absolutely nowhere." Dean sighed as Harry repeated this action multiple times.
"You know, he might not actually know what we're talking about." Hermione thought aloud.
"Thank you!" Harry exclaimed, joyfully.
"Draco could have used a memory charm…"
-thunk-
"You know, that's exactly the kind of thing someone like Malfoy would do." Seamus nodded to Hermione, much to Harry's dismay. He was encouraging the girl.
Dean then proceeded to come up with the worst possible idea. "Maybe we should talk to Draco about this…"
Harry paused from hitting his head against the pillar long enough to say, "Oh, please do. This conversation couldn't possibly get any worse. Let's drag Malfoy into it!"
"Drag me into what?" Malfoy.
Shit. Fan.
Never one to miss out on torturing Harry Potter, Malfoy joined right in on the conversation. Hermione gave him a saccharine sweet, understanding look.
"Why don't you have a seat -" Hermione conjured big squishy armchairs for everyone.
"No, no. Why don't you just - go away." Harry pleaded, on the very cusp of begging. "And - and forget anything you've heard."
"No. Seeing as you were all standing around talking about me, I think I have a right to know what you were saying, Potter." Malfoy sneered in an alarmingly attractive manner, and sat down next to Harry. Right next to Harry.
Wait, attractive?
"So, what were we talking about?"
"Well, first of all, I'm going to warn you that I may be forced to kill you by the end of this conversation." Ron added in an frightfully cheerful voice.
"No, Ron." Hermione responded. "No killing."
"Speak for yourself, Granger."
"By anyone. Even you, Malfoy." Hermione fixed him with a stern 'Miss Granger disapproves' look. Which Malfoy promptly ignored.
"To get back on target - what were we talking about?" Malfoy drawled.
"Sex!" Again, from Ginny, with even less tact.
"Filling Potter in on the basics, I see." Draco smirked.
"No, Malfoy." Neville sighed. "About you having sex with Harry." The crowd was too distracted by Draco falling off his chair to give Neville confused looks. He was grateful.
"What?" Draco sputtered, attempting to regain his dignity.
"Will the two of you knock it off? We all know - the whole school knows! Why can't the two of you just come out of the closet and admit it?" George growled, frustrated.
"Well, technically, Harry already came out of a closet…" Ginny gave him a supportive smile.
"It was a cupboard!" Harry was on the verge of tears, and was pulling his hair out in small clumps.
"Well, now that I've confirmed my suspicions that you are all raving lunatics, I'll just be on my way." Draco stood. "And, for the record, Potter and I are not having sex. Goodnight."
"Well, now that that's sorted out, understand if I don't ever want to speak to you all again." Harry followed Draco away from the group as swiftly as his awkward teenaged legs would carry him.
Once they had safely stormed into what Hermione was certain was an empty classroom, she turned back to the group, saying only one thing.
"So - do you think it worked?"