Disclaimer: The character of Ralph Wiggum is owned by "The Simpsons"
The Strange New World
"A Plane?" Perry asked. Perry was deathly afraid of planes, and he had never flown before. He thoroughly enjoyed keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you very much.
"I'm afraid so, Perry," Aunt Lily looked down and sniffled, "My little Perry is all grown up." another sniffle from Uncle James. Perry had been returned to them for one short week before setting out to Pigpimpleton, though Lily saw it as a metaphor for Perry leaving for the big wide world. Perry would leave and live in a dorm at Pigpimpleton and come back only for vacation, but it wouldn't be the same. They'd be left with none other than.Harry. Instead of putting up with him, they decided to dispose of him. Dear old Harry. Well, perhaps he wasn't that old, after all he was their son and quite a bit younger than they, but Harry was just- well, Harry! Simple, quiet, and intelligent enough, he could grow up to become one out of a million others, and a million others could grow up to become like him. And if he were to die, hardly a million would even notice.
But while Aunt Lily and Uncle James were depressed, Perry's insides were doing non-stop back-flips. He had gotten a taste of the wizarding world and he felt just a tingle of magic surging through his veins. It was a part of him and he knew it. As much as he loved his Aunt and Uncle, he had to admit that he would rather be at Pigpimpleton or with Dirgah. He had always been respected, but he had finally felt truly accepted, as if he had found his place in the wizarding world.
Perry kissed his Aunt and Uncle goodbye and gave Harry a hug.
"I'll write," Perry said to Harry.
"I'll write back," Harry replied. It was a family moment. They all froze. Several awkward moments went by.
"Just go already!" screamed Harry impatiently.
"Shush, sweetheart" said Uncle James absently, as if Harry wasn't even there.
A tear escaped from Uncle James's right eye as Perry hauled his luggage away in a cart, walking towards the plane entrance. His plane was flight 112.6-a flight designated as a flight for students to Pigpimpleton, but disguised as a flight to the middle of nowhere- in other words, Kansas. Harry was also going away to school, far off to California where he got into a public school called Garfield Elementary. Harry was going to go live with some distant relatives and study 'Californian culture' as Aunt Lily called it. It was just an excuse to dispose of Harry, because there wasn't much for him to do at home with Perry at Pigpimpleton. In fact, over the years Uncle James and Aunt Lily had begun to think of Harry as hired help- a companion for Perry. Now Harry would just get in the way of things.
"You think our boy will do alright?" asked Uncle James with a quiver in his voice.
"I'm sure he will, James. He is a strong, independent boy- everyone will love him." replied Aunt Lily, sounding not unsure. She meant what she said, but she did not like the idea of her baby away from her for 9 straight months.
Perry's stomach was tied up into knots. It wasn't that he was nervous; he was perfectly fine with going to somewhere far, far away for 9 months- it would be just like that time he went to Boy Scout Camp. But the fact of the matter was that Perry really didn't like planes. There were just too many things that could go wrong with an airplane: the engine could fail, the plane could crash, someone could get elevation sickness, or one of those plastic looking flight attendants could choke on a peanut.
Thinking about it made Perry quite nauseous so he tried to look for a barf bag, just in case. While digging through the plastic bag of materials provided for him (a toothbrush and pillow, among other things) a short perky brunette came in a tacky orange and green flight attendant's uniform asked him if he was quite alright and directed him to the restroom, where they kept the barf bags. As he stumbled through the aisle he nearly crashed into tall awkward boy with glasses and a smudge of vomit across his chin.
"You too?" the boy asked.
"Not yet," Perry replied, wondering if he was so green that everyone could notice his nausea.
"I'm Nor, Nor Yeaslew. What's your name?" Perry never got to respond, because at that very moment, another dribble of vomit escaped from Nor's mouth and he coughed violently and ran back into the bathroom. He emerged again minutes later with two barf bags- one for Perry and the other for himself. Nor handed one to Perry in a friendly gesture. They returned to their seats only to discover that they were actually sitting only two seats apart from one another. A small trade-off with the annoying blond female in between them left the two new friends sitting next to each other looking sick to their stomachs.
The brunette flight attendant returned.
"You know," she began, "I once heard that Alf Wafers- you know, that chocolate candy stuff? I once heard that it would do wonders for an unsettled stomach. Would you boys like some? I think you two need it." As she handed them the Wafers in exchange for 3 Silkis, she tapped the Wafers with tiny translucent thimble that happened to be resting on her thumb in order to transform the Wafers into a cure for their queasiness. The brunette knew a thing or two about wizarding nursing.
"Alf Wafers?" mumbled Perry to himself amazed.
"Aw!! How cool!!! We got Alf Wafers! Which pog did you get?" Nor said, "I collect the pogs that come with the wafers but it's rather difficult because my parents don't let me get candy too often- I'm an only child so they're a bit overprotective of me." He took several bites of his wafer and instantly felt better before abruptly stopping. "What did you say your name was again?"
"Perry - Perry Hotter II to be specific."
"No way!!!"
"Um."
"Well, I've heard all about you!!" Nor said excitedly
"That's great- I suppose." Perry looked around uneasily, "So who am I then?"
"You're Perry Hotter the II!"
"I think we've established that already," said Perry unenthusiastically.
"Can I see your scar?"
"What scar?"
"You know," begged Nor, "The scar."
"Do you even know where it is?" said Perry uncomfortably.
"Yes I certainly do! Everyone in the wizarding world does. Why, it's as famous as you are." said Nor matter-of-factly.
"That's slightly disturbing. Um, no that's okay."
"Rain check, then?"
"Um. NO." An uncomfortable moment passed.
"Have you seen a banana rolling by?" a mysteriously perky voice inquired. Perry and Nor turned to see the girl they had traded seats with in order to sit next to each other. She was pretty and blonde but fidgety and just a little too much on the hyperactive side.
"Who are you?" Nor demanded.
"Jennifur Stephanie Erica Cara Lindsay Rengard!! That's J-E-N-N-I-F-U-R S-T- E-P-H-A-N-I-E E-R-I-C-A ."
"OKAY!" Perry screamed. Nor and Jennifur gaped fearfully because of the unnatural elevation in Perry's voice. "Okay, we get it," said Perry regaining his usual calm composure.
"So as I was, like, saying- have you seen a banana? A boy named Ralph Wiggum is looking for it. The banana's name is Neville," said Jennifur solemnly.
"You do realize that banana's don't roll, right?" asked Nor.
"Well, you know that- and I know that, but I don't think Ralph does," whispered Jennifur leaning dangerously close to Nor.
"OOH!! OOH!! Bananas don't have names either!!!" said Nor, extremely pleased with himself.
Nor began to grin stupidly.
"So. I'm just going to go back to looking for Ralph's banana. It was just fabulous meeting you!! Do you know what house you want to be in? Why don't you think about that while I'm gone?" said Jennifur.
"Ok. So bye then!" says Perry.
"Bye Jennifur!!!" said Nor eagerly.
"Wow that Jennifur sure is a character, isn't she?" said Nor.
"Um, sure dude- whatever you say. Hey, do you have any idea how long this flight is supposed to be? There's no landing time mentioned on the plane ticket, you know."
"Its alright- magical peoples have quite a disregard for silly things like time. You're new to this wizarding thing, even though you're Perry Hotter II, aren't you?"
"How on earth could you tell?"
"My father's non-magical himself, but my mother knew quite a lot and over the years I have done so much personal studying about the history and such of Pigpimpleton." Nor pushed his silver glasses up against the bridge of his nose.
"Already with the nerdy crowd, are we Mr. Hotter?" said the little Goth boy, standing in the aisle looking at Perry. He reached out his hand and Perry tentatively shook it. "So it is you, Perry Hotter." His gaze pierced.
"Not to be rude or anything, but how did you know?" asked Perry.
"Rumor said that you were sitting here though no one knew for sure. I just wanted to check it out and introduce myself. I'm Ocard Folay, Ocard Muriel Folay IV and these are my accomplices, Amanda Clam," He pointed to the freakishly skinny blonde girl with sunken eyes behind him, "and Benjamina Gail," He pointed to the redhead next to Amanda. "You can call them Clam and Gail." He continued, "What house do you hope to be in?"
Perry sat and stared at the seat in front of him blankly because he was very confused about the last statement Folay had made.
"Perry? Did you hear me?" Folay asked. Perry just sat still, counting the number of flowers on the patterned seat. "My, my, is the famous Perry Hotter a dunce or what? Come along now Clam and Gail. Folay! Folay!!" He cried anxiously, "Folay! Folay!!" He snapped his fingers to the beat only he knew.
Perry felt a nudge coming from his left. It was Nor.
"Why didn't you answer him, Perry?"
"I didn't- well I don't exactly know what the houses are," Perry replied. But Nor never quite got to respond because at that very moment the plane began to incline slowly downward and an annoying female voice told them to "Buckle their seatbelts and put away any electronic or magical devices."
For all of the students on their plane, this was their first glimpse ever of the renowned Pigpimpleton. After they passed a layer of silver clouds Perry could see four barrack-like buildings in the corners of a large area marked off deep lines in the dirt which represented transparent electrical fences (Though Perry did not know that). In the middle of the four buildings stood three skyscrapers, tall, proud and gleaming- each changing color slowly and almost unnoticeably like a neon sign without the bright glare or the outward tackiness. As soon as the plane got to the center of the three skyscrapers it began a slope-less descent; straight down, slowly but surely. Perry then saw the two small plain administrative buildings and then a single large field in which his plane landed.
The Strange New World
"A Plane?" Perry asked. Perry was deathly afraid of planes, and he had never flown before. He thoroughly enjoyed keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you very much.
"I'm afraid so, Perry," Aunt Lily looked down and sniffled, "My little Perry is all grown up." another sniffle from Uncle James. Perry had been returned to them for one short week before setting out to Pigpimpleton, though Lily saw it as a metaphor for Perry leaving for the big wide world. Perry would leave and live in a dorm at Pigpimpleton and come back only for vacation, but it wouldn't be the same. They'd be left with none other than.Harry. Instead of putting up with him, they decided to dispose of him. Dear old Harry. Well, perhaps he wasn't that old, after all he was their son and quite a bit younger than they, but Harry was just- well, Harry! Simple, quiet, and intelligent enough, he could grow up to become one out of a million others, and a million others could grow up to become like him. And if he were to die, hardly a million would even notice.
But while Aunt Lily and Uncle James were depressed, Perry's insides were doing non-stop back-flips. He had gotten a taste of the wizarding world and he felt just a tingle of magic surging through his veins. It was a part of him and he knew it. As much as he loved his Aunt and Uncle, he had to admit that he would rather be at Pigpimpleton or with Dirgah. He had always been respected, but he had finally felt truly accepted, as if he had found his place in the wizarding world.
Perry kissed his Aunt and Uncle goodbye and gave Harry a hug.
"I'll write," Perry said to Harry.
"I'll write back," Harry replied. It was a family moment. They all froze. Several awkward moments went by.
"Just go already!" screamed Harry impatiently.
"Shush, sweetheart" said Uncle James absently, as if Harry wasn't even there.
A tear escaped from Uncle James's right eye as Perry hauled his luggage away in a cart, walking towards the plane entrance. His plane was flight 112.6-a flight designated as a flight for students to Pigpimpleton, but disguised as a flight to the middle of nowhere- in other words, Kansas. Harry was also going away to school, far off to California where he got into a public school called Garfield Elementary. Harry was going to go live with some distant relatives and study 'Californian culture' as Aunt Lily called it. It was just an excuse to dispose of Harry, because there wasn't much for him to do at home with Perry at Pigpimpleton. In fact, over the years Uncle James and Aunt Lily had begun to think of Harry as hired help- a companion for Perry. Now Harry would just get in the way of things.
"You think our boy will do alright?" asked Uncle James with a quiver in his voice.
"I'm sure he will, James. He is a strong, independent boy- everyone will love him." replied Aunt Lily, sounding not unsure. She meant what she said, but she did not like the idea of her baby away from her for 9 straight months.
Perry's stomach was tied up into knots. It wasn't that he was nervous; he was perfectly fine with going to somewhere far, far away for 9 months- it would be just like that time he went to Boy Scout Camp. But the fact of the matter was that Perry really didn't like planes. There were just too many things that could go wrong with an airplane: the engine could fail, the plane could crash, someone could get elevation sickness, or one of those plastic looking flight attendants could choke on a peanut.
Thinking about it made Perry quite nauseous so he tried to look for a barf bag, just in case. While digging through the plastic bag of materials provided for him (a toothbrush and pillow, among other things) a short perky brunette came in a tacky orange and green flight attendant's uniform asked him if he was quite alright and directed him to the restroom, where they kept the barf bags. As he stumbled through the aisle he nearly crashed into tall awkward boy with glasses and a smudge of vomit across his chin.
"You too?" the boy asked.
"Not yet," Perry replied, wondering if he was so green that everyone could notice his nausea.
"I'm Nor, Nor Yeaslew. What's your name?" Perry never got to respond, because at that very moment, another dribble of vomit escaped from Nor's mouth and he coughed violently and ran back into the bathroom. He emerged again minutes later with two barf bags- one for Perry and the other for himself. Nor handed one to Perry in a friendly gesture. They returned to their seats only to discover that they were actually sitting only two seats apart from one another. A small trade-off with the annoying blond female in between them left the two new friends sitting next to each other looking sick to their stomachs.
The brunette flight attendant returned.
"You know," she began, "I once heard that Alf Wafers- you know, that chocolate candy stuff? I once heard that it would do wonders for an unsettled stomach. Would you boys like some? I think you two need it." As she handed them the Wafers in exchange for 3 Silkis, she tapped the Wafers with tiny translucent thimble that happened to be resting on her thumb in order to transform the Wafers into a cure for their queasiness. The brunette knew a thing or two about wizarding nursing.
"Alf Wafers?" mumbled Perry to himself amazed.
"Aw!! How cool!!! We got Alf Wafers! Which pog did you get?" Nor said, "I collect the pogs that come with the wafers but it's rather difficult because my parents don't let me get candy too often- I'm an only child so they're a bit overprotective of me." He took several bites of his wafer and instantly felt better before abruptly stopping. "What did you say your name was again?"
"Perry - Perry Hotter II to be specific."
"No way!!!"
"Um."
"Well, I've heard all about you!!" Nor said excitedly
"That's great- I suppose." Perry looked around uneasily, "So who am I then?"
"You're Perry Hotter the II!"
"I think we've established that already," said Perry unenthusiastically.
"Can I see your scar?"
"What scar?"
"You know," begged Nor, "The scar."
"Do you even know where it is?" said Perry uncomfortably.
"Yes I certainly do! Everyone in the wizarding world does. Why, it's as famous as you are." said Nor matter-of-factly.
"That's slightly disturbing. Um, no that's okay."
"Rain check, then?"
"Um. NO." An uncomfortable moment passed.
"Have you seen a banana rolling by?" a mysteriously perky voice inquired. Perry and Nor turned to see the girl they had traded seats with in order to sit next to each other. She was pretty and blonde but fidgety and just a little too much on the hyperactive side.
"Who are you?" Nor demanded.
"Jennifur Stephanie Erica Cara Lindsay Rengard!! That's J-E-N-N-I-F-U-R S-T- E-P-H-A-N-I-E E-R-I-C-A ."
"OKAY!" Perry screamed. Nor and Jennifur gaped fearfully because of the unnatural elevation in Perry's voice. "Okay, we get it," said Perry regaining his usual calm composure.
"So as I was, like, saying- have you seen a banana? A boy named Ralph Wiggum is looking for it. The banana's name is Neville," said Jennifur solemnly.
"You do realize that banana's don't roll, right?" asked Nor.
"Well, you know that- and I know that, but I don't think Ralph does," whispered Jennifur leaning dangerously close to Nor.
"OOH!! OOH!! Bananas don't have names either!!!" said Nor, extremely pleased with himself.
Nor began to grin stupidly.
"So. I'm just going to go back to looking for Ralph's banana. It was just fabulous meeting you!! Do you know what house you want to be in? Why don't you think about that while I'm gone?" said Jennifur.
"Ok. So bye then!" says Perry.
"Bye Jennifur!!!" said Nor eagerly.
"Wow that Jennifur sure is a character, isn't she?" said Nor.
"Um, sure dude- whatever you say. Hey, do you have any idea how long this flight is supposed to be? There's no landing time mentioned on the plane ticket, you know."
"Its alright- magical peoples have quite a disregard for silly things like time. You're new to this wizarding thing, even though you're Perry Hotter II, aren't you?"
"How on earth could you tell?"
"My father's non-magical himself, but my mother knew quite a lot and over the years I have done so much personal studying about the history and such of Pigpimpleton." Nor pushed his silver glasses up against the bridge of his nose.
"Already with the nerdy crowd, are we Mr. Hotter?" said the little Goth boy, standing in the aisle looking at Perry. He reached out his hand and Perry tentatively shook it. "So it is you, Perry Hotter." His gaze pierced.
"Not to be rude or anything, but how did you know?" asked Perry.
"Rumor said that you were sitting here though no one knew for sure. I just wanted to check it out and introduce myself. I'm Ocard Folay, Ocard Muriel Folay IV and these are my accomplices, Amanda Clam," He pointed to the freakishly skinny blonde girl with sunken eyes behind him, "and Benjamina Gail," He pointed to the redhead next to Amanda. "You can call them Clam and Gail." He continued, "What house do you hope to be in?"
Perry sat and stared at the seat in front of him blankly because he was very confused about the last statement Folay had made.
"Perry? Did you hear me?" Folay asked. Perry just sat still, counting the number of flowers on the patterned seat. "My, my, is the famous Perry Hotter a dunce or what? Come along now Clam and Gail. Folay! Folay!!" He cried anxiously, "Folay! Folay!!" He snapped his fingers to the beat only he knew.
Perry felt a nudge coming from his left. It was Nor.
"Why didn't you answer him, Perry?"
"I didn't- well I don't exactly know what the houses are," Perry replied. But Nor never quite got to respond because at that very moment the plane began to incline slowly downward and an annoying female voice told them to "Buckle their seatbelts and put away any electronic or magical devices."
For all of the students on their plane, this was their first glimpse ever of the renowned Pigpimpleton. After they passed a layer of silver clouds Perry could see four barrack-like buildings in the corners of a large area marked off deep lines in the dirt which represented transparent electrical fences (Though Perry did not know that). In the middle of the four buildings stood three skyscrapers, tall, proud and gleaming- each changing color slowly and almost unnoticeably like a neon sign without the bright glare or the outward tackiness. As soon as the plane got to the center of the three skyscrapers it began a slope-less descent; straight down, slowly but surely. Perry then saw the two small plain administrative buildings and then a single large field in which his plane landed.